Blondie

You wake up in a cold sweat to the ringing of your alarm, breaking out of the nightmare you found yourself in.

“Fucking bitch.” You mumbled under your breath as you made your way to the bathroom to shower and get dressed for your shift.

-

Walking through the doors of the BAU never got easier for you. If you could tell yourself 10 years ago that your expertise would be helping the FBI put away people with similar upbringings to you, she would’ve laughed in your face.

As you set your bag down next to your desk chair with a light thud and a slight slump into your chair. As you lean back in the chair, your head lolls to the side towards Reid’s desk as a sad smile graces your face. You understood why he left, but it didn’t make it any less hard when you saw him walk out the door until who knows when.

Besides Garcia, he was the only one in the BAU that truly understood who you were before you joined. That person you locked away tightly, she can never see the light of day again. Garcia understood that as she did the same with The Black Queen, since you two ran around the same circles just at different points.

She’s a side of you that you will bury for as long as you can, thankfully only a select few members of the team know but you don’t know what you’ll do if they find out.

Will they forgive you for your past?

Will they be able to look at you the same?

Your thoughts pan back to this morning’s dream, the infamous Raven staring at you like you were the next target of many you had.

You’d rather keep the ones who don’t need to know in the dark, you’re tired of your circle becoming smaller as those around you leave once they find out.

“Hiya pumpkin, what’s buzzing in that beautiful brain of yours?” Garcia stood in front of you, for how long you’re not sure.

“Hey, oh nothing,” You tried to wave her off, “just couldn’t sleep much last night.” You tried to fake yawn but that didn’t convince the technical analysist.

“nuh uh,” she said spinning your chair fully around, and ushering you out of the chair, “Come come! Off to the lair we go, you are gonna tell me what’s going on one way or another.”

You begrudgingly make your way to her office, your boots striking the floor as you followed behind your close friend.

She ushers you into her office, and points for you to sit in her chair, “Alright what’s going on honey? Because I know that whole ‘I’m fine, please leave me alone’ façade and that will not fly with me, not anymore.” You tried to pipe in, but she kept going, “And I will not lose another one of my furry friends to that bullshit, just no- “

“Garcia!” you exclaimed, which seemed to jolt her back to your conversation. She made a motion of locking her lips and let you start explaining.

“I’m fine genuinely, I’m just having these nightmares again. I put her away for a reason, and I just don’t want her to come back.” You said while putting your face in your hands, “Will I ever be able to let her rest, Penelope?” you slowly looked up at her while your eyes misted over.

“Oh hon, yes of course you can! I got the chance to, and it is truly beautiful once you can,” she paused for a moment. “But you first need to accept that The Raven is apart of you, and that fear of a name is only going to accelerate the hell you’re putting yourself through right now.”

You exhaled a quick yeah, then the door to her office opened to see Tyler Green staring back at you. He was still quite new to the team, but you didn’t know what to make of him. With how he originally lied to the team, you thought he would’ve been shown the door. But they made him one of you guys.

In some ways, that gave you a glimmer of hope that the team could accept you too. But you also feared too much damage had been done by your hands to deserve forgiveness.

“Hey they need you in the conference room, all of us.” He said looking back to you and Penelope.

“Yeah, we’ll be right there.” She said trying to tie of your guys’ conversation.

“No now. Emily says this is an all-hands-on deck.” He did everything but pull you two out of the office, you could feel your blood freezing up with the seriousness in his voice.

As all three of you made your way into the room, Rossi, JJ, and Luke were on your left and Garcia, Tyler and yourself made the half circle on the right with Emily being at the head of the table.

As the team spoke among themselves, you saw Emily mouth ‘I

“Elias has made a request from us, and we need everyone to figure out what our next steps are,” Emily looked at you apologetically and you were confused as to why, “He will refuse to talk to anyone of us…” She clicked the remote to change the slides.

Your pulse quickened

You could even feel time stop for a moment as you kept rereading the message he sent.

I want to see the raven

I will only speak to the raven

“well first off are we sure he’s not toying with us?” said Rossi, “The Raven is  a name that keeps coming up in Sicarius’ network, but I thought we came to the conclusion that the raven was simply a ploy. It’s not an actual person, it was the code’s name that he used-”

You could feel the walls closing in on you..

After all of these years, Elias Voit has finally figured out who you were.

Sicarius

The years you spent hiding behind coding to dismantle the network from the inside.

The times you spoke to him without him knowing who you even were.

It’s all finally coming down.

You could hear the team brainstorming around you, but you couldn’t make out any of the words.

A single tear came down your face, and the whole team went silent as they noticed your lack of input. Usually you would be rambling on, hence why you and Spencer got along so well.

But here you were, silent and on the brink of breaking. All you wanted to do was run.

You felt Penelope attempting to soothe you by rubbing your arm and whispering “It’s okay, I’ve got you. You are stronger than him.”

“What is it y/n?” Tara said looking at you perplexed, “Do you know what this means?”

Tara was always kind to you, but you felt that it was more curtesy that it was genuine. It could’ve been, but with your track record you usually assumed the former.

“I-“ You looked around the room one last time, because you knew once you dropped this information, they wouldn’t see you as one of them.

They’d assume because you’re mentioned in the network so much that you were a mastermind among them.

But all you did was try to do what Tyler did, infiltrate them and break them from within.

Only difference is that you went farther than Tyler did to ensure their guards were down.

“He wants me.” You close your eyes and let the tears pour.

“I’m the raven.”

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