aight come here short shit

maybe if we keep speculating about mitch mcconnell more different repub senators will drop dead

they dont tell you this but like half of adulthood is just washing the same FUCKING pan

WASHING THE FUCKING PAN AGAIN!!!!!

when you start reading again and it's like oh. oh . the sun actually does still shine.

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

going with the flow in a face down in a river kinda way

the devil said it's lindsey graham's turn today to speak with mitch mcconnell for 20 minutes

all of my writing is actually just thinly-veiled fantasy about being seen at your worst and still being loved

*makes a post that gets 0-3 notes* yep i’ve still got it

everyone should have randomass hockey players to dislike. who didnt even really do anything wrong to you. just a guy you look at and think what a bum. why? just for fun.

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

help I'm having ideas beyond my available energy levels

do nuns have pockets

Urgent care is a very funny name for it because they do not treat you with any urgency nor do they care

all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars