BLEACH BLEACH BLEACH

The chatter and laughter from her officers reaches her from downstairs. Maybe she should go back. She’s tired, but she can muster up some energy and keep the small party going. Perhaps by that point she’ll have more courage to enter her room.

She sighs through her nose. This won’t do. She needs to be stronger than this if she wants to move on with her life. She didn’t leave the confinement of one room for another. No, it was her mind that confined her. The rooms, her own and Fourth Division’s, were just an excuse.

She slides the door open.

The smell of fresh flowers rushes up to greet her. The moonlight spills in from the window and illuminates her bed and a square of the floor. With a trembling hand, she reaches for the light switch and flicks it.

She enters soundless and slow, her feet sliding rather than stepping. A new, strange feeling grips her as she takes in her old surroundings. It’s like she’s entered the room again for the first time, but it’s not the same as when this room became hers after Ichimaru left.

She tried to find an anchor, something that will make her feel like she’s returned home. The vase with flowers from the Fifth Division gardens. The window she stared out of from her bed, wishing to be free and lamenting how dark and listless her days were. The bookcase with items from her past; the sketchbooks lining the bottom shelf, her novels taking up the top two shelves.

It’s the former that gives her pause. The day she’d opened one up on to a portrait of Aizen comes to mind. She suspects she won’t feel the same panic if she were to look upon any drawings of him now. She should get rid of them, tear them from the books. The same for the novels he gifted her, ripping out the pages where he signed his name. The task is daunting, and one that she will not to be able to do in one day. Perhaps across months, years even. Because even after resolving to stride forward, she can’t let go of some things. Again she wonders how long it took Shinji to shed off the pieces of Aizen he’d clung to – if he held on to anything of the traitor.

She keeps searching, and stops when her gaze lands on the small figurine of the two children. It never fails to remind her of her childhood with Hitsugaya. Once it would’ve brought her comfort, perhaps elicit a smile out of her, but now it’s only a reminder of a time before the battle at Fake Karakura Town.

It’s not his fault, Tobiume reminds her.

“I know,” Hinamori responds aloud. She's certain he's deeply hurt by his actions, if the vague updates Rangiku gave her are anything to go by. And though she fears and longs to see him in equal measure, there's that flicker of anger. Why didn't he see her? Why couldn't they have started again together?

Sighing, she rubs her face. It's no use pondering further tonight. She needs to get back into her work first.

She closes the door and unhooks Tobiume from her hip. After putting her blade on the bed, she eyes her bathroom. The door is open, and her reflection in the small mirror stares back at her.

She walks up to it. It’s the first time she’s gotten a properly look at herself in the last four months. Until now, she’d seen herself in the reflection of windows, looking more like a phantom than something physical and breathing.

The scent of her soap, flowery with hints of honey, makes her nose wrinkle. She’s never noticed how strong it is, or perhaps it’s because she hasn’t used it in so long. She doesn’t look down at the soap bar, her eyes fixed on her mirror reflection.

It’s only small changes, nothing as drastic as her mind sometimes made her believe. It feels like with all that has happened, she should look dramatically different. The bags under her eyes are faint, and her cheeks a bit thinner. She’s certainly paler, her skin stark against her eyes and the few faint freckles on her cheeks. Her hair desperately needs a proper wash and haircut.

“…I think when I get out of here, I’d like to change my hair too. Will you help pick a new style?”

She hasn’t forgotten her conversation with Rangiku. She has to focus on getting back into her role this week, but perhaps next week or the one after that, if Rangiku is free...

There, now she has something to look forward to. She lets the small joy that brings motivate her to have a bath and wash her hair. The air is redolent with the soap’s flowery scent, and it follows her after she’s changed into a sleeping robe and returns to her bed.

She props zanpakuto against the bedframe before falling back on to the mattress. She hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep in months, and lying here in the stillness, on her own bed, she’ll fall asleep within seconds once she closes her eyes.

What keeps her eyes open is the faint sounds coming from downstairs. Her officers. She presses her lips together, her emotions rising up again. Only a few hours ago they welcomed her back, all gathered in the main barracks hall, cheering and applauding the moment she stepped in. So many smiling and relieved faces, from the officers she befriended to the recruits she has yet to speak with.

She doesn’t understand. After everything she did, how can they be so understanding? She had snuck out into a battle she wasn’t prepared for and put the Division’s reputation and her lieutenancy on the line. Surely some wouldn’t want her back, would be suspicious of her or question her capability to lead. She hasn’t been here when they needed her most.

She’d looked over at her captain, standing in the corner, arms folded and chatting with Genji. As if sensing her gaze, he’d met it, and his grin widened a fraction.

"When I was over at the Division earlier, for all of the damage Aizen did, I still saw the comradery and teamwork. And I’m willing to bet, above all else, it’s because you were second-in-command, keeping those values alive, that Fifth Division is still that way.”

Had he convinced them to give her another chance?

For those few hours, all of the doubts, the darkness and melancholy swept away. She didn’t think about Aizen or worry about what the future held. Because Fifth Division wasn’t just Aizen. It’s everyone here. She needs to remind herself of that everyday.

And if she truly has everyone’s forgiveness, she won’t waste the opportunity given to her to make up for her absence. With that in mind, she scoots further up the bed until her head is on the pillow. Finally, she sleeps.

_____________________________

Stepping back into her old room had been one thing, but stepping back into the office is something else entirely. At least in her room, Hinamori knew nothing was likely to be moved or touched, and if she cried no one would see her get emotional.

This office, changed or no, it will surely make her remember the times before. She’ll either long for the way the office used to be, or wish the new captain had changed the setup, or maybe she’ll react in a way that even she can’t predict. She wishes she had Renji’s resilience, that attitude he used to exude at the Academy: sometimes you’ve got to do it, even if it’s painful. But isn’t that what she’s trying to do now?

With a trembling hand, she clutches the handle.

“Lieutenant.”

Hinamori twists to her right. Genji approaches, his strides purposeful and wide as his smile. Despite the nerves thrumming through her, she can’t help but smile back. “Good morning, Isawa-kun.”

“I thought you’d still be in the mess hall,” he says, coming to a stop in front of the office doors. “I was going to set everything up before you came.”

“Ah, well, I didn’t think I should stay too long.” She gestures to the stack of documents he carries under his arm. “You must have a lot to update me on.”

His smile falls and a concerned frown takes its place. “It would have been fine if you wanted to talk with everyone for a little while longer.”

“Oh, please don’t get the wrong idea! It was great to eat breakfast with everyone, I really enjoyed talking with them and finding out what’s been happening around here.” She sighs, lowering her hands. “But while talking with everyone, it just made me want to get back to my duties even more. Everything is going to be different from now on, whether we like it or not, and I need to know where things stand for us.”

Genji nods. “It’s true. I must admit, it’s taken some getting used to with Captain Hirako.”

“Did you see him this morning? Before he went to his meeting, I mean.”

“I did. He was in good spirits.” Then, with a chuckle, “He was wearing something called a ‘tie’ around his neck, you’ll probably see him wearing it when he comes back.”

It reminds Hinamori of the strange black garment he wore when they first met. “I see.”

She’s about to suggest stepping into the office, but she looks at her third seat, really looks at him for the first time in a while. She’s worked with him for decades; no one is as fast as he is in combat and he’s a diligent worker when it comes to the desk job side of things. She knew only bits and pieces of his personal life: he came from one of the higher districts in the south, has two adoptive parents and a younger brother he looks after and visits on his days off, and he likes spicy foods.

She remembers his last visit to her in Fourth Division, when she asked him to give his opinion on their new captain.

“I’m sure you’ve seen while speaking him that he gets to the point,” he’d said. “It might come across as blunt, but he means well. It also helps he already knows what the role entails, so he doesn’t have to brought up to speed.” He chuckled weakly. “Must admit, I thought because of how long he had been in the World of the Living, he’d have forgotten. He showed me, that’s for sure.”

He’d grinned and gave her a firm nod. “I knew for sure he was a good person when he reinstated you as lieutenant. There’s no one else who can do this job better than you.”

A lot had been put on his shoulders on top of coping with Aizen’s betrayal, and despite it all, he still manages to smile and carry on like his usual optimistic self.

Hinamori fixes him with a solemn gaze. She feels the need to repeat what she’s already told him, to truly emphasis how much he’s done and how he should commend himself for it. “You’ve done a lot for the Division, Isawa-kun. More than a third seat should ever do.” She bows her head. “I’ll never forget it, and I will make it up to you and everyone else. I promise I will work hard to show your belief in me isn’t wasted, and that I will atone for my actions against the Division.”

“Ah, that’s not necessary!”

She straightens. “You’ve maintained the Division’s spirit. You made sure that didn’t change.” She thinks to apologize again, but somehow, despite the guilt welled up in her, it doesn’t feel right. No, instead, she smiles. “Thank you, Isawa-kun.”

Genji stands a little taller; then after a beat, he bows. “Welcome back, Lieutenant. It is truly good to have you back with us.”

“And it’s good to be back.” She glances back at the office door. “We should get started with the updates you need to give me.”

“Yes, of course. It won’t take too long, I hope. I need to oversee the flash-step training in thirty minutes.”

Her smile widens at that. “Still the fastest in the Division, then?”

“I have a reputation to keep!” he says with a laugh, and Hinamori joins in. If there was anyone who could keep the Division buoyant during these troubling times without leadership, it’s Genji with his infectious smiles and laughter.

But the merriment dies down and there’s a pause. Hinamori realizes he’s waiting for her to open the door. She takes in a breath, holds it for a second longer, and as she breathes out as quietly and naturally as she can, slides the door aside.

Genji walks past her while she is stunned, unable to move.

“I probably should have warned you,” he says ruefully, back still turned to her as he goes to the captain’s desk. “Captain Hirako rearranged the office a little. I made your desk stay where it was, I wasn’t sure if you wanted it changed or not.”

Hinamori stares into the office not with anxiety or dread or guilt, but in bewilderment.

As Genji said, her desk remained - save for the fresh flowers in the small vase she kept in the right-hand corner – but the captain’s desk is no longer opposite hers on the left side of the room. It’s now close to the back wall with all sorts of strange accoutrements and objects along the front, and next it is a strange box on a stand with wheels at the end of each leg. Behind the desk are the two bookcases which are mostly stocked with tomes of Soul Society laws and division records.

She points to the glossy, colorful assortment of whatever lines the middle shelf of one bookcase. “What are those?” But before Genji could provide an answer, she also points at the box next to the captain’s desk. “And what is that?”

“Those are Captain Hirako’s.” Genji sets the documents aside on the captain’s desk, goes to the closest bookcase, and pulls out one of the things from a shelf. “He calls them 'vinyls’, or 'records’ sometimes. They have music on them.” From what Hinamori deduces is a protective cover, Genji pulls out a large disc. “I vaguely remember these from when he was last our Captain. I don’t really know how to set it up, but he plays it using the record player over there.” He points to the device on the stand. “You’ll see him do it at some point. He brought all of these with him from the World of the Living.”

She purses her lips. “He plays music while he works?”

Genji slips the vinyl record back into its cover and slides it on to the shelf. “Not all the time, but he does seem to like it every now then.” Genji lets out an amused huff. “It’s strange music if you ask me, I don’t really understand it. You can talk to him if you don’t want to have music playing, he’s relaxed about it.” He throws an arm around the room. “I think he’d even be open to changing anything here if you wanted.”

Hinamori nods slowly. He didn’t sound like he was strict or wanted things a certain way without argument. Even when she talked with him for the first time, she got that sense about him. Even so, perhaps this was going to be harder than she thought. She prefers quiet while working, but it seems her new Captain likes the opposite.

“I’ll talk with him.” She conjures up what she hopes is a convincing smile. “In the meantime, we should get to your updates and notes.”

______________________________

Shinji reads the draft of the Seireitei Communication article on his way back to Fifth Division. An idea cooked up by Kensei lieutenant to reintroduce them to the Seireitei. He’s on the third page when he’s back in the barracks, heading towards the office. He only looks away when he ascends to the second-floor and comes out on to the balcony of a smaller barracks building. He frowns at the paragraphs about what happened to them after they were forced out of the Soul Society. He’s willing to be open about it, but did everyone need to know this much detail?

“Captain!”

The call comes from down below. Shinji tucks away the draft into his sleeve. “Hey!“ he shouts with a wave. "Stay there.”

He eyes the balcony railing and can’t help but grin. It’s been ages since he forewent the unspoken rule of never leaping down to the ground floor. A part of him wants to, but he needs to set an example and show Hinamori he isn’t some nutcase. He steps away and takes the stairs in the corridor between the two barracks.

When he emerges opposite her in the courtyard, she’s still sitting on the veranda and has a secret, amused smile. It’s one of the few genuine, unrestrained expressions he’s seen from her. “What’re you smiling about?”

Hinamori blinks out of here reverie, the corners of her lips falling. “Nothing, Captain.”

He steps down into the garden and crosses over to her. “Sorry to keep you waiting, I was chatting with Captain Otorobashi and Captain Muguruma. How did it go with Isawa-san? He bring you up to date with everything?”

He passes her on the steps, planning to drop off the draft article in the office before grabbing something to eat.

“Yes,” she says, a little flustered. “I think I’m across everything.”

“Good.” Well, that settles it, they can go to lunch and then get to work. But then, perhaps she’s only saying that. Maybe she has burning questions that need answering now. He stops before the office doors and turns around, and she comes to a sudden stop only three feet away from him.

“Anything you want to go over right now or can it wait until later?” he asks.

Hinamori cocks her head to one side. “Was there something else you needed to do?

He could commend her for having her priorities better lined up than his. “Nah, just wondering if you wanted to talk about it after lunch.”

Uncertainty passes over her face, and she tries to cover with a nervous smile. “Not everything, but…could we go over the finances and concerning district reports after a short break?”

He nods. “Yeah, they’re good places to start.”

She thinks he’s about to turn back into the office, but instead he looks out into the courtyard. Something she can’t name passes through his eyes, and after a beat he sits on the veranda’s edge. “Must admit, it’s different from how I remember. Used to be a lot less plants and those trees were a lot shorter. It’s not bad though.”

She too turns back to the garden. “When I started, there were a few plants, like the suzuran. Over time we just kept adding more plants.” Her expression falls, darkened by melancholy “There used to be ayame too.”

Shinji frowns at her. “Yeah? What happened to them?”

She shrugs stiffly. “I’m not sure. I think someone dug them up because… they were Captain Aizen’s favorite.”

Much to his chagrin, he’s annoyed that he has learnt something new about the traitor. “That bastard had a favorite flower?” He throws a hand out to the garden and snorts. “If that even was his favorite. Thought he’d go for something more regal or something with a double meaning, knowing the way he worked.”

He looks back to her, prepared to keep ranting to take her mind off her melancholy, but her gaping mouth and widened eyes shrivels his indignation up. He looses a nervous chuckle. “Hey, what’s with the look?”

“I-I, uh…” She turns away from him and sits on the steps. “I guess I just didn’t expect you to say that.”

How he can say his name without the title or speak about him without experiencing rage or misery? He’s certain that's what's on her mind amongst everything else she's trying to process.

Shinji is again reminded of how long her path to recovery will be. He was like her in the beginning, only difference being Aizen’s name evoked fury and guilt, two things his inner Hollow loved to stoke to get a rise out of him. It’s been so long since then he’s forgotten how much it affected him in the beginning.

“She was taken aback by the office” Genji warned him only minutes ago. “She may want to discuss the layout with you.”

Truthfully, he hadn’t thought of her while moving his old stuff back in and rearranging the office. As selfish as it was, he’d only thought of how good it was to be back, wanting to get into the swing of things as soon as possible. There was a time he would’ve thought this was impossible, but here he was, back in his old office, back to duties he once thought tedious and boring -- maybe he still does, but the rose-tint hasn't yet worn off.

Perhaps she believes he removed Aizen’s items, but he hadn’t. When he’d started, the office was bare save for the tomes on the bookcase and Hinamori’s desk with her personal effects. He hadn’t thought to ask Genji why the office was so sparse, had just assumed someone cleared out whatever needed to be removed. When he worked with him Aizen only had a few things on his desk -- only to keep up the façade, Shinji later realized -- but he doubted he had added to collection when he was appointed Captain.

But what he had were gone, taken away probably around the same time the ayame flowers were dug up. All done in her absence, not giving her the time she clearly hoped to have to say goodbye to it all. He is the last person who will criticize her for wanting such a thing, but he also can't fault his Division for trying to move on in their own way.

He returns his attention to his lieutenant. Her gaze is away from him, and the fidgeting of her hands makes him almost wince. This is not how he wanted things to start for them as leaders of the Division. “Hey, listen, if you’re not a fan of the office the way it is, we can discuss it, ya know?”

Hinamori flinches, startled out of her thoughts. “Huh?”

“Isawa-san came to me before. He left training for a bit and told me you were shocked when you saw it. Look, I probably shouldn’t have changed it all on you like that before you came back. I got carried away with it. It’s your workspace too, so you obviously get a say in how it should be.”

“It’s not that,” she says. After a beat, she sighs through her nose. “More than that, I was just surprised. I thought everything would be the same as before.” Her gaze returns to the gardens. “That was a silly of me. Time passed while I was in Fourth Division, but I think it’s only hitting me now just how much. Besides, it’s…it’s your desk. Why would I have say over where it goes?”

Real diplomat this one, Shinji thinks. Judging from how the seated officers described her, he already had the impression she has a tendency of putting other’s comfort over her own.

He shrugs, trying to bring some brevity to the air around them. “Maybe you have a point, it’s the captain’s desk. I arranged it that way because it’s what I’m used to, back when I was doing my first stint at this job.” He grins. “Maybe I could use a change too, you know? Like I said, you’re working in there too, so if you wanted your desk where mine is or somewhere else, do it. We’ll arrange it whatever way works.”

She stares at him with a mixture of bewilderment, but he can tell something dawns on her for the first time. He knows this won’t be the only time he’s on the receiving end of such a look. She has many epiphanies ahead of her, ones he’s already gone through. The difference is he’ll be here for her and all of his officers to get the through it.

Eventually, she gives him a tepid smile. “I don’t mind the layout of the office, really. I-I must admit, I like to work in silence, but…the music you listen to, what’s it like?”

Now that’s more like it. Shinji beams and waves an arm toward the office. “Come on, I’ll show ya!”

____________________________

Hinamori came bounding down the path to him with the widest grin he’s ever seen. He stood from his spinning tops, perplexed. What could have her positively glowing like a firefly? She’s a cheerful person by nature, but this felt like elation, as if she’d achieved –

Oh.

Only one thing could have her this elated. And sure enough, once she skidded a stop to him and spoke to him so fast, he was only able to pick up a few words – “Shinigami” and “go to the Academy” – it’s exactly hat eh thought.

Still, he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her once. “Hinamori, slow down! I can’t understand you.”

She doesn’t even lecture him for what he did, was practically shaking beneath his grip. She took in a breath, the only one she inhaled since before she started speaking. “I’m sorry, Shiro-chan, I’m just so excited!” She pulled out a piece paper from her sleeve and nearly smacked it into his face. “Look! Look!”

