*internal screaming*

I’m not here to talk, and I’m not even expecting a reply. This is something selfish I need to do for myself, to finally let you go. So this is me telling my story.

Meeting you was one of the best things that ever happened to me. You understood me in a way no one else did at the time. I remember telling my friends about you and how happy you were making me. I fell for you hard. It was so easy to love you… you were funny, caring, loving. I couldn’t wait to see where we were going.

Then I came to visit you, and everything felt like it changed.

You became distant. The effort you showed at the beginning slowly faded. I tried to talk to you about it, about not feeling attractive enough, about my needs not being met, about feeling like an option. You always reassured me that I wasn’t, that I mattered to you, but your actions never matched your words. I told you the things that would have made me feel loved, and somehow that responsibility was turned back on me. Eventually, I just… gave up. But my love for you was real the entire time.

The turning point was your beliefs. You being more right-leaning raised flags for me early on, and I ignored them, that’s on me for not speaking up sooner. But over time, our differences became too extreme for me to tolerate without completely losing myself. I needed to keep some sense of who I am intact.

That doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. You were there for me in many ways. You pushed me to better myself. You took care of me. For that, I will always be grateful.

But that gratitude doesn’t erase the hurt and humiliation you put me through.

I admit that I didn’t handle everything well. I spiraled. For that, I am truly sorry. I could explain why, but I was hoping you’d never have to see that side of me. I am deeply ashamed of it. You knew me for over a year… you know who I am. One night shouldn’t erase that, and I’m sorry it happened.

That said, my apology doesn’t absolve you of what you did to me. You shattered me, and what you did was unforgivable. It will take me years to truly forgive you for it. I’m still carrying wounds from past relationships too.

If there’s one thing I wish for you, it’s this: let yourself be vulnerable. Feeling your feelings isn’t a weakness. You don’t have to be so angry at the world. You have a genuinely kind soul… I’ve seen it. You are a good person deep down, but life hardened you, and you built walls to survive.

If you could do one last thing for me, just sit with your feelings for one night. It’ll fucking suck, but it’s a start.

You’ll always be the Moxxie to my Millie, and a part of me will always love you.

Goodbye, [redacted].

I guess I’d rather have him be like you… and just not say anything at all.