Everything
Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x Reader Setting: Modern AU Synopsis: You come home from work to find the apartment a mess and Toji frantically packing. WC: 2.2k Content Warning: Illness, lying, heartbreak
βToji? Whatβs going on?β your voice was barely above a whisper as you shuffled into your shared bedroom. His torso was buried in the closet as he ruffled through the boxes at the back of it. You had just come home from work and found the living room a mess: papers strewn everywhere and empty beer bottles on the table. There was a faint odor ofβ¦cigarettes? Toji had quit smoking over a year ago after realizing it made you nauseous. When he didnβt greet you at the door with a kiss like he always insisted or answer your announcement of being home, you quickly grew worried.
βHey, what's wrong?β you inquired further when your boyfriend of two years didnβt respond and continued rummaging. Observing the scene before you, your heart began racing. Dresser drawers were hanging half open and significantly vacant compared to normal. He had his old suitcase open in the middle of the floor, stuffed full of his clothes and other important belongings.
βWhere theβ¦?β he mumbled, throwing stuff around frantically. His hair was more disheveled than usual on a day off, as if he had been running his fingers through it all day. He still wasnβt responding to you.Β
βToji,β you repeated, louder this time and thick with fear. He paused, sighing and hanging his head for a moment before standing up. The second he turned to look at you, your heart dropped into your stomach.Β
βWhat?β he said toneless, clenching his hands at his side and letting out another sigh. He looked like Toji, but you didnβt recognize the man standing in front of you. His jaw was clenched and eyes narrowed, nothing but ice behind them.
βWhat. Is going. On?β you demanded, trying with your entire body to remain calm. There had to be a logical explanation for the scene before you that wasnβt your worst fear. You crossed your arms in front of you to hide the fact your hands were shaking as much as your voice was.
βWhatβs it look like? Iβm leaving,β he replied gruffly without missing a beat. He sounded detached, the tone he used in public when strangers crossed some invisible boundary around you. He swallowed painfully, trying to ignore the lump that was forming in his own throat. He had to keep up the act for just a little longer. It shouldnβt be that hard considering it had been his default manner for years before he ever met you.
βL-leaving? Where? Why?β Tears were threatening to spill over at any second, your eyes burning.Β
βDunno yet. Iβll figure it out.β He resumed throwing stuff into his suitcase and the cardboard box he pulled from the back of the closet, as if he were just packing for a trip and not ripping a rug out from underneath you.Β
βWhat the hell, Toji? Why?β your pain quickly turned to anger, none of this making sense. The heat was rushing to your cheeks and you knew they were getting red, exasperating your frustration. When he ignored your question again, you dug your fingers into his shoulder and yanked, forcing him to look at you. The instant his eyes met yours, you knew whatever he said next would snap the threads barely holding your heart together.Β
"I never saw forever with you. Only convenience. And I got bored.β His eyes flicked past you; he couldnβt force the lie out if he kept looking at you. He drew a careful breath, steadying himself long enough to sell it.Β
βConvenience? For two years, this was all just convenient for you? Toji I gave you everything, every part of me!β Your voice cracked and you used the sleeve of your shirt to wipe away the tears that were blurring your vision.
"You gave me everything, and I didnβt even want half of it," he spat, knowing it was the furthest thing from the truth. He did want every part of you, he needed every part of you. But more than that, he needed you to be okay.Β
This had to be a really bad, cruel, nightmare that you couldnβt wake up from yet. There was no way the past two years were just convenient to him. You saw the way he slowly tore his walls down for you, brick by worn brick. The way he had allowed himself to be vulnerable with you, and even dream of a future together with you. A future with kids, in a cute house in a small town. You had seen the way his default, hard demeanor softened as soon as he saw you after a long day at work, the way he insisted on always cooking for you, bringing you coffee in bed in the mornings, filling up your fuel tank, and all the other ways he went out of his way to be thoughtful toward you.Β All those things could be considered an inconvenience to him, but he never once complained or showed resentment toward you for it. The past two years couldnβt be chalked up to convenience.
Toji zipped up his suitcase and gathered the box as you sobbed, tears drenching your shirt. It broke his heart to hear you cry that hard, even more so because he was the reason for it. He strode toward the front door, trying to ignore your pleas as he fought back his own tears.Β
βDonβt bother calling me,β was the last thing he said before stalking out the door. It took every ounce of strength for him to not turn around and pull you into his arms to comfort you. He would be beating himself up for this for years, if he made it that long.
-----
That morning, he had received a phone call that he never wanted to receive. He had been in the middle of finalizing the surprise he was planning for your anniversary, knowing he probably wouldnβt make it the full week left without giving it away. Not paying attention to the caller ID, he had answered the phone eagerly, expecting to hear good news for what he was planning.
βIβm calling for Toji Fushiguro,β the caller had stated blandly.Β
βUh, yeah, thatβs me,β he had confirmed, now confused about the nature of the call.
βCan you please confirm your date of birth?β they had requested. He had looked at the caller ID and tried to rack his brain for why the name was familiar. He had provided the information and waited for the typing in the background to cease.
