get it together

     it isn’t just niko’s suspicions that made him decide to force brett to come to a drag show with him. they’re a part of the reason, of course, but he’d have brought any of his straight friends along to a drag show as well. it’s healthy. the makeup, the outfits, the atmosphere of openness and creativity and culture—everything about it is worth subjecting oneself to now and then, at least in niko’s mind. plus, he’d simply wanted to go. he’s under no impression that seeing a man in a dress lip-syncing to whitney is going to suddenly inspire brett to leap out of that proverbial closet, but there’s no harm in reinforcing the idea that if it were the case, he wouldn’t have to worry about being alone. “come on,” niko says, grinning and taking brett’s hand to lead him through the crowd towards the bar. “let’s get a drink! you’re gonna be out there dancing by the end of the night, i’m making sure of it.”

there’s layers to brett. that’s what he hoped his friends said about him, at least. though, he knew better than that. he knew people saw him as this introverted, shy guy who was probably incredibly awkward in social situations. but, in his opinion, he was far from awkward. he was just hiding some crucial pieces of him from the world. so, being tossed into a community that wouldn’t judge him for those pieces while still trying to hide them? it was weird. brett’s eyes had been drinking in the entire scene as soon as he and niko arrived. there were so many colors, so many fabulous outfits, and a world of new things for him to experience. in fact, part of him was more interested in what drag performing was like in person than he wanted to admit. 

ian: why do you always assume i'm hurting myself wtf

ian: this is just a road rage situation

ian: ppl can't drive and it pisses me OFF

brett: bc dude... you are???

brett: oh yeah

brett: i'm also not a good driver

ian: i'm so pissed rn dude

brett: gdi ian

millie: joe has the power to kill in many countries and get away with it.. lets NOT tell him that

millie: but yes, i'm at home.. not london home

millie: states home.. with my cats.

brett: he's certainly not going to kill you :p

brett: well maybe i can come over and we can run around with some cats on leashes

millie: cause brett it is serious!

millie: be like a cool youtube video or sumthing?

millie: it's joe, joe will not do it because he will say its stupid

brett: i agree! so serious.

brett: are you in the states right now? maybe i can come try it for you.

millie: i love that you replied with serious answer.

millie: but if you think its possible?? must be possible right??

millie: it's okay, thats what a security's guard for right?? and a round of captain american band-aids. god save the 7th inline to the british throne right?

brett: well, you told me you had a serious question!

brett: i think it's dangerous, mill.

Millie: so, serious question

Millie: do you think it's possible to train cats to run on leashes? like I could take angel running right??

brett: so, definitely serious answer

brett: i think it's possible

[ a beat ]

“i mean, i’ve never done either of those. i’m… i dunno. my mom did stuff for tv and movies but… i don’t feel like that’s my calling or whatever. maybe though. who knows what the future holds?” ian shrugged slightly, nodding, “yeah, for sure. and even going show to show… i get so used to being evan, it’s hard to switch back to being percy. they’re like my second identity.” he smiled, nudging brett’s leg with his foot, “i mean, mom is an actress and mom is a director so… rehearsals with them are an actual nightmare. so, i’m prepared.” he shook his head, “i mean, yeah… i don’t know if that’s a good idea though. everything happens for a reason, eh?”

“no i know... i got ahead of myself, sorry...” brett grumbled and looked at the ground before returning his gaze to ian’s. he felt like he never did anything but make a fool of himself. “that’s what i was trying to say! like it’s not easy for a baseball player to switch to basketball all of a sudden - even if they used to play it. i get that,” he spoke animatedly, nodding and smiling at ian. “i’m sure that you’re impressive to them, ian... i can’t imagine you wouldn’t be,” brett complimented him, rubbing the back of his neck. why was he so unsure of himself right now? maybe it was the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about being so much closer to his friend right at this moment. “i don’t disagree with you. just want you to be happy, man.” he nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. “and well. you need to eat that entire bowl of soup.”

“yeah… it’s all odd. like, in a way, i still feel like percy. except my fuckin’ voice… my voice doesn’t like learning new shit, evidently. in someways it’s like riding a bike, but in others… it’s hard as hell. keeping my lines straight is a nightmare.” ian rolled his eyes, shrugging, “well, you need to come see my show. duh. i perform it literally twice a day every day.” he bit his lip, taking a sip from his spoon. he raised an eyebrow, “oh my god… this is fucking amazing. can your mom be my third mom? you can never have too many moms, eh?” he shook his head, “no, it’s okay… i just need to figure out how to move past him. i don’t know.”

“it’s a lot different, isn’t it? broadway versus television or movies,” brett tried to empathize. “as evan hansen you perform the same lines and songs night in and night out, which is stable and helps you get really good at a role. it’s like being a really great basketball player. your goal is the same each time,” he tried to relate it to his own field, leaning back against the kitchen counter as he spoke. “but other forms of acting require you to memorize lines for a few days and transition from one scene to the next without threading a whole story and it’s less repetitive.” he shrugged, annoyed with himself for talking so much and hoping ian didn’t judge him for it. the compliments to his mother’s soup made brett look at the ground, flushing a little. “sure she can. but you’d have to deal with her teaching you how to make dumplings and yelling at you that they’re terrible,” he shrugged, laughing. “what if you just... tell him you want to be with him?” brett asked. he had no idea how to handle relationships. why was he even trying?

“yeah, people do it all the time… for various reasons… in my case, i’d do it to go replace the current percy so he can take paternity leave with his wife.” ian smiled slightly, looking down at his lap, “you need to come to one of my shows. you gotta experience the magic of broadway. there’s something just… incredible about it.” he smiled slightly, picking up the bowl and sniffing it, “this smells fuckin’ amazing. like… holy shit…” he shook his head, “it’s my fucking fault. so… it is what it is. it sucks. but… such is life, eh?” he reached out for the spoon and dipped it into the hot liquid.

