BrandonAtRandom

“The Guilty”

It just dawned on me that I’m actually a pretty big Jake Gyllenhaal fan. I haven’t seen many of his movies that I haven’t liked and I feel like he always acts spectacularly well. Donnie Darko? Love it. Nightcrawler? He fucking made that whole movie. Zodiac? Omg love it too. Source Code, Prisoners, October Sky? Hell yes.

That’s the thing with “The Guilty” is he’s carrying this movie on his shoulders and it blows me away. It has a real “Rear Window” energy which is one of my fav movies ever! EVER. Jake G plays a 911 operator/former cop who is forced to remain where he is at…dispatch or whatever it’s called while another kind of an emergency is unfurling in the midst of California wildfires, so he’s not getting a ton of help. He also keeps getting pulled away into his own life where he has some stressful shit going on but we don’t understand what that is until late.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with “Rear Window”, first off, fucking watch it, but second it’s a story about a man who is in huge leg casts in a wheelchair who becomes obsessed with the goings on around his apartment complex and he watches everything that’s happening and he suspects one of his neighbors across the way of murder but he’s fucking helpless to do anything about it and he’s just watching the pieces come together. This movie is told exclusively from Gyllenhaal’s POV and you get a similar feeling of helplessness as you try to come to grips with what’s going on and I love it.

This movie is a lot to take in, and it has some disturbing subject matter so if you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen basically. Jake G knocks it out of the park as usual, honestly his performance should’ve merited Oscar consideration imo. And the other people he interacts with both on the phone and at the station are spectacular. Apparently among those other people on the phone are Ethan Hawke and Paul Dano which was a neat surprise.

My goodness, did I ever love this film. Available on Netflix. This is why I’m so hooked on Hollywood, I can’t get enough. Fuck yeah.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Broken people save broken people.”

“Monster”

*spoilers*ish

You know, I’ve always seen pictures of Charlize Theron as she looks in this flick next to pics of Aileen Wuornos and it is pretty wild. They don’t look exactly alike, but they definitely give off the same energy and have a similar aesthetic. For those that don’t know, Wuornos was a prostitute turned serial killer who murdered seven of her “clients” in what she claimed was self-defense. So if you’re a big serial killer enthusiast, I don’t know, maybe you’ll like this?

Charlize Theron won like all the fucking awards for Best Actress in 2003 for this movie and it was well deserved. She is acting her ass off in this thing, and Christina Ricci does very well despite having to play second fiddle to Theron. The other actors we see in minor roles play their parts well, but are obviously overshadowed by the titular “Monster” as well.

We basically get to see the descent from minor to completely psychotic in Wuornos and it is intense. Her and Ricci’s character go back and forth and Wuornos is constantly hiding what she’s done or fabricating some story to try and make herself look good. Charlize also does these insane facial expressions that are truly unsettling and make you feel like she really has some screws loose. It really is terrific.

The only thing I have to say bad about this film is that it feels pretty one-dimensional plot-wise due to Theron’s outstanding performance. Sure, there is more going on but all the side plot falls to the wayside as the audience gravitates toward the excitement of whatever batshit crazy stuff Charlize might do next.

Still a strong recommend.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Kodachrome”

*spoilers*ish

I like indie movies, I like a somewhat simplistic story with real interactions, I really like Jason Sudeikis and Ed Harris, and I LOVE Elizabeth Olsen for acting reasons and because she’s the love of my life. But Wikipedia says she’s married nowadays, so that and that alone is why her and I will never be together, and it’s devastating.

Anyhoo, this movie is about a guy (Sudeikis) whose dad (Harris) needs to get some film developed, and boy is his dad a real d-bag. But his dad has a nurse or whatever, played by the captivating Elizabeth Olsen. They have to drive cross-country to the one place that still develops Kodachrome pictures all the while with his dad being such a total dickwad and old-school famous photographer. Sudeikis is in the music business.

Harris’ character is dying of cancer and he is clearly trying to make amends with Sudeikis before he dies. The two of them start off with a lot of friction due to what we understand is a less than stellar relationship/history. Olsen serves as an intermediary between father and son, a love interest to Sudeikis, and a nurse to Harris. There is a lot of chemistry here, they really interact well together and it makes for an authentic dynamic. The performances are also very well delivered, there is a lot of emotional range on screen.

I think the only bad thing I have to say about this movie is it’s fairly predictable. All of the beats of the story felt like you knew they were coming without even a hint of a doubt and it just all feels like it’s been done a thousand times before. But don’t get me wrong, the pros outweigh the cons here. The performances and chemistry are better than the poorly executed story. I can’t determine if this one is supposed to be a true story or if it just has true elements in it like the last film developer in Kansas or whatever, but regardless, it all feels like it’s been done to death.