His didn’t comprehend the words before him at first, and some dazed part of his mind thought the words were simply to long and complicated for him to read yet, that Granny had yet to teach them t him. But as the world snapped back into place, and his eyes danced along the paper, seeing the words he knew, the same ones she’d said before, he practically snatched the letter from her.

Her exam results, and an official welcome to the Shinigami Academy, signed and stamped by the head of the whole Academy.

“I passed the exam!” she exclaimed. “I’m going to become a Shinigami!”

She rambled on about getting a uniform and other supplies, about how it’s taken just over a decade for her finally get to this point. She reminisced about the day she came to him and showed she could conjure up an orb of light between her hands, how that moment led to this.

He didn’t take any of it in, disorientated like he’s been knocked over the head. He knew this day was coming, had told him time and again that she would leave eventually.

He didn’t think it would hurt this much.

He lowered the letter, and something in his expression made her stop talking. Her grin fell, and she blinked as if coming out of a trance.

“Congratulations,” he offered.

She didn’t miss the hollowness of it. “Wait, what’s --?”

He handed back her letter before he turned away and went back to collect his spinning tops.

He heard the paper being folded up and confused sounds and attempts to start a sentence. He remained in this disconnected state, as if he’d let go and floated away to the back of his mind. His body bent over and scooped up the spinning tops, and he took out a pouch from his obi to put them into.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said without looking behind.

“No, there’s…” Her steps scarped against the ground. “Are you upset that I got into the Academy?”

That jolted him back into control of his body. He froze, midway through drawing the strings on the pouch.

Her steps stopped. He could sense she was close enough to reach out and touch his back. “You’ve always said you were didn’t care about whether or not I went to Academy.”

He turned, too sharply, walked past her towards the back the house.

“Don’t go!” she chided, following him. “I’m still talking to you. I-I don’t understand, Shiro-chan, I thought you --”

He rounded on her, nearly crashing into her she was so close. “Don’t call me that!” he snapped.

She flinched, eyes wide and hands raised in alarm. But he kept going, hands balled at his sides and his voice raised. “Why don’t you just leave already?! You’ve clearly wanted to be there more than here for so long! So just go already!”

“T-That’s not true, I…” She faltered and kept trying to finish her sentence. When her eyes became glassy with the threat of tears, it’s like a bucket of ice cold water poured over his head and washed the anger off him.

“Hinamori…” His hand twitched at his side, wanting to reach for her. Instead he balled it into a fist.  “Forget everything I just said” he said weakly, half turning from her.

She shook her head, appalled. “No, I can’t. You do care about me leaving. Why does it upset you so much?”

He stared hard into the ground, refusing to respond. But in a way, perhaps it gives her an answer anyway.

“Do you hate the Shinigami?” she broached. “I know most Souls are suspicious of them, even though they fight to protect us.” Then, when he didn’t say anything, she added more quietly, “Are you worried I won’t come back?”

The corners of his mouth deepened, and with a snarl, he turned and stalked up the stairs back into his house. “Go home.”

He stopped himself from slamming the door, but after it’s clicked into place, he thumped his head against it.

Idiot! he cursed at himself. You stupid idiot!

But he couldn’t ignore the hurt that’s welled up and overflown. He couldn’t ignore the annoyance he felt towards Hinamori. And for what? Pursuing her dream? Trying to make this world and the World of the Living better places? At the cost of her life. To have blood on her hands from Hollows and disobedient Souls. Doing it alongside beings that did not inspire trust. Going to into worlds and places beyond any Souls’ comprehension.

He heard her run away, down the path, the skip gone from her steps.

_____________________________

Hitsugaya walks into one of Fourth Division's barracks, seeking out the recovery ward his officers are in. There’s quiet chatter around him, nursing officers providing updates or doing check ups, patients speaking to each other or visitors in their rooms. He follows the direction an officer at the front gave him, and he soon arrives in the right hallway. It’s the fifth door on his left, and their beds are at the end of --

A trace of warm reiatsu. He freezes, heart seizing and a gasp escaping past his lips. A nurse officer he nearly bumped into gives him a concerned look, but keeps moving past him.

Judging by its strength, she’s not actually here. Of course she isn’t; after the lieutenant’s meeting this afternoon, Rangiku informed him Hinamori been discharged yesterday afternoon. It’s traces she’s left behind. They’ll be gone by tomorrow.

He makes to go into the recovery ward, but passes the doorway. His legs rush him in the direction of her reiatsu. He shouldn’t do this, looking foolish at best and delusional at worst for seeking it out. What good does finding it do when it’s not really her?

Regardless, he marches down the corridor, wending around officers and patients, until he reaches the source. A private room, large enough to fit three patient beds. But he only sees one with a bedside table, and next to it are two empty visitor chairs. The curtains are drawn back, revealing a view of one of the Division’s gardens.

He steps into the room and looks around, taking in the room from corner to corner. This is where she spent the last few months. Did she while away her days drawing or reading between visits from officers and friends? How often did she simply sit and contemplate or ruminate on what happened?

He strides further in and stops at the bedside, next to one of the visitor chairs. He imagines Rangiku in it, sitting across from Hinamori in her bed. His lieutenant would’ve made her happy, pulling out a smile from her and probably gossiping about things going on at the Women’s Association. Among other friends of hers, he heard Izuru visited her too. Would they reminisce about their Academy days? Share their experiences with the betrayal of their former captains?

He shudders and rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms. It strikes him how easy it would’ve been to come here. To sit by her bedside like everyone else. Perhaps seeing her would’ve given him the right words to say for once. He almost had them when speaking to her from the World of the Living, but then the past crept in.

He tries to imagine her before him, sitting on the bed, waiting for him to speak. Would he really be able to speak with her? To take her hand in his and wait for her reaction to his colder reiatsu, the difference between his left and right limbs? To relive what happened and see the way it's affected her?

How many times had said harsh words to her out of anger when she needed ones of support the most? Rangiku was right to call him out last week and prevent him from visiting. And yet --

“Captain Hitsugaya?”

Hitsugaya startles and wheels around. A Fourth Division officer stands in the doorway, perplexed.

“Apologies, Captain, are you all right?”

Is the vulnerability obvious? He’s quick to wipe it away from his expression and walk out of the room. “I was looking for the recovery ward where my officers were taken.”

“Oh. I can take you there if you’d like,” the officer offers.

“No, thank you. Just give me the directions.”

Hitsugaya pretends to take in the same instructions he already knows. All the while, he casts surreptitious  glances back into the room. I should have visited. It takes everything within to keep his expression neutral in front of the officer. Because it feels as though his heart sinks like a stone in water. He remembers his officers staring at him after the battle, seeing his progress. In awe, in fear…

After the officer is done, he nods his thanks and leaves too quickly.

_____________________________

They were sitting in companionable silence, Hinamori looking out the window at the falling snow and Rangiku flipping through a copy of the Seireitei Communication. Isane would come by shortly to take Hinamori away for a check-up. A part of Hinamori argued that she should make more of her time with her friend, but there were days she simply wanted to sit with someone and not speak a word. Rangiku seemed to understand this, having not spoken a word in the last fifteen minutes.

Still, a question bubbled to the surface in Hinamori’s mind. One that she had pondered for long hours in Fifth Division when she confined there, and one that had returned recently. In the quiet, she had been thinking on it, but looking to her friend, she wondered how she would answer it.

“Rangiku-san?”

Her fellow lieutenant looked up from the magazine. “Hm?”

“Why did you decide to become a Shinigami?” It’s meant as an innocent question, but at Rangiku’s furrowing brows and narrowed eyes, she regretted asking it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“No, it’s fine…” The tone of her voice said otherwise.

Hinamori shook her head. “Please, you don’t have to answer. Just forget I said anything.”

In the silence that followed, Hinamori stared too long at the space between them and Rangiku raps her fingers on an arm of the visitor’s chair.

I had to go and make things awkward, Hinamori chastised herself.

“I was following him.”

Hinamori blinked. “Huh?”

“I became a Shinigami because I was following…Gin.” Rangiku let out a sigh through her nose. “It’s not the only reason. I also thought I deserved more than what I had. That should’ve been the main reason, but it wasn’t.” She smiled oddly. “Silly of me, really. I followed a boy who I was never going to catch up to. He was always far ahead of me, out of reach.”

Hinamori’s lips clamped shut. She’s been let in on something close to Rangiku’s heart; she needed to tread carefully. “It must have been a lot for you. To come from where you grew up to get into Academy.”

“It was night and day,” she said. “It took so much work to get there, but I just knew...” She raised her gaze to meet Hinamori’s. Her smile widened a fraction, the hardness of it softening. “I suppose what matters is I’m here now, better than where I used to be.”

Even with all that pain? Hinamori wondered.

“What about you?” Rangiku asked, crossing her legs and leaning forward. “What made you decide to become a Shinigami? If you want to share, that is.”

It’s jarring to hear the question asked aloud to her. Now that it was, she found her answers jumbled. “I guess it was…I mean, it started when…”

Hinamori shook her head. It did little to clear her mind. Her gaze returned to the snow outside. It was like a reflex, something she knew seeing would calm her nerves. As faint memories of the Junrinan danced at the edges of her mind, the answer became clearer.

“I wanted to help others the same way I was,” she said, stilling watching the snow. “I used to remember more clearly how I came to the Soul Society, but it’s faded over time. When  first arrived, I could remember the face of the Shinigami who performed a konso on me. I wanted to see them again, to thank them for being so kind to me and for giving another life, even if I was sad to leave me old on behind.

“For years after that, I hoped I had spiritual potential.” She laughed weakly. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than the day I discovered I did. However, by the time I was attending the Academy, I had forgotten what that Shinigami looked like. I still wanted to help others, and I didn’t want my potential to go to waste.”

“That sounds just like you,” Rangiku said, and Hinamori could hear the fond smile in her voice.

“It changed again when…” Shame made Hinamori peter off and hang her head. When I met Aizen, and all I wanted to do was become his lieutenant.

“It’s like I said: what matters is you’re here now, and you can choose what comes next.”

She wasn’t surprised that Rangiku picked up on her unspoken words. She can’t help but smile because of it.

“In my experience, your reason isn’t set in stone,” Rangiku continued, causing Hinamori to return her gaze to her. “That reason continues to evolve as you go along. You find other reasons to keep going, even when your original one doesn’t mean as much to you.”

Hinamori wanted to grab those words – because they were right, so right -- and hold them to herself like a blanket against a blizzard. Yet no matter how much she tried, or how much she repeated them to herself in the hours after Rangiku’s visit, they didn’t sink in and banish the melancholy from her.

_____________________________

They’re walking the streets of the South First District when Rangiku laughs. “You can’t stop touching it.”

Hinamori frowns, then realizes that she’s been wringing a hair strand between two fingers. “I…I didn’t –”

“It’s fine,” Rangiku interrupts. “You’re just getting used to a new style.”

I suspect it will take a long time, Hinamori thinks.

Half an hour ago, her hair was longer. She’d been nervous, but she felt ridiculous it was over  something as simple as a haircut. She’d wanted this, hadn’t she?

When she heard the ‘snip’ of scissors, her gaze had darted over to Rangiku’s reflection, standing behind her and the barber.

‘Don’t worry’ she’d mouthed, and with her words and the next few snips of the scissors, Hinamori managed to get through it.

“I will say though,” Rangiku adds, “this one makes you look really cute!”

“Oh, you think so?” Hinamori says, suddenly self-conscious.

“Yeah, totally!”

It hadn’t been her intention to get it cut for that reason, but she decides to take it as a bonus. “Well, then, thank you. And thank you for being there, I don’t think I could’ve braved it on my own.”

“I’m sure you could’ve, but I wouldn’t have missed this for the world! Making a change like this can be a big deal, right?” She brushes a hand through her own hair. “I would know.”

Hinamori giggles. “We both have shorter hair now, don't we?”

“We’ll be setting a trend before you know it! Just imagine Ise-chan or Captain Ukitake with shorter hair.”

“Rangiku-san!” Hinamori half exclaims, scandalized.

That renews Rangiku’s laughter, and Hinamori finds herself joining in. There’s relief there, too, that they can still have the same comradery as they had developed during her time in Fourth Division. Only now they can go to places together and speak more freely.

“Oh, we’re here!”

Rangiku grabs Hinamori by the elbow and pulls her down an alleyway.

“Why here?” Hinamori asks, searching the alleyway for anything that stands out. Long rows of stalls and shops line walls. It looks like it’s mostly home wares and beauty products.

“It’s why I suggested coming to this district.” Rangiku points to a store off to the right. “There’s this store with hair accessories I go to sometimes. They're pricey but they aren’t cheap-looking or cheaply made." She winks at her "They're made with a Shinigami in mind, so they last a long time and can take some damage. After that, I wanted to do some clothes shopping if you’re up for it. What do you say?”

Hinamori blinks, looking past her friend and down the alleyway of stores and stalls. How is something as simple as bringing her to a store and wanting to shop with her so heartfelt?

It must show on her face, because Rangiku’s grin falls. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“No, it’s nothing,” she’s quick to assure. “Please, don’t worry. It’s silly, but I’m actually really happy. I haven’t been out in the Rukongai in so long, and this feels like a gift.” She shakes her head, embarrassed. “I think today’s been quite the day, and all I did was get a haircut.”

A softness passes over Ragiku’s face. It’s not like when she shows sympathy or relief. It’s something more vulnerable, and it worries Hinamori.

“It wasn’t just a haircut,” Rangiku whispers.

She may have gotten her hair cut for the same reason as her. To show she is moving on. But for Hinamori, it goes a step further. The idea of using her hair cloth and ribbon again feels like it’s from another time long gone by, but it’s a reminder of the routine she had every morning. One she does not want to revisit for several years.

“If you’re too tired, we can go back,” Rangiku offers.

“No,” Hinamori says, an earnest smile shaping her lips. “I want to find something new for my hair. I can’t tie it back anymore, but if these accessories really are that strong, maybe I can get a clip or some pins.”

_______________________

Nearing the room for the lieutenants meeting, Hinamori puts out her senses for the reiatsu. Almost everyone is there, except for Nemu and Yachiru. Genji attended these meeting her place while she recovered, and she’d read all of his notes from them the night before.

Still, she barely feels prepared. How will the room react when she enters? Should she start with ‘Hello, it’s good be back’? Or ‘I apologize for absence’? Or ‘I want to keep working hard with all of you’?

She rounds the corner, the entrance doors ahead, only to come to a stop when she spots two lieutenants blocking her way halfway down the corridor.

“Yo, Hinamori!” Renji comes up to her and Izuru follows behind.

She nearly drop her grin into a wince when Renji claps her too hard on the shoulder. “Abarai-kun, Kira-kun! It’s good to see you both.”

“Good to have you back,” Renji says.

“You’re looking well,” Izuru says. “How have you been?”

“Yes, I’ve been well,” she says. “I’m settling back in to my duties, but I promise to keep working hard like everyone else.”

Renji chuckles and Izuru nods.

“What are you two doing out here?” she asks.

“We figured it’d feel weird to go back in alone,” Renji says. Before she can think how considerate her friends are, Renji jerks his chin at the meeting room entrance. “Come on, lets head in.”

“Actually, before we go…” They wait for her to continue. She had planned to do this after the meeting, but now feels like the right time. “I wanted to thank you both for visiting me while I was recovering. It took me a long time to leave Fourth Division, and I apologize both of you for waiting for so long. Now that I have returned to my duties, I promise I won’t let either of you down.”

Renji and Izuru share a look. It’s not secretive, like other ones she’d seen exchanged between them when they visited her. There’s a fondness, as if seeing a family member succeed and sharing that small victory with each other. It makes her press her lips together, flustered.

After a beat, Izuru lets out a quiet snort and his lips form a gentle smile when his gaze returns to her.

“You’ll find your way of dealing with it too, like we all have.”

“I know you will,” he says. “Welcome back, Hinamori-san.”

“You’ve always been the braver one of the three of us,” Renji says. “Facing down challenges, even when the odds were against you. We knew you would get back on your feet sooner or later.”

Hinamori chuckles. “I don’t know about being the bravest one, but thank you.” She looks to the door at the end of the hallway, and despite the nerves returning, her smile stays in place. “We better go in.”

Walking down the hallways with them takes her back to her Academy years. So many times they walked together, even when they were going to separate classes. They’d eventually gone on their own paths, perhaps by Aizen’s design, but they remained friends. Aizen, for all he did to monopolize her time and mind, could never take that away from her.

Entering the meeting room, there’s no big celebration like she was half expecting. Everyone goes quiet, until Isane stands from her seat and greet her. Chatter breaks out and they come up to her one by one to welcome her back. Rangiku remains behind, smiling from where she sits. Behind her is Nanao, beaming and completely forgetting about the documents she was reading before.

A few eye her with uncertainty. It stings, but it’s understandable. She will take that over pity or distrust.

All the while, Izuru and Renji don’t leave her side until Yachiru and Nemu arrive and the meeting begins.

_______________________

Hitsugaya observed his ‘allies’ fight Harribel, waiting for the opportune moment to strike again. While they hadn’t landed a scratch on the Espada, they were proving to be a formidable force for her, with her having to go on the defensive.

He really could’ve left this fight to them. It was hard to ignore the part of him that wanted to flash-step away and confront Aizen. Though the shorter, blonde woman was abrasive, she’d been right about him getting ahead of himself. Everyone here wanted to confront the traitors, and while he couldn’t gauge the motives of these new ‘allies’, he suspected their goals were different from the Soul Society’s, but perhaps not his.

He returned to the present when they both released their weapons into their shikai forms, and he didn’t have time to wonder why they suddenly have Hollow masks. As they go in to strike again, his attention snapped at an opening at Harribel’s side. He dove in.

“Reign over the frosted heavens, Hyourinmaru!”

Ice flew ahead of him, set to collide with the Espada. Rather than dodge the attack, she turned and glared at him. Despite her usual stoicism, he knew she had been infuriated after she broke out of Hyouten Hyakkaso. She was ready to enact vengeance on him, and he’d been ready to try every Bankai technique at his disposal until these ‘allies’ showed up. She’ll stop at nothing to avenge her fallen subordinates, striking him and whoever stood in her way.

She broke his ice into pieces that flew in every direction. He and the two others avoided the shards, and he kept his focus on Harribel. She still had her eyes on him, and was pulling her arm back to likely shoot a water missile at him. He readied Hyourinmaru to freeze her attack.

The air shifted behind her. She looked over her shoulder. “Lord Aizen…”

She sounded as stunned as Hitsugaya felt. He couldn’t move, paralyzed by the traitor’s sudden appearance. He should strike now, just as he’d wanted to this whole time, but he remained where he was as Aizen cut the Espada through the mid-section. As her blood sprayed through the air, he said something Hitsugaya didn’t register.

It wasn’t enough to take her down. With a growl, Harribel impaled Aizen. For a second, Hitsugaya truly believed he'd lost his chance to kill the traitor.

