Film Fortnight: Comedy What We Do on the High Seas (a.k.a Interviews With Some Vampirates)

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Film Fortnight: Comedy What We Do on the High Seas (a.k.a Interviews With Some Vampirates)

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CHEVALIER DE LORRAINE ⤸ VERSAILLES 3.09: THE TINDERBOX.
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/trapped-in-the-closet-live-tickets-130164554687
instagram raymondcipriani Philippe, Versailles
Versailles + Philippe d’Orléans & Chevalier de Lorraine [x]

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Philippe d'Orléans & Philippe de Lorraine - Versailles S01E02
*judging you*
Daniel Craig and Jason Isaacs in Angels in America at London's National Theatre, 1993.

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So I accidentally almost got into an argument on Twitter, and now I'm thinking about bad historical costuming tropes. Specifically, Action Hero Leather Pants.
See, I was light-heartedly pointing out the inaccuracies of the costumes in Black Sails, and someone came out of the woodwork to defend the show. The misunderstanding was that they thought I was dismissing the show just for its costumes, which I wasn't - I was simply pointing out that it can't entirely care about material history (meaning specifically physical objects/culture) if it treats its clothes like that.
But this person was slightly offended on behalf of their show - especially, quote, "And from a fan of OFMD, no less!" Which got me thinking - it's true! I can abide a lot more historical costuming inaccuracy from Our Flag than I can Black Sails or Vikings. And I don't think it's just because one has my blorbos in it. But really, when it comes down to it...
What is the difference between this and this?
Too many other things going, I will not get pulled into thoughts about Viago and Anton...
Anton: You’ve got a very firm handshake there, are you the alpha vampire?
Viago: Vell, it doesn’t really work like that, we are all equal—
Vladislav: Obviously I am the alpha, Now that Petyr is gone.
Deacon: That is bullshit, I am the hottest so I should be the alpha
*fight ensues*
Anton to Viago: So you’re the alpha then?
Viago: *Deep Sigh* Ja, I’m zero Alpha
THEY'RE THE DADS.
**BOYFRIEND DADS
Vlad: Ve are, of course, very happy for Viago.
Deacon: Mostly happy…
Vlad: Moderately happy. But zere are certain downsides to a vampire/werewolf relationship.
Deacon: Like the smell.
Vlad: But we got used to zat. No, it’s ze…ze…
Deacon: Howling. So much howling. Like, piercing to the eardrums howling.
Vlad: And ze hissing. So much howling and hissing. Also zey keep breaking chandeliers.
Deacon: …they’re having sex on the ceiling. Every evening. That’s what we’re trying to say.
Vlad: Twice they’ve nearly set the house on fire.
cut to anton sitting on the sofa. viago is barely visible in his chest pocket. he's in bat form.
anton: breaking things? oh no that's all lies. i mean look at this guy, he's the most pedantic and polite little thing. last week he literally got hysterical when nick broke his favourite cup. so no, we're not into that.
cut to viago, in his room, alone.
viago: we are SO into that.
I enjoy the idea of Viago being the sweetest little guy and also a total freak. Because he is.
i mean, we're all used to the fact that werewolf sex is kinky and wild and hot, yeah? wrong. anton only did missionary before meeting viago.
Werewolves are always worried about controlling themselves lest they turn and end up hurting someone, so they’re a bit tortured about everything. But vampires are strong by necessity (so much harder for a werewolf to hurt) and they’re also into…biting and blood.
Viago and Anton have a lot of fun.
anton shows viago the softest sex. his mind is blown. he seems to be this gentlemanly type but he completely transforms in the bedroom and vampires all know that (biannual orgies!) so when anton learns that about him, he is both surprised and determined to show him how tender things can get. he succeeds. the best thing about them is that you never know which mood they're going to strike once the bedroom door locks.
viago is the person with whom anton feels safe enough to explore all the kinks in the world. there's soo much biting it's embarrassing.
Well now I’m getting emotional about the Bitey Dads…
