Butiran Proton @butiranproton - Tumblr Blog

2022

It’s going to be different this time!

I wish i can speaking english and i get my job this year! Fighting! I know u can do this!

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dissociativedoe

sending love out tonight to everyone who is progressively losing their abilities, whether that's movement, ability to walk, eyesight, or hearing.

it's hard to come to terms with the fact that you can't do things that you used to be able to do. I'll be honest, it feels like you're losing control of your life. it can feel very isolating and hopeless. its scary and overwhelming, and it's so hard to deal with.

you are not less than just because you can do less. im proud of you for still being here, and i wish you ease with adjusting to new ways of life. please take care of yourself, i love you.

deaf-bakugou

It is a true process of grief. Remember to be kind to yourselves.

sk-lumen

You’re most powerful when you honor your own rhythm. If your circadian rhythm is nocturnal, don’t follow those “waking up at 4 am changed my life” routines because they’re not for you. If you function best when you focus on a single task, single job, single goal, then working half a dozen sidehustles may not be for you. Honor your own rhythm, work with it instead of against it, and you will achieve so much more than if you blindly follow what’s considered “correct” by social conventions of the time.

October 12, 2021

life is hard, sometimes, always.

what i did today:

doing my thesis 1/3, while waiting my leacture replay and review my thesis

watching boruto series eps 130 - 155

get my package form 10.10 shoppee HeHe

watching ted about how hard in harvard & this is the quotes i like : "we were all very good at hiding our feelings"

because it's true. now, i'm struggle about live in my life. i felt sad, depression, empty, and anxiety. but i didn't even share about my feeling to everyone. i always laugh about stupid things if i meet my friends (hide my feeling), i did'nt call my parents, i had a boyfriend but .. i still felt broken. what a mess my life is.

PPKM Life Day-2

July 13, 2021 📝😢

Aaaa my mom prepared her stuff and lefted the house to attend wedding day my cousin in Jambi. So, i and my brother & sister just stay at home together this week.

I’m finished my article in brisik.id tonight. Hopefully, my article acceptable and get publish HEHE. I’m intrested how to be content writer. In writing my article, i get helped by someone name Lily. She so kind and cute. Thanksfully, I can talk, learn, and sharing about writing from her.

Last, i cried and overthinking tonight because I’m so so sad.

#covid diary

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PPKM Life day 1

July 12, 2021🥱

Today i woke up early and immedietely cooked a fried eggs and eggplants. Then, i drying my clothes & cleaning my house. Next, i drink my coffee while remake my resume because i want to intern in some company during ppkm life but not yet finished because i can't download in website i used.

In fact, i don't know what i want to do in ppkm life. In ppkm life we can't go out from house when it's not important in pandemi covid. Now, I want to learn something new that i'm intrested it is a digital marketing and i want to be content creator in Tiktok apps because i want to educate people about what i learned in collage that is nutrition food. I feel insecured and unable, but i want to do it hehe. Hopefully, i can reach many many peoples to get new information from my account. Last, i must using english language to write in tumblr, watching youtube/netflix, read article in english too because i want to good in english and get toefl >550.

I don't had much to do today, but I felt busy.

#covid lockdown

July 10, 2021 ❤️‍🩹

Please, you have to be busy, you can’t depend on men

June 30, 2021 😢

Balik ke rumah tiba-tiba galau. Mikirin kapan ya bisa lulus, kalau udah lulus ntar kerja apa ya. Bisa ga ya punya uang bangun rumah dan beli mobil sendiri? Bisa ga si jadi orang kaya? Apalagi di era pandemi gini. Yaampun sad bgt. My bf cinta ga ya sama ku? Kok rasa nya ada yg janggal gini. Sumpah gasuka banget perasaan kaya gini. Feeling useless & insecured. Capek banget stalk orang yg bahkan ga dikenal. Wasting my time. I don’t have money again. Huaaaa i wanna cry. I want to be productive tomorrow & tomorrow again, until i forget this feeling.

June 28, 2021 🎬

Jika keadaan tidak bisa berubah, cara berpikir kita yang harus diubah. Kita terima saja kenyataan ini. Meski tidak mudah, kita harus mencobanya. Jika ingin hal baik, kau harus melakukan hal baik di kehidupan sebelumnya. Jika kau membalas semua kesalahannya dengan setimpal, kau akan menjadi seperti mereka. Tuhan menyuruh kita untuk mencintai musuh kita. Tak apa jika tidak bisa mencintai. Meski perasaan berubah, bukan berarti musuh. Kau tak perlu menyalahkan siapapun. Terima saja apa adanya. Menjelek-jelekkan dan membenci orang tak akan membuat kita merasa lebih baik. Jika marah, kau akan semakin menderita. Mulai sekarang fokuslah pada hidup kita. Jangan menyianyiakan perasaan dan waktu kita. Kita yang menentukan kehidupan kita sendiri. Kita harus memutuskan apa yang mau kita tanam, apa mau menanam bunga atau ratapan serta tangisan. Dari pada meratap, lebih baik kita menanam bunga kebahagiaan.

