You’re Always Welcome Here

Discovering my asexuality was a confusing and messy process. I never came to realize that I was asexual until last summer! But I think that like with all of the other LGBTIA+ identities, the asexual identity thoroughly explained why I had an entire lifetime of grief & confusion.

I think it made me realize that chasing girls to date throughout high school has left me in a broken mindset when it comes to serious relationships...and I think it stuck with me long after that.

I'd always feel an uneasy sense of desperation...like I NEEDED to have a date. But by the time I actually dated a girl, I would feel...empty at some point, and made me wonder why I'm even dating them in the first place.

I eventually gave up on dating because I don't think I'm ready to have a serious relationship. I don't know if I ever WILL be ready, but that's okay...maybe that just means I could be aromantic as well, idk! Maybe I'll get back to that someday lol

Several years after high school, I learned the hard way that sex and NSFW media are not as fulfilling as I thought they would be. Probably because there was a length of time when I used to regularly make my own NSFW art.

I used to think that making and possessing that kind of content was like...bad luck or something. I never felt proud of what I was making...which in hindsight, it's probably a more common feeling than I thought it was, whether you're asexual or not.

But anyway, these anxious thoughts of being in possession of these images were really starting to gnaw on me. I once again felt...empty from creating this content once it was all said and done. It legitimately felt like I was only making that art to fulfill me in the short term.

I had to talk to somebody about this, so I asked a select group of friends I was with at the time (who all made NSFW art of their own). Their advice didn't help, but their words continue to remind me of how I became asexual in the first place.

When I asked them if they ever regretted making NSFW content...they either didn't acknowledge my worries, or they said "it's a part of human nature."

Well YEA...that's true, and it has been for centuries...but what if it's not a part of MY human nature?

I later broke away from that group of friends and deleted ALL of my NSFW content. Every now and then I'll think about these experiences, but I would make sure to never look back. If I can't handle NSFW media, then how would I handle sex?

It was probably a long time coming, but I've always thought that sex as a concept was just so...weird? I've never understood its appeal. On top of that, I was starting to feel extremely uninterested in having children.

But tbh, sex is just a form of intimacy. It's not the ONLY kind of intimacy, but it can definitely be the most intense one! At least I can opt out of sex if I'm uncomfortable with it, even if that means I'll get some weird looks from people who are SUPER involved in sex.

However, it's important to know that asexuality (& aromanticism by extension) is a spectrum. There's no "primary" way to viewing sex. I wound up being sex-repulsed, but that doesn't mean that EVERY ace person will think the same way.

Every ace person's experience is different but they all deserve equal amounts of respect & understanding. With that said, it's definitely worth researching if you're really thinking about your stance on sex. 🤔