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⸻⸻ introduction !

　　　(  maeve  ,  she  \  they  ,  20  ,  gmt  )   .  　　　 ⸻rp . dni -18  ,  personal  blogs  .  

Eddie Diaz is not known as the one to pull the dangerous stunts, he is known as the level-headed one; it’s the whole reason Bobby originally paired him up with Buck. Don’t get him wrong, he follows Buck into those dangerous decisions he makes, but he usually never initiates one. Usually being the key word.

Because they are on the way back to the station from a call; a collapsed hotel building, a high amount of casualties, where Eddie got shown a picture of a boy who looked exactly how Christopher did when he was younger– red glasses and all, and all self-preservation left him.

He was fine, as was the boy, but they almost weren't. And now Buck won’t look him in the eye, and Bobby gave him a look that means there will be a talking to; not now, Bobby will probably have enough mercy on him to do it during the next shift. 

So after a tense engine ride back, and a shower that didn’t seem to completely take the dirt out from under his skin, Eddie was left to sit alone in the locked room, hunched over and watching helplessly as his hands continued to shake. He hasn’t seen Buck yet, an odd feat considering how often they are connected at the hip, especially post-calls. 

He finds him eventually, still in his dirty gear. Eddie didn’t notice him at first, but looks up as he begins to talk. “You don’t get to do that,” Buck says, and Eddie tries not to look at him. Maybe he isn’t getting out of the lecture. Like father, like son. “You don’t get to throw yourself in and leave me behind like it wouldn’t– wouldn’t kill me too.”

He looks up, meets red eyes. “I didn’t mean to–” He begins, he doesn’t get to finish.

“But you did. You ran in there, and I couldn’t follow, and you need to stop pulling stunts that I can’t follow you with.” Buck walks further into the locker room, Eddie stands up. Chest to chest now. And they shouldn’t be doing this, there is too much unsaid.

But Buck’s lip is trembling, and Eddie touches his jaw– softly, as if it was made out of glass. “Just– don’t make me live without you.” He whispers, but it all but echos in the quiet room. And that’s why the dam breaks.

Eddie leans in first, he knows that for a fact, but Buck is the one to deepen it. It’s not graceful, teeth clash, but now Buck’s turnout coat is on the floor and his arms is pulling Eddie towards him– as if Eddie doesn’t always gravitate towards him.  Eddie pushes him against the locker, it makes noise, could alert someone, they should stop. Buck grabs Eddie’s face like he was drowning and he is the only thing keeping him on the surface. It’s not careful, not choreographed. It’s messy, but completely earned.

bobby nash : not work song, soley because it was used in canon. northern attitude (technically a noah kahan song but it features hozier) , even though arsonist's lullaby is right there.

'You build a boat, you build a life. You lose your friends, you lose your wife. You settle in to routine. Where are you? What does it mean?' 'You're gettin' lost, you're gettin' high. All alone, late in life. Scared to live, scared to die'.

athena grant : nina cried power

'Power has been cried by those stronger than me. Straight into the face that tells you to grab on your chains. If you love bein' free. Ah, lord I could cry power. 'Cause power is my love and my righteous to me'

hen wilson : abstract (psychopomp

'Darling, there's a part of me I'm afraid will always be Trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life. The weeds up through the concrete, the traffic picking up speed. All my love and terror balanced there between those eyes''

karen wilson : unknown / nth

'Do you know I could break beneath the weight Of the goodness, love, I still carry for you? That I'd walk so far just to take The injury of finally knowin' you?'

chimney han : sunlight

'Each day, you'd rise with me Know that I would gladly be The Icarus to your certainty' 'Strap the wing to me Death trap clad happily With wax melted, I'd meet the sea Under sunlight, sunlight, sunlight'.

maddie han : in a week

'I have never known peace Like the damp grass that yields to me I have never known hunger Like these insects that feast on me A thousand teeth And yours among them, I know Our hungers appeased Our heartbeats becoming slow'

evan buckley : almost (sweet music)

'I wouldn't know where to start Sweet music playing in the dark Be still, my foolish heart Don't ruin this on me'

eddie diaz : take me to church is the obvious pick, but also butchered tongue

Then his feet hit solid ground and he should feel relief, but there was a noise– not exactly a bang, it’s too sharp to be a bang. Maybe it’s something snapping, and it nearly made him lose his balance as he stumbled, barely catching himself. 

