I wrote you six letters, and kept them all.
Hereâs the thing with words, though, the sneaky little bastards: once theyâre out you canât keep track of them.
   catching ants in a glass - you can put them in but as soon as you look away to gather up the rest theyâve crawled out and snuck away, and theyâve left
   trailing letters as they slip into your sugar, honey and your head and now
   you just canât forget anymore
   what you should have said
      âyouâ, âmeâ, âusâ
My words and my words and my words, little words like âheyâ or âtonightâ or âcuteâ
   or big words like âmeaningâ and âloveâ
   I had locked them in a cage in the back of my mind
   each word stiff, dead, and freshly greyed, locked away...
   but yesterday i caved and let them out and wrote them down and they werenât sneaking around but crashing and crashing, wave after wave and theyâve flooded my head and my room in a raging storm,
      unstoppable torrent of âyouâ, âmeâ, âstayâ
-- and this time, unlike the other times
   iâm not sure i can
   drag this tired body back to the shore,
   or that it is worth the trouble.
   tumbling pushed and pulled and praying
   to some unknown god that the words donât break me on the rocks, to be splattered into a salty spray of âyouâ
         âpleaseâ
   but youâre not here to whisper into my shredded lungs anymore
Your words and your words and your words, little words like âlaterâ or âcalm downâ or âblameâ
   or big words like âguiltâ and âbitchâ
      âiâm busy tonightâ
         âherâ
   my hands are over my ears like yours are over my eyes,
   your smoke wrapped around my mind like i was around your little finger
      until you pulled your trigger.
crashing down in a cacophony of curdelled emotions and kamikaze connections, each sound you pronounced pierced through my self-imposed cage and snapped me into a reality i wanted nothing to do with
   a reality that was sunk in the back of my mind and the pit in my stomach
      a reality where each word you say leaves me black and blue and running from it
         a reality where instead of us, thereâs you.
            and thereâs me.
            and thereâs her.
am i evil for not wanting to live in this blurred haziness?
   -- and donât forget that I am not breathing
   that you have taken my air and made this the only place where we could coexist.
   you wanted to hear I love you
      but despite all my precious caged words
         all i could muster, was