I guess I’d say casually put this one on if you feel like half-paying attention to something, but I can’t give an overwhelmingly enthusiastic recommendation because it’s just not that spectacular, but I did like it so I hope you feel super on the fence about watching it for yourself. Available on Netflix atm. Enjoy! Or don’t.

⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

“Let me tell you something. Happiness is bullshit. It's the great myth of the late 20th century. You think Picasso was happy? You think Hemingway was? Hendrix? They were miserable shits. No art worth a damn was ever created out of happiness. I can tell you that. Ambition, narcissism, sex, rage. Those are the engines that drive every great artist, every great man. A hole that can't be filled. That's why we're all such miserable assholes.”

“The Last Duel”

Director Ridley Scott (who is one of my favs all time) made comments about this movie after it flopped at the box office. He claimed that millennials and their cell phones were to blame. He said they don’t like to learn anything if it’s not from their smartphones. Which is great, I love hearing someone from the older generations take us millennials down a peg or two, that doesn’t happen enough. It also reminds me of that thing from The Simpsons with Abe Simpson and the newspaper headline “Old Man Yells at Cloud”

There is very little to get excited about in the first 90 minutes of this movie. And when I say 90 minutes, I mean more like the first 35, 90 is just how long it felt. We see something of a battle! That lasts like a minute? Maybe less? Omg did you know there is a sport I read about on the web called “extreme ironing” “in which people take ironing boards to remote locations and iron items of clothing”? We do have Matt Damon (with a mullet of some sort, like legitimately the worst hair I’ve ever seen but maybe it’s historically accurate) and Adam Driver and Ben Affleck and some new actress I’ve never seen named Jodie Comer who in this movie kinda looks like Danielle Panabaker and Katy from Letterkenny had a blonde baby plus she can act so I hope she’s going places and I see her in many more things. Ben Affleck reverts to more of a pre-Oscar/Reindeer Games Affleck which is not good imo. Damon and Driver are great as I feel like they always are. There is a lot of good stuff here, but it just takes a while to get going. So naturally, I browsed around the internet on my smartphone like the piece of shit I am to pass the time.

The story is told through three different perspectives, one at a time. First is Damon, second is Driver, and third is Comer. This does make the story pretty compelling…then I started reading this article that is a list of inventors that were killed by there own inventions and it was really interesting. Where were we? Oh yes, Ridley Scott’s “The Last Duel”. Did you know that Byzantine Emperor, Basil I died when his belt was entangled between antlers of a deer during a hunt and the animal subsequently dragged the emperor for 16 miles through the woods. Because of this accident Basil contracted fever and his demise came shortly afterwards?

But seriously, this was a pretty solid movie, it could’ve stood to be like a half hour shorter maybe but all in all I’d say it was well worth the watch. As I’m sure “The Great Pizza Funeral” of 1973 in Ossineke, MI was to watch, where 29,188 pizzas were ceremoniously discarded in a giant 18-foot-deep pit due to being recalled by the FDA. If you like Matt Damon and/or Adam Driver, they are great here and Jodi Comer surely may be a household name in no time. I find this era for period films to be super hit and miss, and the whole slow start might’ve been history’s fault, but that doesn’t mean I want to sit through slow-ass stories. Quit pissing and moaning, Ridley Scott, this was pretty solid and I ended up liking it quite a bit, but don’t blame millennials for you having made a less than marketable movie. No one else saw it either. You’ve made a lot of great stuff, if you don’t believe he has…LOOK HIM UP ON THE INTERNET. Sorry, I’ll stop now.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I think what it boils down to — what we’ve got today [are] the audiences who were brought up on these fucking cell phones. The millennian do not ever want to be taught anything unless you are told it on the cell phone,” Scott continued. “This is a broad stroke, but I think we’re dealing with it right now with Facebook. There is a misdirection that has happened where it’s given the wrong kind of confidence to this latest generation, I think.” -R. Scott

“McLintock!”

As a youth, my family enjoyed the shit out of this movie. We had a VHS copy that was not formatted to fit the screen it played on so there were multiple scenes where a bunch of shit was just left out of frame, but we enjoyed it all the same. It’s a light-hearted Western featuring some actors (I hope I’m not giving too much away).

You know, I love John Wayne, but he does have all the range of a baby monitor with no batteries in it. If I recall, this movie and Rooster Cogburn are the closest he seemed to come to stepping outside of his comfort zone and acting like he’s having a little fun. However, if you see any of the Duke’s movies, see this one or “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance” featuring one of my all time favs Jimmy Stewart. Maureen O’Hara is terrific as always here (although I think I’ve only ever seen her in this, “Miracle on 34th Street”, and “The Parent Trap”), she plays pissed off remarkably well, which is good since it’s a mood her character is in for nearly the entire duration of the film.

