Random Things

Imagining a leader swap and it’s Hornblower and Sharpe and I know Sharpe could get along with the crew pretty fine, I think he’d become friends with Bush and Styles rather fast, but you know the Chosen Men would run circles around our sopping wet sad cat Horatio and let him think he’s in charge.

I didn't realize it was meant to be a swap between universes, so instead I imagined a situation, where the plot of Sharpe and Hornblower take place in the same universe and they are swapped by some terrible bureaucratic mistake. This leads to Patrick Harper, being the trolling master he is, doing the "not a proper officer" routine combined with "Sharpe is the best and coolest soldier and officer, he's brave to the point of slightly suicidal, he's a killer machine, these are his achievements" routine (apparently to qualify as a proper officer you must be Sharpe, no other officer counts as proper). As the Chosen men get to know Hornblower, Harper gradually drops the "not a proper officer", but he still goes on with more and more absurd and hard-to-believe tales about Sharpe. When the bureaucratic mistake is discovered and Hornblower and Sharpe can return to their men, the two of them meet and have dinner. Hornblower keeps eyeing Sharpe suspiciously, until he finally asks: "Is it really true you have been hanged and came back to life?" Sharpe immediately looks at Harper. Harper smiles very innocently.

"unbecoming" is such a great word. bro that shit was so rude you no longer Are

mary shelley writing about a monster rejected and abandoned by its creator and dedicating it to her own father i need to smoke a blunt with her i need to give her head

there are many villains out there who will try and advise you on how to write a woman (unproblematic, never causing conflict, a pretty ear to listen to the real characters' problems, a good example to an imagined audience of little girls of every age that haven't learned the bliss of silence and obedience yet, happy on the sideline, little to no agency, sometimes with the honour dying to motivate a man, a pleasing set dressing above all else) as if it is an entirely different skillset from writing a Man (complicated, nuanced, multifaceted, a profound reflection of What It Means To Be Human). it is important to identify that many of these half baked creative writing professors with a monetised youtube channel don't see women as fully realised people in their real lives so the woman they want you to write is a pretty doll

you need to pinocchio her right now. you need to give her the curse. you need to make her selfish. you need to make her cruel. you need to make her kind. you need to make her a bad listener. you need to make her a big fat hypocrite. you need to make her a liar. you need to make her tell the harsh truth. you need to make her love conditional. you need to make her love too easily. you need to make her not love at all. you need her to ask 'what's in it for me?' you need to give her convictions. you need to make her ruthless. you need to make her flakey and fickle. you need to make her loyal. you need to make her a traitor. you need to make her loud and quiet and soft and hard. you need to make her say 'no' and mean it. you need to make her a coward. you need to make her the bravest person there is. you need to make her arrogant. you need to make her actions and their consequences have weight in the story. you need to make her indecisive. you need to make her a hulking great monster. you need to give her conflict. you need her to make choices. you need her to make mistakes. you need her to say and do the wrong thing. you need her to not know what to do. you need her to ignore good advice. you need her to give bad advice. you need to make her ruled by her own pride. you need to make her respected in her field. you need to make her sort of a loser. you need to make her a womaniser. you need to make her a child killer. you need to make her a bigot. you need to make us root for her. you need to make us pray for her downfall. you need to make us pity her. you need to make us frustrated with her. you need to make us understand her, yet abhor her. you need to make us tune in next week just to see what she'll do next. you need to make us think about her on our lunchbreak. you need to make her care too much about what people think. you need to make her not give a fuck. you need to make her strong. you need to make her dirty. you need to make her sanitise her hands and sneer after she touches someone. you need to make her manipulative. you need to make her a great shot. you need to make her a terrible one. you need to make her a sex god. you need to make her bad in bed. you need to make her just sort of ok. you need to make her smart. you need to make her an idiot. you need to make her change over the course of the story for better or worse. you need to keep her stuck in her ways. you need to save her. you need to let her tragedy play out. you need to make her want what she doesn't need and need what she doesn't want. you don't have to like her. she is a storytelling device; she is not a person but you need her to make sense as one.

people who do a PhD are running from something

Tumblr users will say "queer history" and mean "midcentury archival records from a specific US-American city that I have extrapolated into a universal mythos" and not even blink

"learn your queer history" I am from fucking INDIA

turns out i am gay

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

he was a llama

a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!

dungeon crawler carl is fun because you go into it thinking it'll be an unserious, fun and gratuitously violent action book, and then you get to the very first boss, and then you think, now hold on. Hold on. And then all of a sudden you're seven books deep and insane and also holding on to the indomitable human spirit for dear life and also a crab has to jack off. like holy shit dude. i've got relentless hope and found family in one hand and the world's weirdest foot fetish in the other

it feels like a water balloon of Respect Women Juice. there's this thin skin of litRPG/shonen story, where you are presented with carl, a very bigstrong tall handsome coast guard mechanic. and you're like 'ok cool time to watch a very manly man do man things like blow shit up and kick monsters to death and get ever more capable of solving all his problems with violence' and then almost immediately carl gets locked into appeasing the dungeomaster's foot fetish, because the alternative is dying. all around him women are complex, nuanced people with their own hopes and fears all making a wide variety of good and bad decisions, and at every turn carl would like to know as little as possible about their sex lives. his own consists of a camwhore pedicure routine every night. meanwhile the author is reaching out of the book every couple chapters to write EAT THE RICH really big on your throat. i love this show.

i miss the era of time where you could say "is this real, chat?" and everyone instinctively understood you were pretending to be a twitch streamer, not asking the opinion of a hallucinating ai bot

We’re under a severe thunderstorm warning rn and my dad just opened the door to show my dog because he was begging to go out and it reminded me of that part in Dracula where Dracula opens the door to the howling wolves and Jonathan’s like um actually I’ll stay inside thanks