Caffeinated Solitude

The caramel was so wonderful, and he didn’t know if it was a specific preparation technique that caused this, but it all gathered at the bottom of the cup and greeted you aggressively during your progress of it. Some people would consider this to be quite unnecessary for the first drink of the morning. Those people really didn’t have enough fun in life. 

“Well gee, isn’t that a bit cynical,” he joked when Lukas carried on about his job. It was of course, not a stretch to assume that modelling was a pain in the ass, but the pay couldn’t be the only thing that was cool about it. 

“Dontcha get a lot of cool free stuff?” From what he saw in television shows and other poor imitations of show business life, actors and models could keep the clothes they wore, occasionally received paid trips to fancy studios, and didn’t have to ever worry about transportation. 

He had to admit that concentrating on the real world failed him for a moment, as he considered the life that Lukas probably lived. Sitting under hot lights, wearing good clothes, or perhaps not anything. Blood rushed to his face quite quickly at that. A few more gulps of his drink as a distraction. It worked for a short while, but the thought sort of lingered even when Lukas began talking again. 

“Norway! Don’t think I’ve met anyone from Norway. Or anywhere that far up, to be honest.” Norway seemed like one of those places that only existed on computer screens, in travel ads, and in deep ThoughtCatalog articles about finding oneself in nature. Strange to think that someone from there would actually be in front of him one day. 

“So I see you’d be used to the weather.” Was that offensive? God, he couldn’t tell.

Cynical was his middle name. Or, well, Bjørn was - but if he were to have a second name, it would probably be cynical. Without cynicism he’d be an empty husk of a human, floating from photographer to photographer, battered against the walls of a set and standing pale next to his co-workers. The world of modelling was a ferocious one, selfish, with little regard for those who left as scrapings at the bottom of the barrel.

But even he had to admit that receiving free stuff was nice. He’d been gifted all sorts of odd face masks, sheer glittering shawls that hung off of his limbs, and more than a few plane tickets abroad. Ah. Sometimes he forgot about the “good” parts of his job - a regular happenstance that he’d been warned to quell.

“...Yes. I...forgot about that. Sometimes I am lucky enough to walk away with free clothes, or a few face masks in exchange for some photos on instagram,” Lukas sighed, his words mumbled behind his cup of coffee. No matter how “good” parts of his job, it was never quite enough to make up for the horrors of having one’s photo taken. 

Bringing himself to take a few more sips of his caramel-loaded coffee, Lukas wanted nothing more than for the sugar explosion to distract him from the thoughts of modelling. And it did. With each sip he took, he found himself gradually coming to terms with the sweetness, enough so that his stomach had ceased it’s curdling and settled enough for him to meet Hyunwoo’s eyes.

Norwegians weren’t easy to come by these days, in this country. Or at least, he hadn’t met another Norwegian since he’d arrived in America - excluding his half-Norwegian brother because Eirikur doesn’t count here. So, the weather was more the lovely to him. If he couldn’t be surrounded by the people of his country, he could at least be surrounded by the weather of his country - which he much preferred to people anyway.

Hyunwoo would’ve replied with some words of consolation, but let’s face it, he was downing his drink way too quickly for that. It was hot, yes, and destroying anything that was left of his internals after the three college parties he’d snuck into the previous week. But it was just so darned sweet and good and worth the burn. Some things were worth the pain.

“Lucky us, eh? No job’s easy. Must be weird to realise that millions of people you don’t know, know you. At least, what you look like."Of course, being an actor wasn’t too different, but if he thought about it, there was definitely more personality in acting. You got to do more interviews, be more personable. People would get a better idea of who you were under the CGI.

"Must pay well, though, huh? Any job can be bearable if the money’s good.” Like he knew. He had about 2 minutes of experience in a job, and that was when he and Sheng got more than 4000 followers on Vine. They got some AdSense money out of it, but nothing earth shattering. Not like a real job.

“Tragic,” he joked. “K, you say. That’s pretty- unique. Are you from Europe?” So far, there was really nothing that pointed Lukas in any direction but Caucasian, but Hyunwoo would grasp at any opportunity to call someone else exotic, for once.

“I need to pick up a copy of Hello, Mr. too, now. I want to see your shining moment!”

