As I quietly waited in the hallway for this sweet boy of mine to fall asleep, I decided itâs time for a Bradley update- I know, itâs been a while. I can offer no real excuses for you all. But today felt like a day to share! Bradley is turning two this coming Saturday the 28th... holy crap. My baby is turning two. (Panic moment) I canât help but reflect on his birthday last year, and how I had no idea the year we were about to encounter- the good, the bad, the ugly, the wonderful, the strengths, and the weaknesses.
6 months after my son turned one, he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, and we have learned SO much- about ourselves, about Brad and his perfect personality, about life, and, specifically the most obvious, about autism. My Bradley boy has grown so much and made so much progress! With the help of some fantastic therapists, doctors and even more fantastic grandparents, he has displayed incredible improvements since his first birthday, and even more since he was diagnosed on March 1st and therapies began. So many of skills that he has worked on, (improvement and otherwise) most people told me I would look back, once he learned them, and long for âthese daysâ- the ones when we were beginning to wonder what was taking him so long to master typical milestones. For the most part it was difficult to see light at the end of the tunnel, if you can remember my explantation of what I called his âsnails paceâ of developmental learning. Now, we are still at this snails pace rate, but slowly and surely the light has come more and more and to focus... in areas. There are definitely times when my optimism and hope is higher than other times. But what I have learned is that is the nature of the beast of autism. And I have to keep reminding myself of that. In those moments when we take Bradley out into public and he doesnât interact with other kids when they try to play with him, or when itâs been a while since Iâve seen other children his age and when I do I hit a brick wall of a reminder that my son is severely autistic, or when I get super frustrated because we have been practicing the same word in sign language for several months to no avail- my go-to thought process is âWHERE WERE WE A YEAR AGOâ. It typically does the trick. I remember things like the fact that he wasnât walking a year ago- in fact that wasnât even on the spectrum of thought processes yet. Now that little boy RUNS everywhere he goes! Or how our idea of communication a year ago barely covered eye contact. Yes, thatâs right. The goal was to get him to look at something, then at us, then back at the something to tell us he wanted it. ... It was like pulling teeth to even initiate such communication. Now, Bradley will come to me, pull on my shirt, grab my hand, and put it on what he wants (with excellent eye contact). Or that, even a few weeks ago, Bradley did not feed himself.. at all. Not with fingers, nothing. And now, we can hand him one (and ONLY ONE!!) food item at a time and he will put it in his mouth like a champ. đđ We have made some progress with a couple words in sign, but have decided to direct our focus more towards prepping for a communication device for our wonderfully silly and loving boy. A year ago, we werenât even close to deciding a line of communication to pursue more than another, in fact we hadnât really determined that he was non-verbal yet, just that he was taking longer than most kids. We have come a loooong way.
We remain optimistic. We continue to fight. However, there are days when we experience defeat. When autism takes the gold medal, and the positive outlook with it. Those are the days when the lighted tunnel is just plain closed down for maintenance with a big neon sign that says âTRY AGAIN TOMORROWâ. Yet another great âgo-toâ when the going gets rough, âTRY AGAIN TOMORROWâ. We are still pretty far behind. Though things are coming along, so does the aging process. And we donât keep up very well. And that is starting to sink in, especially because Iâm not spending every waking hour with my boy anymore, mostly weekends, and I donât get to experience as much of his progress alongside him, compared to the beginning of our journey. Every time I am with him, he seems older in so many ways. Sometimes, I even forget that he is not where a normal almost 2 year would be. He sure looks it, and weâre definitely not where we used to be. But then we have days like today, when the autism struggle kicks into high gear and I come to the startling realization of wait.. heâs turning 2 on Saturday?! And his behaviors and abilities are saying that weâre where we should have been OVER a year ago?? Suddenly, hope vanishes. It can be very easy to stay stuck, frozen even, at that flashing neon sign screaming âTRY AGAIN TOMORROWâ, thinking there must be some other way thru. There isnât. We simply must do as the sign instructs. And we will. Because of a beautiful little boy that we love more than existence itself, who is worth every single second of it. Boom! Just like that, hope. The removal of the autism mindset, and focusing on the Bradley mindset, âWHERE WERE WE A YEAR AGOâ, âTRY AGAIN TOMORROWâ.
Do I look back and miss it, the times when he didnât know how to do the things he does now? Not really. Every step, milestone, check point, you name it- I wouldnât give anything for those. And I cannot wait to see what this perfect little boy can dish out in the year to come. We move forward, and he doesnât disappoint with a new adventure everyday. We sure are proud of him, and god do we sure freaking love him.
Tune into birthday boy pics next weekend! BRADLEY CORBYN IS TURNING TWO!!! đđ
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