When there was a pause, however, he knew it couldn’t be real. Sure enough, the illusion broke apart on Harribel’s weapon and she was stabbed through from behind.

Hitsugaya watched her fall as Aizen again spoke. One of the ribbon-like protrusions of her Resurrection form has been cut from the rest of her and fluttered away in the wind.

He knew he shouldn’t be shocked by Aizen's sudden move. He was traitorous to his core, even to is fellow allies. There’s something horrifying about this, however. Something that filled the pit of Hitsugaya’s stomach with dread. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a thought whispered beneath the roar building up in his ears.

She was supposed to avenge her fallen subordinates.

________________________

Granny didn’t ask any questions when he appeared just after dusk. She has a gift for knowing what he needs without him saying so. She’d welcomed him in, handed him a cup of tea, and let him go to the back.

There, Hitsugaya took off and folded up his haori, taking that weight off him for the time being. Now he’s lying on the veranda, tea at his side and resting his head on his arms. A gentle breeze blows through, tousling his hair and the trees. There isn’t a cloud in the sky, and the moon is out of sight.  

His gaze traces the stars, searching them as if they hold the answer he seeks for his conundrum. But much like the distance between him and the sky, it’s out of his reach.

He remembers so many nights star gazing, by himself or with Granny, a few times with Hinamori.

He doesn’t tread further into those memories. Hearing susurration of the leaves, he’s taken back to the battle's aftermath from three weeks ago. Ice cracking after he withdrew his weapon from the Adjuchas. His hazy reflection looking back at him. An undefined one, with the colors of his uniform and hair. Something not yet shaped or brought into clarity.

“Swinging your blade out of a sense of duty is what a Captain does. Swinging your blade out of hate is nothing more than base violence.”

He grunts as if his own words punched him in the chest. He hadn’t thought of his hypocrisy since recovering in Fourth Division, reliving every moment of his confrontation with Aizen, trying to pinpoint the moment he failed. Had he made the same mistake again?

He didn’t hate the Adjuchas or the Gillians beyond the usual animosity between a Shinigami and a Hollow. The battle was won, but he didn’t go there out of any noble cause. He didn’t think of the Humans in the city under his jurisdiction. He didn’t remind himself of ensuring the balance of Souls and Hollows. He spoke the usual rhetoric at the Adjuchas out of habit, not because he was a proud Captain of the Gotei Thirteen.

He told himself he went to because it was an opportunity to see how much his training had improved his skills. Did he need a battle to know that? Why not with a sparring a partner?

The moment before he went to the World of the Living surfaces at the front of his mind.

“It’s been…” She can’t finish, or perhaps doesn’t want to with present company surrounding them. It’s been months since you were last in a battle.

He resists clenching his jaw at the implication. My skills haven’t dulled, he wants to tell her. If anything, they’ve improved. I’ll prove it to you and myself.

Had it really been because of that? A way to vent frustration?

He pushes himself up to sit. With his head hanging low, he takes several sips of lukewarm tea. Granny went to the trouble of preparing this for him and he’s let it cool too much.

It’s not the only time he’s recently left something for too long. He recalls Rangiku tired smile from weeks ago, a sign that they’d been going in circles withthe same conversations. Mingawa’s wane smile and how he remarked his training had shown in the battle. The reactions of his officer, either awed or fearful. His powers had the ability to impress some and frighten others. In the end, they also had the ability to hurt everyone, and some know that from just seeing him in battle.

And what had he done to combat that perception lately? The last time he spoke about something not related to his training, his failings or his work was Rangiku, and that was months ago. He'd forgotten about restarting his Seireitei Communication article. Between today and when he was released from Fourth Division, he'd only visited Grabby twice.

He hasn’t sat down in the mess hall with his officers for dinner in months. Did Tsunashi ever start up the shogi club he proposed months ago? Had Daiwa recently made any new clay sculptures?

He doesn't

That emptiness, because his victory had only been for himself. Not for his officers. Not for Rangiku. Not for Hinamori. His training is his atonement, and he's done it alone. And like always, he’s done it to himself.  

As a child, he would sometimes imagine himself in a void, a world empty of everyone. The only company he’d have is his own shadow, unwillingly attached to him.

Then, when Hinamori came along, she found a place in those daydreams. The world was theirs. He didn't want to experience things on his own anymore. He wanted others there too, even if it was from afar or there was only a few of them. And she had been the one he had the most memories with, the most experiences.

He almost lost her by his own hand, and he may have lost her as a friend. It would have been so simple to visit her. Perhaps that even of itself would’ve been enough, but the way his heart aches tells him otherwise.

He’s nearly lost Rangiku too. Rising up the ranks of the Division, he’s lost more people who could’ve been friends along the way than those who aren’t Shinigami ever will.

“Believe in everyone.”

Hinamori had told him that on a night like this when he’d gone too quiet. It was as she’d read his mind, seeing the loneliness he often shoved away. In that moment, he didn’t believe in himself, but he did in her. That she could form connections with most, that she was his friend.

A long lifespan meant more people you come to care about will die, but she made him see it also meant a better chance of forming connections unlike other beings in the other worlds. Of opening oneself to experience the worlds together. And even if he can never fully atone for what he did, even if their friendship is now forever severed, he can't find a way out of the emptiness on his own.

Something forms in him, reaching him like a water burbling through a crack in the earth. He'll let it grow into a river, perhaps a lake. It feels right, as bright as the fire from inside Granny's house. He looks towards a window, the orange glow inviting, even if he prefers the cold.

He finishes the tea and takes up his haori. When he comes back inside, Granny stands from the fire pit.

“Would you like another cup of tea?” she asks.

“No, thank you,” he says, handing her the empty cup. “I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk, but I need to get going.”

Granny’s smile falls. “It’s awfully late. Would you like to stay over? It’s no trouble to set up a futon for you.”

He can’t help but smile. The childish part of him craves for the familiar and warm, but he knows better. The veil was lifted decades ago when Rangiku showed him what he was doing. “Thank you, Baa-chan, but I have an early start tomorrow at the barracks.”

Granny sighs, but nods. “I understand.” She stands and walks with him to see him out the door. “Please visit soon."

"I will."

"Say ‘hello’ to Matsumoto-san and Hinamori-san for me as well.”

The breath freezes in his lung. He wills it out, but it rushes through his nose as a sigh. “I will.”

He means to bid her farewell and leave, but he hesitates. Granny gives him a questioning look, and he whips it away when he gently brings her into a hug.

“Take care, Baa-chan," he bids. "Don’t strain yourself.”

Granny is only stunned for a second before she lets out a huffing chuckle and hugs him in return. She's probably thinking about the last time he did this, which would’ve been decades before he became a Shinigami. He can’t change overnight, perhaps not even in a decade or century, but he can start findings his way back to other Souls now.

_________________________

The next afternoon, Hitsugaya returns earlier than usual from his training. If he's to have dinner with his officers in the mess hall, he'll need to review the joint training schedules Rangiku will have picked up from Third Division.

He’s striding down a hallways on his way to his office when a door ahead of him slides open. Rangiku’s voice wafts out from it, and then another. Just as he recognizes it, the owner steps out.

Hitsugaya halts a few feet away. When he turns to go, Izuru startles seeing him. “Oh, Captain Hitsugaya.”

“Kira,” Hitsugaya says in way of greeting.

“Apologies, I was just on my way out,” Izuru says. “I came to deliver the training proposals.”

Hitsugaya nods. “Matsumoto said they would be done today.”

“Thank you for agreeing to the training. Please let me and Captain Otorobashi know if none of the proposal work for your training purposes.”

Hitsugaya goes to excuse himself and review the documents with Rangiku, who still hasn’t made an appearance. He only takes three steps before he stops.

It’s the only now that Hitsugaya notices Izuru trimmed his fringe. He can almost see both of his eyes. “Before you go…”

Izuru’s brows rise up a notch. “Yes, Captain Hitsugaya?”

“I never thanked you for your assistance during the battle against the Espada and Aizen.” He bows his head. “Thank you for healing Matsumoto, and for protecting her while she was incapacitated.”

Izuru tries maintain a professional exterior, but is lost for words.

Oddly, Hitsugaya finds himself needing to fill the silence. “Let’s continue to work together, in the joint training exercises and other duties. I’ll be counting on your strength in the next battles we face.”

Izuru doesn’t hide his bewilderment this time. “I--Yes, of course, Captain. You can count on me and Third Division to assist.”

“Likewise for Tenth Division.”

Izuru smiles slightly before he excuses himself. Hitsugaya doesn’t move, listening to the lieutenant’s departing footsteps until they're gone. That wasn’t as hard as he imagined. Yes, a part of him wants to cringe and avoid it, but more than that, it’s freeing. As if a part of him that had been sealed off for years finally saw the light of day, or the water from the cracks is slowly becoming a creek.

Swallowing against the tightness in his throat, he closes the gap between himself and the room Izuru exited from. Sure enough, Rangiku sits at the table by the lone window, a hand over her mouth and her eyes wide. On reflex, Hitsugaya crosses his arms and half glares.

“What’s got you bug-eyed?” he snarks.

She lowers her hand, revealing a wide grin. “Oh, nothing.” She pushes out the chair and picks up the training proposal documents from the table. “What can I say, sir? You’ve come a long way.”

He grunts and grits his teeth. “Don’t treat me like a child. I was ensuring our relations with Third Division remain strong.”

“Sure” – she lifts up the documents – “as if these weren’t proof of that already. I’m a bit proud of you, sir!”

Her smile remains as she walks past him towards the office while he follows behind, fighting being flustered by grousing under his breath.

___________________________

She was with her friends.

He was rooted to the spot, and she would only need to loo over her shoulder to see him.

But she doesn't. Her friends kept her occupied, congratulating and making a joke that got them all laughing.

Even if she were alone, he wouldn't approach. He stepped away, falling back into the crowded streets. A whole week had passed since he last saw her. Another week will go by, and another. Perhaps a month, maybe more.

Either way, he should have known this was coming. She was destined to be a Shinigami, and he to remain here. They're from two different worlds. They overlapped for a time, but a decade and a half is a drop in the ocean of how long a Soul lives.

___________________________

Another meeting with all the captains and lieutenants. Hitsugaya lets out a quiet snort. These used to be rare, now it feels like it’s happening every month.

As if reading his mind Rangiku says low enough so only he can hear, "Do you think it's about the negotiation attempts with the Espada?"

"Likely," he says back, but he's distracted. As per usual, Eleventh Division is not here yet. Thirteenth has either until Jushiro sweeps in and greets everyone looking his way. That leaves Twelfth Division and Fifth Division.

His heart leaps. She'll be here. He’d become so used to seeing the empty space where she used to stand, fearing for her position.

It's almost a minute later when there's a flicker of flame. In the distance, on the catwalk bridge, but rapidly getting closer.

Then, her voice. “…need to make sure we’re on time!”

“Hey, don’t freak out! We made it, see?” Shinji walks through the doorway, looking to his right, down at…

Hitsugaya gasps. Thankfully, Rangiku’s the only who hears it. In his peripheral, she looks to Hinamori and Shinji, then back at him with a hand floating to her lips. “Sir…”

It’s her.

She’s lecturing Shinji on something and he cows at her words, but Hitsugaya hears none of it. Her hair, cut the shortest length he's ever seen her with, sways when she turns her head towards an approaching Shuhei and Kensei. Hadn't Rangiku mention the chance? He can't remember, can only see what's in front of him. His hearing is muffled, First Division usual smell of old timber flushed out of his nose, his heart in his throat.

From behind, Rangiku puts a hand on his shoulder and leans down to his ear. “Sir, your reiatsu.”

He’d let some of his control go. None of the surrounding captains or lieutenant give any indication they’ve noticed, but he reigns it in. After taking in a few shaky breaths, he nods his thanks to Rangiku.

“Will you be all right?” she asks, straightening up.

As irrational as it is, he’s afraid to look over and see Hinamori staring back at him. Those eyes, the brown that sometimes lit up as if the fire within her Soul came the surface. He's also seen them darken and glaze over as life drained out of her.

"Shiro…chan…Why?"

Can he bare to see himself reflected in those just he had months ago?

“I have no choice,” he whispers.

Rangiku’s expression falls, as does her hand from his shoulder. “We’ll talk after the meeting.”

He’s not sure about what, because they’ve said everything at this point. Surely they have. And even if he is trying to be more open with others, the emotions whirling through him now are too private for her to know.

The doors of the meeting hall open. They’re ushered in by First Division officers like always, but Hitsugaya is rooted to the spot. Rangiku goes ahead of him, expression neutral and not looking back to check if he’s following.

He forces himself to move. His first few steps are stilted until he can feign a natural stride. It takes everything within him not to look back. It takes even more to go to his usual place in the hall and stare ahead.

Throughout the meeting, he can’t comprehend what the Captain-Commander or the Captains who step forward as they’re called upon say. He tries and fails to listen over the pounding of his heart in his ears.

Her reiatsu sparks. He hadn’t even realized he was keeping track of it. He looks over, compelled by a force like the wind making the leave rustle and moving the clouds across the sky, and finds her staring back at him.

__________________

It’s a thought they both share. From his appearance to how he spoke, he’s the opposite of what she expects from a former captain. She can’t even remember what her expectations of him had been.

“I imagine my name was barely spoken by the time you became a Shinigami.”

All of his years as a captain, all your hard work and dedication and achievements, gone because the Soul who he was meant to trust the most ensured he was disgraced and never remembered. Members of her Division knew Shinji, but they never spoke about him at great length. They’d all been blinded and brought to silence, turning to Aizen like sunflowers towards the sun, forgetting what was behind them in the past.

The thought disorientates her, makes her stop pacing. She clutches the end of her bed, and eventually sits upon it.

She wonders if Shinji received an apology from the Captain-Commander or a member of Central Forty-Six. But perhaps an offer to reinstate him as captain is apology enough. Hinamori isn’t so sure.

He could’ve chosen to be resentful, she thinks, but he wants to return. He wants to restore Fifth Division.

Can he be trusted? Tobiume asks.

She’d be lying if a part of her didn’t think he could be. It’s the deep-seated wariness ingrained into her now, one that perhaps cautions too much.

He fought on our side, she reasons, and I believe he was being sincere in his desire to strengthen Fifth Division.

Tobiume says nothing, pondering her words. In the silence, Hinamori looks to the ceiling, searching herself for what comes next. She’s been going in circles this whole time, but it feels like she has wondering off a smaller circle and back on to a bigger one. One that started when she confined to Fifth Division. If she keeps following it, she’ll end up back here, alone in Fourth Division, at some point.

A flicker of a memory, from not too long ago. The side profile of Izuru, his bangs over his eye, cast against the window of a snoy day.

“Some days I want to rage against him, but what’s the use? It’ll only send me off course, on to a path I don’t want to go down.”

She’s certain Shinji would have experienced the same thing. How he and the others must have raged after what Aizen did them. What circles did they go in before moving on from what Aizen inflicted upon them? Shinji may have bitterness towards his past circumstances and his ‘abilities’, but none of it is directed at her or Fifth Division, or even the Soul Society.

It’s no use thinking on them, she realizes. The way back is heres and hers alone.

"...I want to make the Division better than it was before, and, if you want to stay on as lieutenant, I’d appreciate the help."

She clasps her hands in her lap. Hands that held the front of Aizen’s haori, wanting to know he was real and alive. Hands that are calloused, that had reached out grabbed training swords and her zanpakuto as it took shape long before she met him.

These aren't the hands of Shinji or those who Aizen harmed. These are hers, and she must decide what to do with them.

__________________________

Standing in the doorway to the courtyard, Hinamori experiences déjà vu. She watches the Shinigami ambling around the gardens, none taking notice of her.

She’s seen most of these Souls for the last weeks, but even today there’s a few new faces. She knows none of their names, and she’s certain none of them are aware she’s been witnessing their comings and goings from her room window. ‘People watching’, the Humans called it.

She takes halting steps across the veranda, then down into the garden. She pauses, waiting for them to stare at her. When they don’t, she gets a renewed ounce of courage to keep going, walking on one of the winding paths. She passes a Soul, but he’s too occupied by a group of butterflies resting on a shrub’s branch to notice her.

She sits on an empty bench a few feet away. She hadn’t thought about what these benches were made of, but from the shiver that rolls up through her from the chill, it’s definitely stone.

The air is not as cold as when she last stuck her head outside, and most of the snow is melting off the shrubs and trees or turned to slush in the corners they’d been shoveled into. Winter is trying to keep it’s grip on the Seireitei, but the flowers are beginning to bloom, and buds line the trees, leaves ready to spring to life. It's a cycle, happening ine the same months every year, never to be broken.

 So caught up in nature around her, she startles when a Shinigami moves into her peripheral.

“Oh, apologies! I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Hinamori blinks at the Shinigami, then conjures up a nervous smile. “No, it’s all right. I got lost in my thoughts”

The Shinigami – a young man with his left arm in a sling – scratches the back of his neck with his right hand. “I suppose that’s why they call it a garden of contemplation.”

Hinamori had never heard it referred to as that, but she plays along. “It’s a nice place to come and reflect, isn’t it?”

The man shrugs his good shoulder. “Truth is, I don’t have too many thoughts, so it’s probably wasted on me.”

She lets out a huff of a chuckle. “I’m sure that’s not true. If not to contemplate, it's a good chance to get fresh air.”

He half smiles, and although it’s genuine, Hinamori doesn’t miss how he avoids her gaze. “Yeah, it was getting stuffy in there. Loud too. I was put into a room with other officers who were in the same battle as me. They keep talking about it even though it’s passed, you know?” At her questioning gaze, he adds, “Hollows in one of our jurisdictions. Took them down, but well –” he gestures to his sling “– got a broken arm for the trouble. It’s only my second mission, too.”

Hinamori nods. “I see. Are you a recent graduate from the Academy then?”

“Not that recent, but yeah. I was assigned to Seventh Division five months ago.” He lists his head to one side. “So, what’re you here for?”

Hinamori can’t stifle a confused grunt. Her widened eyes give him the wrong idea, and he raises an alarmed hand. “Agh! Sorry! There I go again scaring you. You don’t have to say.”

He doesn’t know who she is. No wonder he’s so casual. Being a new recruit, it’s likely hasn’t seen all of the captains and lieutenants in person yet, at most seeing them in drawings or photos in the Seireitei Communication.

She’s not naïve enough to assume rumors and whispers haven’t gone beyond the walls of Fifth Division. Almost everyone must know that Fifth Division’s lieutenant still hasn’t returned to her duties, that she was so enamored by her captain that she fell into despair. The moment she says her name, he'll change. And it’ll be like this for everyone she meets and speaks with, whether they know her at first or not.

But there’s no going back. There are no clean slates. She knows that now. There’s only what’s happened, and what she can choose to do now.

“I’ve been here for a few months,” she says, voice quiet. “I was badly wounded but I’m all healed up now. There’s been other reasons I’ve remained her.e” She attempts a fuller smile. “I’m Hinamori Momo.” She can’t bring herself to say her title, not yet.

As predicted, the warmth drains from the Shinigami’s expression. He gapes, then bows deeply. “I’m so sorry, Lieutenant! I-I didn’t recognize you!”

The commotion draws attention, and four Shinigami look in their direction. The one she'd passed earlier quickly looks away, returning to studying the butterflies on a shrub; another, who had been sitting beneath a tree, frowns at them, looking more annoyed that his quiet contemplation had been disturbed. The last two, who had been conversing just before, suddenly turn away and lean in closer to each other, their voices lowering so neither Hinamori nor the Shinigami before her can hear. They certainly know who she is.

She shakes off the indignation and raises a reassuring hand towards the Shinigami. “I-It’s all right, please don’t worry.”

The Shinigami rises, eyes still wide in shock. “If I’d known it was you, I wouldn’t have…I’ve heard…” Then, thinking better of it, he closes his mouth.

How does she navigate this? Surely there will come a point where the events of the last several months are not what others think when they see her or hear her name.

“Seventh Division is a good Division.” She doesn’t know why she says it, but it feels like the right place to restart this conversation. She’s encouraged by the Shinigami raising his gaze to her again.

“Captain Komamura is a great leader,” she continues. “He’s very encouraging and supportive from what I’ve heard. He also has a cute pet dog, doesn’t he? I’ve heard he runs around the Division a lot.”

The Shinigami looks unsure how to respond. Eventually, he let’s out a shaky chuckle. “Y-Yeah, Goro’s his name.” He swallows. “I like it there, it’s good. I…” He trails off, gaze locked over her shoulder.

Isane is on the veranda, looking at them.

"That's Lieutenant Kotetsu," she hears him murmur.

Hinamori stands. "Yes. I think she's here for me." She turns and bows to the Seventh Division officer. "Please excuse. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."

"Ah, no! If anything, I think it's the other way around!"

She rises, trying to keep her smile in place. "Thank you."

She keeps her pace steady as she leaves, tempted to run away instead. She doesn't want the officer or Isane to get the wrong idea.

"You went outside," Isane says once they're inside.

Hinamori tilts her head at Isane, causing the lieutenant to hunch her shoulders. "Ah, apologies, that sounded strange. I didn't expect to find you there, but it was good. I'm glad you got some fresh air."

Hinamori looks ahead, considering what she will request after her check up. "I decided I didn't want to stay in my room forever."

__________________________

The clock on the dojo's wall ticked over to nine pm, but Hinamori paid it no mind. She kept swinging the practice sword, causing the few lantersn she lit earlier to flicker with each strike through the air. She can't catch her breath, and sweat beaded on her face and arms.

She has been at this for over an hour. An instructor would tell her to call ti quits, but she won't. Not when what she wants is only a few most positions away. She nearly broke herself to get a seated position in the single digits, and she won't stop until she's considered for lieutenancy.

She kept imagining what it would look like, all of the scenes of her standing next to Aizen and leading her Divsion. Those and the words of encouragement from her captain are all the fuel she needs to keep training well into the night.

__________________________

Isane eyes her with a combination of wariness and bewilderment. Without looking away from her, the lieutenant puts the check up report aside. “You want to use our training grounds?”

The shred of confidence Hinamori had shrivels. First her encounter with the Seventh Divison officer, and now this.

She hides her fidgeting hands in her sleeves. “Is it not allowed for patients?”

“Oh, no, of course you’re allowed!” Isane hesitates. It only makes this more awkward. Eventually, she sighs and lowers her head ruefully. “Forgive me, Hinamori-san. I’m just surprised by your request.”

Hinamori ignores the little sting of indignation. Instead, she searches for that gumption again. “I understand. I haven’t been myself lately, let alone a Lieutenant for my Division.” Isane opens her mouth to correct her, but Hinamori continues, “I wish to return to my duties, and that can only happen if I prove to you, Captain Unohana, and myself that I am ready to leave here. You told me earlier this week I got to choose what care I receive and how my recovery goes. I believe this will help me.”

She’s impressed by the strength in her voice, and judging from Isane’s raised brows, so is she.

The lieutenant puts a hand to her chin in thought. Outside of the office, the usual stream of Fourth Division members going up and down the hallways is muffled. Hinamori has become so accustomed to it it’s more background noise than distraction, no different from the leaves rustling in the wind or a bird chirping outside of her room’s window. It should never have gotten to that stage, but here she is.

“There shouldn’t be any problem,” Isane says, “but if it’s all right with you, I would like to consult Captain Unohana. She may have some ideas on what types of training would be suitable for you at this stage and we can progress from there.”

Tobiume stomps somewhere in her mind, voicing her protests at the idea. Hinamori also isn’t keen, but it’s no use fighting Isane on this. If anything, trying to would make her come across as impulsive, and look where that’s gotten her.

“All right,” she agrees.

Isane smiles, and for the first time on months, it’s not one of sympathy or pity.

______________________________

Hinamori has the impulse to draw. It stumps her, leaving her staring into the empty plates and bowls of her breakfast, as if she’s shocked the food had suddenly vanished.

She has to restrain herself against the bubbling excitement as she puts the breakfast tray aside, lest she drop any of the crockery. Getting out of bed, she gathers up her sketchbook and supplies from her bedside table and scans the room for a subject. The visitors chair, the curtains, the doorway or the window. She’s never been fussed for drawing objects.

Looking through the window, she considers the gardens. Spring is around the corner, and most of the flowers are still dormant. She wonders how someone like Funai, skilled at drawing landscapes, would sketch it. He’d probably love to draw the garden while it was like this; conversely, she's generally interested in nature that’s in full bloom. Perhaps she can sketch something small, like a leaf or a snow-dusted shrub.

She retrieves her folded up shawl from the bedside table before sitting back on the bed and thumbing through her sketchbook for a blank page. In doing so, her gaze lands on her lap. She remembers hours of practicing anatomy, body part by body part. She’d done it from studying residents in the Junrinan, learning and got advice from other artists there too.

She moves her legs into a looser cross-legged position and opens her pencil box. Withdrawing a black pencil and bringing her sketchbook into view, she begins.

Her feet make for a simple subject, but it tells Hinamori right away how rusty she’s gotten. Her lines are stiff in some places and shaky in others. Her toes have knobbed ends and her heels are too pointed.

Sighing, she puts the sketchbook aside and pulls her feet closer in a cross-legged position. Like the artists she had seen in the Junrinan, she observes her subject closer. She runs the edge of the pencil around the outside of one foot, flexes and spreads out her toes.

"You don’t strike me as someone who let’s anything stand in her way."

Of all things, staring at her feet brings up Shinji’s words unbidden. But maybe there’s something to them. That these feet had carried her through many things, and despite her bed-ridden state, she still made the effort to get up and move around in the confined space. She never stayed still. She kept moving, kept finding something to go towards, even when she didn’t clearly know what it was.

It’s like her drawings. She used to obsess with getting something just right, would be dishearten when none of her drawings turned how she wanted. Still, she kept at it, just as she does now. She erased and tried to round the points of  toe, adding the details of an ankle bone and a dip in the side of her foot.

“Lieutenant?”

Hinamori startles and looks over her shoulder. “Oh, Isawa-kun!”

“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” he says, walking into her room. “Are you all right?”

She twists around, smiling. “There’s nothing wrong.” She lifts her sketchbook. “I was just doing some sketching.”

He stops, eyes widening a fraction. “You were drawing?”

She gives a weak chuckle in answer, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Something softens in Genji’s face, as if a weight had been lifted. It hits her how much something so small changes his demeanor. The familiar burn at the backs of her eyes makes her press her lips together for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Isawa-kun,” she says, setting her sketchbook aside. “You've had a lot on your shoulders all of these months. I should have been honest with you. Instead, I abandoned the Division for selfish gain, and got myself and the Division into a worse state as a consequence.”

A faint, surprised sound escapes his throat. “Lieutenant, I --”

She shakes her head. “Don’t make excuses for me. I…”

That sensation of going in circles returns.

“I’m sorry for leaving you with so much work. I said before I would get better, and it’s taken me so long. To tell you the truth, I don’t know how I can lead us out of this…But I won’t give up.”

How can a moment feel the same and so different all at once? She'd been more confident back then in her words and decisions.

“I regret how my actions have reflected on the Division,” she says, changing course. “I want to return to Fifth Division. I want to prove to everyone that I can still serve as a Shinigami and progress our goals.

"I want make it better with everyone, and with Hirako-san, I think that’s possible. He’s our former captain, and he knows what the Division’s strengths are. If there’s anyone who can lead us out of this, it will be him.”

Genji’s lips for a soft smile. “It can’t just be him. He needs a lieutenant.”

Taking the hint, she gives him a grateful smile. “You came by to see how my meeting went with Hirako-san, didn’t you?”

He nods. “If you don’t mind. I also wanted to inform you that his ceremony is tomorrow."

She's not surprised by the hastiness to reinstate him. "I see."

"But I don’t want to interrupt your drawing either.”

“No, it’s all right. I wanted to discuss my meeting with you anyway.” She gestures to the chair. "I think we'll be here a while."

________________________

When passing Fifth Division officers who greet him, Hitsugaya nods to them but doesn’t stop. He’s going faster than he should be, rushing instead of projecting calm. But it isn’t anxiety that causes him to tread at this pace. It’s anger and, to his chagrin, dread.

Yesterday at the ceremony, he hadn’t recognized the man at first, but familiarity lingered in the back of his mind. Then, when the man stepped forward and spoke, it’d came back with the full force of a tidal wave crashing over him:

“You have to start healing her, now.”

“Kid, even if I knew the right kido, I’d barely do anything.”

 Of all beings, it had to be him.

Hitsugaya shakes off the memory. Fifth Division’s new captain is bound to recognize him either now or late, he reminds himself, but it does nothing to ease his trepidation.

When he exits out on to the veranda leading to the office, there are two officers- -- one tall and burly, the other lean and could’ve been mistaken for being a relative of Izuru’s – leaning against the railing a few feet away from him. At first, they stare with bewilderment before remembering to bow their heads in greeting. Hitsugaya halts when he recognizes the taller one.

“But what about our Lieutenant? Why is she in one of our detention cells?!”

Another train of thought he was trying to avoid, The last time he was here, he’d treated all the Division barracks like they were a crime scene, and every officer here feared they were being perceived as suspects. On top of that, there were the unrelenting questions from them about their captain, their lieutenant, and what happened earlier that morning between Hinamori and Izuru. This taller officer had been more persistent than the others, got angry when his questions were brushed off with clipped responses and being held back by officers.

“At ease,” Hitsugaya says, and begins to walk away.

And just like back then, he notices an ember of distrust in the taller man’s gaze when he rises. Perhaps he should call it out, lecture him on the dangers of outwardly showing grudges or obvious feelings towards a superior officer, but he keeps going. After what happened all those months ago and what he’d done to their lieutenant, he probably deserves the ire of the officers here.

As he approaches the office, there’s a grunt and a loud ‘thump’. Brows furrowing deeper, Hitsugaya hastens to the half-opened door. “What’s --?”

Shinji is bent over a large cardboard box, trying to open it. He lists his head towards Hitsugaya. “Oh, hey! Sorry, I’m in the middle of moving my stuff in.”

Hitsugaya blinks away the bewilderment and resists gritting his teeth. “Is this a bad time then?”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he says, dusting off his hands. He bumps the box with his heel. “This right here has my music collection and vinyl player. Do you even know what that is?”

“No, and I’d prefer to discuss it at another time.”

One corner of Shinji’s toothy grin turns tense. “You’re all business, huh?”

Hitsugaya steps into the office and gestures to the door. Getting a nod, he closes it.

The older captain settles down at his desk with a grunt. “Right then, let’s get down to business.” Once Hitsugaya is seated opposite him, he adds, “Thanks for looking after the Division’s paperwork these last few months. My third seat, Isawa-san, has appreciated the assistance.”

My third seat…

How quick he is to take ownership of the Division. It unnerves Hitsugaya, but he doesn’t let it show. “It’s a lot of work for one officer to do.” He pulls out the stack of paperwork from his sleeve and shoves it at the man. “This is the last of what we have for Fifth Division. Do you need anything explained?”

“Yeah, there were some things I wanted to ask you about.” He takes the newer reports and puts them aside. He twists around to the shelves behind him and lifts a report from the top of a paper pile. “First up, I was hoping you could tell me more on your comments here.”

They go through several documents, his fellow captain asking him questions and Hitsugaya providing clarification. He asks the occasional follow up question or offers a different insight, but he’s otherwise agreeable with Hitsugaya’s signing off on certain actions.

He’s good. Hitsugaya is troubled by the admission. With how he speaks and his in-depth knowledge of procedures and the Rukongai districts under Fifth Division’s jurisdiction, it’d be obvious to anyone that he’s been a captain before. Albeit a more laid back one, the kind that can rankle Hitsugaya if they don’t show respect or authority. It’s why he answers some question with a brusque tone, ignoring the furrow twitching in Shinji’s brow when he does. Well, truthfully, it’s one of the reasons…

“Right, I think that’s everything,” Shinji says, putting the last report back on the pile. “Thanks for that.”

Hitsugaya gives a stiff nod. This when he should stand and make to leave, but he isn’t done yet. “What are your intentions for Fifth Division?”

Shinji freezes in picking up the newer stack of reports. He raises a brow and smirks. “You’re the third person to ask me that.”

His amusement only irritates Hitsugaya even more. “I’m guessing the Captain-Commander was one of them?” And Hinamori was the other?

“Yeah, obviously. He wouldn’t be doing his job if he didn’t question me.”

“Then you’ll understand why I asked.”

The frown finally furrows Shinji’s brows. “Little harsh, ain’t ya?”

“You’ll have to forgive some of us if we’re a little on edge.” There’s not an ounce of an apologetic tone in his voice. “We’re still recovering from Aizen’s actions.”

The corners of Shinji’s mouth drop and his gaze darkens. “You’re not the only one.” Then, more quietly. “I had to deal with that shit for over a hundred year. Didn’t think I’d ever make it back here, let alone get my captaincy back.”

He’s overstepped, and he doesn’t know whether to be annoyed or surprised by how much that affects him. He doesn’t trust this man, but aggravating or making an enemy out of him won’t help matters, especially for Hinamori. Hitsugaya takes in a deep breath. “So I’ve heard. His treachery has no bounds.”

An olive branch, albeit a weak one. Still, the anger in Shinji’s eyes cools. “He was always a step ahead of us. Nothing much we could’ve done in the grand scheme of things. At least we’ve made it out alive, and he’s locked down below, away from everyone.”

How can he think like? How can he come to some kind of peace with what happened to him and his friends? Didn’t he rage just as Hitsugaya did when finding out his sentencing?

“In answer to your question,” Shinji continues. “I plan to steer Fifth Division back on track. There’s no getting around Aizen’s influence on the Division, but I can’t do it alone, so I’ll be relying on my seated officers and Lieutenant Hinamori once she recovers…If she wants to return to the position, that is.”

He nearly jumps in and tell him to not let her carry so much, but refrains. “Seems vague.”

“Well, hey, give me some time, I only just got back! What do you want, a step-by-step plan?!” He let’s out an exasperated chuckle. “You’re quite the force to be reckoned with, Captain Hitsugaya.”

“Considering the work I’ve taken on for the Division and my involvement in the investigation several months ago, you could say I have a vested interest in what happens to Fifth Division.” Then, when Shinji blinks, he adds, “As I would be for any Division in the Seireitei.”

The older captain tilts his head to one side, regarding him in such a way that Hitsugaya resists glaring back at him. “You remember how we first met?”

He grits his teeth, not trusting himself to say anything. His silence is answer enough.

Shinji props up his knee and rests his elbow on it. “You were in a hell of a state compared to the rest of us. The bastard cut you up bad.” He points to his left arm. “Was that Inoue-chan’s handy work?”

He knew Orihime? It shouldn’t surprise him, given that he’d encountered Ichigo in the month before Orihime was taken to Hueco Mundo. “No.”

Shinji cringes. “Twelfth Division then? Must’ve hurt.”

Hitsugaya hopes his withering look conveys that, yes, it did indeed hurt.

“I didn’t abandon you, by the way," Shinji says. "I don’t think you heard me, but I told you I was going to go find Captain Unohana to save Hinamori-san.”

It takes everything for him to not look away. He’s made himself transparent. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Just wanted to clear up the air, in case you thought I’d left you behind.”

His knowing look says there's more to it, but Hitsugaya won't pry. Neither of them want to tred further, understanding it would be opening old wounds.

Hitsugaya swallows thickly, hesitant to speak. He's already made himself transparent to the man, there's no use withholding the next question. "You mentioned Hinamori before. Has she indicated she won't return to her position?"

Shinji grins. "Nah, nothing like that I just gave her the choice to come back if she wants." He leans in conspiratorially, as if someone were listening in. "Between you and me, I think she'll come back."

He can't imagine the opposite, not after everything she did to obtain lieutenancy. "What makes you so sure?"

His grin widens. "A few reasons, and I think they're for her to say when she's recovered." He leans away with a shrug. "And in the event she doesn't want be a lieutenant anymore, she'll be one of my seated officer for sure."

As infuriating as it is, he's right. Her reason are her own, and if he truly knew her, he wouldn't need to ask.

“I see.” He stands from the desk. I’ll take my leave, Hi…” His eyes widen. How did he --?

Shinji frowns at him for a beat, then scoffs. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten my name!”

Hitsugaya goes to rebuff, but falls short; and when Shinji realizes he has indeed forgotten his name, he let’s out a piggish snort. “Hirako Shinji!”

“R-Right!” Hitsugaya could slap himself. Since when does he stammer? “I'll be going now, Captain Hirako.”

He practically sprints out of the Division, inwardly cursing himself for the blunder. How had this conversation ended revealing more about him than Shinji?

______________________

Hitsugaya watched her from the doorway, following every swing Hinamori cut through the air with her zanpakuto. She hadn't noticed him, or if she had she was choosing to ignore him. Unlikely, given who she is. Given who he is to her.

Or at least, he hoped she saw him as highly as he saw her.

He shook his head, biting the inside of his cheek. He folded his arms and leaned a shoulder against the doorway, trying to appear casual to officers passing by. He kept watching, and it was like seeing her conjure up an orb of spirit energy for the first time. It simultaneously evoked awe and dread.

She had her goal, and once she set her eyes on something she wanted, she wouldn't stop working towards it until she had it. It didn't matter how many years it took, how much sweat and tears she spilt. The bag under her eyes and the gritting of her teeth as she fought through fatigue and strain told him all of that.

He eyed the wall clock and told himself that seeing it was past his lunch time was reason enough to push himself off the doorwar and walk off.

_______________________

“Hado Thirty-Three: Soukatsui!” The blue flames rush from her palms towards the target. There’s ‘boom’ and a small plume of smoke. After it’s cleared, Hinamori winces. She managed to break off a corner, but the target’s circle remains.

She generates another rounds of flames, this time getting the opposite corner. “How is my aim that far off?”

It’s been months since you last trained, Master, Tobiume says. Give yourself some credit for coming out here today.

With a resolute shake of her head and she marches to the next target. “It could be my footing.”