Wayne plays the cattle baron, amongst other things, GW McLintock! (it’s never clear if the exclamation point is a part of his last name so I will leave it in out of respect, it’s also the name of the town this story is set in) his estranged wife Katherine is played by O’Hara who wants a split because I guess he may have cheated on her a couple years before. Their daughter comes home and has the attention of many of the young dudes in town.

There is a lot of episodic stuff going on with the plot (is that the right word? I’ve never used it before but Google says yes), it just kind of skips around somewhat randomly and is entertaining enough. I especially enjoy the hilariously loud sound effects when punching happens. It sounds like a landscaping timber being thrown against an old woodshed.

All in all I’d say if you’re into westerns or John Wayne even a little bit, McLintock! is a light-hearted romp with a lot of great characters and interactions and themes. I love it, it’s just a little all over the place plot-wise. If you’re not big on Westerns or John Wayne, for shit’s sake, why the fuck did you even read this far? Go see a Star War.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

“I've got a touch of hangover, bureaucrat. Don't push me.”

“The Bridges of Madison County”

*spoilers*ish

When I start a movie, with very few exceptions, I finish it. If I start it and I get an inkling at some point that it’s not my kind of movie…I try and ride it out in hopes that maybe I’ll be wrong and it’ll redeem itself. This often does not pan out and every time it makes me reconsider my life choices. I especially do this with movies that are well-regarded and critically applauded and whatnot.

What the fuck is this shit? Why is this on my “100 Movies: The Ultimate Bucket List Collection” scratch-off poster my brother-in-law got me for Christmas? A lot of the other movies on it have been really good. Do I have to be 900 years old to find this story compelling or do I just need to be the blandest fucking pine cone of a person to get there?

Before we dig in to this whole 1960s Iowa-based Meryl Streep/Clint Eastwood steamy romance sort of but not really centered around fucking covered bridges aka 18-Wheeler Kryptonite…we start with Meryl’s children in present day after she’s passed who are finding out she boned some Nat Geo photographer while they were out of town with their father way back when. There is some mediocre acting by these bit-part thespians that leaves me feeling like they didn’t even do auditions before just throwing these people into the scene. Their scenes are kind of sprinkled throughout and every one of them leaves me wanting less. Do you know how many aspiring actors there are in Hollywood? The people they cast are just generally not good, alright? I feel that’s all I need to say about them.

Now don’t get me wrong, Eastwood gives a very Eastwood-y performance, and Streep is as brilliant as ever. Streep is working overtime to bring life into this vanilla-ass film and if she wasn’t here giving it her all, I would have to call this unwatchable, which it honestly isn’t. It’s just dull as all get-out. We also, for almost 90% of the film, have only these two characters to think about at all and it’s a fucking drag, man. There is not enough substance to base a whole story around, whether it’s a movie or the book this movie is based on. He’s a photographer. She’s a housewife. They meet and have off-white eggshell intercourse over the course of a few days. They’re both uninteresting people, I mean he’s taking photos of fucking bridges for fuck’s sake.

If you read this book and loved it, by all means, give this movie a shot. If have a pulse and you enjoy things that are more interesting than a plain low-sodium rice cake, avoid this one. 2 stars solely for Meryl Streep.

⭐️⭐️

“I don't want to need you, 'cause I can't have you.”

“The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”

This movie is just so fucking cool, man. Like it’s so visual and inspiring and adventurous and well told. There’s daydreaming and relatability and a will-they-won’t-they and mystery and humor and real emotion.

Based on a short story by James Thurber that was previously adapted in 1947 with Danny “Fuckin’” Kaye, Ben Stiller takes on the titular role in this 2013 adaptation and also directs. He puts on a great performance and also shows he is more than capable behind the camera as well. Kristen Wiig plays his love interest, and plays her quite well. I wish she was in more stuff, not WW84 because that was a pile of shit, but other things. Sean Penn is seen a lot in this, but he doesn’t have a very big role when all is said and done. Patton Oswalt does serve as great comic relief as an eHarmony/online dating call center guy.

There are many a stunning visual to be seen in this one, mountains, oceans, valleys, cityscapes, and enough mind-wandery daydreams to get lost in. There is so much to look at, so much to think about.

The message of this movie is a solid one, one that motivates and inspires. There are some great words to live by that are scattered throughout as Walter goes on his exciting journey. Also, I forgot to mention, Adam Scott plays another total dickwad on par with his character in Step Brothers and I really enjoy his knack/range for playing either a jerk or a good dude while seemingly being such a likable guy in real life.