that's exactly what i was trying to do 💗
Vlad: ...So Viago and Anton had a fight.
Deacon: We do not know what it was about. But all he does now is cry and write bad poetry.
Vlad: And make us listen to him read The Sorrows of Young Werther out loud. He's read it twice now.
Deacon: But that's not the worst. Tell them the worst. The...wolf videos...
Vlad: Well, no, because it's embarrassing. Let him...he's upset. Anyway, Anton needs to come back.
*Viago wanders through the background sobbing, dressed like a Victorian waif*
Meanwhile, Anton has been in the woods for three days, living with actual wolves.
whenever there's just some tiniest little danger, viago immediately, on the spot, turns into a damsel in distress because he knows, feels, smells how aroused anton gets when he gets to protect him from *the dangers*. and if he deliberately takes anton on dates to the places he knows certain vampire hunters have their headquarters at, well...
Since vampires cannot cross running water, Viago gets Anton to carry him over literally the smallest trickle in the gutter...
He also just straight up lies about dangers to vampires.
and this is something the vampire family is super supportive of. with them, anton never knows who tells the truth and who's pulling his leg. they tell him all kinds of conflicting stuff and he's so protective and so loving that he chooses to just believe all of that so that his beloved is never in any kind of mortal danger. garlic? well obviously (i'd choose to leave him human/werewolf in my universe at least for a while, it's funnier to me this way) there's no garlic in any of the food anton cooks for himself because what if viago bites him and there's garlic in his blood and viago gets hurt? onions? oh, onions are basically the same thing? alright, no onions. vampires are afraid of silver? that's not new. oh, they are also afraid of the green colour? oh, well, okay, no green colour, anton will immediately get rid of his sofa.
viago is elated.
that sofa was just disgusting and didn't fit in the flat.
Vlad: Yes, so, this is known as monsterfucking.
Deacon: Well...but they're both monsters. Is it monsterfucking if they are both monsters?
Vlad: They are...they are monsters and they're fucking. That's monsterfucking.
Deacon: But they're both monsters. Monsterfucking is like if you're a person and you want to fuck a monster. Two monsters fucking is just...two monsters fucking.
Vlad: ....
Anton: No, it's not monsterfucking.
Viago: Ve prefer to call it monster-making-love.
viago: also who gave you the right to call my boyfriend a monster, you're a bunch of monsters yourselves 😠 i'm going to spend the weekend at my boyfriend's flat so you lot can find some other subject to discuss behind our backs 😠
the door slams, anton stands up and waves at the vampires sitting in the living room. he's visibly embarrassed, but also flattered. he steps out to catch up with viago.
vlad: they've been married for five fucking years. they have a house just down the street.
nick: stu told me it's the game they play. viago likes to pretend they've just met and anton is courting him. stu also said viago likes to play a virgin. but that's like. that's off-camera. shouldn't have said that.
In any universe, they’re in love and fucking insufferable.
Woke up, had to read through this again to convince myself it wasn’t a fever dream.
And with your mermaid hair and your teeth so sharp You crawled from the sea to break that sailor's heart
Hi crew! My ofmd fb page has reached 20K followers and to celebrate I got this lovely cameo from Rhys Darby ❤️
For context: I traveled to New Zealand last year, so I asked him if he could tell something about filming Season 2 there + some tips for OFMD fans who wish to travel to this beautiful country 🥰 He's just lovely, I hope you enjoy as much as I did!
This is just a small part (of 8-minute video). Full video can be viewed here. Some of his suggestions - also related to OFMD (he also had a lot of general travel tips!):
Go west to the Waitakere Ranges and wind through wild and stunning locations like Huia, Piha and Muriwai.
Taika Waititi & Rhys Darby in What We Do In The Shadows, 2014

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Taika and Rhys in Samba's IG Shoutouts [x] [x]
BONUS:
"Lady in red" heh
Thank you, Samba. [IG]