Looking down, her feet aren’t the problem, placed wide enough to be stable and relaxed enough that she can make a quick dash from an opponent. No, it’s her shoulders. They’re hunched. She can only blame being stuck in bed, developing a habit of curling inwards.

 Taking a deep inhale, she straightens her back and pushes her shoulder back. She stretches out her hands, aiming at the target.

Patience, she reminds herself. If I rush, I’ll fail. It’s what she'd chant to herself at the Academy when she was nervous for her exams. To think it can work for her even now…

She casts another blast of Soukatsui, this time taking out half of the target. She smiles as Tobiume praises her. She moves down the line, casting two more of the same spell before switching to another, and changing how close and far she shot the kido from.

Much to her chagrin, a sweat builds up on her face and arms before she reaches the halfway point. She needs to regain her strength and stamina. The other training will help with that.

She wonders over and sits to the ledge of the nearby veranda. She unwinds the canister she’s brought with her and sips at the water.

She’d been given a small training program, dictated by Unohana and written out for her by Isane. It’s meant for only this week, and based on her progress, they will revise it for next week if need be.

She takes another gulp of water before winding the lid back on. She stands and shakes out her sleeves. Rangiku will be here soon, and she wants to tell her she could clear at least five targets with one shot each.

She continues down the line, casting Horin and Shakkaho with ease, but struggling with Okasen and Tsuzuri Raiden. By the time she gets to the last target, she’s sweating again. Still, she paces further away until she can barely make out the target’s circle. She raises her arms. “Hado Thirty-Two: Okasen!”

Her voice echos around the training grounds before the light generates from her hands. The bolt shoots as fast as a bird swooping at its prey, sending up plumes of dust in it’s path. It engulfs the target and hits the wall behind, adding another black smear to the others. Even before the dust settles, she’s confident she obliterated the whole target.

She grins and Tobiume practically dances around her head, cheering. She startles at the echo of clapping.

“Great work!”

Hinamori looks to where left her canteen. Sure enough, Rangiku stands on the veranda, applauding her. She bites the inside of her lip, simultaneously proud that she could impress her friend and embarrassed that she may have witnessed her earlier attempts on the other targets.

“Rangiku-san! You’re early,” she shouts, jogging across the grounds to her.

Rangiku frowns. “Am I? Didn’t we say at fourteen hundred hours?”

Hinamori blinks and cocks her head to one side. “Is that the time already?”

Rangiku shrugs. “I think you’ve been out here longer than you realize. Kotetsu-chan told me you’d be here when I didn't see you in your room.”

By the time Hinamori is on the veranda, she’s panting for breath. “Oh! I hope I didn’t keep you waiting!”

She dismisses her concern with a wave of her hand. “I only just arrived.”

Hinamori sinks down the veranda's ledge, trying to look dignified despite her fatigue.

Rangiku chuckles. “Goodness, you must’ve been putting your all into it.” She plonks down beside her. Her eyes are as bright as her grin. “But you’re training. That’s great!”

Hinamori gives her a tired smile. “Mm-hmm.”

She reaches behind Rangiku for her canister, but her friend beats her to it and hands it to her. “Is it just kido?” she asks.

Hinamori shakes her head while taking a sip. “No. Captain Unohana has a schedule for me. Yesterday, I joined in on Fourth Division's zanjutsu sessions. Today, I’m to practice hado and bakudo spells up to number thirty-five on fifteen targets. Tomorrow, I’m to perform jinzen. Other training activities can be done for no more than an hour a day.”

“Sounds strict.”

“It’s probably for the best. Sometimes I don’t know my limits and can go overboard.” She gestures to the destroyed target.

Rangiku gingerly elbows her. “Well, on similar note, don’t doubt yourself either. I know I keep harping on about it, but you’re stronger than you realize. That goes for your training, too.”

In the back of Hinamori’s mind, Tobiume furiously nods along to Rangiku’s words. Hinamori tries and fails to stifle a laugh, leaving her friend to raise a questioning eyebrow.

“Sorry, Rangiku-san,” she says, waving a hand. “It’s nothing.”

Rather than pry, her friend’s grin softens to a smile. Hinamori doesn’t know how to respond to the pride she sees in her eyes. It’s like Isane’s genuine smile, or seeing the weight lifted from Genji’s shoulders.

“I’m going to get better.” It’s meant to be a declaration, but it comes out as more of affirmation to herself. Still she continues, “I know I’ve said that before, but I’m trying now. Having this routine, it helps me with that.”

Rangiku’s arm comes across her back and her hand lands on her shoulder. “I know. However, the truth is, you’ve trying this whole time. I’m sure of it.” Then, more sombrely, “It can take a long time to find a way back, but like I aid last week, this will end one day. We never doubted you’d find your own way back.”

“You’ll find your way of dealing with it too, like we all have.”

“He forced those ‘abilities’ on us. We had to run, or we’d be executed, so we never got to tell our side of the story. Now that the bastard’s locked up, we can. It took so much just to get that. We spent a hundred years away from here, waiting for this day to come."

Why has it taken her so long to get to this point? Why has she been making them wait for so long?

Hinamori’s throat constricts. “I-I’ve never thanked you for your visits. They’ve always helped.”

Rangiku squeezes her shoulder. “I’m glad. I didn’t want you to think you only needed to talk to Fourth Division officers, you know?" Her smile deepens. "Despite what happened afterwards, you saved me in that battle. I owed you for that, and I think you need friends in times like these."

Before all of this, their friendship had been more casual. They’d see each other mostly at lieutenants or Women’s Association meetings. Every now and then they’d pass each other, whether it was rushing to mission or events in opposite direction, or having a small chat when visiting each other’s Divisions. Is that what they’ll go back to when this is all over?

“When I get discharged, can we train together? I’m rustier with zanjutsu than kido, so I’d appreciate a training partner.”

Rangiku releases her shoulder to clap her hands together. “Yes, of course! I’ve been slacking off with my training, so having a partner might help get into a habit.” She winks. “Besides, I might learn a thing or two from you about kido. You should show me how you did that Fushibi and Shakkaho combination so I can impress my captain.”

It hits Hinamori in the chest. I was meant to tell her he could visit. Yet she doesn't feel the need to voice it anymore. It feels like it's too late, now that she plans to get out here sooner rather than later.

 “How is he?” she asks instead.

Rangiku huffs. “The same old. Training, training, training! I’ve barely seen him this past week. I don’t know what's gotten into him.” She’s trying to play it light, but Hinamori can sense the tension within her.

“When I get out of here…” I’ll see him. She can’t finish the sentence. For once, she doesn’t know when that will be, and if he may choose to see her in that time. Given how long it’s been since she last saw him, she doubts he’ll ever come. Even when they were younger, he always took a long time to come around to something new or seek her out after they’d had an argument.

Old habits die hard. It’s a bitter thought, one that strains her smile. She closes her and sighs. “It’s going to be hard to see him again.”

Rangiku gives a shallow nod. “Yes.”

Hinamori raises her head, eyes going to sky. But I will, one day.

She can't say the words aloud.

_______________________

After seeing Rangiku off, she returned to her room to pick up one of Nanao's novels and ends up in the gardens. Despite the sunny weather, it's empty when she arrived. She sits on one of the benches shaded by a tree and begins reading. Unlike with drawing, she didn't have a great impulse to read. This is a test, comparing how much and how far she wanted to read. Unlike months ago, she got to page ten and wants to keep going.

Several minutes later, she lifts her head back to stretch her neck. She catches a glimpse of something in one of the doorways.

The unseated Seventh Division officer emerges, but he doesn't see her, chatting with another Shinigami -- a woman with long hair the same color as Rangiku's, a plaster on one cheek and bandages wrapped around her right arm.

She has the irrational idea to hide, even eyeing a nearby shrub.

Don't be a child, Tobiume lectures.

"I'm not," Hinamori grumbles under breath.

She remains on the bench, reopening the book to pass off as her reading still. She only gets to third words before finds herself glancing at the duo casually walking on the veranda.

The Seventh Division smirks in response to something the other Shinigami says. It’s a fond expression, one from years of knowing her Hinamori can tell. They must be close, perhaps friends before even entering the Academy.

She knows they'll see when they end up stepping to the gardens, on the path that cuts across the courtyard to the opposite veranda. Sure enough, as the path winds closer to her and near the set of steps to take them back up, the officer she met does a double take when he notices her.

She almost throws the book up over her face, but forces it on to her lap. She manages a smile and a wave. All that stands between her and them is a row of shrubs, and that somehow makes her feel less anxious.

To her surprise, the officer waves back using his good arm, but his smile is as awkward as hers. His companion's gaze goes between the two of them, but she freezes when she returns her attention to Hinamori. Then her eyes widen, and Hinamori knows she's been recognized. Here we go again.

Only, the officer bows. "Good afternoon, Lieutenant Hinamori!"

Hinamori blinks, and the Seventh Division officer is just as confused. When the other officer doesn't rise, he nudges her and mutters something to her.

"Good afternoon!" she calls back.

"Can't stay, we gotta go to a check up!" the Seventh Division officer shouts. He waves again. "Good to see you!"

She's too stunned to respond, and can only watch as they turn and make their way to the stairs and up the veranda. Was the Seven Division officer’s trepidation a few days ago only because he realized he was speaking to a lieutenant and not because of what she did? No, he’d almost said he’d heard what happened to her, had a sliver of pity in his expression when she spoke about Seventh Division.

The other officer glances back over her shoulder at her, grinning. Hinamori gives her a weak wave, unsure what else to do. The officer tugs on the sleeve of the Seventh Division officer while they leave and speaks to him.

"...I attended a class of hers," Hinamori thinks she hears, "back when we were at the Academy..."

"You should...your kido...bet you'd..." the Seventh Division officer replies, rolling his eyes. He nudges her again. "You're a fan, huh?"

She gives him a dirty look and elbows him. He laughs, all the way across the veranda and then out of sight with the other officer.

When the quiet returns, a seal breaks off within her She doesn't know why or even what, but she cries.

She realizes too late that a few tears have fallen on the open book. She shuts it and puts her face in her hands.

Is this relief? Is it guilt? Is it jealousy that two friends can be so unburdened? Is it mourning for who she used to be? Is it fear for what an uncertain future holds, for herself and for others? It's been such a whirlwind the last several days. She isn't sure what she feels sometimes.

She stands, wiping her eyes and tucking the book under her arm. She looks back to the doorway the two officer left through. She hopes they'll do well. That they won't make the same mistakes she made. That nothing will cause them to drift apart.

________________________

Hinamori came to the end of her training, sweat falling off her in rivulets and out of breath. She grabbed a towel, wiping her face and arms.

She halted and frowned. A trace of Hitsugaya's reiatsu. She looked towards the doorway. She crossed the hall and looked out. He's nowhere to be seen. When had he been here?

________________________

Hinamori stops drawing. Despite knowing he’s here for her, she follows his reiatsu as it enters the barracks and comes up the hallways. She closes her sketchbook and box of pencils and is about to stand when Shinji appears.

“Afternoon, Hina – Oh, you draw?”

She quickly straightens, the sketchbook falling into her lap when she takes in his uniform. He’s in a Shihakusho, but the haori is curiously folded over his arm. “G-Good afternoon, Hirako-san.”

“No need to be so formal,” he says in passing, attention on her sketchbook. “Didn’t know you could draw.”

Without meaning to, she clutches her book tighter and half twists away from him. “I’m still working on this piece.”

He holds up a hand and snorts. “ I get it. Love is the same.” When Hinamori tilts her head to side, he adds, “Seventh Division’s former captain. He always wanted to draw his own manga, but he got pretty shy about showing his drawings after getting rejected by so many publishers.”

“Oh.” She leans across and puts her sketchbook and pencil box on her bedside table. “He chose to remain in the World of the Living, didn’t he?”

“Yeah. Him, Lisa-chan, Hiyori, and Hachi-san.”

She doesn’t miss the brief heaviness in his eyes, but it’s gone in a blink and the widening of his toothy grin. He strides into her room. “Anyway, how have things been? Lieutenant Kotetsu said you’ve made ‘remarkable progress’. Her words, not mine.”

Hinamori looks away, face heating up. “Y-Yes.”

Shinji clicks his tongue. “Aw, don’t tell me it’s because of little old me? Well, what can I say, I provide inspiration in spades.”

The statement, self-aggrandizing but also self-mockery, forces a laugh out of her. She smacks a hand over her mouth, but it keeps bubbling up. How can a captain be so unserious?

“Nah, didn’t think so,” he says, coming to sit in the chair at her bedside. “You did it yourself.”

That kills her laughter. “I mean…” It was you. “What did Kotetsu-san tell you?"

“That you’ve been going outside and doing training. That you've been socializing more with patients.” He jerks his chin in the general direction of Fifth Division. “Judging from Isawa-kun a few days ago and the seated officers who came to see you this morning, you’re in better temp too.”

“Better temp?”

“Means you’re in higher spirits.”

“Yes, I suppose I am.” Her voice isn’t very convincing. She feels as though she has a spotlight over her, and despite his relaxed demeanor, she senses he’s checking if she’s being truthful. Does he not trust her? Or is overacting? Believing she needs to be a hundred percent for him, so he wouldn’t regret keeping her on as his lieutenant.

She inwardly shakes her head, and surprises herself when a smile comes naturally to her lips. “How was your ceremony?”

“Pretty standard,” he says. “A bit stuffy, but good.” He holds up and shakes his arms, the sleeves waving back and forth like wings. “What about this, hey? It took me longer than I care to admit to remember how it goes on but got there in the end.”

She looses a quiet chuckle. “I suppose it’s been while since you’ve had to wear clothing like this.”

“I wore kimono while I was in the World of the Living every now and then, but something like this, yeah. And I tell ya, I didn’t miss the strict dress code here.” He shrugs. “It seems they’re a bit more relaxed these days for captains and seated officers. It’s a good change.” He chortles, leaning back in the chair and folding his arms. “I remember when Lisa-chan requested changes to her uniform. There was a bit of an uproar about it at the time.”

“Why was that?”

“She requested her hakama be shortened to above the knee.”

Hinamori’s eyes widen. “Oh, I see.”

“Yeah,” he snorts. “Bit controversial at the time. She’d probably get away with it today.”

Speaking of uniform changes, Hinamori casts a furtive glance at his haori. It’s hard to tell if it;s same or different, but she can definitely see the sleeves are intact.

“Wondering why I ain’t wearing it?”

The question startles her, and she meets Shinji’s gaze ruefully. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” His smile is gone, and his eyes fall of the coat. He unfolds it from his arm and brings it to his lap. The ends pool around his feet, while the Fifth Division insignia is in laid flat for both of them to see. He stares at it with a mixture of pensiveness and nostalgia. “There’s two reasons. First, it’s taking some getting used to. Haven’t worn it in over a century. It’s like finding something in the back of closest and putting it on again for the first time in a long time. Ya know what I mean?”

She can’t say she did. “Does it trouble you?”

“Nah, not like that. Feels like it belongs to someone else – not Aizen, I mean. The old me, as it were. I’m glad you have it back, and I want to show it the respect it deserves.”

Hinamori purses her ips and pointedly looks down. It’s only then Shinji notices the ends are on the ground. He curses, hefting of the uniform until it’s all collected in his lap. Hinamori can’t stifle a short laugh, one that he joins in with a smirk.

"Like I said, still some getting used to," he offers. “The second reason…” He trails off, then winks. “Nah, I’ll keep that one a secret for now.”

 Hinamori raises a brow. “Why?”

He refolds the haori back over his arm. “You’ll understand soon enough.”

He's a strange man, both she and Tobiume think in unison.

He crosses one leg over the other once he done. “So, have you thought about it? Returning as Fifth Division’s lieutenant, I mean.”

The question doesn’t frighten Hinamori as much as she thought it would.

She recalls her last conversation with Genji. After telling him about her first meeting with Shinji, he'd grinned.

“That he told you of his intention to return before he told the Captain-Commander… Strangely, that makes me like him more.”

She'd shrugged. “I’m not sure why he told me.”

“I think it’s obvious why. You’re our lieutenant, why wouldn’t he tell you?”

He’d been so sure she’s returning to her former post, without her even voicing that she will. Did the other officers share the same certainty?

She tries to imagine the reaction his reinstatement must have gotten amongst the division. What must have the officer who knew him from his captaincy thought when they realized he hadn’t died or abandoned the Gotei Thirteen?

The newer ones must have been irked or worried, some probably not even having heard of this man. As far as they’re concerned he’s new, someone who hadn’t been in touch with the Fifth Division let alone the Soul Society for decades. He’d come from the World of Living and didn’t have to do much to become a captain again.

Hadn’t she thought the same? He’d proven her wrong, and she would need to help with changing the minds of those officers.

“You really want me to stay on as lieutenant after everything…?” After everything I confessed to you and did in the past?

He lists his head to one side, and then the other. “Ya know, I had the same thought. Why the heck are they asking me back? Was there really no one else here qualified enough to take on the role? I still don't completely understand why they did, but I decided I'm not going to waste this opportunity.

“The difference here is, I know exactly why you should stay on as lieutenant. You have a high proficiency in kido and your other skills are the level of a lieutenant, but that’s standard.” He leans forward a fraction. “I mentioned last time, but I can see you love being in the Division, and everyone has nothing but nice things to say about you.

"When I spoke with the Captain-Commander, he was agreeable to you returning."

"I expect there will be consquences still."

"Yeah, maybe. We'll have to discuss that with the Captain-Commander." His grin turns into a closed-lipped smile. "You worked hard to get this position. I think he knows that, and I don’t think anyone wants to take that away from you."

Her reasons for attaining the position were not as noble as most likely thought. She’d wanted to stand by Aizen’s side, serve as close to him as she could. To be the one he turned to in crisis, and the one who got to understand who he was. How he could be so kind and warm in a position that required so much accountability and critical decisions that could result in death.

She’d almost died receiving her answers.

But did any of it undo the work she did to get there? She had thrown herself completely into training and study. Buckets of sweat shed while practicing zanjutsu, dozens of rolls of bandages after putting her hands under so much strain from kido training, years of staying up late to read on the Seireitei’s history and the qualities that were expected from a lieutenant of the Gotei Thirteen. It had all happened, regardless of her intentions. That can’t be taken away from her, no matter what.

“You will never live without me.”

There’s no way around it. He’ll always be a part of her memories, and echoes of him will follow her in the present. It's the same for the Division, for her friends, and it must affect Shinji too.

Aizen had tried to get rid of him and all he had done, just he has tried to do with her. But he survived. He returned.

Surely, against all her doubts, she can do the same. The traces of Aizen won't imprison her anymore just as he is in Muken.

"I accept.”

Shinji blinks, as if he hadn’t heard her.

She nods to him. “I will return to my duties as Lieutenant of the Fifth Division.”

His grin returns, brighter than before. He punches a hand into the air. “Yes! Knew it!” He practically jumps to his feet and unfolds the haori. He gives it a flap before shoving his arms into the sleeves. “Now I can put this on.”

Hinamori frowns. “What?"