I don’t have a ton to say about this one to be honest, but it fully kept my interest and was a total thrill to re-watch. Check it out sometime when you get a minute.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

“I get it, you've got your marching orders and you have to do what you have to do, but you don't have to be such a dick. Put that on a plaque and hang it at your next job.”

The “Before” Trilogy

(Before Sunrise (1994), Before Sunset (2004), Before Midnight (2013))

It’s strange, all of these movies I watch. The synopses and the ratings and the reviews I come across trying to decide what to watch next and they don’t really mean shit in hindsight. Most of the time I’d like to just sit down and not find anything out about a movie and just start playing it and hope for the best. Then at least I could give myself a fair, unbiased look at the flick and not get caught up in the sad realities of what expectations some movies don’t live up to, or what they manage to exceed.

In my quest to find a worthwhile movie to watch, looking through the never ending lists on different movie rating websites, I kept coming across this somewhat lesser-known trilogy. Since it wasn’t available on subscription streaming services when I wanted to watch the trilogy, I back-burnered it for another day, then I finally broke down and ponied up the cash with the risk of buying the movies to own with no chance of a refund without having seen them. The reward was pretty sweet, and I can’t fully explain why but I don’t want to ruin the plot(s) of the movies, I just suggest checking or not checking them out if you get a chance.

These movies are very grounded glimpses into interactions between people from different backgrounds that feel so very authentic that I’d almost say they seem too real to have been written beforehand. It just seems like someone started rolling a camera and happened to catch footage of some very interesting individuals who happen to be interacting at various points in their lives without having a huge drawn out backstory of who they are laid out before or after each installment of the story. The characters have real conversations. Real chemistry. It’s actually enjoyable and quite captivating in ways I’m not sure I’ve ever seen play out on film before, definitely not in real life.

The first movie came out in 1994, the second in 2004, then the third in 2013. The lead actors Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy went so methodical with their performances throughout the trilogy that they literally aged in real time to keep on pace with the films. Seriously though, the two of them deliver amazingly genuine performances that breathe real life into what are otherwise very simplistic, basic films that are entirely centered around the two of them going back and forth at all times.

If you’re looking for a whirlwind experience of two peoples’ times together at different points in their lives, look no further. You’ll feel like you’re standing right there with them, experiencing it all in its simplicity. Director Richard Linklater is someone you might know from “Dazed and Confused” and “School of Rock” oddly enough, the latter of those two was a surprise to find out the same guy directed. Not a bad surprise, just not really in the same ballpark genre-wise as his other flicks.

“Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset” are both on a free ad-based streaming service called Tubi and “Before Midnight” is on the free IMDbTV which is an ad-based streaming channel on Amazon Prime Video.

I fucking loved all three of these movies, y’all. So great.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Ender’s Game”

*spoilers*(ish), more like a synopsis

Comedian Jim Gaffigan has a bit about those people who see movies based on books and always smugly say “Oh, the book was much better than the movie.” To which he says he prefers the movie because it didn’t require reading and it only took a couple of hours so he would have time to take a nap.

I read the book “Ender’s Game” by Orson Scott Card a long while ago and remember very little of it although I do recall liking it, but I can only assume that the aforementioned book snobs didn’t like the movie because they preferred the book and didn’t feel it was a faithful enough adaptation. I’m not saying they’re necessarily wrong for 99% of novel adaptations for which the book is usually superior, but you also have to approach a movie with the understanding that it is usually unrealistic to expect from it all a book can offer. I heard mixed things about this movie when it came out, and I’m glad I didn’t assume people were right about it.

I thoroughly enjoyed this motion picture, to be truthful. It’s kind of a “chosen one” space-based war movie featuring Harrison Ford, which makes it sound a lot like the Star Wars movies but it really couldn’t feel less like SW. The fairly young main character Ender is recruited to train to fight and ultimately lead an attack against a strong enemy race of beings they don’t know a lot about that had attacked them multiple decades prior to the events of this story. Ender makes his share of friends and enemies as he trains in this space boot camp, and he displays a great tactical mind when confronted by cutthroat rivals. This all leads to a final battle of course but I’d say it was very enjoyable watching both the build up and the final payoff(s).

The acting is solid, there are a lot of good performances from Harrison Ford, Viola Davis, Abigail Breslin, and Hailee Steinfeld in supporting roles. Asa Butterfield really does well here in the titular role in my opinion, Ben Kingsley is killing it as the cool-named Mazer Rackham. I also want to mention that the special effects/CGI don’t really seem dated at all to me which is a huge accomplishment, they did really well, especially with the sheer volume of visuals that had to be created here. I just really liked the story and the overall theme and the way it was told. It really felt real. The only thing I would say is this movie could’ve dove into a little more of backstory and explanation of what things were, perhaps with occasional narration to fill in for what was missing from the book, I couldn’t remember squat about this story so I could see how that might alienate some viewers. I feel this is exceptionally true considering the movie wasn’t that long at 1:53.

