Things have been getting harder, whether it’s not sleeping for days on end, to not eating or drinking or the moments of weakness in which i draw blood from myself.. it’s becoming harder and harder to continue with every day life, and I’m not sure exactly how I’m supposed to feel or react to things anymore.

I bet when my parents first held me, their newborn son.. that they never expected me to be as suicidal, or broken than i am now, and for that I’m so sorry.. 

maybe one day.. I’ll get better? or maybe I won’t.. Sometimes i dream that I do end things.. that when you wake up screaming and terrified that your dream became a nightmare, but in reality you wished it wasn’t.. 

I don’t deserve to be alive anymore, I’ve out lived my usefulness, and now I’m empty, broken and to be honest.. I’d be surprised if someone out there, anyone out there.. actually wanted me.. cause if i saw myself through someone else’s eyes, i wouldn’t even bother.. 

who could honestly love such a waste like me?