aight come here short shit

the devil said it's lindsey graham's turn today to speak with mitch mcconnell for 20 minutes

all of my writing is actually just thinly-veiled fantasy about being seen at your worst and still being loved

*makes a post that gets 0-3 notes* yep i’ve still got it

everyone should have randomass hockey players to dislike. who didnt even really do anything wrong to you. just a guy you look at and think what a bum. why? just for fun.

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

help I'm having ideas beyond my available energy levels

do nuns have pockets

Urgent care is a very funny name for it because they do not treat you with any urgency nor do they care

all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars

We listen and we judge harshly and hypocritically

everytime this gets notes there's a chance i will see them while outside without sunscreen and go oh yeah. so ty for being part in my cancer prevention

there are two wolves inside me. one wants to write and the other wants to nap. they’re both in a cage called My Job.

they are awarding me an honorary doctorate for my work on tumblr.com