“I didn’t want to wear this until I knew your answer.Now we can be lead Fifth Division.”

She stares at his haori for longer than the necessary; it’s almost alien to her, as if it were one of the articles of clothing from the World of the Living he wore. This will certainly take some getting used to. Perhaps he’d been considerate before, not wanting to barge in here with the haori on before hearing her answer.

She presses her lips together when the back of her eyes burn. No more tears. Only steps into the uncertain future, with a captain who cares about the Division as much as she does. She'll need to make amends, even if some don't think she needs to.

She stands and gives him a firm nod. “Yes, let’s lead the Division together.”

______________________

Shinji left several hours ago, but Hinamori is aflutter with a mix of emotions she can't name. When she's unable to sleep, she falls into a trance for Jinzen. Tobiume had vanishes from her mind after the visit.

Opening her eyes to her inner world, she understands why. Tobiume's flames are high enough that she has to crane her neck to see the top.

But that isn't what shocks her the most. Beneath her feet, heat radiates up from the ground. The cracks, like veins in the earth, that reach into Tobiume are ignited, like lighting the wick of a candle. The heat banishes the cold once and for all.

She hastily follows a crack, watching the flames roll through thickly like lava. Closer to Tobiume, they're taller than her, but the further away they get, the smaller but brighter the fire. Where she treads, they're only high enough to brush the soles of her feet. Embers spit out from the crack, raining down over her and twirling in the rain, glowing until they extinguish.

She stops at the edge of the forest that she has been feeling and smell rather than seeing until now. It's illuminated in orange and yellow, casting shadows over the webs of cracks. The leaves, the grass, the flowers, all visible, all renewed. Replenished not by water, but by the fire.

She laughs, her grin hurting her cheeks. She marvels at the forest, at the vibrancy of Tobiume. The sky isn't alight yet, but this is enough for now. Tobiume joins her, her flames dancing and crackling.

______________________

“Do you feel well enough to return to your duties?”

"Yes."

Isane's eyes widen a fraction. Hinamori can't tell if it's her response or how it practically burst out of her that shocks her fellow lieutenant more.

After a pause, Isane let's out a quiet, stunned breath. A smile wavers on her lips, before becoming a grin. "Good! I was hoping you'd say that. You've shown remarkable improvement over this whole week." She writes a note on her report, then tucks the it into her uniform sleeve and stands. "Let's go speak with Captain Unohana."

______________________

Hitsugaya rushes to the main barracks’ hall. The several officers gathered look up at him when they hear his feet smacking down the steps, turning away from Rangiku as she speaks into her denreishinki.

“What’s happening?” Hitsugaya demands once on the ground floor. The Hell Butterfly that brought him the message leaps from shoulder and glides past everyone out of the barracks.

Rangiku continues speaking to an officer on the other end, and it’s Narita who answer him. Her expression makes his throat go dry. “The situation in Naruki City has escalated. An Adjuchas has appeared.”

Hitsugaya’s eyes go wide. “What?”

Rangiku snaps her denreishinki shut. “It’s as Narita-san said. I’ve also just been told it’s leading more than five Gillians. They’re struggling to hold them back from getting into the City.”

“Who’s leading the teams aside from Minagawa?”

“Daiwa-kun and Takezoe-san.”

Hitsugaya clenches his jaw. Seated officers, but definitely not strong enough to take on an Adjuchas together, let alone with a sizeable group of unseated officers in tow.

Rangiku steps forward. “We need to send in a backup team.” She looks to Hanae at her left. “Hanae-san, we’ll go together.” After their Fourth Seat gives her a firm nod, she turns to the officers behind her. “Narita-san, Totsuka-kun, and Noake-san, I’ll make arrangements for others to complete your tasks for today. I believe your shikai abilities will help us in this situation. Are you prepared to go to the World of the Living?”

All three nod.

“Yes, Lieutenant,” Narita adds.

“Good. I have their location on my denreishinki. We’ll open the senkaimon to there.” Finally, she turns to Hitsugaya. “Do you have any objections to this plan, sir?”

As usual, she knows when to take charge. Rangiku can handle an Adjuchas with assistance, especially with a few other seated officers there. Looking over at Noake and Totsuka, he knows they need more experience in battle. It’s a good team.

But he’s reluctant to let them all go. No, if anything, this is an opportunity for him.

“I’ll go.”

Everyone looks to him, most showing confusion.

“Captain?” Rangiku says.

“I need you back here.” He looks to the other officers. “Totsuka and Noake join me. Narita, you said you wanted more combat experience. Come along if want.”

Narita blinks. “I…yes, Captain. I’ll go too.”

Rangiku and Hanae share a glance, something silently communicated between them. The other officers who hadn’t been named suddenly look unsure if they should be standing there and hearing all of this. They’ve likely never seen him and Rangiku at odds like this.

“Captain,” Rangiku says, “are you sure?”

“What concerns you? Myself, five seated and several unseated officers are enough for an Adjuchas and Gillians."

“It’s been…” She can’t finish, or perhaps doesn’t want to with present company surrounding them. It’s been months since you were last in a battle.

He resists clenching his jaw at the implication. My skills haven’t dulled, he wants to tell her. If anything, they’ve improved. I’ll prove it to you and myself.

“We can’t waste anymore time,” he says. “If somehow things get worse, I will call you in for backup. In the meantime, I need you here to update First Division on the situation.” He can’t say more than that, not with those beneath the Fifth Seat ranking present. The attempts to communicate with Hueco Mundo are still classified, and the Captain-Commander will certainly want to know that an Adjuchas has appeared after all this time.

He can tell Rangiku wants to say more, but she closes her mouth. When she starts giving a firm nod, he’s already turning to retrieve Hyourinmaru from his room. “Narita, Totsuka, Noake, go get your zanpakuto. I will meet you outside of the main entrance.”

________________________________________

He had wings.

It’s the first thing he thought after the mist settled and a great ‘whoosh’ sounded from behind him. The sensation of appendages, like having an extra pair of arms, radiated from his back. He focused on them, and sure enough, he got them to move again. Another flap, and this time they came into view in his peripheral.

He brought them closer, nearly closing them over himself. He wanted to jump and cheer around in the woods, but he reigned himself in. He wasn’t a child; he was an officer, a Shinigami. He will react just as Isshin would expect him to.

“This is my bankai,” he said, but even when trying to channel authority, the wonder of having achieved it still came through.

______________________

The roar of a Gillian reaches Hitsugaya seconds before he steps through the senkaimon. On his right, Totsuka shudders. The second drags on, but he has no time to reassure him. In truth, he has no words for him. His goal is forefront of his mind.

The second ends, and once on the other side, it’s chaos.

Gillians tower over them. Shinigami are everywhere, either fighting or carrying off the injured. There’s a cacophony of yells for help or orders by seated officers beneath the snarls and bellows of the Gillians. He can smell the effects of Takezone’s Shikai and see the scorch marks it’s caused on the surrounding trees. A shard of Mingawa's shikai glints in the distance, shooting into the mask of Gillian. He's fending off it from slaughtering a group of unseated officers trying to move someone who’s unconscious.

A quick glance behind and Hitsugaya can see buildings that are far too close. It will only take the Gillian ten more steps before they’ve reached the City, and no doubt some humans can sense something is amiss despite the kido wards they’ve put up.

A reiatsu flares. One he doesn’t know. The Adjuchas. It radiates from behind all of these Gillians.

It’s enough to jolt him back, and as if muscle memory kicks in, he snaps his gaze to the three seated officer and points to where he orders them to go. “Noake, assist Takazoe! Narita, go tend to the injured officers there! Totsuka, follow me to Minagawa!”

“Yes, Captain!” they all say, with Narita and Noake flash-stepping away.

He doesn’t waste anytime summoning his bankai and flash-stepping into the fray with Totsuka following behind. He goes for the nearest Gillian, leaping up to slash it across the mid-section. He was so fast the Gillian doesn’t have time to bend over and try to attack. It bellows as he flaps away, and the ice that erupts from the wound shoots upwards and outwards in spikes that could match the ones around its neck. By the time the ice reaches its mouth, the roar turns into a wail, and it’s cut off as the ice cracks and breaks apart.

Hitsugaya doesn’t linger to watch it fall, landing on the ground again and rushing between two Gillians occupied by groups of Shinigami. One of them begins generating a cero, only to be flung back by a beam of Soukatsui and then fixed in place by wave of clay from Daiwa's shikai that instantly dries around its feet. For good measure, he aims flurries of ice at each of them, shooting them through the chest while he rushes past.

Hitsugaya can sense rather than see Minagawa up ahead, obstructed from view by one of two Gillian he and his group face.

“Totsuka!” Hitsugaya calls over his shoulder. “Your shikai, now!”

“Right, sir!” he yells back, and chants his zanpakuto’s release call. It’s lost in an explosion from behind, and Hitsugaya has no time to see what it was.

Trusting his officer knows what to do, Hitsugaya lunges ahead of him at one of the Gillians, throwing his wings out to glide. He pulls Hyourinmaru back, sending the command down to his blade to build up ice. Then, when he nears to Gillian, he slashes it along the back of its legs. He kicks off the ground and shoots up into the sky as it roars. Ice explodes from where he cut and spikes out to surrounding Gillians, injuring them. It’s counterpart, distracted by the commotion, doesn’t see Totsuka’s whipuntil it's too late. The shikai wraps itself around the Hollow's midsection, pinning its arms to its sides.

Hitsugaya watches from above as the whip flares with a magenta glow that burns the Gillian, while Mingawa and a few unseated officers charge in to finish the job on the one he’d attacked. He flies on, extending his senses for the Adjuchas.

Just as he’s locked on to it, a Gillian lunges up and tries to snap its jaws around him. He twirls out of it's reach. At the start of his training, such a maneuver was near impossible for him to do in a split second. Now it’s as easy as getting off the ground.

There’s six Gillians, all battling his officers, and a seventh is emerging from a tear forming in the sky. It’s hand reaches out, then it’s head pokes through. With a flap, he shoots himself at it. Everything is a blur around him, going too fast.

The Gillian doesn’t have time to cry out before the ice pierces and encases it’s top half. The ice breaks apart and crashes into the trees below while the lower half vanishes into nothing.

He flares out his wings to slow himself down and makes a wide arc to circle back to the battle. He swerves his head in the direction of the Adjuchas, hidden beneath the trees. He thinks to sneak up on it, but with him this high, there’s little chance it hasn’t seen him already. He swoops down to the ground and lands. Scanning the area, there’s no visible sign of it. Raising his own reiatsu, he’s practically baiting it to come out.

A tree violently shudders behind him, and as he swings around, a maroon blur comes for him. The Adjuchas is fast, but he can dodge quicker and strike fast. He slashes Hyourinmaru while spinning away. The creature skids to a stop, growling and inspecting it’s bleeding tail. It’s not just pain from the wound it should feel, but the chill from Hyrouiaru’s blade that rushes up to the rest of it's body.

Hunched over, it rises to its full height when Hitsugaya goes in for another attack. It dashes back, out of Hyourimaru’s range. Both come to stop, waiting for the other’s next move.

The Adjuchas is unnaturally tall, with willowy arms but muscled legs ending in hooves. Two yellow stripes run up its torso, contrasting harshly against its leathery maroon skin. It’s head resembles a horse’s skull, and its yellow eyes glare down at him from the dark sockets.

“A Shinigami Captain,” it hisses. “Why would you show up?”

“I’d ask you the same thing,” he retorts flatly.

The Adjuchas barks out a laugh. “Why else? The queen may tolerate you, but we do not. I and hundreds of others will not follow a ruler who tells us to stay away from what we need! The Souls are ours!”

Queen?

But Hitsugaya has no time to ponder who that is. The Adjuchas lunges at him with claws raised. He dodges and tries to slice its leg. Before Hyourinmaru can cut, he needs to spin out of the way of a kick.

He flash-steps to gain distance and doesn’t waste a second to generate ice to encase its hooves. It manages to dodge the flurries while sprinting towards him, and Hitsugaya casts Guncho Tsurara. The icicles shoot out over a wider area than months ago.

Distracting it as planned, he shoots ice to its hooves. An icicle slices through one of its arms, another grazed the side of its torso and one narrowly misses its head as it jolts forward, landing on its hands with its legs entrapped by ice. It bellows, the cry making Hitsugaya’s ears ring.

He doesn’t let it disorientate him and aims Hyourinmaru at the creature. “Ryuse--!”

The ground shakes and twin shadows fall over him. In his peripheral, a tree is snapped in half beneath a boot. He breaks the attack and looks over his shoulder. Two Gillian leer over him, generating ceros with roars he can’t hear over the ringing.

He kicks off from the ground and arcs Hyourinmaru from one side to the other. “Hyoryuu Senbi!”

The ice shoots out in a wide crescent and throws the Gillians’ heads back when it strikes them. Before they can straighten he dives for one of them and stabs it’s through it’s mask. Kicking off from its face, he does the same to other with a snarl.

They fall to their knees when he lands and disintegrate into nothing.

The Adjuchas stares at him, it’s clawed hands stopping their attempts to break ice around its legs. “How?”

Hitsugaya grits his teeth against the rising anger within him. He gets no thrill in the shock and borderline fear it expresses, but a part of him takes vindication. Perhaps this is enough…

He shakes off the thought. It's time to end this. “You should have stayed in Hueco Mundo. Whoever decides to attack the World of Living will always face us.” It’s all Seireitei rhetoric, all of which he feels nothing towards in this moment.

He raises Hyourinmaru with both hands. “Ryusenka.”

He rushes at the Adjuchas. It's mouth unhinges open to an unnatural degree, the lower jaw almost flush again it’s neck. The beginnings of a cero flicker to life from behind its teeth but it’s too late. It doesn’t scream or bellow, not even when the blade runs through its torso. Ice bursts out from its back and sides, even covering some surrounding trees. It's yellow eyes stare at him, wide, disbelieving, before the ice flows over it's skull and takes the color out of them.

Hitsugaya withdraws Hyourinmaru, and the cracks web across the surface. He doesn’t back away far, still able to make out his hazy reflection in the fracturing ice. Once the ice has broken apart into pieces, the adrenaline eeks out of him with each panting breath. Above him, he has one and a half flowers left. In the past, he’d be down to the last petal.

From a short distance behind him, a Gillian’s cry is abruptly cut off. He turns, lifting his wings to see the creature dissipate as it falls. Then, belatedly, he registers Minagawa and the officers behind him, all keeping their distance. Some look at him with awe, taking in his wings and the ice plastered to the trees around them. Others eye him with a wariness he hasn’t seen in over a decade, a fear of the potential of his power.

Minagawa jogs over to him. His lips form a smile that’s too thin. “I guess your training has paid off.”

It brings him back to reality. It occurs to him, as if only surfacing from beneath a deep ocean, that he feels no sense of victory. Not even a sense of pride that he’d greatly improved his bankai, perhaps even perfected it. There’s an emptiness within, wide enough to swallow any of those things whole.

He nods in response. Whatever is going through him can wait.

“All of the Gillians have either been eliminated or retreated,” Minagawa says. “So far, four are injured, but there may be more from Totsuka-kun’s group.”

Hitsugaya straightens his shoulders and fully turns away from the frozen remains of the Adjuchas. “Contact Matsumoto and get her to come here with a team from Fourth Division and a team from Tenth to do clean-up for the area.”

Minagawa nods and reaches into his shihakusho for his denreishinki. Hitsugaya walks away from him and starts giving orders to get the injured ready for transfer back to the Soul Society. All the while, his ice breaks apart and crumbles. By the time he looks back to where the Adjuchas was frozen, it look like nothing but snow.

_______________________

There’s a commotion going on outside of her room. Officers rush down the hallway, speaking so fast she can’t make out what they’re saying. In her months of staying here, she's learnt it means either there’s an emergency in the intensive care ward or the officers have been summoned to a missions with too many injured.

There’s nothing she can do, so she only hopes that everything will be all right for them.

It’s thirty minutes later when there’s a knock. Hinamori has to withhold a gasp at who’s come to see her off. “Captain Unohana?”

The captain smiles and lifts the folded bundle in her arms. “Kotetsu-san is currently attending another patient. I told her I could deliver a fresh uniform to you.”

Hinamori stands from her bed as Unohana enters and places the uniform on her bedside table. “Thank you."

“It’s no trouble. Is there anything else we can get for you? Perhaps a new hair tie?”

“Oh no! That’s very kind of you though.”

For most of her recovery, Hinamori hadn’t seen Unohana. She only appeared once a month, to make small talk or do her check up in Isane’s place. Every time, she was a serene presence, always patient and trying to encourage her to get better.

Not once had she suggested she finish recuperating at Fifth Division. She understood, knew what it would mean for her to go back. Or perhaps she suspected she would try to escape again. Regardless, keeping her here was a lot to ask for a Division.

Hinamori bows deeply. “Thank you for your care, Captain Unohana. You’ve allowed me to stay here for longer than I needed, but I’m grateful for your patience and kindness and for the help of your officers. I promise to fulfill my duties as a Shinigami and as Lieutenant of the Fifth Division. I also promise to never get into such a state again that I need to stay as long as I did.”

Unohana let’s out a faint chuckle. “My, how formal.”

Hinamori straightens. “I just wanted to express my gratitude. You and your officer have done a lot for me. The least I can do is ensure I don’t end in here again.”

“Ah, but none of us can predict future, can we?” At Hinamori eyebrows rising, Unohana’s smile widens. “Its alright to be uncertain about what lies ahead. However, I don’t think you will be back for the same reasons as you came to us months, nor will you have tenure with us this long ever again.

“I am pleased you have recovered enough to return to your duties, but your journey may not end here.” She bows her head. “Should ever need anything, please let Kotetsu-san know and we can make arrangements.”

“Yes, I will. Thank you.”

“I will leave you be. Kotetsu-san should be here within the hour.”

Once Unohana leaves, Hinamori looks at the folded shihakusho. After a pause, she runs her hand over the obi that lay on top. She remembers how to tie it around her waist, like a reflex and without a second thought. It’s irrational, but she’s relieved she can still recall how to put on her uniform.

However, looking at her reflection in the window, dressed in the hospital robes with her hair tied over one shoulder, doubt creeps in again. She can put on a uniform just fine, but that didn’t mean she could do everything else. How can she wonder around the barracks and act as if nothing happened? What if she’s only reminded of Captain Aizen?

She shudders at the thought of him. Maybe this really was a mistake after all.

She shakes her head. No, everyone’s waiting for me. I can’t let them down.

It’s this thought that motivates her to dress out of her hospital robes and into her uniform. She thinks about Genji and the rest of the Fifth Division, about the other lieutenants and her friends in other divisions, about the Junrinan, and, with some hesitation, Hitsugaya.

Finally, after she has completely changed into the shihakusho, she thinks about her new captain.

She will have to work alongside him, in a time where she and her officers are all atill reeling from the lies they’ve been living under. Regardless of whether they were old or new, she imagined almost everyone in his division wouldn’t be too trusting of Shinji right away. He would’ve had to earn just the most basic trust in the last week, who knew how long it would take before they could all trust him completely.