“well, cool. i’d say go for it then... hard to let go of a project that feels like yours,” he shrugged, guessing it was a lot like when a client got really buff for a movie, then no longer needed him once he was to the level they needed. sometimes you just wanted them back for a little while. “i’ve been to plenty of shows, just not dear evan hansen,” bret spoke, wiggling his bros at the name of ian’s show. “i’m telling you, if you can just get sutton foster to come to your show, i’ll sit right next to her.” he joked, watching as ian took in the smell of his mom’s soup. “just wait until you try it - i swear my mom is a miracle worker,” he laughed a little. it was sad to him, how hung up ian was on kit. he wondered what that felt like... to like someone that much that you hurt from it. “just wish i could help somehow,” he sighed. 

ian sighed softly, moving to pull himself up onto the counter and letting his feet swing gently. he shrugged, “i mean… i don’t know if you’ve noticed this about me but… i can’t sit still. it’s like… not in my blood. i dunno… plus, both roles are so special to me, ya know? like… my first ever lead role was percy in lightning thief but… evan hansen, i mean c’mon… i dunno.” he shrugged, rolling his eyes, “i wanna hear about your boring life! please! let me be a part of it.” he bit down on his lip, “i mean… things are fine. we’re coexisting… i miss him. but i don’t know… i guess it wasn’t meant to be, eh?”

watching ian pull himself up onto the counter made brett smile. ian always seemed so hyped up and like he couldn’t keep himself from having so much to do it was interesting to see him even try to slow down. he wondered where that came from - all of the energy. “like i said, i don’t know how you even function in your world. is it normal to take a hiatus from a show? i only know musicals an their lyrics, not actual shit,” he nodded, unendingly describing his lack of knowledge about ian’s life. when the microwave chimed, he removed the hot soup and set it on the counter beside his friend before moving to open drawers and find a spoon. “whether or not it was meant to be... you’re till allowed to have feelings about it. i can’t imagine what you’re going through,” he shrugged, finding a spoon and lifting it in the air.

ian chuckled softly, rolling his eyes at brett, “i mean… i’m living the dream, clearly.” he gestured to the couch, which was covered with various papers and highlighted scripts. “i think i’m going to take a few weeks off from evan hansen to go do another stint on lightning thief late this month… but it creates a whole lot of work for me and everyone else so… yeah.” he smiled slightly, “oh my god, you really didn’t have to do that, brett… but thank you.” he followed him into the kitchen, biting at his lip, “how’re you? we talk about me way too god damn much.”

brett let his eyes drink in his surroundings - ian’s living room was a mess of papers and he couldn’t imagine what that was like. he was happy that he had a pretty even job. “you don’t think maybe... resting or just sticking with one project is a good idea?” he asked, moving to grab a bowl from his friend’s cabinet. “not that I think it’s a bad idea to go. I have no idea wha your world is like,” he motioned in a circle around ian’s face, laughing softly. as he poured the soup into a bowl and moved to stick it in the microwave, he shook his head. “we talk about you because your life is a dramatic mess and mine is boring,” he reminded his friend as he hit start. “how are things with kit?” 

ian was known for his talent and his smarts - not so much for his self-awareness. it wasn’t that he didn’t make an effort to be self-aware… he did. he just wasn’t as good at reading people as he liked to think he was. he really had no idea brett felt any type of way about him. they were just friends… right? he liked spending time with brett because it was simple. he didn’t have to think too much about it. it was easy to be his friend. when he heard the door, he sprang up to answer it. he grinned, waving gently, “hey you… don’t mind my nasty crackly voice. come in…”

BRETT

when the door finally opened, brett pushed himself to act as normal as possible. even though the second he saw ian’s face, he knew he was done for. this was dumb. why had he done this?he really prided himself in understanding himself and focusing a lot on work, which came in handy when he had to act like nothing else was going on with him. like now. “sup, man?” he asked, nodding his head at him as he entered ian’s apartment. internally, he was judging himself for the greeting already, but externally he was moving on. brett held up the bag in his hand. “i come bearing health,” he joked, wandering to where he knew the kitchen was. “my mom swears by this stuff, ian. i’ve never had a cold last longer than two days in my life.”

brett was... torn, to say the least. he had spent his sunday night with his family, as usual. but after they all ate dinner, he practically begged his mother to teach him how to make her herbal chinese noodle soup. she had made it every time he was sick growing up and he swore that it had to have some sort of healing properties. all that brett wanted was to take his crush something that might help him feel rested or recoup somehow. but suddenly, as he stood outside of his friend’s apartment holding a bag that contained the soup and some dumplings, his stomach was in knots. this could go exceptionally poorly. 

brett heard his mother’s warning loop through his head - don’t ever give someone an herbal soup without truly wanting them to get better. of course brett wanted ian to feel better, but part of him was always glad for an excuse to see him. once he was buzzed into the building, brett walked to ian’s door and knocked lightly. they were friends. that’s all that he needed to think about. it didn’t matter than ian’s excessive hyperbole was the cutest thing to him or that his face was seriously so symmetrical it drove brett nuts. they were just friends. 

ian: my only redeeming quality???? ur rude

ian: my life is a disaster

ian: no i have shows literally every night

ian: omg no i don't want ur mom to do extra work for me

brett: only sometimes

brett: you gotta rest though?

brett: she would really love to make you soup

brett: you'd get it if you met her

ian: nope. me

ian: omg no my face is good

ian: it hurt tho

ian: also my fuckin voice hurts so like

ian: my body is falling apart

brett: well good

brett: it'd be a shame to ruin your only redeeming quality

brett: dude

brett: can you take a break?