Tragically this one failed decently bad at the box office and despite there being other books in the series, it does not look like it had enough of a following to earn any sequels. I think I’ll go back and read the book again and possibly dive into the rest of the series to see if the other installments are good as well. I dunno, I really enjoyed it a lot. Maybe you disagree.

Should I try and do a one man podcast like Bill Burr and do it on movies or do I need a partner in crime? Fuck, I have no idea. Might try it out.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2

“Colonel Graff: You have a habit of upsetting your commander.

Ender Wiggin: I find it hard to respect someone just because they outrank me, sir.”

“The Cutting Edge”

*spoilers*

Some time, about 25 years ago, my mom said “Hey Brandon have you ever seen that movie “The Cutting Edge”? I think you’d really like it.”

I got around to watching it today.

There are a lot of things I don’t mind in a flick. Seemingly low budget-ness, not one actor I’ve heard of (that I knew the name of going in I mean), cheesy acting, lame or predictable writing, post-80s-esque soundtrack, and a bit of a fish-out-of-water concept. This movie has all of it and more. I haven’t watched a movie quite like this in some time and I want to stress that it was not a terrible film. There is chemistry between these two leads that I’ve never heard of or seen, nor will I ever see them again, at least that’s my bet.

To be clear, this is a fairly watchable film. It’s just not a particularly great or impactful one in my humblest of opinions. You take the concept: a guy gets an eye injury as a hockey player that I guess ends his career in hockey but it still somehow allows him to figure skate. He joins up with a woman who ditched her old partner and settles for the hockey player and she eventually breaks up with her fiancé not because he’s a bad guy but because the two leads have to end up together and win their competition and that’s that.

There are a lot of montages (at least it seemed like it) complete with those 80s style backing tracks I mentioned. They do their little “we’ve gotta work on getting good enough for the big figure skating event that will be the centerpiece of the end of this film/wrestle with our feelings for each other that we just can’t deny/don’t forget a couple of concerning acts by either main character that serves as a detriment to those main plotlines/then decide they love each other in the end”. And it’s all well and good, but it just feels so fucking basic to me.

Maybe if I would’ve watched it back in the 90s when I could’ve had a better lens through which to view it like my mom suggested, I would’ve liked it more. But now, maybe I’m too jaded about movies to see this as something terrific. I fear I may be getting that way too much nowadays. So I won’t rate this too poorly because I don’t think it’d be fair.

I would call this watchable, but don’t pay to see it, certainly don’t pay to buy it.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Don't say we are not right for each other, for the way I see it we might not be right for anybody else.”

“Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice”

This one’s gonna be a doozy.

I can remember the months leading up to March 25, 2016 vividly. My heart was full of hope, my mind was full of wonder. My biggest hope was that we would finally see some version of Frank Miller’s epic story “The Dark Knight Returns”, come to the big screen. TDKR is a tale of an aging Batman coming out of retirement to take down a gang that has overrun the city, then he eventually fights Superman who was tasked by the president with taking down the increasingly dangerous Batman. The movie I went to see that March, BVS, with a couple friends, proved to execute that pretty poorly considering that was at least somewhat the mission at hand.

This movie takes the liberty of cramming several elements from multiple comic book stories into one, but proceeds to attempt to tell its own tale instead of just doing more of a true adaptation of a comic book. Don’t get me wrong, I feel that a lot of different parts of this movie have a lot to enjoy about them, so I don’t want to oversell the film as a whole as terrible or completely unwatchable, which is a temptation I’ve been wrestling with. A lot of what I see here is just heavy-handed over-the-topness. But not completely.

Take Ben Affleck as Batman. The guy who got the most shit for being cast and he did, in my opinion, a remarkable job playing both Bruce Wayne and Batman, albeit in a not great story. Henry “stupid sexy” Cavill is not a bad actor at all, they just don’t have him doing jack shit to show any range or personality here. Gal Gadot is pretty decent as Wonder Woman, but her character inclusion feels like an afterthought. Amy Adams as Lois Lane is spectacular and committed to the role as always (also, check out “Arrival” with her). Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor is quite possibly the worst take on a character I’ve seen in a comic book movie and that’s really saying something. He seems high-pitched, flustered, and flummoxed when speaking, and I get trying to do your own take, but this doesn’t even really resemble the character.#NotMyLex

This movie has more arcs going than I can honestly remember between times I watch it. I highly recommend watching the Honest Trailer for a somewhat comprehensive list of Lex’s absurdly complicated plan, but suffice it to say things could’ve been simplified a bit to make it more digestible overall. There is shit like Lex somehow presumably putting a jar of pee on a senator’s desk in advance of a hearing because she made some weird comment about calling a bucket of piss “Granny’s Peach Tea”. Why are these things in here? Who are they for? Could they not omit this from the final cut? Fuck.