But then, did she trust him? Even after her conversation with him two days ago, she’s still not completely sure.

She is not her old self and never would be. She is not so far gone that she distrusts every new person she meets, and she was never so naïve as to believe everyone was good to their core; but now she knew just how cruel people could be, especially those who never showed their true weaknesses.

Her life before Aizen’s betrayal had felt like a fantasy, carefully crafted for her to always be content and not question a thing about the world she lived in. She’d been blinded by him, and after her first conversation with Shinji, tries to understand how she never once thought to look for a fault in him. How she could’ve been so content for things to stay as they were and never question how life could be so idyllic.  

Even so, much to her shame, that a longing to return to life remained. She bites the inside of her mouth, hard. Again she needs to remind herself: that life is gone now, and she’ll try to face whatever life she lives in now.

“Hinamori-san, are you ready?”

The question from behind the door startles her. “Oh, um…”

She quickly resumes folding up her hospital robes and then gathering the few things she has on the bedside table. “Yes, Kotetsu-san!” she says without stopping.

The door slides open, and when she looks over her shoulder, there stands Isane, smiling at her without pity or sympathy. Her fellow lieutenant steps in and then to the side of the door. “If you’re ready to go, Captain Hirako is here.”

Before Hinamori can say anything, Shinji waltzes into the room. His smile is toothy and wide, and having met him twice now, gets the distinct impression it’s how he naturally smiles despite how strange it seems.

“Why do you look so surprised?” he asks, then gestures to the doorway. “You ready to go?”

Hinamori straightens and tilts her head to one side. She’d thought she would pack her things and make her own way back, getting a send-off from Isane at the Fourth Division’s entrance at most, but otherwise just slowly making her way back to the division.

But here Shinji is, ready to walk her back, to accompany her on what felt like a long road back. Of course he is, all the captains generally do so when their lieutenants are about to be discharged from Fourth Division.

Somehow though, she gets the sense this isn’t just out of obligation either. He seems genuinely happy to see her, and now it’s infectious because she’s a little happy to see him too.

“Yes,” she says when she realises he’s waiting for a response. “I’m ready to go, Captain.”

It takes her far too much effort to get the title out, and if the way his smile falls is any indication, he can tell. She’s told herself repeatedly that this man will be her new captain, but somehow the title still hasn’t stuck to him in her mind yet.

However, his smile hadn’t gone entirely; it’s close-lipped and smaller, but no less genuine. As he closes the gap between them, he reaches into his left sleeve. “Well, actually, you’re almost ready to go.”

She frowns at that. “What do you mean?” She looks to Isane, who still stands at the door. “Did I forget something?”

Isane shakes her head with a knowing look. “You’ve signed all the paperwork you needed to.”

When she turns back to the captain, he pulls out something from his sleeve and holds it out to her. “Here.”

Hinamori blinks down at the lieutenant’s badge, as it’s the first time she’s ever been presented with it. Swallowing against the tightness building in her throat, she slowly takes it in both hands. She can’t look up, her head suddenly too heavy to lift. She presses her lips together and blinks against the threat of tears.

She’s really going back to the Fifth Division. Not just as a subordinate, but as it’s lieutenant.

It’s been months since she last walked in the hallways she knew like the back of her hand or slept in her quarters or tended the gardens in the courtyards or ate with her subordinates in the mess hall or sat on one of the verandas and did her paperwork on sunny days. None of it would be the same. She wasn’t the same.

She thinks to ask Shinji if he’s truly certain about this, that he really wanted her back on as lieutenant of the Fifth Division, but what she holds in her hands is answer enough. “Thank you.”

______________________

It’s a thought they both share. From his appearance to how he spoke, he’s the opposite of what she expects from a former captain. She can’t even remember what her expectations of him had been.

“I imagine my name was barely spoken by the time you became a Shinigami.”

All of his years as a captain, all your hard work and dedication and achievements, gone because the Soul who he was meant to trust the most ensured he was disgraced and never remembered. Members of her Division knew Shinji, but they never spoke about him at great length. They’d all been blinded and brought to silence, turning to Aizen like sunflowers towards the sun, forgetting what was behind them in the past.

The thought disorientates her, makes her stop pacing. She clutches the end of her bed, and eventually sits upon it.

She wonders if Shinji received an apology from the Captain-Commander or a member of Central Forty-Six. But perhaps an offer to reinstate him as captain is apology enough. Hinamori isn’t so sure.

He could’ve chosen to be resentful, she thinks, but he wants to return. He wants to restore Fifth Division.

Can he be trusted? Tobiume asks.

She’d be lying if a part of her didn’t think he could be. It’s the deep-seated wariness ingrained into her now, one that perhaps cautions too much.

He fought on our side, she reasons, and I believe he was being sincere in his desire to strengthen Fifth Division.

Tobiume says nothing, pondering her words. In the silence, Hinamori looks to the ceiling, searching herself for what comes next. She’s been going in circles this whole time, but it feels like she has wondering off a smaller circle and back on to a bigger one. One that started when she confined to Fifth Division. If she keeps following it, she’ll end up back here, alone in Fourth Division, at some point.

A flicker of a memory, from not too long ago. The side profile of Izuru, his bangs over his eye, cast against the window of a snoy day.

“Some days I want to rage against him, but what’s the use? It’ll only send me off course, on to a path I don’t want to go down.”

She’s certain Shinji would have experienced the same thing. How he and the others must have raged after what Aizen did them. What circles did they go in before moving on from what Aizen inflicted upon them? Shinji may have bitterness towards his past circumstances and his ‘abilities’, but none of it is directed at her or Fifth Division, or even the Soul Society.

It’s no use thinking on them, she realizes. The way back is heres and hers alone.

"...I want to make the Division better than it was before, and, if you want to stay on as lieutenant, I’d appreciate the help."

She clasps her hands in her lap. Hands that held the front of Aizen’s haori, wanting to know he was real and alive. Hands that are calloused, that had reached out grabbed training swords and her zanpakuto as it took shape long before she met him.

These aren't the hands of Shinji or those who Aizen harmed. These are hers, and she must decide what to do with them.

__________________________

Standing in the doorway to the courtyard, Hinamori experiences déjà vu. She watches the Shinigami ambling around the gardens, none taking notice of her.

She’s seen most of these Souls for the last weeks, but even today there’s a few new faces. She knows none of their names, and she’s certain none of them are aware she’s been witnessing their comings and goings from her room window. ‘People watching’, the Humans called it.

She takes halting steps across the veranda, then down into the garden. She pauses, waiting for them to stare at her. When they don’t, she gets a renewed ounce of courage to keep going, walking on one of the winding paths. She passes a Soul, but he’s too occupied by a group of butterflies resting on a shrub’s branch to notice her.

She sits on an empty bench a few feet away. She hadn’t thought about what these benches were made of, but from the shiver that rolls up through her from the chill, it’s definitely stone.

The air is not as cold as when she last stuck her head outside, and most of the snow is melting off the shrubs and trees or turned to slush in the corners they’d been shoveled into. Winter is trying to keep it’s grip on the Seireitei, but the flowers are beginning to bloom, and buds line the trees, leaves ready to spring to life. It's a cycle, happening ine the same months every year, never to be broken.

 So caught up in nature around her, she startles when a Shinigami moves into her peripheral.

“Oh, apologies! I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Hinamori blinks at the Shinigami, then conjures up a nervous smile. “No, it’s all right. I got lost in my thoughts”

The Shinigami – a young man with his left arm in a sling – scratches the back of his neck with his right hand. “I suppose that’s why they call it a garden of contemplation.”

Hinamori had never heard it referred to as that, but she plays along. “It’s a nice place to come and reflect, isn’t it?”

The man shrugs his good shoulder. “Truth is, I don’t have too many thoughts, so it’s probably wasted on me.”

She lets out a huff of a chuckle. “I’m sure that’s not true. If not to contemplate, it's a good chance to get fresh air.”

He half smiles, and although it’s genuine, Hinamori doesn’t miss how he avoids her gaze. “Yeah, it was getting stuffy in there. Loud too. I was put into a room with other officers who were in the same battle as me. They keep talking about it even though it’s passed, you know?” At her questioning gaze, he adds, “Hollows in one of our jurisdictions. Took them down, but well –” he gestures to his sling “– got a broken arm for the trouble. It’s only my second mission, too.”

Hinamori nods. “I see. Are you a recent graduate from the Academy then?”

“Not that recent, but yeah. I was assigned to Seventh Division five months ago.” He lists his head to one side. “So, what’re you here for?”

Hinamori can’t stifle a confused grunt. Her widened eyes give him the wrong idea, and he raises an alarmed hand. “Agh! Sorry! There I go again scaring you. You don’t have to say.”

He doesn’t know who she is. No wonder he’s so casual. Being a new recruit, it’s likely hasn’t seen all of the captains and lieutenants in person yet, at most seeing them in drawings or photos in the Seireitei Communication.

She’s not naïve enough to assume rumors and whispers haven’t gone beyond the walls of Fifth Division. Almost everyone must know that Fifth Division’s lieutenant still hasn’t returned to her duties, that she was so enamored by her captain that she fell into despair. The moment she says her name, he'll change. And it’ll be like this for everyone she meets and speaks with, whether they know her at first or not.

But there’s no going back. There are no clean slates. She knows that now. There’s only what’s happened, and what she can choose to do now.

“I’ve been here for a few months,” she says, voice quiet. “I was badly wounded but I’m all healed up now. There’s been other reasons I’ve remained her.e” She attempts a fuller smile. “I’m Hinamori Momo.” She can’t bring herself to say her title, not yet.

As predicted, the warmth drains from the Shinigami’s expression. He gapes, then bows deeply. “I’m so sorry, Lieutenant! I-I didn’t recognize you!”

The commotion draws attention, and four Shinigami look in their direction. The one she'd passed earlier quickly looks away, returning to studying the butterflies on a shrub; another, who had been sitting beneath a tree, frowns at them, looking more annoyed that his quiet contemplation had been disturbed. The last two, who had been conversing just before, suddenly turn away and lean in closer to each other, their voices lowering so neither Hinamori nor the Shinigami before her can hear. They certainly know who she is.

She shakes off the indignation and raises a reassuring hand towards the Shinigami. “I-It’s all right, please don’t worry.”

The Shinigami rises, eyes still wide in shock. “If I’d known it was you, I wouldn’t have…I’ve heard…” Then, thinking better of it, he closes his mouth.

How does she navigate this? Surely there will come a point where the events of the last several months are not what others think when they see her or hear her name.

“Seventh Division is a good Division.” She doesn’t know why she says it, but it feels like the right place to restart this conversation. She’s encouraged by the Shinigami raising his gaze to her again.

“Captain Komamura is a great leader,” she continues. “He’s very encouraging and supportive from what I’ve heard. He also has a cute pet dog, doesn’t he? I’ve heard he runs around the Division a lot.”

The Shinigami looks unsure how to respond. Eventually, he let’s out a shaky chuckle. “Y-Yeah, Goro’s his name.” He swallows. “I like it there, it’s good. I…” He trails off, gaze locked over her shoulder.

Isane is on the veranda, looking at them.

"That's Lieutenant Kotetsu," she hears him murmur.

Hinamori stands. "Yes. I think she's here for me." She turns and bows to the Seventh Division officer. "Please excuse. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."

"Ah, no! If anything, I think it's the other way around!"

She rises, trying to keep her smile in place. "Thank you."

She keeps her pace steady as she leaves, tempted to run away instead. She doesn't want the officer or Isane to get the wrong idea.

"You went outside," Isane says once they're inside.

Hinamori tilts her head at Isane, causing the lieutenant to hunch her shoulders. "Ah, apologies, that sounded strange. I didn't expect to find you there, but it was good. I'm glad you got some fresh air."

Hinamori looks ahead, considering what she will request after her check up. "I decided I didn't want to stay in my room forever."

__________________________

The clock on the dojo's wall ticked over to nine pm, but Hinamori paid it no mind. She kept swinging the practice sword, causing the few lantersn she lit earlier to flicker with each strike through the air. She can't catch her breath, and sweat beaded on her face and arms.

She has been at this for over an hour. An instructor would tell her to call ti quits, but she won't. Not when what she wants is only a few most positions away. She nearly broke herself to get a seated position in the single digits, and she won't stop until she's considered for lieutenancy.

She kept imagining what it would look like, all of the scenes of her standing next to Aizen and leading her Divsion. Those and the words of encouragement from her captain are all the fuel she needs to keep training well into the night.

__________________________

Isane eyes her with a combination of wariness and bewilderment. Without looking away from her, the lieutenant puts the check up report aside. “You want to use our training grounds?”

The shred of confidence Hinamori had shrivels. First her encounter with the Seventh Divison officer, and now this.

She hides her fidgeting hands in her sleeves. “Is it not allowed for patients?”

“Oh, no, of course you’re allowed!” Isane hesitates. It only makes this more awkward. Eventually, she sighs and lowers her head ruefully. “Forgive me, Hinamori-san. I’m just surprised by your request.”

Hinamori ignores the little sting of indignation. Instead, she searches for that gumption again. “I understand. I haven’t been myself lately, let alone a Lieutenant for my Division.” Isane opens her mouth to correct her, but Hinamori continues, “I wish to return to my duties, and that can only happen if I prove to you, Captain Unohana, and myself that I am ready to leave here. You told me earlier this week I got to choose what care I receive and how my recovery goes. I believe this will help me.”

She’s impressed by the strength in her voice, and judging from Isane’s raised brows, so is she.

The lieutenant puts a hand to her chin in thought. Outside of the office, the usual stream of Fourth Division members going up and down the hallways is muffled. Hinamori has become so accustomed to it it’s more background noise than distraction, no different from the leaves rustling in the wind or a bird chirping outside of her room’s window. It should never have gotten to that stage, but here she is.

“There shouldn’t be any problem,” Isane says, “but if it’s all right with you, I would like to consult Captain Unohana. She may have some ideas on what types of training would be suitable for you at this stage and we can progress from there.”

Tobiume stomps somewhere in her mind, voicing her protests at the idea. Hinamori also isn’t keen, but it’s no use fighting Isane on this. If anything, trying to would make her come across as impulsive, and look where that’s gotten her.

“All right,” she agrees.

Isane smiles, and for the first time on months, it’s not one of sympathy or pity.

______________________________

Hinamori has the impulse to draw. It stumps her, leaving her staring into the empty plates and bowls of her breakfast, as if she’s shocked the food had suddenly vanished.

She has to restrain herself against the bubbling excitement as she puts the breakfast tray aside, lest she drop any of the crockery. Getting out of bed, she gathers up her sketchbook and supplies from her bedside table and scans the room for a subject. The visitors chair, the curtains, the doorway or the window. She’s never been fussed for drawing objects.

Looking through the window, she considers the gardens. Spring is around the corner, and most of the flowers are still dormant. She wonders how someone like Funai, skilled at drawing landscapes, would sketch it. He’d probably love to draw the garden while it was like this; conversely, she's generally interested in nature that’s in full bloom. Perhaps she can sketch something small, like a leaf or a snow-dusted shrub.

She retrieves her folded up shawl from the bedside table before sitting back on the bed and thumbing through her sketchbook for a blank page. In doing so, her gaze lands on her lap. She remembers hours of practicing anatomy, body part by body part. She’d done it from studying residents in the Junrinan, learning and got advice from other artists there too.

She moves her legs into a looser cross-legged position and opens her pencil box. Withdrawing a black pencil and bringing her sketchbook into view, she begins.

Her feet make for a simple subject, but it tells Hinamori right away how rusty she’s gotten. Her lines are stiff in some places and shaky in others. Her toes have knobbed ends and her heels are too pointed.

Sighing, she puts the sketchbook aside and pulls her feet closer in a cross-legged position. Like the artists she had seen in the Junrinan, she observes her subject closer. She runs the edge of the pencil around the outside of one foot, flexes and spreads out her toes.

"You don’t strike me as someone who let’s anything stand in her way."

Of all things, staring at her feet brings up Shinji’s words unbidden. But maybe there’s something to them. That these feet had carried her through many things, and despite her bed-ridden state, she still made the effort to get up and move around in the confined space. She never stayed still. She kept moving, kept finding something to go towards, even when she didn’t clearly know what it was.

It’s like her drawings. She used to obsess with getting something just right, would be dishearten when none of her drawings turned how she wanted. Still, she kept at it, just as she does now. She erased and tried to round the points of  toe, adding the details of an ankle bone and a dip in the side of her foot.

“Lieutenant?”

Hinamori startles and looks over her shoulder. “Oh, Isawa-kun!”

“I didn’t mean to disturb you,” he says, walking into her room. “Are you all right?”

She twists around, smiling. “There’s nothing wrong.” She lifts her sketchbook. “I was just doing some sketching.”

He stops, eyes widening a fraction. “You were drawing?”

She gives a weak chuckle in answer, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Something softens in Genji’s face, as if a weight had been lifted. It hits her how much something so small changes his demeanor. The familiar burn at the backs of her eyes makes her press her lips together for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Isawa-kun,” she says, setting her sketchbook aside. “You've had a lot on your shoulders all of these months. I should have been honest with you. Instead, I abandoned the Division for selfish gain, and got myself and the Division into a worse state as a consequence.”

A faint, surprised sound escapes his throat. “Lieutenant, I --”

She shakes her head. “Don’t make excuses for me. I…”

That sensation of going in circles returns.

“I’m sorry for leaving you with so much work. I said before I would get better, and it’s taken me so long. To tell you the truth, I don’t know how I can lead us out of this…But I won’t give up.”

How can a moment feel the same and so different all at once? She'd been more confident back then in her words and decisions.

“I regret how my actions have reflected on the Division,” she says, changing course. “I want to return to Fifth Division. I want to prove to everyone that I can still serve as a Shinigami and progress our goals.

"I want make it better with everyone, and with Hirako-san, I think that’s possible. He’s our former captain, and he knows what the Division’s strengths are. If there’s anyone who can lead us out of this, it will be him.”

Genji’s lips for a soft smile. “It can’t just be him. He needs a lieutenant.”

Taking the hint, she gives him a grateful smile. “You came by to see how my meeting went with Hirako-san, didn’t you?”

He nods. “If you don’t mind. I also wanted to inform you that his ceremony is tomorrow."

She's not surprised by the hastiness to reinstate him. "I see."

"But I don’t want to interrupt your drawing either.”

“No, it’s all right. I wanted to discuss my meeting with you anyway.” She gestures to the chair. "I think we'll be here a while."

________________________

When passing Fifth Division officers who greet him, Hitsugaya nods to them but doesn’t stop. He’s going faster than he should be, rushing instead of projecting calm. But it isn’t anxiety that causes him to tread at this pace. It’s anger and, to his chagrin, dread.

Yesterday at the ceremony, he hadn’t recognized the man at first, but familiarity lingered in the back of his mind. Then, when the man stepped forward and spoke, it’d came back with the full force of a tidal wave crashing over him:

“You have to start healing her, now.”

“Kid, even if I knew the right kido, I’d barely do anything.”

 Of all beings, it had to be him.

