brentyme uploaded a new story.
ft. @basmndsa , + feta.
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
art blog(derogatory)
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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

oozey mess
hello vonnie

styofa doing anything
Misplaced Lens Cap

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
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Cosimo Galluzzi
noise dept.

if i look back, i am lost
Game of Thrones Daily

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@brenstyme
brentyme uploaded a new story.
ft. @basmndsa , + feta.

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basmndsa:
pet name wouldn’t have made bas feel any kind of way coming from anyone else. had heard the tease bas baby or vice versa from multiple people but it felt different coming from bren’s lips. wanted to hear it over and over again. grew up being the safety blanket for his siblings & if he were to ever imagine himself with a partner , he would want them to feel safe. he would want to be able to make them feel safe and loved and he’s so worried that he can’t make bren feel those ways. that his own issues will stop him from making bren feel loved like he deserved. not only did he think he didn’t deserve love , now he could only think about letting bren down. not being enough. not giving him enough. nothing bas thought was positive. but bren’s voice and his words were enough to pull him in. to keep him focused. hands on his face brought him right back to where bren wanted him. where he should let himself be. “ you make it easy to feel….. anything. everything. you never expected anything out of me. not feelings. not emotions. nothing. and you got –––– everything. god. ” that’s what was so scary about it. so many people wanted to change bas , to make him different , to get the exception. not bren. and look what happened. eyes are locked with bren’s , heart racing. “ i ––– ” falls speechless. doesn’t know how to counter that. “ i’ve hurt a lot of people. broken a lot of hearts. disappointed a lot of people. said a lot of really mean things and never cared for a second. i know that i ––– i did it , i’m like this for them but i ––– it’s not like i feel bad. shouldn’t i ? shouldn’t i want to be nice , kind ? shouldn’t i want to be a good person ? i don’t know. ” sighs softly. “ you’re a good , amazing , beautful thing that i don’t deserve. can’t convince me that i do. ” but he was still here. not pulling away. wouldn’t dare.
bren couldn’t help but ti find how ironic this was. bas afraid that he’s going to hurt him when his own track record was terrible. he was worried he would fall off again , still not taking his meds but going to therapy again. bas didn’t even know everything about him , he didn’t , not right now. not in detail and not like he deserved. his heart was beating fast in his chest , smile on his face as bas spoke. he wanted everything. everything bas would give him. “ i like you so much , bas. ” his voice is soft , thumbs rubbing the top of bas’ cheeks. “ you. all of you. for who you are and not some changed , overly nice version of you that everyone wants to turn you into. do you know how many times i wished i could just --- just turn everything off. ” his voice continues to be soft , looking right in sebastain’s eyes. “ all my emotions. thoughts. everything. you make it all just ... slow down. ” brens head got him into trouble a lot. “ i just like you for who you are , bas. i don’t want to change you. can’t fix what isn’t broken. ” he slowly moves forward , resting his forehead against bas’. “ yeah ?? and ?? ” bren doesn’t under the problem , doesn’t know why bas thinks he doesn’t deserve anything nice. “ i’ve hurt a lot of people too , bas. it doesn’t matter if you feel bad or not , really doesn’t. not everyone wants to be nice , or a good person but that doesn’t automatically make you a bad person , bas. people are complicated. not everything is so black and white , baby. even the meanest person in the world deserve love , and softness and to feel safe. ” he wants to just close the gap between them , kissing bas like he did a few nights ago. “ stubborn. ”
basmndsa:
“ selfless. ” repeats the word , knows that bren’s right. never did anything for himself before. never cared about what he felt. that’s why it was so easy to hate people. didn’t have to try. it didn’t bother him to hate people. it was the easiest thing to feel. it was the easiest emotion to access. everything else was just locked away. tight. didn’t want to have to tell ares that he was right after all , but standing here looking at bren he knew that his friend had been right. but knows that it’s going to take time. knows that he’s going to do this over & over until he finally lets himself enjoy this. just hopes that bren never gives up on him. would have given up on himself by now. can feel something building in his chest. sadness , something. something he’s never really felt in a feeling like this before. it was rough , breathing getting heavier as the feeling sinks in. grips hard at bren’s hand , nodding his head. “ safe. ” repeats the word because bas feels that too. like it’s okay for him to feel. like it’s okay for him to be a real person. pulls bren closer , body nearly collapsing against his chest. “ i’m sorry. i didn’t –– i’m sorry. i just freaked out. i never let people in like this. no ones ever made me feel like this. you literally make it hard to breath. ” tries to keep his voice from cracking. “ just don’t give up on me. please. ” knows he’s told him before , but not in person. “ you make me feel safe , too. and normal and ––– less broken. and i just don’t feel like i deserve those things. i’ve never been a good person. why would i deserve you ? ”
“ yeah , baby. ” he says softly , and he would tell bas over and over how selfless he was. what kid just decides that they’re going to help raise their siblings ?? give up their own childhood to make sure that their younger siblings have one , that they all stay together. bas was mean , rude at times , and it just made bren like him more. was it a kink ?? maybe. but he knew that there was always so much more to bas and bren was finally seeing that , seeing what he had known was under his mask. bren wants to do everything for sebastian , for his family. wants to give them everything they deserve. “ safe. ” he repeats , would say it over and over until bas believes him. “ so safe. ” he says softly. “ i can be myself with you. i can be goofy and weird and i can talk to you for hours about something small and stupid. you make it so easy to feel so safe. ” bren confesses. “ i know , bas. it’s okay , babe. ” he can’t help the pet names , will call him them until he’s told not to. bren lets bas pull him closer , a small smile on his face. he puts his hands on bas’ chest. “ i can get you an inhaler , baby. ” he jokes , his smile getting bigger. he moves his hands from sebastian’s chest to his face , cupping his cheeks in his hands. “ sebastian mendosa. ” his voice is soft. “ i would never give up on you. ever. ” his eyes are soft , full of love and bright. “ when have you not been a good person sebastian ?? when you were 15 raising your baby brother ?? when you were taking care of your siblings so you’d all be together ?? i want to know what makes you such a bad person because i don’t see it. i just see a man who loves his siblings , who’s been selfless his whole life. someone who has always put himself last. someone who deserves to have good , amazing , beautiful things "
basmndsa:
bren making jokes didn’t exactly help sebastian feel better. how was he so okay with everything ? or rather with nothing. just being friends. god , bas couldn’t do it. knew that he couldn’t. but he couldn’t be something either. so what did he want ? he didn’t know. wishes this was easy. wished he could just love brennan like someone normal. that was enough to tell bas that he should let himself have this. just give it a chance. give himself a chance to love and be loved. “ i can’t. i’ve never let myself have anything. why would i let myself have this ? have you. something so pure & ––– ” could say so many good things about bren. “ bright. like a light in a dark room. ” voice is so soft. barley audible. “ no. it is. this is the scariest fucking thing i’ve ever done and i raised a child. ” it was true. “ i am. it’s all i know how to do. anyones that’s ever loved me just got hurt. it’s the only fucking thing i’m good at and for once , i care. i don’t want to hurt you. i don’t want to lose this. but i feel like i need to lose it before it gets worse. before it hurts worse. ”
bren was used to getting nothing , expecting everything. but he didn’t expect a lot of bas , and he didn’t mean that in a rude way. he just knows bas. knows what he’s going to do when he feels. bren wants nothing more than to take bas and shake him , tell him they could be in love because bren’s never been so sure of being with someone before. “ you’ve been selfless for so long , bas. ” he won’t beg for bas to let himself feel , knows he needs to give that time but he will tell bas what he deserves. “ you deserve to have someone. you’re so special , bas. you’re so special to me. ” it was true , bren would never lie about that. he listens to bas , holding his tongue so he doesn’t talk over him. he wants to tell him that he’s nothing , that sebastian is everything. but that’s another fight for another time. “ you think i’m going to let you run , sebastian ?? ” he asks , his hand reaching out for sebastian. “ i don’t fight for anyone or anything and i’m standing here telling you i’m going to fight to keep you in my life. i need you in my life , you make me feel so much. you make me feel safe and i’m not going to let this -- whatever this is or whatever we become , end. i’m never going to give up on you , bas. i said i wouldn’t and i’m sticking to that promise. ” he’s squeezing seb’s hand as tightly as he can , not letting go.
𝖙𝖝𝖙 * everyone.
bren: thinking about doing something fun for the end of the semester.
bren: any suggestions ??

