Don’t really know how I ended up where I did. Sometimes I think i’m crazy to stay here, and other times I think i’m just where I should be. I didn’t plan this: I just sort of slid into it. Not even sure how much further into slavery I can slide. Maybe tomorrow i’ll decide to call it quits, but I might just decide to stay put and ride it out. Kind of surprised how far i’ve gone. It just didn’t happen by accident though, I think it’s a bit like a storm. You can sense that one is approaching, seeing the clouds gathering and all, and you can either head inside and batten down the hatches or you can stay out in the thick of it. I guess I don’t know enough to come in out of the rain but I like splashing around and getting wet. If anyone looked in through the window and saw me here; shaved from head to toe, my hands locked behind my back with wrist restraints, collared and hitched to the post of a loft bed, i’m sure that they would think I was crazy. But when I look out and see how most people live, to me, they are the ones who seem crazy: or worse.
It didn’t start out this way. Maybe by summer it will all be over. Can’t really say. In the fall I could sense that something was coming. Back then we were just Dan, Mark and me. I had seen Dan a few times but I usually chickened out going up to him. Once I saw him walking down Christopher Street, and said hi, but he just ignored me. Dan’s a good-looking guy, early thirties, tall and lean with curly black hair and blue eyes. And he has an attitude, or maybe it’s arrogance. But that’s probably what attracted me to him. That and the fact I never saw him wearing anything but boots, jeans and T-shirts, and always his leather jacket. He’s a bartender at the Eagle, but a lot of times when I ended up there, he wasn’t working or it was really busy. I usually started out my night in the east village and bar hopped west until I ended up at the Spike and had a last beer at the Eagle before heading back home. I didn’t know a lot of guys into leather, but I wasn’t all that innocent either - not really a full member of the brotherhood. I guess now i’ve taken my final vows of obedience to the order.
Back before all of this, i was doing my best to fit in a be a good nice gay guy: going to the gym, hanging out with friends, going to basic boring bars for beers.  But it always just felt wrong. i don’t think i ever really thought about it but definatly sensed i was always just acting and trying to pass for just another nice gay guy. About a year before i had gone with some friends to some of the leather bars, mostly just to have a change and the beers were cheap, but i started drifting away from my friends more often and going to the Spike, the Eagle and the LURE. There was just something about them that felt more right, somehow less fake.  A few times i went home with a few Leather Daddies and had good sex but soon realized alot of the guys there all dressed in shiny new leather were “weekend warriors,” guys who just liked getting dressed up in expensive leather to feel a bit more masculine but had no interest in “Old Guard” leather protocols or SM.
There was one bartender at the Eagle who i caught myself staring out most nights but usually was too intimidated by him to actually go to His bar and went to get a beer from one other the other bartenders. Â Every once in a while He would be the only bartender and when i walked up to the bar to get a beer, i basically froze and mutter something. He actually seemed a nice guy, but there was something different about Him. Â Once or twice i saw Him outside of the bar walking down the street late afternoons. He was always in full leather and had a look of total confidence and a look that He could command any situation. Pretty sure i never really took the time to think about it, but somehow i must have figured out that for DAN, leather gear was not just something He wore, but something about who He was.
After spending a few months going to the Eagle and the Spike and the LURE something kind of clicked: i am sure it was gradual but the boring stuff, the fake pretend just wouldn’t work. i felt totally at a loss.  Any sex i had left me feeling empty, something was definitely missing. i caught myself looking a few of the Leather Men that used to hand out at the bar where DAN was bartending.  Sometimes a few of these guys would have a boy on a collar and leash and on occasion, kneeling before one of the Men silently. i would catch myself zoning out watching them.  Somehow it sunk in with out my really thinking about it that Men like DAN were different and for them, Leather and SM were just a part of their identity.