June 17, 2021🎂

11:39 AM

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to me🎉🤍

It's my birthday today! The past year has been amazing, and i have a feeling the coming year is going to be even better. It's been a long road (don't ask how long!), but i'm proud of the person i've become, and grateful for the life i have. Every day is a blessing, but this day is extra-special.

Terimakasih untuk 22 tahun ini. Apapun yang telah terjadi, yauda gapapa. Kesalahan, kegagalan, dan kekurangan yang telah terjadi semoga membuat kamu makin legowo, lebih belajar dan growing to be the best & better person on yourself. Hubungan antara keluarga, pacar, teman semoga makin sehat. Keinginan yang belom tercapai, semoga disegerakan & dikabulkan. Lebih belajar menerima dan berserah lagi, tentunya tetap berjuang dengan setiap langkah atau pilihan yang diambil. I wishing you a lot of happiness & peace of soul🥺

For God, family’s, boyfriend, and my friends thanks for all your kindness & always be there whenever i wanted. Feeling blessed to have u guys in my life, couldn’t ask for more.

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June 15, 2021 🐶

1:50 AM

Feeling blessed punya anjing kaya Cali, biarpun bulu masih suka rontok, kadang bau, kadang ada kutu karna main sama anjing lain, tapi kamu gemesin, lucu dan baik banget.

Selalu ada, selalu loncatin, selalu ajak main, selalu ngikut dan menempel dimana pun ku berada, dan selalu nyambut aku saat pulang kerja larut malam dimana depan rumah ku gelap sehingga aku gak terlalu takut wekk. Aku juga kadang kalau sedih curhat dengan suara pelan ke dia, biarpun Cali ga respon si hehe tapi itu udah lebih daripada cukup, panjang umur selalu Cali🤍

#dog

Untuk diriku, semoga besok dan seterusnya kamu tidak nangis tiap malam lagi ya. Ayo, lekas sembuh☺️ i know u can do it, girl. Work hard, dream big, stay positive, and enjoy the journey✌️

I will love you when you refuse to understand things. I will love you when you're looking at yourself as a dissapointment. I will love you when you're doubting your self-worth. I will love you when you're losing yourself.

#bp2021

Since I have you, I no longer need to dream because reality finally feels better than my wild imagination.

#bp2021

I wish i could freeze time and be in this moment with you all my life. Aakh

#bp2021

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Ketika kau mencintai sampai ke tulang-tulangnya, kau harus mampu tersakiti sampai ke tulang-tulangnya

#bp2021

8:02 AM

Akhir-akhir ini mulut lantang sekali berucap kata ke orang lain, tidak tau menyakiti perasaan orang lain atau tidak. Semua seakan di buat lelucon. Kepo akan segala hal. Padahal, hanya ingin mengakrab kan diri. Mungkin caranya aja yang kurang, kurang berhati - hati. Lebih baik diam, daripada menyakiti hati yang lain.

Badan juga lagi capek dan jenuh. Kerja dan kuliah terasa sulit akhir-akhir ini. Tempat kerja yang biasanya tempat ku untuk menghilangkan kejenuhan, menjadi tempat ku untuk pingin selalu baring karena selalu mengantuk. Padahal waktu untuk tidur sudah 8 jam/perhari. Kuliah di semester akhir yang masih menyusun bab 1, kkn yang lagi disusun. Rasanya MALAS sekali untuk dikerjakan. Pengen lari aja rasanya dari tanggung jawab.

Tabungan hmm masih menipis sekali. Udah beberapa bulan kerja, tabungan masih segitu aja. Salah ku emang, yang selalu jajan ini itu. Sedih bgt.

Bangun di pagi hari karna keributan mama untuk pergi ke pasar, cukup mengganggu tidur banget. Mood lagi ga bagus dan kurang tidur yang mungkin menyebabkan aku kaya orang stress gini di pagi hari. Akhir-akhir ini juga cengeng bgt, apa apa nangis. Kaya, BISA KUAT GA SI LO?

Pingin dipeluk, erat erat.

Bisa, pasti bisa.

12/02

#bp2021

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