Whilst Hyunwoo was sculling his drink with a great gust, Lukas was feeling a tad trepidatious about his own. The steam wafting from the cup held an almost sickly sweetness to it, his hands burning around the drink. But surely, if Hyunwoo was able to drink it so quickly - it couldn’t be that bad, and so he hesitatingly held it to his lips.

At first the notes of caramel were slightly subtle, before dredging into something stronger. As someone who drank his coffee pitch black at all time ( with a bit of butter in it from time to time ), this beverage was...well, quite sweet. But, nevertheless, he couldn’t find it within himself to hate it. It wasn’t terrible, it just wasn’t...him. 

Ah, yes. The whole ‘millions of people you don’t know, know you’ had been a nightmare that kept him up most nights. For someone who wanted, so desperately, to never be noticed - to fade into the background of everyone’s lives, scarcely remembered - his job was absolute hell. And absolute hell it was. Lukas couldn’t stand having his photograph taken, and here he was, having his photograph taken for a fuckin’ living.

The only upside to the job was the pay - oh god, the pay. It was enough to sustain both him and his lillebror, with just enough cash left over to trickle into his savings. Were the exorbitant pay not enough, he would’ve quit years ago and retreated into some cardboard box near the ocean. “Yes, it does. It’s the only good thing about the job.”

For a moment there he was a little surprised, he’d thought his pale complexion was more than enough to give away his European descent. But, apparently not. “...Yes. Norway.”

In response to talking about his hopes and dreams, he received the subtlest sighs of relief. Hm. Hyunwoo took a moment to attempt a deep emotional analysis of the situation, but eventually decided that admiring the pastries and sandwiches on display would be a more fruitful use of his very precious time. Damn, if only they didn’t look so artificial in every respect. The sauces were too yellow or red, and the bread held its shape way too well.

“How is the model work? Is it hard?” As was expected most of the time from the man, Hyunwoo had asked a stupid question. Of course, it was hard, because no good job could ever be easy. One often heard of the actual nightmare that it was to maintain your physique and keep on looking flawless. Tough luck, but he suspected that Lukas wouldn’t have too many problems in the looks department. The guy was gorgeous, and it wasn’t even necessarily a romantic inclination!It was the sort of pretty that almost everyone, regardless of sexuality could see.  Just, a really great face.

He hoped that Lukas didn’t notice Hyunwoo’s eyes flitting to him occasionally, almost unable to look away.

The coffees arrived soon enough, with accompanying shouts of “Hedrick!” and the admittedly more common “Lukas!”. His cup said Hedric, which was disappointingly close to the correct spelling. He was expecting something like- maybe ‘heretic’?

“L-U-C-A-S. Is that right?” He glanced over at his new friend’s cup.

Modelling wasn’t ever a career that he had seriously considered as a child, it was, quite literally, comprised of everything he despised. Cameras, polite socialization, the constant scrutiny of all those around him - it was hell, and it was the most difficult job he’d ever had. Not many people appreciated how difficult it could be, oft looking down on people such as him. All they had to do was ‘stand around and look pretty’ but modelling was and is so much more than that.

“It’s hard. It’s...it’s a different kind of hard, compared to...scientists, but it’s still hard.” If he’d had a choice, he never would’ve signed to the agency in the first place. But he didn’t have a choice, and his life was now filled with strict dieting regimes and mountains of skincare products. It was far from the life he had wanted, but it was his.

He possibly shouldn’t even be drinking a non-black coffee, he’d no idea how many calories the drink he’d just ordered contained. Even just a few inches around the waist could cause his career to plummet and- he actually didn’t care. Fuck it, he didn’t care. This was what he wanted, trying something new, and he was going to fucking do it, goddamnit.

Ah, and of course they’d forgotten the K. He should’ve known.

Shitty pickup lines were just the beginning of things he detested on the long, long list of hated stuff. Which was why he appeared to be happy with the stranger’s discovery that yes, Lukas was indeed carrying a knife. How the fuck else was he supposed to defend himself on the bat-shit crazy streets of America?

