who knows

“If you have to speculate if someone loves you and wants to be with you, chances are they don’t. It’s not that complicated. Don’t waste moments waiting and wondering. Don’t throw away your time dreaming of someone who doesn’t want you. No one is that amazing, and certainly not someone who would pass you up.”

“You know what I think? I think you’re scared. I think you’re so fucking scared of getting hurt and being alone, that you make a continuous effort to push away any good thing that could ever matter to you. And then when that good thing is gone, you think your fears that you aren’t enough are validated. But in reality, all that pushing away you did because you were scared of losing that good thing, gave it no reason to stay and every reason to go”

“I want to open each of the spaces hidden in your soul and immerse myself in all the secrets that you keep; to know you from end to end and explore all the feelings and thoughts that make up your being; to be able to paint your portrait with closed eyes, not with my hands but with my heart and have you with me so that neither time nor distance, failed thieves, can take from me your essence, which I merge with mine and so, with every breath, I make you infinitely mine, at the same time that I become infinitely yours.”

“Get a rat and put it in a cage and give it two water bottles. One is just water, and one is water laced with either heroin or cocaine. If you do that, the rat will almost always prefer the drugged water and almost always kill itself very quickly, right, within a couple of weeks. So there you go. It’s our theory of addiction. Bruce comes along in the ’70s and said, “Well, hang on a minute. We’re putting the rat in an empty cage. It’s got nothing to do. Let’s try this a little bit differently.” So Bruce built Rat Park, and Rat Park is like heaven for rats. Everything your rat about town could want, it’s got in Rat Park. It’s got lovely food. It’s got sex. It’s got loads of other rats to be friends with. It’s got loads of colored balls. Everything your rat could want. And they’ve got both the water bottles. They’ve got the drugged water and the normal water. But here’s the fascinating thing. In Rat Park, they don’t like the drugged water. They hardly use any of it. None of them ever overdose. None of them ever use in a way that looks like compulsion or addiction. There’s a really interesting human example I’ll tell you about in a minute, but what Bruce says is that shows that both the right-wing and left-wing theories of addiction are wrong. So the right-wing theory is it’s a moral failing, you’re a hedonist, you party too hard. The left-wing theory is it takes you over, your brain is hijacked. Bruce says it’s not your morality, it’s not your brain; it’s your cage. Addiction is largely an adaptation to your environment. We’ve created a society where significant numbers of our fellow citizens cannot bear to be present in their lives without being drugged, right? We’ve created a hyper-consumerist, hyper-individualist, isolated world that is, for a lot of people, much more like that first cage than it is like the bonded, connected cages that we need. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things. If you are not a good consumer capitalist citizen, if you’re spending your time bonding with the people around you and not buying stuff—in fact, we are trained from a very young age to focus our hopes and our dreams and our ambitions on things we can buy and consume. And drug addiction is really a subset of that.”