no Pain Lasts Forever

I feel like I've just been demolished. The entire time that I was missing you and wanting you and hoping and praying that you felt the same way, your feelings were fading. You strung me along for months, knowing you didn't love me anymore. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I deserve more than this.

I deleted your number yesterday.. It's been over for two months, but it didn't feel over until recently. For the past two months I've been holding on, and you've been pushing me away with a string tied around my pinky. Anytime I got close to letting go, you'd pull me back like a helium balloon. Enough is enough. I don't want to play games. I want real. And I want sincerity. I want someone that wants ME, not to not be alone. I thought I wanted you, but you stopped wanting me too. God, it hurts. But it's over. I told you a gave up, and you agreed to let me go. And then you tell me how much you miss me and you do this huge romantic gesture. And like a moth to a flame.. I got burnt. You gave me hope. This isn't fair to me anymore. It hasn't been for awhile. It's time to wake up and realize, I should be giving my love to someone that deserve it. One day, we'll be thanking you..

This is probably the only place I can publicly say how I'm feeling without you seeing it. I don't know why I want to say this out loud, or even why I don't want you to see it.. But anyway here I go. We used to be so happy and in love. You would make me feel like the only girl in the world, as cliche as that may sound, it's true. I felt like you would do anything for you and honestly I would've done anything for you. Anything you wanted from the world I would've done everything in my power to give it to you. We made a life together and had a future. Where did it all go wrong? Yes we fought, what couple doesn't fight, but we had a love that was passionate. A love that consumed us. Maybe that's what went wrong. It consumed us so much it suffocated you. I never asked a lot from you. Our relationship went from all about us, to all about me which almost ruined us, but we came back to all about us. Then is came full circle to being all about you. And that ruined us. What am I saying. There is no us anymore. Even though that's all I want. I want to be with you. I miss you.

So that's how it's gonna be? Every time we fight, you disappear? Two can play that game, ass.

My mom told me a story of when i got so mad at my sisters bf and i went off on him infront of her? Funny thing is, i had no idea what she was talking about? Either i was so mad i blacked it out orrr she made it up? Because yeah i did go off on him, but i know for a fact it wasnt infront of her.. I wonder lol

I act all tough and positive for you but the truth is.. Im breaking down. You are the only person i really have. If i lost you.. These next few months are gonna kill me, but im going to be the one there for you holding your hand and supporting you. I NEED you to be okay.

I feel ridiculous. Ive been waiting for 5 hours and called.. I lost count of how many times i called. You call yourself my bestfriend.. Fuck i call you my bestfriend. You promised me. Promised. I dont take that shit lightly. The least you couldve done was man the fuck up, and tell me. You know what ive been going through lately, and youre gonna put me through more shit. We sat for hours and i put everything out there.. I just cant believe i believed you when you said i could depend and trust in you.