I Don't Like Her Half As Much As I Hate You

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3am

men be like: oh no,, my ego, my poor ego! oh woman, could you spare a stroke? stroke my ego just once? oh, you refuse? that’s fine, i don’t mind. i diagnose you with whore

i have this unnerving fear that i’m gonna meet keanu reeves in some tight elevator and his eyes are going to burn into my soul as he tells me the secrets of this universe then bites me on the neck to give me immortality so he’s not alone anymore

Keanu if you’re listening I’m not a little bitch like OP come get a taste

When Cersei said “I don’t want to die like this”, like me too, boo. I mean I want you to die, but not like this.

Customers who get angry when I read them their total cost are so compelling to me. Take charge of your narrative, Janice. Be the hero of your own story. You are the one who is purchasing $113.67 worth of adult zen coloring books, Janice. It’s not me you hate, Janice. It’s not me.

women really be cutting their hair to cope… And you know what it fucking helps

Game of Thrones should end how Monty Python Holy Grail ended where a bunch of cop cars come n arrest them all