Bound738

Good boys in the snow

Water puppies are so cute 

Anonymous wrote:

Hi! I’ve been really confused about something so I was hoping you could help. My daddy has been really distant lately, not texting for days when we can’t see each other and when we do see each other it just seems like he wants to get in my pants….which is fine but I haven’t been able to be little for ages now because every time I find myself slipping and I tell him, he just ignores it and makes me worry that he doesn’t want to take care of me. But he told me he did so….I don’t know. I just feel bad for even bothering him most of the time, and the last thing I want to do is be little around him if it bothers him. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. You probably won’t read this and that’s okay, but thank you anyway!!

Little space can be something of a mystery to most Doms and Daddy‘s… And perhaps it’s because little space is different for each and every little who goes into it. What works for some does not work for others, and the way that one conducts themselves in little space can be completely different from another.

However there are a few commonalities in a little space and how to get your little into it, how to provide it for her, and how to nurture and grow it. But let’s not put the cart before the horse, and begin where we should… At the beginning.

Little space in relation to regression

Therapists and psychoeducators have been using regression therapy for ages in order to figure things out about their patients. The art of psychoanalysis goes all the way back to Sigmund Freud who really mastered the technique and saw in his patients that using hypnotherapy could cause them to be able to re-count past traumas and memories in order to resolve those things. What he also figured out is that by implementing this form of therapy, his patients would “time travel” mentally and emotionally… regressing and becoming stuck in those pockets of time. Their behavior and headspace or state of mind often being there as well as they did so.

Regression therapy specialists believe that we have three states of mind, and that certain events or memories can be stored in the states that we cannot access on our own… so with the proper kind of attention and assistance, those states of mind can be opened up, memories can be accessed, and parts of our past life are allowed to come to the surface.

This form of therapy and the methods used to achieve it all involves providing a relaxed and safe space.

It’s not much different in our lifestyle. Whether it is subspace, little space, or any other kind of headspace or state of mind, the submissive needs to feel relaxed… Safe… And above all, that they can trust you.

One of the most common things that I would hear from Littles who struggle to find their little space is that they cannot rely on their daddy or Dom to get them there, and those who are single cannot find it themselves. Or they end up going so long that they feel that they are either not little anymore or that they have simply lost their little side.

With enough prying and the proper questions however, I soon and usually come to find out that it has more to do with stress… being busy… current life events, and other high pressure or unsafe things that are happening at the time.

To make it simple… They do not have a safe space in order to find that part of themselves.

Most commonly, Littles will regress in some form to find their little space and most Littles have a “little age.” Now notice that I said most and most commonly.

Because there is a certain portion of our community that is simply in it for the kink. There is a certain portion who age play, and they do not get into the mental or emotional aspect of that part of the lifestyle. They might just simply enjoy acting out the parts and fantasizing in their own way.

So with all of that in mind, the main point is that the Dom or Daddy in the relationship has to be able to provide that safety and security in order to guide his submissive to find their proper headspace.

In the same way… a single submissive must be able to eliminate the stress and what not of their lives in order to be able to claim that space properly.

When we do not feel safe, we cannot relax. Without being able to relax, we cannot allow ourselves to let go. And without being able to let go we will not be able to feel enough contentment to be able to enjoy that part of ourselves.

Understand where little space comes from

As we grow in life our brain is constantly evolving and growing with us up to a certain age. Along the way through our developmental years, certain things can happen to us that alter the course of our brain or even affect it in such a way as to get it hung up or stuck on certain times and events.

Those who suffer from great depression often use these events and times to capitalize and maximize their faults and failures while piling everything from blame to wrath upon themselves.

Someone who has a major trauma event may keep that event stored at the forefront of their mind and revisit it often… Thus keeping themselves from making personal progress.

I say all of that in order to say this: it is my belief that a littles “little age” is a block of time that sits somewhere near a major shock or hard change event in their life. Their little space exists somewhere just before an event of great change or trauma or likewise. It exists in a time just before because that is the last time that they felt truly innocent or safe in life. Perhaps it’s the death of a family member, a sexual trauma, or any number of things that made a sudden and large dramatic impact on their lives.

On the flipside, it can also be a time in life that existed before a long string of abuse. This could be mental, physical, emotional or a combination… Domestic violence, perhaps a creepy uncle, the list is endless but you get the point.

So in understanding where your Littles little space comes from, you are better able to understand what first created it… And then what triggers it as well. In parallel to those things, you are also able to be more properly educated and able to handle the things that caused it to begin with…

Have you ever noticed your little shut down or go quiet or revert to a negative head space after something simple and ambiguous that you did? They can’t explain it to you… And you can’t figure out why.

It may be that you are committing a behavior that makes them feel either unsafe or that was traumatizing for them in the past and they cannot verbally express that to you because they end up hyper regressing in that moment.

Your little needs their little space just as much as she does that therapy spanking that you like to give her.

Think in your own life the things that allow you to relax outside of your relationship. Perhaps you like to play video games, perhaps you play cards with your friends, maybe it’s camping on the weekends or your bowling league… Whatever the activity or mood or moment, these are things that allow you to relax, blow off steam, and ultimately reset yourself.