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basmndsa:
“ i do have to explain myself. i owe you that , at least. ” ignored him all weekend. would’ve kept going , too. if bren hadn’t texted him. walks slowly to his room , shutting the door behind him them. “ that’s the thing. i’ve never ––– i’ve never felt like this ever. ” not once. not for anyone. “ and i don’t know what to do. it just makes me want to run. to ignore you. to never feel it again. i don’t know why. i’m just so fucking scared of letting myself feel like this. ” words are just pouring out. can’t really help it at this point. bren deserved the truth , didn’t he ? hand runs through his hair , taking a deep sharp breath. “ i can’t feel like this. all i’m going to do is ruin you. ”
he didn’t want to push bas , scare him more. more of an explanation would be nice , but bren didn’t need it , not if bas was going to freak out more. texted bas because he knew , in his gut that bas was going to ignore him. needed bas to know everything he was feeling was okay. he follows bas silently to his room , standing in the room with his hands in his pockets. “ bas you need to trus that i’m a big boy. ” he says with a grin , trying to make a joke. “ why don’t you just let yourself have this , bas ?? let yourself feel something. i promise it’s not as scary as you think it is , baby. ” the pet name slips out before he can even think about it. “ no one’s going to ruin me , bas. ”
basmndsa:
“ it’s not okay. i shouldn’t have ––– ” shakes his head , not even sure what he shouldn’t have done. “ no. lets go instead. the kids are asleep. ” doesn’t want to just stand here with him awkwardly like it was a break up he didn’t want to do over text. it wasn’t that. he didn’t know what it was. texting ares had helped him clear his head , but he was still confused. still had a million things running through his head. “ i don’t want to lose you. ” remembers telling bren not to give up on him. hopes that he stays true to that. “ but i’m so scared. ”
" you don’t have to explain. you already told me... ” he’s ready to give up , like he did with everyone. with cruz , with sofia with roman. he wasn’t a fighter by nature , he didn’t like having to fight for anyone. but god , he would fight for bas. even if he had to fight bas for bas , he’d do anything for him. to have him. “ i know you’re scared , bas. but this doesn’t have to be so scary , you know ?? ” he would wait for him , would never leave him or give up on bas even if at the end of this he just wanted to be friends. “ i haven’t felt this strongly for someone so quickly before. that’s so scary , bas. it’s okay to be scared. ”
basmndsa:
there were a lot of shouldn’t racing through sebastian’s head. kids were in bed & all he could think was that he shouldn’t have even replied. just cut this off now before it got worse. but god , he wanted this. wanted bren. but he just couldn’t let himself want. couldn’t let himself feel. it was too much. too selfish. but god , he wanted to. comes to the door when he hears a knock , almost doesn’t want to see brens face. “ hey. ” voice comes out soft. “ bren , i –– ” what was he ever supposed to say ? “ i’m sorry. ”
bren was scared , nervous. he didn’t want to lose bas but he couldn’t help but to think that he was going to leave sebastian’s house friendless. they didn’t have to be anything more , bren just couldn’t take another loss. “ hey. it’s okay. ” and it was , someone could stomp on bren’s heart and he would say it was okay. but that’s almost what bas was going to do , wasn’t it ?? he wasn’t sure if he was able to come in or what , for the first time awkward and unsure with sebastian. “ do you want to talk out here or .... ”
bren didn’t want to get to sebastian’s that quickly , he wasn’t really looking forward to the conversation they were going to have but he knew he had to get there. he knew that this was going to happen , that he was going to fuck up somehow. he shouldn’t have asked bas to come over that day , shouldn’t had kissed him , shouldn’t have fucked him. he sits out in his car for a few minutes , taking a few deep breaths until getting out and going to sebastian’s front door and knocking on it.@basmndsa
𝖙𝖝𝖙 * bas 🖤 🐡
bas: can you come over? please.
bas: i don't want to lose you but i literally can't fucking think.
bren: yeah , i'll be there in a few.
bren: i'm sorry , bas.
bren: i shouldn't have kissed you.