Before he can even process, someone’s hands are on him, unhooking him from his harness just in time. It’s like the ground itself folds inward beneath his feet, twisting, collapsing. 

But it’s not, it’s not his building that’s collapsing. It’s the one he was just on. The one Buck was still on.

He watches as dust explodes upward, thick and choking, too far but it feels like it was filling his lungs with grit. His ears are ringing, pounding in the sudden silence after the crash. His head spins.

He turns sharply, he knows he looks crazy as he does so, looks like a dog chasing their tail, but he is just waiting to see the common face of a single Evan Buckley. 

His finger misses the first attempt to press on the radio, and the second attempt lands but slides off. The third press sticks, and his mouth is open, but no noise comes out. It’s like his vocal cords have been sucked dry, like his mouth is full of sand.

He heard something else instead, someone else instead, from beside him Eddie’s voice coming through. 

“Buck, status report.” Silence.

“Firefighter Buckley, come in.” Silence.

“Buck… Buck… Evan !” Silence.

There is still dust in the air, blurring everything, as Eddie goes running, down the stairs of the building and towards Bobby. Ravi is two steps behind him, waiting for an order– or maybe waiting to follow Eddie through some type of unorder. 

Bobby says that they can’t go in, that the building isn’t stable, but Buck could be okay, he could’ve landed properly and just broke his radio. He isn’t confident in that though, and the next second they started pulling at the rubble. 

At first, it feels futile. Fingers clawing at jagged concrete, pulling away chunks that feel like they’re barely scratching the surface. The rubble groans beneath their hands, threatening to give way again. More responders join them.

Eddie doesn’t stop, he pushes forward, just a step ahead of Ravi, who can’t stop glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. Close enough that he is the first to help with the heavier concrete.

Ravi tries not to stop often, but he can’t help but pause to give the radio another try. Press down and hope that this time, it’s different. 

“Buck… come in, Buck…” But all he gets is static.

Time slips away. His boots scrape over loose debris, his body aches with every movement, coated in grime and sweat that stings his eyes. Bobby’s worry deepens, his eyes flickering between the crumbling wreckage and the faces around him. No one knows what they’re going to find. 

Then there was a choked gasp heard, soft enough that Ravi almost assumed it was from a patient at the scene, but it was coming from in front of them, and he could hear more choking. 

“Fuck ! Buck,” Ravi nearly tripped onto the uneven ground, his boots skidding on the loose debris, as he ran towards his friend, getting the attention of everyone around them. It’s not the most gruesome scene he’s seen, but it feels like it just because it’s Buck.

Buck is half-buried in the rubble, torso twisted like it didn’t land right, and there’s a thick, rusted piece of rebar punched straight through his shoulder; no, lower, closer to his side. 

It’s angled like it threaded in under his ribs. It’s lodged in deep, too deep, with concrete dust clinging to dried blood and sweat. His face is pale, teeth stained red as more blood spills from his mouth, bubbling with each cough. Ravi freezes for just a second. His stomach flips.

And it’s weird, because it’s also not the worst that Ravi has seen Buck go through, but it is the first time Buck has gotten this injured ever since they’ve gotten close.  He moved out of the way for Hen, who he knew could do a much better job than Ravi could ever imagine to, but stayed close enough to hold Buck’s hand.

She’s barking orders he barely registers but he is stuck kneeling beside Buck, one hand reaching without thinking to grab onto Buck’s. It’s sweaty and shaking, and it kinda makes him want to cry.

He doesn’t even know why he does it, but Buck’s fingers curl weakly around his. It’s like muscle memory. And Ravi remembers, from a night where neither wanted to be alone, how Buck once said holding hands helps when he feels like he’s falling apart.

Buck’s eyes crack open, unfocused. He tries to say something, but it’s just more blood, more choking. “No– no stop talk Buck,” Eddie says from beside Hen, working non-stop. 

“It’s okay,” Ravi says, although it really isn’t. “We’ve got you, okay? Hen’s here. We’ve got you.”