“Cat”

as was foreseeable, you were more bitter than a radish over your lover’s affairs in sumeru; with the pesky follower he met in the midst of his search for godhood being the victim of your ire. she should be grateful for your show of mercy to spare her life, or else you would’ve jumped on the chance in a heartbeat.

it could’ve ended well if he didn’t dangle the idiot leech of a researcher’s devotion over your head, using it to his heart’s content to keep you obedient. “haypasia would not dare to behave so insolently,” and “haypasia would’ve done what i asked without question.”

haypasia this, haypasia that.

"So you wouldn't love me if I suddenly turned into a worm."

Comes to the sudden realisation that if you're upset with him, you'll be less compliant...for science

C'mon, he's not gonna admit he's in it for the cuddles, not even in his head

Brings you a set of blueprints and a glass enclosure

"This is where you'd stay if you were a worm. I have three different design plans, so choose wisely because that's how your worm home will look for the rest of your life. You'll have a little worm car after four months if I haven't found a cure, however unlikely that is."

He will tell you all of his plans on what he'll do if you become a worm and you can't stop him because you started it

Your hypothetical worm situation is now fully prepared for, whether you like it or not

Wouldn't recommend because the diet he has planned for worm you doesn't look very appetising

Kazuha:

"You'd travel on my shoulder on in my pocket so I can share poetry with you."

Ruffles your hair and pinches your cheeks

If you swat him away he'll insist he was only checking if you were becoming a worm

Carries on like it was nothing after that

If you ask again he'll remind you that he'll love you regardless of what form you take

This does, unfortunately, spark some odd terms of endearment

You are now his "precious worm", "beloved wormy", "sweet wriggly", "fleshy straw", etc

They get progressively worse

But he swears it's all affectionate

"I'd love you if you became a leaf."

"That wasn't the question-"

"Every leaf has it's own tune when you play it like a flute, I wonder what yours would be."

Xiao:

Stares at you for a good while

"Why would you ever be a worm?"

You don't need to elaborate, because he'll eventually sigh and give in, intertwining his fingers with yours as he assures you he would

Still confused on why you'd be a worm though

But rest assured you would be the safest worm in the whole of Teyvat because nothing can touch you so long as Xiao is taking care of you

You're his little wormy, and he'll carry you in his palm when he's high up so you can have a nice view

Always worried he might misplace you or accidentally step on you

You've given him intrusive thoughts and now he's worried about a hypothetical that may never happen

Scaramouche:

"Would you love me if you were a worm though?"

"Scara what-"

"How do we know your worm brain has the capacity to comprehend that you're in a committed relationship with me? There's no telling whether you'll find some new worm lover who can give you that wormy connection I can't."

He's going off about how a worm couldn't possibly have any lingering feelings for a person

Mildly offended at the implication you might expect him to become a worm for you to live your worm lives together

"Me? A worm? How could you even entertain such a thought?"

You didn't, he drew his own conclusions and started overthinking

This is clearly your way of hinting that you don't feel loved enough to trust him (it's not, he is once again overthinking)

It has now been flipped on you to explain to him that you'd love him even if he became a worm because you'd adore him whether or not he loved you back