brooke

“When my faith gets tired and my hope seems lost, You spin me round and around and remind me of that song, the one You wrote for me, and we dance”  - “We Dance” by Steffany Gretzinger (Bethel Music) 

 How good is our Father!? We will never fully understand how good He is until we see Him in all His glory: face to face, but the lyrics above paint an incredible picture… 

 When my faith gets tired and my hope seems lost:

We are human. Most of us understand that. We know that our flesh means we will never be perfect and that we will always be tempted by this world. Being completely transparent: I have come to realize that one of my biggest temptations is the temptation to be frustrated. I thought that this just means I care too much (and in some ways it might) but it also means that ultimately I am putting more faith in myself than in Christ. 

For example: Let’s say there is a task to be done and whoever was responsible for that task does not follow it through to completion: it lights a fire in me and I get quite frustrated, sometimes to the point of anger (although it usually expresses itself in tears at that point.) This especially lights a fire in me when it involves the church because my mind wants to instantly correlate that with “because this didn’t get done, this is going to be affected, and then the church will be distracted, and then they might not be able to focus and hear from God.”  

But hold it right there. 

Who am I to decide how and when and through what God will speak to people? Does God ultimately know what will happen before it happens? Yes. Did God ask me to be responsible for how He reaches them? Honestly, No. I am a daughter of God first & foremost & He has given me spiritual authority as a worship leader. I am to help lead His people in worship where HE speaks to each individual heart. 

While investigating through different assessments, I have discovered that some of my frustration may come from two of my top 5 “strengths”. 

 #3: Strategic  

“People with strong Strategic talents have the ability to sort through the clutter and find the best route. This outlook allows them to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, they are able to envision alternative scenarios, always asking, “What if this happened?” This recurring question helps them see, plan, and prepare for future situations. People with strong Strategic talents bring creative anticipation, imagination, and persistence to the groups and projects they work on. They can quickly weigh alternative paths and determine the one that will work best and most efficiently.” 

 #4: Responsibility 

“People with strong Responsibility talents take psychological ownership for anything they commit to, whether it is large or small, and they feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. They keep their promises and honor their commitments. They don’t let people down, and they work very hard to fulfill all of their responsibilities and keep their word. Their conscientiousness, their drive for doing things right, and their impeccable ethics combine to create the reputation of being utterly dependable.” These two “strengths” are a huge part of me. A whole lot of “What If’s” and “Is this the most efficient way” and “I take responsibility so people are counting on me”

… So what does this have to do with faith being tired and lost? When you try to carry more than God has asked you to (even for the sake of trying to help the overall goal) you will most likely start to burn out, get tired, and lose sight of what you are really working toward and Who you are “working” for! …and if God says something will be done…God never fails! 

 God is not human, that He should lie, not a human being, that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill? - Numbers 23:19 

 You spin me round and around: 

Sometimes I feel God shakes things up in our lives to get our attention. Sometimes I feel God shakes things up in our lives to get us to our knees. Sometimes I feel God shakes things up in our lives so that we realize He has a hold on us! Even when just by the slightest hold on our finger as we try spin away, He has ultimate control and we need to just let him guide us, spin and enjoy the moments! 

And remind me of that song, the one you wrote for me:

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. - Jeremiah 1:5 

And We Dance:

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. - Zephaniah 3:17

2 Timothy 1:7

God continues to speak even when we aren’t really listening. 

We can plan our days out: set aside prayer time, make our to-do lists, etc. but I am finding that the most important part of my day (and currently most challenging) is PAUSING in the middle of EVERYTHING just to listen.

Waking up this morning out of a painful body aching daze - I realized I was still sick in bed. For 5 days I felt like I dropped the ball, let down my coworkers, and was completely unproductive. I was obsessively stressing over something I had absolutely no control over. Within a few minutes I received a text from a close friend asking me how I was feeling. As I started to explain my physical pains as well as how I was feeling...about how I was feeling... she quickly reminded me that I needed to “focus on healing and taking time to rest. Don’t worry about timing. Let God do what He needs to do in His time. No deadlines. Just rest.”

By worrying was I telling God that I am too busy to rest in Him?

What a humbling moment! If we are so focused on our own plans (even if with the best of intentions) we can lose sight of Who directs our steps and what He is REALLY asking of us in that moment.