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𝖙𝖝𝖙 * bas 🖤 🐡
bas: you scare the fuck out of me.
bas: i can't. it's freaking me out. the idea of letting the down. the idea of caring about someone more than i care about myself.
bas: the idea of letting someone in. for the first time.
bas: i can't.
bren: you scare me too.
bren: we don't have to be anything , bas. we can just be friends. go back to just being friends and nothing else.
bren: if you're going to run , we can change everything.
bren: i need you in my life , in anyway possible.
𝖙𝖝𝖙 * bas 🖤 🐡
bas: i'm not exactly asking for your permission
bas: i can't explain whats going on in my head
bas: i just can't do this, bren i can't
bren: sebastian.
bren: please , don't do this.
bren: you don't need to explain anything , bas.'
𝖙𝖝𝖙 * bas 🖤 🐡
bas: we both knew this was going to happen.
bren: sebastian.
bren: i'm not going to let you do this.
𝖙𝖝𝖙 * bas 🖤 🐡
bas: i just can't.
bren: bas.
bren: i'm not going to lose you.
𝖙𝖝𝖙 * bas 🖤 🐡
bas: yeah.
bas: i can't do this. i can't feel like this.
bren: why not , bas ??
bren: why can't you feel anything ??
bren: you deserve to feel something.

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𝖙𝖝𝖙 * bas 🖤 🐡
bas: i don't have a reason.
bas: i just can't.
bren: oh.
bren: are you trying to avoid me because of what happened ??
𝖙𝖝𝖙 * bas 🖤 🐡
bas : i can't tonight.
bren: why not ??