Little space is no different for the little.

They not only crave the space, but they actually need it in order to feel complete and themselves. Otherwise you may end up finding some frustrating consequences and circumstances on your hands if you as the dominant are not able to provide this for them.

And I know that you’ve heard me say that a couple of times now… That you provide it. And because that’s the way it is.

As the dominant in their life, they depend on you to be the pillar of stability and everything that is safe and sacred in their lives. They give you their submission and in return expect that you will keep them safe and protect them among other things… That you will provide their needs, whether it be in making their decisions, choosing their clothing and so on… which includes giving them the absolute safest of care possible.

The onus is on you not only to provide the space but to recognize when it’s needed without them having to ask. How you come to that conclusion is really up to how your relationship ebbs and flows.

For some, little space can be sexual.

And there is a long-standing debate within the community as to whether little space should include sexual aspects and activities or not. But if you get to the root of the issue, some Littles get sexual in their little space because their little space was triggered by a sexual trauma to begin with.

Where things get stigmatized, skewed, and twisted out of control by those who are ignorant and uneducated is that they see our lifestyle as pedophilia, or sick or whatever because of the kink and Age play aspect of it… and the way it’s portrayed in media and pornography. But what’s to be understood is that most of those who are serious and active in the community recognize that their submissive is an adult and in no way shape or form would they see them otherwise. I’m not saying that the creeps out there don’t exist… They certainly do, but I don’t believe that they would last very long in a real ddlg kink community.

This is very much an adult lifestyle, that features adult kink, with adults who are participating in adult activities… and there is no place for children or those who are attracted to them.

I am also not at all a fan of mixing sexual activity with little space. I do not believe that it is good for either of the people in the relationship, nor do I believe that it is healthy for any kind of self evolution in the little. But that’s just my opinion and a matter of debate no matter who is talking about it.

Little space should be a safe place of refuge where your little can freely express herself and be who she is without fear of dark clouds, worry, anxiety and so on… it should be a place where that sweet tender caregiver side of your daddy space is allowed to shine through and and appropriately wrap your little up in an emotional, mental and sometimes physical blanket of security and love.

Thank you for reading and enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others who need it.

Further education:

The new daddy dom survival kit part one: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182659779408/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part

part two: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182633415838/ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-2-previously-in-our

part three: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182608439803/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-one-i-often

the consequences of neglect: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182582298108/daddy-101-the-consequence-of-neglect-and-now-we

The safe word: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/177835509358/mistersbeard-ddlg-101-the-safe-word-today-in.- Mister

mistersbeard.tumblr.com Snapchat: Mistersbeard

Imagine for a minute that a child has taken a cup of milk, and intentionally upended it on the carpet in front of his parent. Which of the following is most likely to correct the behavior from happening again in the future.

A. Immediately applying discipline both verbal and consequencial.

B. Walking away and ignoring the child.

B is what a Dom(me) is doing EVERY TIME they step back or remove themselves in reaction to a submissive breaking a rule, or misbehaving. How does one think they are correcting behavior by doing nothing?

This is the reason it makes no sense to punish someone by ignoring them. Beyond this reason, much has already been said about how damaging it is to the submisssive.

Ignoring your submissive, is ignoring your responsibility.

🛑

I can only give you my take on it. @dinodaddy has some fantastic advice and extremely well written articles. I’m almost certain that it was stated that it was referring to an already established relationship. From what I know about him I can safely assume that when he refers to a relationship not yet started, he is referring to transforming an already established relationship into one that involves an exchange of power. Introducing a D/s or CG/l dynamic. If he gets the opportunity to read this, I’m sure he can confirm or clarify if he wishes. He had also mentioned a few red flags to look for in that particular article. However, even though there a tons of writings out there about red flags; I think it would be a good idea to expand on everyone’s different takes on it. Things to look for are things like, do they try too hard to convince you how domly they are? Do they seem to have a genuine disdain for women? Are they only about sex? Do they try to cross lines? Do they tell you that you don’t have any choices? Do they gaslight? There are sooo many more, but those are the few that I can think of immediately. I think it would be great for anyone who reads this to add their own “red flags” that they have personally noticed or learned from. Maybe this could turn into a thread?

Regarding the consideration period: while everyone is going to do things differently, my recommendation to folks who are just starting out with a potential partner (or even an established partner with whom a power exchange does not already exist) is to take a period of time (weeks or even months) to discuss what exactly the relationship would look like with the dynamic.

This is a time to discuss needs, wants, limits and boundaries, likes and dislikes, and in general, to get to know one another without placing the label (and thus, the pressures and expectations) of any sort of relationship on it. The very clear understanding should be in place that, if things don't seem to be quite right, either party may walk away with no hard feelings or guilt.

During this time, any sort of rules or dynamics should be, in my opinion, merely hypothetical topics for discussion. The dominant has not yet been proven trustworthy, so it would be unwise to give them your submission, and the dominant doesn't yet know enough about the submissive to know whether or not they are compatible. You can tell a lot about a person by the amount of weight they give to these considerations.

