19

I'm gonna start off by stating the obivous, you are so missed. You know that already. Hence "stating the obvious." How's heaven life? Is there wifi? Just kidding. Every now and then someone posts on your Facebook wall and I can't help but stop, read it, and then click on your picture and then go through the rest of your facebook whatevers. It's so weird how social media can preserve a life. Well, since the last time I've wrote to you I've gotten a job! That I love a lot, but it's just part time retail job, but it's a job. &I've met some of the greatest people there. My first boss was pretty intimidating tbh and made me cry a lot, but I survived 1 yearish under her rule &now my newish boss is like super chill and I have the highest respects for her (even though sometimes she schedules weirdly). School wise, I hate it. I try to love it but I hate it so so much. I know I shouldn't take it for granted, I'm sorry, but it's tough. I wish you were still here. I wish I could ask you how you're enjoying your sophomore year, I wish I could see your latest photo edits. I'll never stop thinking how unfair it is that you aren't here right now. I miss what could've been, our possible convos. I just need to say thanks tho. You've taught me a lot about how to be a better person (still working on that, always working on that) in the short amount of time we've know each other. Thanks for that. Till next time, -take care always.

There’s this pit of sadness that I feel will never go away. Every once in awhile I have these “holy crap” moments where I’m reminded that he’s gone and he’s not gonna be coming back. A deep breath is needed to come back from the shock all over again. Humming a little song to myself helps too. It’s been difficult since my family is insanely close. Seeing people I care about sad hurts. Grandma lost a son, my mom and her 5 siblings lost a brother, my cousins, sister and I lost an uncle, but his wife lost a husband and his son lost a father. Whenever I think of all those things a wave of sadness hits all over again. It’s all very surreal. We all haven’t lost the ability to smile or laugh once in awhile but that pit of sadness still lingers inside. When I stood at his casket to look upon his body for the last time, I stood with three of my cousins. 16, 11, and 5. Not all our other cousins/ siblings could be there at the same time. As we stood there my 16 yr old cousin and I could only say how weird everything was. It didn’t seem real. It still doesn’t seem real. But it is. That pit of sadness is the reminder. The sadness has slowly been turning into anger. I feel as though I’m slowly going mad. I’ve never really dealt with death before except for the fictional ones in books, movies or tv shows. I’ve never really known sadness, that pit of sadness until now.

Anywho thanks to anyone who read this little rant-ish post x)
Take care always ❤

:)