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To be vulnerable, I need to come clean about something.

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I'm a sucker for friends to lovers. I said it.

It's my all time favourite trope and it's the best.

But...it's always done wrong. I want to read a friends to lovers where the both of them have genuinely been FRIENDS then it changed for them all of a sudden.

No miscommunication, no dating/seeing/getting married to other people then realising they love each other. No being a relationship while secretly wanting the other person. No hurting other people.

I don't want a summer romance. I've hated summer romance since: every summer after, love and other words and picking daisies on Sundays.

I'm reading my second T.L swan and the verdict is out. I'm 241 pages into the 424 pages book. The MMC is so bad.

I love me a good age difference romance but authors just write babies as the men.

Lucy score writes 40+ years old men with mommy and daddy issues.

T.L swan writes men with emotional unintelligent me.

Marianna Zapata writes men that have the potential to be liked but aren't. Wait for it was good but it wasn't IT

Micalea smelter writes about creepy over intentional men. What do you mean Thayer or what ever his name was in 'the resurrection of a wallflower' turned his basement to a gym for someone he barely knows.

As a reader I beg you guys to write older men who are bossy but not condescending. Older men or just men who are over intentional it's creepy. Men who love genuinely and not lustfully.

Chappelle Roan pink pony club is my song of the week. New obsession.

Sadly I don't think I'll be able to complete my challenge. Life's getting busy. Exams.

But I'll post when I can. It's not like anyone is reading them. It's just something to keep me social.

To get sentimental, does anyone feel like life is happening to them and not the other way around. I've been in my feelings today lately.

I'm the dumb child among six siblings. My sisters and everyone nag on me because I'm still not sure about life at eighteen.

One of them asked me earlier this week what I wanted out of life and I said I just want to be happy. I still don't know my definition of 'happy'.

Life is scary and uncertain and I try not to be scared every minute of the day. I just wish I had a plan. I'm one those people that can't answer the great question of where do you see yourself in five years.

I really just want to live and not let life pass me by. I don't think I'm something great but I want to live a great or just happy life. I don't want to be content, I want to be happy.

I probably go through life expecting the worse or I go through it expecting the best and end up disappointed everytime.

I really wish I was smart. I know some will say you just have to put in the work. That's the issue, I do put in the work as best as I can.

Chappell Roan playing in the background. I'm braiding my hair today.

Am I the only one that feels like everyone have an idea of something but never get it right. I just started watch Suits (yes for the first time) and Harvey and Donna have me yearning to read an office romance but I've downloaded 6 books and non of them gets what I want.

I gave each book 5 chapters to seduce me into finishing it but non. At this rate I'm just going to build my own office romance in my head.

I just want to read a book that have people falling in love without too much smut. Call me a prude but more than two sex scenes in a book makes me uncomfortable and irritated.

Nothing interesting happened today. I'm re reading a book. And I watch indecent proposal for the first time today.

I said I was going to share something I wrote so here we go...

Nude. I stare at myself in the mirror, noticing for the hundredth time how imperfect my body it. Cellulite, stretch marks, folds and spots. In the eyes of society I'm everything that makes up the word ugly.

I do feel ugly. Sometimes. I'm probably ugly but I look in the mirror and I love what I see, for just a brief second. I stare at the clean white towel on the wall, thinking if I should cover up and shield myself from myself. Fools thought.

I look at myself and imagine a future where I feel pretty without any folds, stretch marks, spots and Cellulite. I imagine a future where I hate myself enough to change my habits. I imagine a future where society smile upon me and deem me worthy of attention and love.

I want to try something like a challenge to complete during a given period but I'm flat broke, a student, depends entirely on my parents for my income and I'm the most inactive lazy person to exist

So if by some miracle someone actually reads this give suggestions on what I can do to leave my comfort zone on a budget. I'll blog about it so I can be consistent too.

So... I watch Julia and Julie last week and I thought why not start a blog. It's anonymous and I like writing(a little bit).

I don't still know my niche and I have a real fear of AI stealing my identity or just AI as a whole so I don't really post anywhere. Here's my safe space