The Life & Times of Mr. Irrelevant

*drink liquor*

My ex (chicago, rip)— loved him to death but man’s stroke game was a new level of wack. He had 6 positions but they were like how the gearshift in a manual car is , all from doggy mind you

“6 positions…all from doggy”

I .GOT. THIS. ICEBOX. WHERE. MY. HEART. USED. TO. BE

She blocked me after this (from a Twitter account I no longer have)

read the notes y’all

Y'all forgot the best one yet

^^^^^BRUH 😂 😂 😂

I met up with a tumblr user. I invited him over he drove 3 hours. We started making out and he bust his nut on my knee before my clothes even came off. For the rest of the day he couldn't get it up again. I still have the picture of it smh

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

I was gonna make a “remember when captain america punched harley quinn in the face” post before realising that margot robbie and jaime pressly are not actually the same person despite the evidence that they most definitely are