Some of the best scenes are Batman breaking into the warehouse, the titular fight is okay I guess, the Batmobile chase scene is pretty good, Wonder Woman is good but feels entirely tacked on…the worst scenes though? “GOT TO SAVE MARTHA”, Lex Luthor kind of force-feeding someone a Jolly Rancher, the aforementioned “peach tea” scenes, that scene where Lex is in the water with Zod, Batman having old Robin suit with Joker writing on it prominently displayed the Batcave, which just feels like it wasn’t earned.

All in all I would say that despite this movie generally sucking at storytelling, etc. it does still manage to pop a couple over the fence. I can’t truly recommend this movie, either in the theatrical or extended cut (but if you decide to watch, go extended to make sure you are disappointed by something that is 3 hours long instead of 2.5) but I do watch this movie more than I should considering I’ve rated it this low. But hey, it’s Batman and that’s how I roll.

Sorry if this felt rambly and nonsensical and overly bloated but I like to think that’s fair in the spirit of this whole thing. What a let down.

⭐️⭐️1/2

“I bet your parents taught you that you mean something, that you're here for a reason. My parents taught me a different lesson, dying in the gutter for no reason at all... They taught me the world only makes sense if you force it to.”

“Amélie”

What does the average person think when they find out a movie is in a foreign language and they’ll be forced to read subtitles for the entire duration of the film? It’s gotta be at least 95% “let’s watch something else” right? I’m probably in that boat, albeit maybe less often than the average movie watcher, despite knowing there are many movies out there that are not in the English language that are solid fucking movies. Case in point: I once watched this movie I heard about on Reddit called “Headhunters” with Jaime Lannister in it and it was an amazing flick. Of course, as with so many movies I’ve seen, I can barely remember anything about it. But check that Jaime Lannister movie out.

This movie was quite the whirlwind. Beautiful to look at. Captivating story. French as fuck. The message it sets out for is ambitious and difficult to execute, and it legitimately knocks it out of the park, in my opinion. There are so many amazing characters, quotes, and visuals to take in and it seems to all piece together perfectly.

The main character, the titular Amélie, has a backstory that is fairly simplistic but also so devastating at the same time. There were times while I was watching that I caught myself lost in the story, the scenes hitting one right after another…I love that shit. There is not much fat here that should’ve been trimmed and thinned out. It’s wonderful, y’all.

Part of the whole “losing myself in the story” was helped on by my having to read the English subtitles since these French jerks wouldn’t just speak American ffs. I enjoy the reading part, it forces me not to get distracted with whatever the fuck I can come up with to do other than watch the movie I put in to, well, watch. There is a bright side.

I would just say if you’re looking for a load of feelgoodery in a foreign language, you might not be able to find anything better that I’ve seen. Give it a whirl.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I’m afraid I’m not doing enough bad movie reviews, so I may line up some stinkers soon.

“So, my little Amélie, you don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So, go get him, for Pete's sake!”

BrandonAtRandom Reviews

“The French Dispatch”

There’s something so comforting to me about a movie by director Wes Anderson. The aesthetic he has been using cinematography-wise in all of his movies since “The Royal Tennenbaums” is beautiful, and quite interesting to look at. I would describe Anderson’s movies as being the closest a movie viewing experience can feel to reading a book. With his movies there is typically narration, plenty of eccentric characters, and enough incredible feats of visual set pieces to whet your appetite (great example: Steve Zissou’s voice over and boat tour from “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou” https://youtu.be/d1RnYfFZK2k ).

This movie, is a bit different from most Wes Anderson movies in that it’s a collection of smaller stories, focusing on mostly different characters each time. First we get a little bit initially regarding this titular newspaper and a bicycle tour of the town. I guess it’s the French Bureau of a Kansas newspaper if I understood that right. Then the next story, it’s an artist and his muse in a mental hospital. Following that is a young aspiring revolutionary writing a manifesto which is edited by a much older woman. Then lastly there is a story around a food journalist who tells of his experience dealing with a policeman’s son’s kidnapping.

The other element that is a given in a Wes Anderson film is also an immense cast full of household names and sometimes up-and-comers. The cast also usually contains at least a few Anderson newcomers (often in major roles). In this one we get Benicio Del Toro as the artist and he’s pretty Benicio Del Toro-y still despite it not initially appearing so, Timothée Chalamet as the revolutionary, who is on top of the fucking acting world these days, he’s just been in everything recently it seems like. And I mustn’t forget the immensely underrated Jeffrey Wright who leads the third story of the food journalist. In addition to those three, Christoph Waltz, who is still a spectacular actor in case everyone forgot, has a bit part here and I hope he keeps getting good work in the film industry.

