trigger warning

love that nice relapse it's literally been months but my damn "friend" gotta go be a goddamn idiot 🙂 you aren't the only one dealing with shit girl go be a fucking shit head but leave me out of it

great coolio sweet I keep fucking hearing shit I keep fucking hearing knocking all day clear as a bell just fucking knocking and NOTHINGS THERE AND I WANT TO DIE WHAT THE FUCK oh plus plus here's the kicker ;) I'm going to fucikin g get a c in Spanish and kms so that's cool thanks semester ending that's p cool if u ask me ;) super excited 10/10 what am I at? two c's? what do I have? a 3.0? lower? fucking? what?? am I going :) to do? die. friends???? u mean the ones that like one another fucking more than me and won't FUCJING listen to me because I'm a narcissistic piece of shit yea that's cool. 1.25.16 10:45 pm

I'm saving up pills again. and I think they would actually do the trick this time. I tried taking one yesterday and I could hardly swallow it i almost threw up. I don't think I like pills after my last experience with them

I've also stopped talking to all of my friends. pretty much all of them. I ignore 95% of my texts and only reply to the select ones I want. I just :) really fucking want to leave. I don't know where I'd go but I went on the train for the first time in years by myself and I realized that I really could just,,leave. I don't think this is a normal feeling for 14

I really just want to leave. not really run away for a specific reason but,,I mean I have about 700 dollars saved up and I really just want to get on a bus and see where I would go. I want to see what would happen. I think I could make it pretty far but I really just want to leave forever. I don't think that's very realistic for 14 so maybe when I'm a little older,,I'll just keep saving and I can Leave. and die. if I'm gone they would already think I'm dead and so it wouldn't even be a surprise when I'm found dead. I think that would be less sad for them. I'll keep saving. I think just that goal to keep saving is enough for now. I don't even look at it as my money,,I look at it as for later. so I won't spend all of it. I won't.

only one person asked me abt my halsey concert

young God is a good song I want to go back

or maybe the hallucinations I'm not sure. I can't remember much except for me sweating and seeing things even though my eyes were shut tight. I could see even with my eyes closed

it's mainly the smell though,,it was awful and now whenever I smell anything remotely like it I have to leave I feel so sick it was the worst part was the smell

I mean she never even asked about it after it happened. I think I want to talk about it. sometimes I think I'm still going to drop dead any moment

it's been over a month since That Day and literally only one person knows about it she was literally the only one who cared that I almost died and I can't even answer her texts why do I suck

sometimes I really don't make any sense

I think I'm ? damaging myself too much? I honestly don't know but I'm starting to loose feeling in my legs like it doesn't hurt hardly it feels? numb? I don't know I don't like it I can't tell

I want attention but this is my side blog why am I expecting attention

pills kill