"Oh, huh.” So maybe he was gay. That was kind of new, but at the same time, something a little less startling than finding out Sheng was gay. Hyunwoo liked to think that he was getting better at the whole equality thing, and to be fair, he didn’t think one bit that there was anything wrong with being gay. It was just the shock that always accompanied the revelation. And frankly, it was the kind of thing that it was really hard to get used to. Either way, Hyunwoo managed a quick grin. “Hey, that’s totally cool. My best friend is gay too.”

Oh, god, what if it actually wasn’t the case that he was gay? Straight guys always seemed to take a lot of offense if they were mistaken for literally anything but into boobs. Let’s hope he hadn’t screwed up the conversation that quickly. Hyunwoo gulped down something that wasn’t there, and moved on to whatever else was being discussed.

“Say, do you think so? I mean, I guess you’re the expert now-” He pushed his hair further, pressing his lips quite tightly together as he did. To be as frank as he could, he had never truly been a large fan of his hairline. By what the magazines appeared to be saying, anything beyond 7cm  above the eyebrows was a cause for concern. But hey, he could afford it if Lukas thought it was cool. It didn’t seem like he wanted Hyunwoo to look bad.

“I’ve always wanted to be famous, honestly,” he said, almost as though it was rehearsed. “I love drama, so I’ve always been down for acting. Credits : Hyunwoo Im!”

Okay, okay. That was enough about him - he’d done more than enough sharing for, like, a million years. How was he supposed to maintain his cool and mysterious exterior if he let everybody know every little detail about his character? It was very important he maintain his stoic appearance, lest people *gasp* dare approach him and ask him about his life. That’d happened once when he was in primary school and someone asked him for his birthday and he’d been traumatized™ ever since.

His hairline was a touch higher than it should be but - but - he still looked, well, cool. Not every person could pull off a slicked back hairstyle but when it was done well, it looked really fucking hot. Pushing back one’s hair had a way of making their face seem more clean-cut, in a hot businessman type of way.

Hyunwoo.

Letting out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding, Lukas immediately felt relieved. If it hadn’t been obvious, he’d been freaking out about the whole ‘Is his name Hyunwoo or Hedrik’ thing for a bit now. His greatest fear had always been being shoved into one of those shitty TV sitcom scenarios where one is basically forced to call the other by name and getting it wrong. He would literally rather die. Literally.

While they shuffled ahead to avoid becoming the victims of an untimely stampede-death, Hyunwoo found that there was a spring in his step. Not to say that there wasn’t always a damned spring in his step, but this one was more pertinent. More aggressive. If an action hero skipped, this would be the vibe one would gather from it. So far, Lukas had begun to talk, and naturally, it was difficult to not listen. The guy had a pretty deep, narrator-ish voice, that would work very well in an indie game or documentary. Mental note.

“Oh, man, so you’re like- a veteran?” Hyunwoo imitated the sound of an explosion best he could, moving his hands from his head like they were expanding. Mind, blown. It’s really not every day that you meet a freakin’ model. “Hello Mr.? Hm, don’t think I’ve ever picked it up. From all the times that he’d ever seen a magazine rack at a small-time store, he’d never seen anything named so. Nothing more exciting than Gardening Gazette, really. "Hello Mr.- sounds like a magazine for female models. Or gay dudes.”

A question that was incredibly obvious did, in fact, pop up, but there had to be a dozen ways in which it could be super weird to ask. Not every model for a gay magazine had to be gay. In fact, he was pretty sure that lesbian models may have made it into- heck, even Playboy for that matter. But it would be a dick move, in any case, to hire straight models for a gay magazine. All that temptation yet nothing. Can’t be that hard a question.

Alas, he was distracted at the very last moment. “Could you? Oh my god! That would be so wild!”

Sometimes he’d forget that other people outside of the community he’d spent so long working in, didn’t recognize Hello Mr. It was one of the largest deals he’d managed to secure thus far in his career, and he’d been eager to work for the magazine again. In comparison to the other magazines he’d been featured in, Hello Mr. was probably, well, the magazine he could relate to the most. Because...he was...a man who dated men. Or at least he would be, if he’d ever dated someone. But really, he’d never met somebody who made dealing with all the drama that accompanies relationships worthwhile. Yet.