The cinematography is beautiful as always with this director, specifically the captivating choice of camera work and presumably difficult shots. The movie shifts between color, black and white, widescreen, 4:3, and uses each to great effect. The acting is superb as it only could be with the talent involved here.

My only real gripe might be that all of the movies by this director feel so similar in many senses. The tone, the aesthetic appearance, the cinematography (despite doing new things, it still feels pretty similar). I just want to see Wes branch out away from the formula even more than he does here.

BrandonAtRandom Reviews

“Shiva Baby”

*spoilers*

You’ll have to forgive me, I sometimes struggle understanding the “point” or deeper meaning of some movies. Especially when I feel like there isn’t one. And it irks me when that happens.

I watched this flick because I was tired of watching these classic and/or critically acclaimed films that haven’t exactly been as good as people like to act like they are in my humble, amateur opinion. I browsed around Letterboxd and saw that someone had rated “Shiva Baby” like 4.5 stars and I was like “alright fuck it, it’s only an hour and seventeen minutes of wasted time if it sucks. Plus it was on HBO Max so it was practically free if you don’t count the whole paying monthly to have HBO Max thing.

This movie is about a woman named Danielle played by Rachel Sennott who is just about to be graduating from college and doesn’t exactly have a clear focus either in her degree or in her desires professionally post-graduation. She has been babysitting and getting supported financially by her parents and a sugar daddy named Max. The movie is set almost entirely at a shiva, which I guess is like what Jewish folks have instead of a funeral wake, where the closest family members apparently observe 7 days of mourning. Anyway, back to what I was talking about.

Danielle is bisexual and has to deal old and new romantic relationships in the film while the people around her are asking her what she’s doing with her life and she tries to deliver made up answers to sound like she’s doing better than she is. She is also recently lost quite a bit of weight apparently, so people are walking up to her and grabbing her waist and telling her how tiny she is and asking if she’s eating enough, etc. (By the way, don’t do this shit, brief comments or compliments are nice but don’t like accuse someone of having an eating disorder in your dumb fascination with weight loss)

The music in the movie fits it, if the point of the movie is to make you uneasy and uncomfortable. It’s not really clear if the viewers are supposed to like anyone in this film (my instinct is no) and Danielle makes several bad decisions and I guess it doesn’t really help that everyone around her at this shiva is terrible.

Rachel Sennott does some pretty solid acting work here, considering I’ve never seen her in anything before. I’ve seen some of her standup and she has a little unorthodox delivery style so I didn’t know what to expect when I saw she was in this movie. The performances of the other actors are pretty good as well and they hit the right notes with their characters. But aside from that I just was not super impressed by the story here. There was no one in this story I was rooting for and to see what plays out with the main character Danielle’s old and new flames was not at all satisfying for me. Like I could give a shit who she ends up with. Maybe if the movie didn’t run 1h17m, they could’ve fleshed out a little more and had something more satisfying happen with her career and leave her seemingly toxic ways behind. But maybe my sensibilities are just not there and I’m an emotionless asshole.

For the performances and execution of what I guess was their desired story and tone I give it

⭐️⭐️

“Predestination”

BrandonAtRandom Reviews

“Predestination”

I guess I’m on an Ethan Hawke kick as of late. Not on purpose, i s wouldn’t even say I like him particularly more than a lot of actors. But I certainly don’t dislike him, and that’s enough these days apparently.

What can I say about this movie? I often am too methodical in my choice of movies. Too many lists (IMDb, AFI, NFR, Academy Awards, etc.) or ratings websites (IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes, Letterboxd, etc.) or overall recommendations by a variety of people are what I like to go by. Sometimes you just have to give something that sounds decent a shot and hope it’s good.

So I hate do spoilers so I won’t go there with this movie either. Ethan Hawke is solid as he frequently manages to be in a lot of movies. Sarah Snook also gives a great performance, but I’ve never seen nor heard of her before, but hopefully this is a good sign. The other actors are legitimately just side-notes in this, the 2 leads could’ve almost told this tale alone.

This movie is one of those pesky ones you really want to pay attention to fully without distraction. The storytelling takes you on some twists and turns and leaves you guessing at every chance you get. I would say it’s almost better to try not to guess at it, but I feel like that’d be denying yourself the most basic of human natures. I will say I did have to look up some stuff on this movie after seeing it to make sure I followed it right.