Β βThis is Dr. Ieiriβs office. We are calling with your test results.βΒ
Oh.Β
He had forgotten that he had a physical exam a few weeks ago. He couldnβt even remember how the topic had come up, but the two of you had been having one of your what-would-our-theoretical-family-look-like conversations and something had changed for him that day. The thought of raising kids that would be as compassionate and thoughtful as you was the easiest thing to want. He longed to have a family with you, and knew that a manβs health was a significant factor for how easy or difficult a pregnancy could be (thanks to one of your latest rabbit hole findings). If there was anything he could do to make you more comfortable while you carried his child, he was determined to do it. He hadnβt been to a doctor in years, having no reason for it up until now, and figured he had to start somewhere.
βWhat brings you in today? It looks like you havenβt had a physical for almost 10 years,β the physician asked as she skimmed his chart.
βMy girl and I might be starting a family soon and she told me all about how a guyβs health can impact the pregnancy. I wana do what I can to make it easier on her,β he explained, one side of his mouth turning up at the idea of kids running around the house. She had proceeded with taking his vitals and asking standard questions.
βAny changes in energy? Any recent weight changes? How are you sleeping? Any new aches or pains?β He had to reflect on the questions for a moment: he had been more tired, but chalked it up to being busier. Lost a little weight but the two of you had been eating healthier lately. Waking up with night sweats, but the apartment ran hot. His back had been sore a little more frequently lately but didnβt think anything of it.
She had pressed further, wondering how long that had been happening, if the back pain ever woke him up, if anything relieves it. After completing the standard physical exam, she had returned to the computer and began typing.
βYour physical exam was great, no concerns there. Based on some of your other symptoms you described, though, Iβd like to get some imaging. Most of it is probably nothing serious but I want to be safe,β she had explained. Toji had nodded and followed where the other staff had directed him for the imaging.
βMr. Fushiguro?β the caller pressed when he hadnβt responded.
βYeah, sorry, Iβm here. Did the results come back ok?β he had urged, holding his breath. He had been required to make a few different trips to the doctor. When the CT results had come in, they wanted to schedule a biopsy to confirm the findings. Toji had refused to worry until there were definitive results.Β
βPlease hold while I get Dr. Ieiri on the line,β the caller had said before promptly putting him on hold. Toji had sat down, tilting his head against the back of the couch and closing his eyes. He had been praying for the doctor to have good news.
Once Dr. Ieiri had picked up and confirmed Tojiβs identity again, she had proceeded to explain the results.Β
βThe biopsy confirms this is an aggressive form of lymphoma. Iβm so sorry. We are sending you some oncology referrals momentarily. Do you have any quesββ Toji hung up the phone before she had finished speaking.Β
How had it come to this? He had gone in for a checkup because he wanted to start a family with you, and now two weeks later finds out he has an aggressive lymphoma?Β
He had spent the rest of the morning and afternoon going through his options. He was grateful you were working so he could process without burdening you. He had done research, trying to understand what his odds were. Nothing looked promising no matter what treatment option he looked into. Of all things, he was craving a cigarette to calm his nerves. He hadnβt wanted to touch one since the day he found out the smell of them made you nauseous. He couldnβt think of a scenario where you wouldnβt be in pain. He resolved that the least of these pains would be if you hated him for leaving rather than watching him deteriorate.Β Β
Making his decision that he didnβt want to drag you along any longer than he already had, Toji knew he had to leave today. He had found your folder with important paperwork and made phone calls, putting everything in order so that you would be the beneficiary of his life insurance. He had never gotten around to making the change before, never thinking it would be urgent anytime soon.
The next call had been to his lawyer, who also happened to be a close friend. They didnβt talk often but always knew they could rely on one another.
βHey Shiu, itβs been a while,β Toji had greeted, his voice cracking against his will.
βToji? That you?β he had answered, concern lacing his voice. Toji could hear chatter in the background and he had felt guilty for interrupting whatever he was involved in at the moment.Β
βListen, I need to make a will. I donβt have a lot of time,β Toji had explained, his throat tightening at the deeper truth behind his statement.Β Β
βThe hell is going on?β Shiu had pressed, not recognizing his friendβs demeanor. In all the years they had known each other, Shiu couldnβt recall a time where Toji had shown any signs of fear.
βIβll explain later, damn it, just help me with this.β It had taken every fiber in his body from breaking, reality hitting him like a landslide.
βOk ok, what do you want to include?β Shiu had inquired.Β
βEverything. She can have everything,β he had pleaded, his hand pressing to his mouth to stifle the sob that was threatening to break out.
βWhatβs her full legal name and nature of the relationship?β Shiu had begun. Toji had paused. Girlfriend didnβt feel significant enough of a word to describe what you meant to him. βI just need her name. We can figure out the rest later,β Shiu had added softly. Toji had given him your full name and abruptly hung up, unable to continue the conversation at the moment. He had glanced at the clock, panicking. You would be home from work in less than an hour and he didnβt know if he could follow through with leaving if he saw you.Β
-----
Now he was driving to a hotel, unable to get your broken sobs out of his head. That sound would haunt him for the rest of his days, however many that may be.
A/N: Hello! Inspo for this was a prompt idea from @bookished. I'm so sorry for the emotional damage from this one.
Reblogs, comments, and constructive feedback are greatly appreciated <3 inbox is open for requests! Mwah!
Divider by: @uzmacchiato

























