Believe nothing and everything

even though i no longer want to go into the industry i don’t regret going to film school, but it does haunt me slightly that the main lesson i took away from the experience is to press k to start and stop youtube/netflix/whatever instead of space bar

so like here you go, i just saved you $250k

oh and! + and - control the size of the captions

why are there 5,000 people on this site holding back from doing something with literally zero repercussions for anyone in a world that will never remember the chances you didn’t take? don’t waste your time on this earth live your life slap some rice

Hi my job is literally to reset the shelves and honestly?? Slap that rice. Slap it good. patting down the bags makes it easier to stack more, which means when I have to do it it’ll be flatter and more settled and more likely that I can just slide it along without it slidin’ around. You are doing me a FAVOR by slapping that rice.

rice man approves

Lend your power to me, lion...

Yall the point is that sex toys need to be in a sex store not a pharmacy. Also five year olds these days can in fact read, three year olds these days can read I work in a daycare I have seen it. And why would there be a sex toy AISLE in a PHARMACY in a DRUG STORE?? I’m so??? Sex toys don’t belong in drug stores.

This is so funny to me. Because I feel so confident this post is from the USA. I grew up in the midwest in an abstinence-only sex ed culture in the midst of the "True Love Waits" campaign. My parents were deeply upset that condoms and lubricants were sold in drug stores. I did not realize they were, until this was brought to my attention. People literally thought that would make teenagers and unmarried people have more sex (not safer sex), and this was evil. But this post is saying nothing about the condoms and lubricants sold in drugstores. So is the logic here that PIV sex is fine? But sex that includes toys? PEARLS CLUTCHED. Imagine from a child's perspective the sheer volume of confusing things in a drug store. That is a top shelf. Are people maybe thinking that like these look like toys and might use the literal word "toy" and make for an awkward moment with parents? I think it's going to be okay. Some grown men are going to walk through pharmacies not knowing how menstrual cycles work except in the vaguest associations. And you don't need to explain all the details of periods to your kids on the spot just because tampons and pads are sold in drug stores. You don't have to explain piles to them or even explain like "ringworm" is a fungal infection. I'm sure I still do not know what every single thing in a drug store is actually for. I genuinely think the kids are going to be okay, even if more vibrators and sleeves enter the adult world unchained and unchaperoned. Anyways, I doubt those toys are all that good... but I really hope more people have more skilled, fun, pleasurable sex, and toys are great for that. I bet my hands were literally shaking the first time I went into the store Good Vibrations with several of my college friends. It felt as if God or Uncle Sam was gonna straight up kill you in there. Turns out, it is fine. Also, on an abrupt and way more serious note, for people who genuinely worry about the sexual exploitation of children in this society, here is a highly competent organization with the mission of ending child sex abuse within five generations that I like to spread the word about as often as I can: https://transformharm.org/resource_author/generation-five/

everyone dunking on that automated fleshlight sex toy needs to remember that disabled people get horny too ok 💜

Certified Sex Ed Post!

in addition to being part of the larger, predictable but miserable backlash against the aggressive and youth-heavy sex positivity push of the 2010s it's also just like. so fucking miserable that teenagers, who already by and large have so little control over their lives, are being taught to be wary and distrustful of masturbation, an act of bodily autonomy and free source of pleasure. like man, come on. kids in this generation are probably never going to have stable jobs or own homes, and they can't even jack off about it?

You know, as the concept of “zombifying fungi” becomes more and more popular, I notice it still referred to everywhere as like a “brain parasite.” So I guess a lot of people overlooked or forgot how in 2019 it was discovered that cordyceps and other similar fungal parasites leave the brain and nervous system completely untouched. They only control the muscles. They use chemical signals to make the muscles flex in real time where they want to go :)

It’s funny how many people are replying “but that’s worse!” like you didn’t know that’s exactly why I put a smiley

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

Sometimes "rarepair" means "you are literally the only person who posts about this on tumblr dot com" and you have to learn to be okay with that.

The funniest part of A New Hope is that Luke Skywalker is a 19 year old who has not locked in yet and plays with toys and sleeps in his childhood bedroom at his aunt and uncle’s house and Leia Organa is a 19 year old with a mission to save the galaxy from fascism. Luke has never left his hometown, Leia just watched her planet be blown up. He’s peeved his uncle is asking him to do his chores, she’s imprisoned for resisting the government. You relate to them both but they’re on complete opposite sides of the 19 year old life stage spectrum.

Also Luke is clearly very lonely after his crush and best friend, Biggs, went away to college

Yes! Some people have misinterpreted this as me insinuating Luke is a wimp but he’s just in a very transitional life phase that is focused on growing and maturing. His friends are growing up and moving on, he’s anxious to join them but isn’t quite ready. He has ambition and goals but he just isn’t in a place where he is able to pursue those goals, he is immature and that isn’t a bad thing. 19 year olds SHOULD be able to ponder their place in the world and which direction they want their life to take. Leia has been in the public eye her entire life, she is a princess, she has been primed for greatness and she has been shouldered with so much responsibility. Luke is just his aunt and uncle’s nephew, they love him and don’t want him to leave, he’s trying to decide what to do.

He’s like a Midwest farm boy who is dreaming of the big city and she is like an old money New England heiress who has been told since birth she will follow her father’s career path into politics and has been sent to the most competitive schools and enrolled in the most rigorous extracurriculars.

Luke is the protagonist at the start of a coming-of-age plotline while Leia is in the 3rd season finale of her failed revolution plan when A New Hope takes place and you can fight me on this.

and Han Solo owes a slug drug money

If you're comfortable accusing anyone of faking disability, you're not a real ally to disabled people