Escapism

1. Work on remembering peoples’ names.

2. Make an effort to stay in touch with people – even if it’s only “liking” an occasional photo on facebook, sending a 2 line email, or sending a Christmas card.

3. Develop and improve your listening skills. This includes not interrupting when others are speaking, not trying to control the conversation, and showing a respectful, genuine interest in the speaker.

4. Hold the door for others, and let others out first (in elevators, on trains and buses etc.)

5. When you’re writing an email, keep it brief and to the point. Nobody wants to read a long, boring essay.

6. Keep your voice down when you’re talking on your phone. No-one wants to hear your private conversations (and especially when you’re travelling on public transport).

7. Show a genuine interest in the passions of others. Ask lots of open questions, and find out what you can about their hobbies and interests.

8. When someone joins a conversation you’re involved it, include them right away, and try to bring them up to speed.

9. Don’t be a whiner or find fault with everything. Instead, being affirming, optimistic, and try and find the positives.

10. Be tolerant and patient with other people, and do what you can to accept them as they are.

11. Don’t go on and on – so other people fall asleep, begin to feel annoyed or want to run and hide from you.

You say “glad to know we’re on the same page.” Slowly, he will have to adapt to just outright telling you what he thinks instead of playing mind games.

When your friend tries to hint that they’re mad at you without saying anything: “Oh, I’m fine, clearly you don’t need to worry about me,”

You say: “I’m glad you’re doing well. Call me if you want to talk, though!” Soon enough, they will accept that they can’t be passive aggressive with you.

When your boyfriend says: “All your friends are great, I really love *insert male friend* especially.”

You say: “I’m so glad you like my friends! I should invite them back soon.” He needs to understand that if he has a problem with your friends, he needs to just voice his concerns instead of being sarcastic and accusatory.

As someone who has lived through several toxic relationships and has an abusive father, I think one of the most important manipulation tools a toxic person has is excessive subtext and hidden meanings in their conversation. It hides all of the actual fighting from the eyes of onlookers while still hurting you, which is scary and makes you feel like you’re making it all up. Don’t put up with this bs. Make them stop hiding.