But the addition of ‘gay dudes’ tacked onto the end of Hyunwoo’s ( HED riK?? ) sentence startled him a little bit. Here he’d been, assuming ( assuming makes an ass out of me and you, yadda yadda ) that Hyunwoo ( OR HEDRIK?? ) was gay but the reality could be something far from that. In the whirlwind of it all, he’d forgotten that straight people existed - or even worse, homophobic people existed. The progressiveness of the recent era constantly distracted him from all the hate that still existed.

Even if he was beginning to feel it bit anxious, he couldn’t help but give the faintest of smiles at Hyunwoo’s ( aAAa is that really his name tho ) dramatic gestures. He was entertaining, to say the least.

"That’s probably because...it is for gay dudes.” And okay, he felt kind of awkward saying that. Lukas didn’t enjoy sharing, anything really, about his life and even this felt a tad too personal. But even so, there was a part of him that wanted to hint towards Hyunwoo ( or Hed R ik he still doesn’t know, help ) that he liked men because fuck if he didn’t find the man to be attractive. Even though he talked far longer than Lukas could ever managed - at least his jokes made him laugh. That was all one could ever really want.

“To Hedrick, please,” he mumbled when the barista asked. It was a talent of his to give the names that would make a barista blink a bit before attempting its spelling, because he was self-aware enough to note that no one could possibly get his name right anyway. Well, unless they were Korean, but that would just ruin the fun tremendously. How would his Instagram posts of misspelt names succeed if it was just his real name the whole time?

Whatever was the name on the cup, Hyunwoo was still recovering from two shocks; two blows that had come in rapid succession. One was that Lukas had faked an accent himself, and joined in the ruse (yes, it was still blowing his mind!) and the second, that he’d taken exactly what Hyunwoo had. All those dreams of Lukas secretly being a PSL guy were coming to fruition! While a macchiato was nowhere near the sugar assault that was the seasonal drink, it was a good stepping stone to get there. Someday, he’d make them all proud.

“I’m feeling quite energetic, actually, I don’t think I’ll sit-” he began, hopping from foot to foot, pretending that it counted as exercise. The boy skipped in the halls till the junior year of high school, and was considering bringing it back. As he began to babble about this being the only kind of exercise he had, Lukas spoke, and he shut up.

Instantly, a grin. “Called it! Which magazine?” Of course, it could be anything, not just a magazine. A web series, depicting male emotion or something like that- in which case they had definitely chosen an odd model- or anything else that Buzzfeed approved of.

“Where do I sign up?” he joked, pushing his hair back in the best way he could.

Hedrik? Lukas was at least 70% sure that the man’s name was Hyunwoo and not Hedrik. Unless he’d...oh god, had he been calling him by the wrong name this entire time!? For the briefest of moments Lukas suffered what was totally a legitimate heart-attack [ someone should call the ambulance, please ], until he realized that he’d never actually called the man by his name. Thank fuck for his inability to hold decent conversations, it would forever be his saviour.

In regards to the name that was to appear on his coffee? Well. Lukas may or may not of been too busy internally freaking out to even acknowledge the barista’s question - making him appear to be giving the poor man the cold shoulder. Although, that being said, he probably would’ve ignored the man anyway. He didn’t have the time to remind the man that his name was ‘Lukas with a K’ three times. No, he’d just wait for them to call out the name of his drink - everything was much easier that way.

“I’ve...been in a few magazines. I think that the most recent one was...Hello Mr.?” It’d been an interesting shoot, most certainly not his first time appearing in an issue of a gay magazine, but it’d been the most interesting by far. Drag Queens were always more than enough to make the atmosphere more lively and the shoot had more Drag Queens then he’d had the gall to count.

Hyunwoo ( Hedrik??? ) was….well, Lukas could imagine him appearing in a magazine or two. His style certainly unique, but that wasn’t a bad thing. No, not at all. Rather, it suited him far more than any generic ‘insert-shitty-brand-name-here’ fashion could and his face-Man, his face was...for lack of a more uncommon term, beautiful.

Hyunwoo stood with his head bent for just a moment longer than necessary. In the words of countless people on the internet, especially in recent times, he was shook. Many times, it had occurred that he’d put up some kind of act without truly thinking about it, and always get told off somewhere along the way. Perhaps it was an old friend, or perhaps even his parents. No matter what, he always heard something like “tch!” or “silly!”. Maybe he just hung around killjoys, but it was the first time in as long as he could remember, that someone had entertained him. Played along. Holy shit.

