Kickin' rad subtleties.

I HAVE BEEN SELECTED BY SOME CRUEL SKIPPER OF DIVINITY TO LEAD A LIFE OF PANTS-SHITTING HUMILIATION AND A TRIDENT’S WORTH OF WANTON PAINS, THE LATTER OF WHICH ROUTINELY DISPATCHED AT THE LEAST FORTUITOUS MOMENTS OF MY LIFE, LIKE PUBERTY, OR WHEN MY APARTMENT WAS BROKEN INTO AT THREE AM BY A LARGE INTERDIMENSIONAL HOBGLOBIN WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WATCH RERUNS OF MAURY AND I SIMULTANEOUSLY GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE AND HAD MY TV BROKEN. 

I HAVE NOT HAD 

ONE

MOMENT

OF FUCKING

PEACE. NOT ONE! NOT ONE, IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

NOT A SECOND. NOT A MILLISECOND. NOT ONE OF THOSE IMAGINARY PROLONGED SECONDS WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY MISS A STEP DOWN A STAIRWAY AND PLUMMET TO THE TILE A MERE *THREE STEPS AWAY* FROM TANGENTIAL, VERTICALLY-ORIENTED SPINAL RELIEF. 

@timetechturntables WHERE ARE YOU, FUCKER?? @timetechturntables DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH THIS? @timetechturntables JUST HOARD-DUMP SOME OF YOUR MINDLESS ANTICS INTO MY OH-SO-CONVENIENT CHAT BOX?? @timetechturntables DO YOU REMEMBER THAT WE LIVE TOGETHER? @timetechturntables THAT I COOK YOUR FOOD WITH THESE DELICATE, GENTLE, LOVELORN, YET MERCILESSLY UNFORGIVING LITTLE TOUCH STUBS?? @timetechturntables WAS THIS WORTH A FUCKING MEME, MY FRIEND? @timetechturntables YOU DO REALIZE I AN CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO FUCKING ROAST YOU, RIGHT????????????????