Last September I left the Eagle and went to J’s instead of going back home. When I got there, I saw that Dan and Mark were sitting up on the ledge in the back, looking fine. They were in full leather; tall black biker boots, chaps, tank tops, leather jackets and black leather caps. Dan was looking his usual scruffy self, and Mark was chatting with some guy sitting next to them. I walked over and planted myself next to Dan. After about ten minuets, the other guy left and Mark said he was going to get a beer. I had brought a six-pack with me so I turned around and asked if I could get them one. Mark said OK and so I went to the bar and got us all beers. When I had just about finished, mine, Mark said he was going to the bathroom to take a leak. Dan told him to wait a second and he would go with him. I turned around and looked straight at Dan’s crotch and said “I can take care of that for you here if you guys want” I don’t know why I said it since I had only drunk one guy’s piss before, but I guess I figured that it was the only way to get Dan to take me seriously. And I was a little drunk. Mark said OK, and I unzipped his jeans and took his dick in my mouth and right away he started pissing. I managed to swallow it all and thought that it was pretty easy, drinking straight from the tap. When I was sure that Mark was done I moved onto Dan. I undid his jeans and went down on him. He was sort of hard and it took him awhile before he started to piss; but when he got going, he really pissed. I had a really hard time keeping up, and I just kept swallowing as fast as he was filling me up, but some of it dribbled down my chin. I somehow managed to drink it all, probably because it was mostly beer piss. When he was done, I buttoned his jeans back up and he pulled me around and I stayed there, standing between his legs for the rest of the night. A few guys came up to Dan and Mark to say hello, but I just kept silent. Most of the time Dan had his fingers in my mouth. Finally Dan told Mark it was time to go and I followed them toward the door. When Dan got to the bar, he stopped, wrote down his number on a card and told me to call him. It was the first time Dan had spoken to me all night, or even looked at me. I was kind of pissed since I was expecting to go home with them. The next day I threw away the number.
Two weeks later I found myself back at the Eagle. It was really busy and when I went up to the side of the bar where Dan was working to get a beer, but he just ignored me. I waited until it was last call and the bar was almost empty and asked Dan for a beer. He banged the beer down and it foamed up out of the top. “You were supposed to call me,” he said. “Sorry, I lost your number.” I lied. “Just as well. It was Mark’s birthday and I was going to put you inside a shipping carton and give you to him as a present. He was sort of taken by you. But don’t think I want him to be interested in a boy.“ I stayed till closing and told Dan I was going to J’s. I hoped that i’d see him there and about an hour later he walked in. By then I was drunk and just sat by the pool table hoping that he would come over. He talked with friends for about an hour and finally he just walked over to me and told me that we were leaving. He didn’t wait for a response so I just followed him out of J’s and got into a cab with him. He took me back to a room he rented east of Union Square where he slept when he didn’t feel like going back to Brooklyn. He had me give him a blow job and eventually we passed out. When I woke up, Dan was gone and I had a hang over. At first I felt disappointed, since I had been hoping for something more than just giving Dan a blow job. I went to get up and put my feet on the floor and there was a loud crash. I was shackled with metal cuffs locked on my wrist and ankles with a heavy chain, which had fallen on the floor. I didn’t remember those, but I was kind of sore. A few days later I had vague recollections of having a needle though my nipple so I guess my first time with Dan was more interesting then I first though. I raided the fridge and poked around the room which was a mess, trying not to make too much noise when the chains dragged across the floor. When it started to get dark, the door opened, and Dan came in followed by Mark. He looked pretty surprised to see me, standing there naked in chains. "A late birthday present,” Dan said laughing. “Well, get working boy!” he said to me. So I got down on my knees and started sucking Mark off. I think Dan enjoyed watching his boyfriend getting a blow job and he started jacking off. Once he got hard, he came around behind me and shoved his dick up my hole really hard and began fucking me. I had a ruff time keeping my balance, but Dan kept a hold of me and Mark had me by the ears while he fucked my face. Mark has a nice fat dick, and pretty soon my face was wet with spit, and when his dick slid out of my mouth, Dan slapped my face from behind. I tied to pull away a little from Dan, since he was fucking me rough, and he grabbed my balls and pulled me back twisting them pretty good. It was hard to decide which way to go, keep getting slammed by Dan’s cock, or have my balls pulled to the ground. I really wanted to start jacking myself off, but Dan had my arms pulled behind my back, and was holding onto the chain. I was sure that if I had tried, Dan would have twisted my dick off. Both Dan and Mark came at the same time, one final push from both ends, and then being dropped to the floor with cum spilling out of my mouth. All three of us crashed for about an hour, Dan and Mark curled up in the bed and me still in chains on the floor using Dan’s boots for a pillow and his leather jacket as a blanket. Around ten we got up and Dan undid the locks on the metal cuffs with a key he kept on a chain he wore on his jeans, and we went to a diner and ate. Dan had to go to the Eagle to work and so Mark and I went to the Spike. There wasn’t anyone there and so we talked. We hit it off and I hoped that we would become friends. Mark is a really good looking guy.  He has a great body, not as tall as Dan, but hairless and with milk white skin. He’s in his late twenties with close cropped red brown hair and green eyes. When I finally got back to my apartment, I was pretty wrecked; I stank kind of bad and was really sore - all over!
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