His wide-eyed gaze followed Lukas into the store much before he did. After a small snicker at himself, he hurried up to the counter. Not a bad crowd by Starbuck’s standards, quite possibly because half the uni had classes at the time, and it was too late in the morning for the working population. It was the only good time to be at Starbucks. Well, not for the barista, that is.

“Venti caramel macchiato please!” he called out, to a tired looking lady behind the counter. Usually, he would’ve asked for pumps of cinnamon too, but hey, he wasn’t heartless, was he. He moved out of the way for Lukas to order, and found himself in a- first class view of the guy. And to be perfectly frank, he had to admit that the latter was pretty damn alright looking. He was straight, but not blind!

That perfectly sloped nose, the chiselled features, stringy hair that looked quite flawlessly fashionable, Hyunwoo felt himself staring, but he couldn’t stop it immediately. To think that he thought that Sheng was hot. Christ, was he misguided.

“Man, you should model,” he mentioned, in a soft tone. “You’d rock the industry.”

Not that he knew much about the intrigues of fashion modelling, but hey, he assumed that they were always ready for another tall, dark and handsome type.

There were very few people in the Starbucks, something that Lukas hadn’t thought that he’d ever see. Starbucks was one of those stores that always seemed to bustling with crowds, their tables so full that...sometimes strangers would be forced to sit together aka. his worst nightmare. But that wasn’t the case this time, there were only a few people scattered about and there were more than enough tables free for him to feel comfortable. 

The menu, on the other hand, did not make him feel uncomfortable. There were so many different types of coffee and honestly, half of them didn’t even sound like they were coffee. Iced peppermint white chocolate mocha? Cinnamon dolce latte? He wouldn’t be surprised if it’d turned out that the company was just mashing random words together and pretending it was a drink and-oh it was his turn to order and he’d only managed to make it half-way through the menu. Now, Lukas was the type to only drink black coffee - no sugar, no milk - but Hyunwoo’s talk of caramel had gotten him curious, and slightly afraid, but more curious than anything. 

“I’ll just...have the same?”

It was funny because he was a model. Ha, ha -oh. For Hyunwoo to be saying that, did that mean that Hyunwoo thought he was attractive? Not to be conceited but Lukas was aware that he was at least a seven out of ten on a good day and, well, it’s difficult to be a professional model when one is ugly. But he hadn’t really thought about people...thinking that he was attractive. He’d always thought of himself as an insignificant shadow that nobody really had any thoughts about ( or at least, that’s how he hoped he appeared ), and suddenly being confronted with the idea that some people actually have thoughts about him were enough to get him just a tad flustered.

It appeared that Lukas had a truly unfortunate habit of being unable to repress his expression in Hyunwoo’s company, the man certainly had a way of getting under his skin and Lukas’ face was once again beginning to heat up. This is starting to get really embarassing.

At the split second when Lukas showed the smallest, of reactions, the sting of his nose got a bit better, and he felt hot air in his chest. That could just be because of his sudden adaptation to the cold, but he didn’t need to be a student of biology to know that body temp didn’t work that way. He had made a stone statue be a little bit reactive. It was really blowing his mind, and widening his smile, but he tried his best to keep from giggling or grinning. What left him was instead, a small sort of hum. A strangled sound which he quickly covered up with a sentence.

“Man, I’m a guilty Starbucks lover, you know. It’s like, each time, they make it better than the last. Maybe it’s because I started using my caramel privileges like I should.” He followed it up with a diplomatic chuckle. What kind of drink suited his new friend? The first thought was black coffee, but that seemed just too perfect. What would be scary would be if he was actually a frappuccino man. Yikes.

“To feel decent about myself, obvio, I only take macchiatos. Less whipped cream and sugar, so I feel that I deserve it.” There were scores of internet sites that would adamantly tell him that all Starbucks drinks were, in fact, bad for his health. Meh, didn’t matter because they tasted good.

Once they were off the vague boundaries of the campus and in the real world, the bright green mermaid was almost aggressively prominent. Staring at them with a Mona-Lisa smile, whispering, ‘Do it…you know you want to.“ And she was right. He wanted to. A couple of hops across the desolate highway, and they were at its door. Hyunwoo pulled it open, bowed till waist-level, and attempted, in his finest British accent, "After you, sir.”  