Once I was done watching this movie, I was half-tempted to start it over again to see the pieces come together better. I looked up “The Spierig Brothers”, only to find an unending trail of disappointment in their filmography’s wake. Which is a shame, I would’ve liked to have found more good things by them.

All in all, I’m saying check it out. It’s on the Roku Channel with ads and it’s $4.99 on iTunes, Amazon, and VUDU right now.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Hmm, this movie falls into the category of having seen it long enough ago that I didn’t remember anything aside from a TV being rolled to a pawn shop early on. This has happened to me with a depressing amount of movies over the years, which is why I’ve recently tried to start logging what I watch right after I watch it. There’s nothing worse than getting halfway into a shitty movie you’d forgotten about seeing and having it all come hurtling back to you and force you shut it off.

So…wow…this movie. I’m gonna try mix the positive and the negative. Some great performances by the 4 major characters here. Ellen Burstyn is well cast and really goes all in on acting super nuts. Jared Leto is a talented actor, but this is an early role and it shows. Also Leto had the worst portrayal of a live-action Joker ever on screen, and I won’t soon forget that. Jennifer Connelly is great here as well and Marlon Wayans really holds his own in a rare dramatic role.

So to give a spoiler free synopsis, this movie explores the lives of a handful of people going through addiction and whatnot. The coolest part of this flick by far is the cinematography, effects, and general choices of how each shot is set up. Early on there is a scene where the frame is presented in split screen and each side is showing the perspective of two different characters interacting with each other to great effect. There are other very cool things done with the camera that are atypical of most Hollywood movies and it does set this movie apart. At times these things are deliberately jarring, showing the mind-states and situations of drug-addled individuals at the height of dependency.

The purpose, in my eye, of this movie is to give some semblance of understanding of what the characters are going through with surrealism and a sense of helplessness. This movie is definitely not for everyone, and if the thought of people doing drugs puts you all in a tizzy, then I’d say steer clear Big Tuna, head for open waters. I will also say this is not a movie you really need to see multiple times so see it as cheap as you can.

Overall I really enjoyed this movie, I don’t have much bad to say about it. Except the Jared Leto thing. That dude sent fucking used condoms to fellow cast members before the release of Suicide Squad in hopes of letting them know how twisted of a Joker he was. What a douche.

I caught Requiem for a Dream on HBO Max if you wanna see it.

BrandonAtRandom Reviews

“Jerry Maguire”

I don’t think I’ll make this a conventional review. By that I mean it’ll be even less conventional than my usual unconventional reviews. My feelings on this movie may already be known and it would be silly to just spell them out for you and bore you so I will do something else. I had put off seeing this movie a long time, and there’s nothing more gratifying than finally seeing it and wishing you’d skipped it all together. So let’s get started, I’ll try and be brief.

Tom Cruise annoys me. I watch him in movies like this and can’t help but feel that his acting is an just a strange approximation of human behavior. For instance, in the car when he’s switching radio stations and finally lands on “Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty and sings along, call me crazy, but that doesn’t feel real at all. Tom Cruise has never done that in real life in my opinion, he might claim he has, but he’d be lying. He has only heard of people doing that or maybe has seen other actors doing it in other movies, but his performance does not ring true for me. Same way with him talking to Jonathan Lipnicki, I’m sure he’s heard of or maybe even seen children before, but I’m not buying that he could have some snappy, good-hearted interactions with kids. He seems like the kinda guy who would just get irritated by children for not having adult conversations with him. If you told me Tom Cruise was a literally an alien sent by Xenu, Scientology’s dictator of the galactic confederacy, I’d be 100% more likely to believe that over Cruise being good with kids. The only thing he seems to do is what I call “frustrated acting”. He just has to act aggravated all the time in his movies, it’s just not something I enjoy.

Renee Zellweger seemed nice in this movie.

Regina King was good.

Bonnie Hunt wasn’t bad either.

Jay Mohr always plays a good d-bag.

Jerry O’Connell and Kelly Preston are almost non-existent.

Cuba Gooding Jr. is a piece of shit, but his character seems okay. I’m not sure I’d call Cuba’s performance Oscar-worthy but then again I don’t really ever understand the Academy Awards and the winners for the most part. William H. Macy should’ve gotten it for Fargo that year, because Fargo is flawless imo.

Anyhoo, Jerry Maguire was a nice outing for director Cameron Crowe. I would say I liked it, but with all, and I mean ALL TOM CRUISE MOVIES, it would’ve been better if they would’ve cast someone else in the lead role.

One last thing. All of the common phrases from this movie: “You had me at hello.” “Show me the money!” and “You complete me.” were all lines I had heard referenced in other movies, and I knew they were referencing this movie. And now, having seen it, I gotta say, I wish this planet would raise the bar for what they latch onto and reference repeatedly.

Big meh.