parker dorian

“You don’t have to be the bad guy.”

“You are the most talented, most interesting, and most extraordinary person in the universe.”

“Darn, darn, darn, darny-darn!”

“ I only work in black and sometimes very, very dark grey.”

“If this relationship is going to work out between us I need to feel free to party with a bunch of strangers whenever I feel like it.”

“Look, um… I watch a lot of cop shows on TV… isn’t there supposed to be a-… Isn’t there supposed to be a good cop?”

“I’m your friendly neighborhood police officer!”

“We’re about to crash into the sun.”

“Yeah, but it’s gonna look really cool.”

“Do you know what kind of sunburn I’m going to get?”

“I’m covered in latex.”

“I super hate you.”

“All this is true because it rhymes.”

“What if there’s such a thing as a bunkbed but as a couch?”

“That’s literally the dumbest thing I ever heard.”

“I’m here to see… your butt!”

“Is that a last name Butt, first name Your…?”

“… Blah, blah, blah. Proper name. Place name. Backstory stuff…”

“I think I got it. But just in case… tell me the whole thing again, I wasn’t listening.”

“Come with me if you want to not die.”

“That’s a suggestion. They have to put that on there.”

“Any idea is a good idea except the non-happy ones.”

“I know that sounds like a cat poster but it’s true.”

“But how could I just decide to believe that I’m special when I’m not?”

“The prophecy… I made it up.”

“I liked _____ before it was cool.”

“Business, business, business. Numbers.”

“Honey? Where are my paaaaaaaants?”

“Marry a marshmallow.”

“What’re you losers talking about?”

“You need to be more friendly!”

“Does he have super gross hands that look like they’re made out of big pink sausages, like eagle talons mixed with squid?”

“Oh, we got a hugger.”

“Why are my pants cold and wet?”

“Did you just call me old?”

“All you have to do is believe that you are special, then you are special.”

“Well, where can we go where we can’t be found?”

“I feel something inside it’s like… the opposite of happiness!”

“I must stay positive. Bubblegums! Butterflies? Cotton Candy…?”

“The walls are crying!”

“First law of the sea: Never place yer rear end on a pirate’s face.”

“Here’s how we do it pirate style!”

“Po-lice to meet you.”

“We’ll wing it… That’s a bat pun.”

“It turns out that hairy one’s a dude.”

“You are so disappointing on so many levels.”

“What a bunch of hippie, dippie baloney!”

“It makes me just wanna pick up whoever’s standing closest to me and just throw them out this window.”

“No…more…Mr. Nice Guy!”

“It is indeed super sweet.”

“Hey, not so special anymore, huh?”

“Unfortunately I’m gonna have to leave you here to die.”

Riders on the Storm by The Doors except you’re cruising down the highway in the rain with it playing on the radio, and chainsmoking because you have multiple warrants out and you cannot go back to jail. No matter what.