If he were honest, he’d only really ventured out to Starbucks thrice before. Always a fan of solitude, he hadn’t really seen the appeal of leaving house and drinking coffee in a generally popular store and hiding in a corner, attempting to not focus on the various strangers coming and going. Coffee was much nicer at home on a frosty morning, up to his nose in blankets, watching Netflix through the steam softly rising from the boiling mug. Lukas might be weird but there was no way in hell he was willing to catch up on Orange is the New Black in a public area where anyone could easily lean over and see two white chicks going at it on his computer screen.

Caramel? He’d never had caramel in his coffee before. His usual was a straight black coffee - no milk or sugar, because he wasn’t fucking weak. Perhaps from time to time he’d deviate from the norm and add in a little bit of butter, because a bit of sweetener could be nice sometimes, but people really did seem to get weirded out with his buttery habits. 

And, he wasn’t quite sure why, but he found himself actually caring about what Hyunwoo thought of him. Despite being unwilling to express his emotions via his face like normal people, he still so desperately hoped that Hyunwoo thought good of him. As much as he enjoyed avoiding all social contact and living in his bed, he...he wouldn’t mind occasionally sharing some of his time with someone like Hyunwoo. Just because he was funny, that’s it. There were most certainly not any super gay feelings involved.

This time, Lukas was unable to keep his bemused smile fully suppressed. This silly man was one of those people who made it impossible not to like and perhaps, just perhaps, Lukas was tempted to play along. Just this once.

Not to say that Hyunwoo hadn’t faced crowds before. Whoo, boy. With the unnecessarily skinny arms of a pro swimmer, he could whack through a crowd like it was nothing. This one even consisted of decaffinated students dying of January exams. Getting a coffee would be a piece of cake. That was, until he noticed how his coffeemate was looking at the crowd. The expression that he made whenever Sheng was talking to his parents about the whole marriage deal that they had going on. It was never a fun feeling that led to this expression.  Some people had this fear of crowds, right? Huh.

“I’m not ready to fight my way for morning coffee, ya know,” he hissed. “Not that desperate. We can probably find a Starbucks somewhere around here.” With the dexterity of a master, he took his phone and opened up Siri, requesting her in his nicest voice to find the nearest coffee shops. Never a disappointment, America. There were at least three within 400 metres.

“Nothing better than consumerist and commercialised mornin’ cuppas!” C-words were quite famous when applying to big companies. But more on that later. What mattered now was that they could even have a nice breakfast. A bagel or even a donut if he was feeling frisky. Regardless, the sugar intake was what he probably deserved.

“I have a Starbucks Gold Card, too, so I don’t really mind if you get anything expensive.”

It only now dawned on him that he was considering paying for the other’s drink. “In exchange for your delightful module on snowmen!” he added quickly. The least he could do for a new friend was get a Christmasy drink before the spring drinks settled in. Damn the hipsters, bringing in their cold green teas and kombuchas. It was an insult!

Were he a weaker person he would’ve cried with relief upon hearing that Hyunwoo didn’t want to battle the crowds, but he wasn’t, he was Lukas and Lukas didn’t cry in front of people - especially not in public. But even so, the subtle changes in his expression were apparent, his lips almost curling into a grateful smile. Emphasis on almost. It was easy to influence Lukas’ emotions, but it took quite a bit for someone new to make him smile. In fact, he probably had never smiled in front of someone he scarcely knew before in his entire life. Nevertheless, almost was pretty impressive.

Within a few moments his hands had stopped shaking and it was finally safe to take them out of his pockets. He was still nervous - his calling was towards the mountains, not towering skyscrapers - but significantly less so. Although he couldn’t help but notice that his heart was still racing, staggering as if it were caught in his throat, but it surely must’ve just been the adrenaline. 

Ah. Yet again he found himself only just managing to stifle the quick laugh that had almost slipped through. He too, enjoyed saying long C-words when he was talking about companies; consumerism was quite possible one of his favourite words to throw about in sarcastic quips. Consumerism was one of those words that made him feel smart when he used it, even though practically everyone in the damned world knew what consumerism was by now.

“...Thank you. That would be...nice.”