If their version of dominance is something that they just casually toss out to any submissive who will have it, how invested do you believe they will be in you? If they are merely seeking any dominant or caregiver, and you are simply the one who answered the advertisement, is this really even about you and your dynamic?

That consideration period is when you do your vetting and when you compare notes on your expectations and what you want from your partner. Only once you are completely satisfied with the answers gained here should you consider moving forward with a dynamic.

She is the high-value woman who has captured your attention, your mind and perhaps even your heart.

You know her because she is self-possessed, grounded and conscious. She is aware of her worth without being arrogant or prideful. She has standards and behaves accordingly.

She’s not needy, insecure, dependent or boring.

She is magical and inspires you to be the best version of yourself.

By her very presence and commitment to being her best self, she will illuminate the ways in which you’ve denied your hearts longing and bypassed living for simply existing. She will invite you to do more, be more and embrace life in all its fullness.

A high-value woman waits for no man.

She will not play games. Your heart is safe with her, but she will not stop her life to wait for you to decide. Her integrity is intact.

She will not compromise or sell out for attention or a smidgen of love. Her life is full and fulfilling, so she will not orbit around you. Nor does she want that from you. With her own life full, she will not promote you to leading man status until you’ve earned that space in her world.

There will always be a piece of her that she keeps back until you choose her. It’s not that she is hiding or withholding, but she knows that her heart is a treasure she will only offer to the one who has clearly stated his desire for all she is. Her love is pure and fierce. When she’s all in, she will be completely yours. She will stand beside you every step of the journey.

But first, you must claim her.

If you have seen her worth, you can bet that others have as well. While you may have caught her attention, you will not fully have her until you’ve claimed her. She will not put all her eggs in a basket that clearly isn’t hers.

The high-value woman may have deep feelings for you—she may even love you—but until you’ve chosen her, she will not fully invest in you.

She will remain open to the possibility of another man entering her life even if she really wants you, because she knows that the man she ultimately wants in her life is one who is willing to take a stand for what he wants—including her.

She is reserving her deepest love for a man with integrity, whom she can fully trust.

If you choose to claim her, you will feel her surrender into you. Her edges will soften, her heart will open fully and the love she feels for you will overflow. Her openness and vulnerability may break you wide open, ushering you into places that have only existed in your dreams.

But first, you must claim her.

~ Lisa Vallejos

You have adopted a title that should come with a giant heaping dose of honor, respect, and trustworthiness. 

1. Don’t make demands of submissive girls that don’t belong to you. You should know the difference between having the ability to control your own submissive, and how you should be treating all the rest that don’t belong to you.

2. Don’t talk intimately/woo other submissives behind the back of the one that belongs to you. All the time and energy you have to put into the submissive world should be aimed at your own submissive. If you want a different submissive, do the right thing, and break with the one you currently own first.

3. Don’t ditch submissives. How would you feel if the person you depend on for nearly everything suddenly went up in a puff of smoke, and was never heard from again? How would it effect your ability to trust someone else to take up the same role in your life? Stop ghosting, and ruining perfectly good submissives. 

4. Don’t cut your submissive out from contributing to your relationship. Yes, I know she put you in charge, but relationships evolve, and if you don’t attend to what she wants out of yours, your relationship is likely to evolve in separate directions. You can still be in charge, and listen to her wants and needs, I promise. 

5. Don’t ask someone you just met to be your submissive. It’s your job to inspire her to submit to you, by getting to know who she is, and showing her that you are the single most qualified man to be her Dominant. Don’t be lazy. Being a Dominant takes a lot of focus and energy. If you’re not up for that, go find another title to adopt. 

6. Don’t put your submissive on a shelf when caring for her is not convenient to you, and take her down off the shelf when it suits you. Submissives are human beings, and though some of them like to be treated like objects from time to time, they should not be ignored when you don’t feel like dealing with your relationship. If you don’t have to the time and energy to adopt the role of Dominant for someone, then don’t do it in a half-assed way.

7. Don’t compare your current submissive with past submissives. It’s not a competition. You should be making her feel like she’s the most important person in your current world, so don’t make her feel like she’s less than other submissives, or that you’re pining for something you no longer have, and feel you can’t have with her. 

8. Don’t skimp on the essential ingredients in D/s relationships. Don’t be that guy who limits your submissives safeword in any way. A safeword is the difference between consensual sex, and possible rape and abuse. Don’t skimp on aftercare. Let her know how much you appreciate all the control she continuously allows you to have over her, and how well she is performing for you. It’s the difference between a proud and happy submissive, and a sad and confused one. 

9. Don’t make unilateral decisions that your submissive is directly opposed to. You don’t get to decide your submissive needs a sister because it suits you to have a second submissive to play with, when it’s patently against her wishes. Once again, it’s her relationship too. 

10. Don’t lie to your submissive. It’s all about trust. It’s trust that inspires her to submit to you. It’s trust that inspires her to allow you to continue to hold her submission. One or two breaches of trust, and it all falls apart.