Breaking My Body To Keep My Mind Intact.

Anxiety in over drive tonight. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’ve been working so hard to better myself, but no matter what I do my brain takes over at night and I can’t stop it.

My friends have been amazing and supportive through this. But with out you in my life anymore I’ve never felt so fucking alone. I miss talking to you. Seeing you’re beautiful smile. Kissing those perfect lips. Hearing you say you love me. Having you there whenever I needed you. You are my best friend. And the love of my life. And even if we don’t end up together again I honestly don’t think that will ever change. There’s just going to be an empty hole where our life together should be. I’m sorry I ruined us with how unstable I am. I’m sorry I always make you feel like you can’t talk to me about what’s going on and just bottle it up. I don’t deserve you and I never did. But I will do whatever it takes to get you back. I just wish you would talk to me.

I don’t know if I can continue on, you were literally my life and now you’re gone.

Today really isn’t a good day for me. I’ve been so anxious and inside my own head that I’m completely exhausted already. I can’t stop thinking of the worst and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ve been feeling so alone and unimportant lately. I’m feel like I’m starting to go back to that numb place again and I don’t like it.

This still isn’t getting any easier.

My mind sure is going crazy tonight. It’s nights like these I really need someone. I can’t keep these thoughts at bay. I’m trying to stay strong but its so hard.

You mean so much more to me than you’ll ever know.

I don’t know how much longer I can take this pain. I’m tired of not being able to sleep.