bunny⺀★

I poem thing about transness as a queer, technically transgender person who doesn’t fit with the label.

i want to crush my phone into a million pieces. i want to bleed. but i wont allow myself to do those things, i wont.

thank you,

i can’t breath properly. I hate fighting with my friends but i also hate to not stand my ground. for all of my life i have been belittled, im not gonna back down and im sorry. it just goes against my morals. and to be honest when im in the wrong i am sometimes stubborn but when i realize im in the wrong i back down, stop, and apologize. i make mistakes. i do, a lot. but i try my hardest to make up for them. i hate this. i don’t wanna fight. and i especially don’t want to lose a friendship due to this. more than anything i want to stand by my friends side. no matter how much we argue i’d never stop being friends because i know we can move past it. i love my friends to death but i can’t put my self worth down. maybe being stubborn is a horrible quality and i should just shut up, but why should i. i don’t get it. i just want to stand up for myself. i hate it, i hate everything. I hate it it i hate it i wish things would go back to normal. i don’t want to be a bad friend but am i really so bad for defending myself!?!?

I always wonder why I have never felt like myself but I get it now. It’s because I’ve never truly been myself, well at least never 100%. Online I am myself but on the outside I am a whole nother person. I love my body but this is not me. I am not the me I want to be. I love myself. I love my blackness, I love my lesbianism, and I love my style. But I can never express all of those at once and fully due to the fear and protection I have to do for myself. Everyday America wants to twist people like me into some dangerous thing. “We’re predators” “we’re dangerous” when in reality all we want is love and to be seen in ways that make us feel like ourselves. When I love more people I am called confused or a whore. When I love someone not opposite to me I am called different and immoral. When I express myself differently then just the way my body made me, I am another being. When I don’t love at all or very little I am called broken. Why does the world we live in continue to digress due to people with power who can’t understand simple things. They think we are so bad but if we look at our rulers now who support this genocide, but us queer people, who are told that some people we support would kill us as well, continue to fight for a ceasefire. Because to us it doesn’t matter. These are real lives and no one deserves to die for the way they are. We don’t care if there are “some,” these are people just like us. Homophobic people will see bad queer people, see this “some,” and attack innocent people. It’s just like with racial stereotypes. A black man robs a gas station and suddenly ALL black people can’t be trusted. No one is made the same, we are all different. From the soles of our feet to the top of our heads. To our personalities and to our hearts. We. Are. All. Different. A few souls do not depict the millions of others.

I just got back from my final days of color guard camp. i cried a little, laughed a lot, and screamed a whole bunch. But more importantly, i had fun and learned. I learned so much that who knows if I even remember it all. But I loved it. Things may have been tough and I didn’t do as good as some of my friends but I won’t beat myself up for it because I was there to learn. Not to be the best, sure I wanted too, but this is my first year and that’s ok. I went through everything with a smile on my face and kept going. I’m just happy I had so many people there to support me.

“to be loved, is to be considered.”