I can’t pay the mortgage this month (TikTok trend)
Featuring: Kento Nanami, Satoru Gojo, Toji Fushiguro & Choso Kamo
A/n: this was rotting in my drafts… oops!
Nanami is sitting at the kitchen table, finishing some last-minute work before your movie night. You scroll on TikTok in the meantime, and when you come across a funny couple’s video, you decide to recreate it. Nanami always has the best reactions.
“I’m so sorry,” you say out loud with a dramatic huff.
Nanami looks up, confused. “What’s wrong, my love?”
You dial up the theatrics and place your head in your hands. “I don’t think I’ll make it… to help with the mortgage this month.” You bury your face deeper so your husband won’t see the smile tugging at your lips.
Nanami scoffs. You peek up slightly just in time to see him dip his head back, laughing. “You’re so funny. Is this one of your online challenges?”
“No, I’m serious, Ken,” you insist.
“Sweetheart, the mortgage has been paid off for almost a year now.”
“What?!” You surge toward him in shock. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not for you to worry about.” He reaches for you, squeezing your waist.
“We should have celebrated,” you say at last.
“Uhm… you’re right. What would you like to do, then? Dinner?” He kisses your hand.
“Vacation.” He kisses your hand again.
“Sex.” Another kiss, and then he looks up at you.
“How about all three?” you say, smiling widely.
It was one of those few days where Gojo had no work and absolutely no intention of doing anything productive. He was sprawled across the couch munching on snacks.
You were scrolling through your phone beside him when a familiar trend popped up. Perfect. Gojo loved drama almost as much as you do.
You let out a dramatic sigh. “Satoru…”
He perked up immediately, “Hm? What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
You bit your lip, trying not to smile. “I don’t think I can help with the mortgage this month.”
For a split second, he froze as if contemplating whether the universe had just given him the greatest comedic setup of all time. Then, slowly, a bright grin spread across his face.
“Ohhh?” Gojo sat up, stretching lazily. “You’re worried about that?”
You nodded, feigning innocent concern. “Yeah… I feel bad.”
“First of all,” he said, poking your forehead, “you think I—me—would ever let you pay a mortgage? Funny.” He laughed again, louder this time. “Baby, I could buy this whole building just to tear it down because the paint color isn’t quite right.”
You swat his hand away, giggling. “Still, I want to help—”
He cut you off with a dismissive wave. “Nah, nah, it’s fine. I’ll do my part,” he said, standing and stretching dramatically like a cat.
Then he sauntered over to you, leaned down, and tapped your chin with one finger, smirking.
He turned around to walk away— then whack—his hand landing a firm smack on your ass.
Your jaw dropped. “SATORU!”
He threw his head back laughing, loud enough for the neighbors to hear. “What? That’s teamwork! I’m very supportive!”
You chase him with a pillow while he dodges effortlessly, still laughing his obnoxiously beautiful laugh.
It was a lazy, rainy Sunday, and you were snuggled into Toji’s side. He draped a blanket over you the moment he felt how cold your hands were.
“It’s that damn phone. Makes your hands cold and shit,” he scolded.
He flipped through channels while you scrolled on your phone, until you stumbled across a video that sparked an idea. Rage-baiting Toji was your favorite hobby.
You purred against him like a cat. He glanced down at you, waiting patiently. What could you want now? is probably exactly what he’s thinking.
“I may have bought one too many gifts for myself this month,” you began.
“Hmm. What’s new,” he muttered.
“Hey! I’m serious. I don’t think I can make the rent this month.” You hid your face in his chest.
You felt a chuckle rumble through him. “Well, we better start working the corner or something. I also bought one too many gifts this month.”
You lift your head, scandalized. “What the hell! You’re okay with me sleeping with other men for money?!”
“Oh, well I thought we were both being stupid,” he said nonchalantly.
You flop back into your spot beside him, nudging him for the stupid joke.
After a few seconds, he adds loudly, “When the hell did I ever ask you for money? You haven’t paid a dime since you started living here.”
Before you can respond, he keeps going, “I give you my credit card all the time for your stupid trinkets.”
“And I pay for all these damn channels and subscriptions for you! All I need is the sports channel.”
“Oh and I pay that damn phone bill too,” he says, snatching your phone out of your hand. He lays you back on the couch and climbs on top of you.
He’s face-to-face with you now. “So what was that about helping with the rent?”
It was a quiet evening at home, Choso sat on the floor between your legs while you braided his hair, his back warm against your thighs. He was scrolling idly through your shared playlist, pretending not to enjoy the attention as much as he did.
You, on the other hand, had just found a video that sparked the perfect idea… a harmless little prank.
You sighed loudly. “Choso…”
He hummed in acknowledgment, not looking up.
“I’m really stressed. I don’t think I can help with the mortgage this month.”
His finger froze above the screen.
Slowly…very slowly—he turned his head to look back at you, eyes heavy-lidded and unimpressed. “Do I,” he began, voice flat, “give off the vibe that I need your help for the mortgage?”
You bit the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling. “I just… thought I should warn you.”
Choso blinked once. Twice. Then he shifted around to face you fully, legs crossed, expression unreadable.
“You can’t make the mortgage any month,” he stated plainly.
“Hey! That’s—well—that’s not totally true—”
“It is,” he cut in gently, brushing a knuckle against your cheek. “And it’s fine. I have more money than you think.”
You blink. “From what? You don’t even work a normal job.”
“The Kamo family is… well off,” he said, as though that explained everything. “There is old money. Land. Investments. You worry too much.”
Your jaw dropped a little. “So you’re, like… rich-rich?”
Choso tilted his head, thinking. “Comfortable,” he corrected. “Very comfortable. For several lifetimes.”
You stared at him. “And you never told me?!”
He shrugged. “You never asked.”
You smack his arm lightly, and he catches your wrist, pulling you into his lap with a sigh.
“Stop worrying about money,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Just braid my hair.”
Dividers: @strangergraphics