Hitsugaya shakes off the memory. Fifth Division’s new captain is bound to recognize him either now or late, he reminds himself, but it does nothing to ease his trepidation.

When he exits out on to the veranda leading to the office, there are two officers- -- one tall and burly, the other lean and could’ve been mistaken for being a relative of Izuru’s – leaning against the railing a few feet away from him. At first, they stare with bewilderment before remembering to bow their heads in greeting. Hitsugaya halts when he recognizes the taller one.

“But what about our Lieutenant? Why is she in one of our detention cells?!”

Another train of thought he was trying to avoid, The last time he was here, he’d treated all the Division barracks like they were a crime scene, and every officer here feared they were being perceived as suspects. On top of that, there were the unrelenting questions from them about their captain, their lieutenant, and what happened earlier that morning between Hinamori and Izuru. This taller officer had been more persistent than the others, got angry when his questions were brushed off with clipped responses and being held back by officers.

“At ease,” Hitsugaya says, and begins to walk away.

And just like back then, he notices an ember of distrust in the taller man’s gaze when he rises. Perhaps he should call it out, lecture him on the dangers of outwardly showing grudges or obvious feelings towards a superior officer, but he keeps going. After what happened all those months ago and what he’d done to their lieutenant, he probably deserves the ire of the officers here.

As he approaches the office, there’s a grunt and a loud ‘thump’. Brows furrowing deeper, Hitsugaya hastens to the half-opened door. “What’s --?”

Shinji is bent over a large cardboard box, trying to open it. He lists his head towards Hitsugaya. “Oh, hey! Sorry, I’m in the middle of moving my stuff in.”

Hitsugaya blinks away the bewilderment and resists gritting his teeth. “Is this a bad time then?”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he says, dusting off his hands. He bumps the box with his heel. “This right here has my music collection and vinyl player. Do you even know what that is?”

“No, and I’d prefer to discuss it at another time.”

One corner of Shinji’s toothy grin turns tense. “You’re all business, huh?”

Hitsugaya steps into the office and gestures to the door. Getting a nod, he closes it.

The older captain settles down at his desk with a grunt. “Right then, let’s get down to business.” Once Hitsugaya is seated opposite him, he adds, “Thanks for looking after the Division’s paperwork these last few months. My third seat, Isawa-san, has appreciated the assistance.”

My third seat…

How quick he is to take ownership of the Division. It unnerves Hitsugaya, but he doesn’t let it show. “It’s a lot of work for one officer to do.” He pulls out the stack of paperwork from his sleeve and shoves it at the man. “This is the last of what we have for Fifth Division. Do you need anything explained?”

“Yeah, there were some things I wanted to ask you about.” He takes the newer reports and puts them aside. He twists around to the shelves behind him and lifts a report from the top of a paper pile. “First up, I was hoping you could tell me more on your comments here.”

They go through several documents, his fellow captain asking him questions and Hitsugaya providing clarification. He asks the occasional follow up question or offers a different insight, but he’s otherwise agreeable with Hitsugaya’s signing off on certain actions.

He’s good. Hitsugaya is troubled by the admission. With how he speaks and his in-depth knowledge of procedures and the Rukongai districts under Fifth Division’s jurisdiction, it’d be obvious to anyone that he’s been a captain before. Albeit a more laid back one, the kind that can rankle Hitsugaya if they don’t show respect or authority. It’s why he answers some question with a brusque tone, ignoring the furrow twitching in Shinji’s brow when he does. Well, truthfully, it’s one of the reasons…

“Right, I think that’s everything,” Shinji says, putting the last report back on the pile. “Thanks for that.”

Hitsugaya gives a stiff nod. This when he should stand and make to leave, but he isn’t done yet. “What are your intentions for Fifth Division?”

Shinji freezes in picking up the newer stack of reports. He raises a brow and smirks. “You’re the third person to ask me that.”

His amusement only irritates Hitsugaya even more. “I’m guessing the Captain-Commander was one of them?” And Hinamori was the other?

“Yeah, obviously. He wouldn’t be doing his job if he didn’t question me.”

“Then you’ll understand why I asked.”

The frown finally furrows Shinji’s brows. “Little harsh, ain’t ya?”

“You’ll have to forgive some of us if we’re a little on edge.” There’s not an ounce of an apologetic tone in his voice. “We’re still recovering from Aizen’s actions.”

The corners of Shinji’s mouth drop and his gaze darkens. “You’re not the only one.” Then, more quietly. “I had to deal with that shit for over a hundred year. Didn’t think I’d ever make it back here, let alone get my captaincy back.”

He’s overstepped, and he doesn’t know whether to be annoyed or surprised by how much that affects him. He doesn’t trust this man, but aggravating or making an enemy out of him won’t help matters, especially for Hinamori. Hitsugaya takes in a deep breath. “So I’ve heard. His treachery has no bounds.”

An olive branch, albeit a weak one. Still, the anger in Shinji’s eyes cools. “He was always a step ahead of us. Nothing much we could’ve done in the grand scheme of things. At least we’ve made it out alive, and he’s locked down below, away from everyone.”

How can he think like? How can he come to some kind of peace with what happened to him and his friends? Didn’t he rage just as Hitsugaya did when finding out his sentencing?

“In answer to your question,” Shinji continues. “I plan to steer Fifth Division back on track. There’s no getting around Aizen’s influence on the Division, but I can’t do it alone, so I’ll be relying on my seated officers and Lieutenant Hinamori once she recovers…If she wants to return to the position, that is.”

He nearly jumps in and tell him to not let her carry so much, but refrains. “Seems vague.”

“Well, hey, give me some time, I only just got back! What do you want, a step-by-step plan?!” He let’s out an exasperated chuckle. “You’re quite the force to be reckoned with, Captain Hitsugaya.”

“Considering the work I’ve taken on for the Division and my involvement in the investigation several months ago, you could say I have a vested interest in what happens to Fifth Division.” Then, when Shinji blinks, he adds, “As I would be for any Division in the Seireitei.”

The older captain tilts his head to one side, regarding him in such a way that Hitsugaya resists glaring back at him. “You remember how we first met?”

He grits his teeth, not trusting himself to say anything. His silence is answer enough.

Shinji props up his knee and rests his elbow on it. “You were in a hell of a state compared to the rest of us. The bastard cut you up bad.” He points to his left arm. “Was that Inoue-chan’s handy work?”

He knew Orihime? It shouldn’t surprise him, given that he’d encountered Ichigo in the month before Orihime was taken to Hueco Mundo. “No.”

Shinji cringes. “Twelfth Division then? Must’ve hurt.”

Hitsugaya hopes his withering look conveys that, yes, it did indeed hurt.

“I didn’t abandon you, by the way," Shinji says. "I don’t think you heard me, but I told you I was going to go find Captain Unohana to save Hinamori-san.”

It takes everything for him to not look away. He’s made himself transparent. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Just wanted to clear up the air, in case you thought I’d left you behind.”

His knowing look says there's more to it, but Hitsugaya won't pry. Neither of them want to tred further, understanding it would be opening old wounds.

Hitsugaya swallows thickly, hesitant to speak. He's already made himself transparent to the man, there's no use withholding the next question. "You mentioned Hinamori before. Has she indicated she won't return to her position?"

Shinji grins. "Nah, nothing like that I just gave her the choice to come back if she wants." He leans in conspiratorially, as if someone were listening in. "Between you and me, I think she'll come back."

He can't imagine the opposite, not after everything she did to obtain lieutenancy. "What makes you so sure?"

His grin widens. "A few reasons, and I think they're for her to say when she's recovered." He leans away with a shrug. "And in the event she doesn't want be a lieutenant anymore, she'll be one of my seated officer for sure."

As infuriating as it is, he's right. Her reason are her own, and if he truly knew her, he wouldn't need to ask.

“I see.” He stands from the desk. I’ll take my leave, Hi…” His eyes widen. How did he --?

Shinji frowns at him for a beat, then scoffs. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten my name!”

Hitsugaya goes to rebuff, but falls short; and when Shinji realizes he has indeed forgotten his name, he let’s out a piggish snort. “Hirako Shinji!”

“R-Right!” Hitsugaya could slap himself. Since when does he stammer? “I'll be going now, Captain Hirako.”

He practically sprints out of the Division, inwardly cursing himself for the blunder. How had this conversation ended revealing more about him than Shinji?

______________________

Hitsugaya watched her from the doorway, following every swing Hinamori cut through the air with her zanpakuto. She hadn't noticed him, or if she had she was choosing to ignore him. Unlikely, given who she is. Given who he is to her.

Or at least, he hoped she saw him as highly as he saw her.

He shook his head, biting the inside of his cheek. He folded his arms and leaned a shoulder against the doorway, trying to appear casual to officers passing by. He kept watching, and it was like seeing her conjure up an orb of spirit energy for the first time. It simultaneously evoked awe and dread.

She had her goal, and once she set her eyes on something she wanted, she wouldn't stop working towards it until she had it. It didn't matter how many years it took, how much sweat and tears she spilt. The bag under her eyes and the gritting of her teeth as she fought through fatigue and strain told him all of that.

He eyed the wall clock and told himself that seeing it was past his lunch time was reason enough to push himself off the doorwar and walk off.

_______________________

“Hado Thirty-Three: Soukatsui!” The blue flames rush from her palms towards the target. There’s ‘boom’ and a small plume of smoke. After it’s cleared, Hinamori winces. She managed to break off a corner, but the target’s circle remains.

She generates another rounds of flames, this time getting the opposite corner. “How is my aim that far off?”

It’s been months since you last trained, Master, Tobiume says. Give yourself some credit for coming out here today.

With a resolute shake of her head and she marches to the next target. “It could be my footing.”

Looking down, her feet aren’t the problem, placed wide enough to be stable and relaxed enough that she can make a quick dash from an opponent. No, it’s her shoulders. They’re hunched. She can only blame being stuck in bed, developing a habit of curling inwards.

 Taking a deep inhale, she straightens her back and pushes her shoulder back. She stretches out her hands, aiming at the target.

Patience, she reminds herself. If I rush, I’ll fail. It’s what she'd chant to herself at the Academy when she was nervous for her exams. To think it can work for her even now…

She casts another blast of Soukatsui, this time taking out half of the target. She smiles as Tobiume praises her. She moves down the line, casting two more of the same spell before switching to another, and changing how close and far she shot the kido from.

Much to her chagrin, a sweat builds up on her face and arms before she reaches the halfway point. She needs to regain her strength and stamina. The other training will help with that.

She wonders over and sits to the ledge of the nearby veranda. She unwinds the canister she’s brought with her and sips at the water.

She’d been given a small training program, dictated by Unohana and written out for her by Isane. It’s meant for only this week, and based on her progress, they will revise it for next week if need be.

She takes another gulp of water before winding the lid back on. She stands and shakes out her sleeves. Rangiku will be here soon, and she wants to tell her she could clear at least five targets with one shot each.

She continues down the line, casting Horin and Shakkaho with ease, but struggling with Okasen and Tsuzuri Raiden. By the time she gets to the last target, she’s sweating again. Still, she paces further away until she can barely make out the target’s circle. She raises her arms. “Hado Thirty-Two: Okasen!”

Her voice echos around the training grounds before the light generates from her hands. The bolt shoots as fast as a bird swooping at its prey, sending up plumes of dust in it’s path. It engulfs the target and hits the wall behind, adding another black smear to the others. Even before the dust settles, she’s confident she obliterated the whole target.

She grins and Tobiume practically dances around her head, cheering. She startles at the echo of clapping.

“Great work!”

Hinamori looks to where left her canteen. Sure enough, Rangiku stands on the veranda, applauding her. She bites the inside of her lip, simultaneously proud that she could impress her friend and embarrassed that she may have witnessed her earlier attempts on the other targets.

“Rangiku-san! You’re early,” she shouts, jogging across the grounds to her.

Rangiku frowns. “Am I? Didn’t we say at fourteen hundred hours?”

Hinamori blinks and cocks her head to one side. “Is that the time already?”

Rangiku shrugs. “I think you’ve been out here longer than you realize. Kotetsu-chan told me you’d be here when I didn't see you in your room.”

By the time Hinamori is on the veranda, she’s panting for breath. “Oh! I hope I didn’t keep you waiting!”

She dismisses her concern with a wave of her hand. “I only just arrived.”

Hinamori sinks down the veranda's ledge, trying to look dignified despite her fatigue.

Rangiku chuckles. “Goodness, you must’ve been putting your all into it.” She plonks down beside her. Her eyes are as bright as her grin. “But you’re training. That’s great!”

Hinamori gives her a tired smile. “Mm-hmm.”

She reaches behind Rangiku for her canister, but her friend beats her to it and hands it to her. “Is it just kido?” she asks.

Hinamori shakes her head while taking a sip. “No. Captain Unohana has a schedule for me. Yesterday, I joined in on Fourth Division's zanjutsu sessions. Today, I’m to practice hado and bakudo spells up to number thirty-five on fifteen targets. Tomorrow, I’m to perform jinzen. Other training activities can be done for no more than an hour a day.”

“Sounds strict.”

“It’s probably for the best. Sometimes I don’t know my limits and can go overboard.” She gestures to the destroyed target.

Rangiku gingerly elbows her. “Well, on similar note, don’t doubt yourself either. I know I keep harping on about it, but you’re stronger than you realize. That goes for your training, too.”

In the back of Hinamori’s mind, Tobiume furiously nods along to Rangiku’s words. Hinamori tries and fails to stifle a laugh, leaving her friend to raise a questioning eyebrow.

“Sorry, Rangiku-san,” she says, waving a hand. “It’s nothing.”

Rather than pry, her friend’s grin softens to a smile. Hinamori doesn’t know how to respond to the pride she sees in her eyes. It’s like Isane’s genuine smile, or seeing the weight lifted from Genji’s shoulders.

“I’m going to get better.” It’s meant to be a declaration, but it comes out as more of affirmation to herself. Still she continues, “I know I’ve said that before, but I’m trying now. Having this routine, it helps me with that.”

Rangiku’s arm comes across her back and her hand lands on her shoulder. “I know. However, the truth is, you’ve trying this whole time. I’m sure of it.” Then, more sombrely, “It can take a long time to find a way back, but like I aid last week, this will end one day. We never doubted you’d find your own way back.”

“You’ll find your way of dealing with it too, like we all have.”

“He forced those ‘abilities’ on us. We had to run, or we’d be executed, so we never got to tell our side of the story. Now that the bastard’s locked up, we can. It took so much just to get that. We spent a hundred years away from here, waiting for this day to come."

Why has it taken her so long to get to this point? Why has she been making them wait for so long?

Hinamori’s throat constricts. “I-I’ve never thanked you for your visits. They’ve always helped.”

Rangiku squeezes her shoulder. “I’m glad. I didn’t want you to think you only needed to talk to Fourth Division officers, you know?" Her smile deepens. "Despite what happened afterwards, you saved me in that battle. I owed you for that, and I think you need friends in times like these."

Before all of this, their friendship had been more casual. They’d see each other mostly at lieutenants or Women’s Association meetings. Every now and then they’d pass each other, whether it was rushing to mission or events in opposite direction, or having a small chat when visiting each other’s Divisions. Is that what they’ll go back to when this is all over?

“When I get discharged, can we train together? I’m rustier with zanjutsu than kido, so I’d appreciate a training partner.”

Rangiku releases her shoulder to clap her hands together. “Yes, of course! I’ve been slacking off with my training, so having a partner might help get into a habit.” She winks. “Besides, I might learn a thing or two from you about kido. You should show me how you did that Fushibi and Shakkaho combination so I can impress my captain.”

It hits Hinamori in the chest. I was meant to tell her he could visit. Yet she doesn't feel the need to voice it anymore. It feels like it's too late, now that she plans to get out here sooner rather than later.

 “How is he?” she asks instead.

Rangiku huffs. “The same old. Training, training, training! I’ve barely seen him this past week. I don’t know what's gotten into him.” She’s trying to play it light, but Hinamori can sense the tension within her.

“When I get out of here…” I’ll see him. She can’t finish the sentence. For once, she doesn’t know when that will be, and if he may choose to see her in that time. Given how long it’s been since she last saw him, she doubts he’ll ever come. Even when they were younger, he always took a long time to come around to something new or seek her out after they’d had an argument.

Old habits die hard. It’s a bitter thought, one that strains her smile. She closes her and sighs. “It’s going to be hard to see him again.”

Rangiku gives a shallow nod. “Yes.”

Hinamori raises her head, eyes going to sky. But I will, one day.

She can't say the words aloud.

_______________________

After seeing Rangiku off, she returned to her room to pick up one of Nanao's novels and ends up in the gardens. Despite the sunny weather, it's empty when she arrived. She sits on one of the benches shaded by a tree and begins reading. Unlike with drawing, she didn't have a great impulse to read. This is a test, comparing how much and how far she wanted to read. Unlike months ago, she got to page ten and wants to keep going.

Several minutes later, she lifts her head back to stretch her neck. She catches a glimpse of something in one of the doorways.

The unseated Seventh Division officer emerges, but he doesn't see her, chatting with another Shinigami -- a woman with long hair the same color as Rangiku's, a plaster on one cheek and bandages wrapped around her right arm.

She has the irrational idea to hide, even eyeing a nearby shrub.

Don't be a child, Tobiume lectures.

"I'm not," Hinamori grumbles under breath.

She remains on the bench, reopening the book to pass off as her reading still. She only gets to third words before finds herself glancing at the duo casually walking on the veranda.

The Seventh Division smirks in response to something the other Shinigami says. It’s a fond expression, one from years of knowing her Hinamori can tell. They must be close, perhaps friends before even entering the Academy.

She knows they'll see when they end up stepping to the gardens, on the path that cuts across the courtyard to the opposite veranda. Sure enough, as the path winds closer to her and near the set of steps to take them back up, the officer she met does a double take when he notices her.

She almost throws the book up over her face, but forces it on to her lap. She manages a smile and a wave. All that stands between her and them is a row of shrubs, and that somehow makes her feel less anxious.

To her surprise, the officer waves back using his good arm, but his smile is as awkward as hers. His companion's gaze goes between the two of them, but she freezes when she returns her attention to Hinamori. Then her eyes widen, and Hinamori knows she's been recognized. Here we go again.

Only, the officer bows. "Good afternoon, Lieutenant Hinamori!"

Hinamori blinks, and the Seventh Division officer is just as confused. When the other officer doesn't rise, he nudges her and mutters something to her.

"Good afternoon!" she calls back.

"Can't stay, we gotta go to a check up!" the Seventh Division officer shouts. He waves again. "Good to see you!"

She's too stunned to respond, and can only watch as they turn and make their way to the stairs and up the veranda. Was the Seven Division officer’s trepidation a few days ago only because he realized he was speaking to a lieutenant and not because of what she did? No, he’d almost said he’d heard what happened to her, had a sliver of pity in his expression when she spoke about Seventh Division.

The other officer glances back over her shoulder at her, grinning. Hinamori gives her a weak wave, unsure what else to do. The officer tugs on the sleeve of the Seventh Division officer while they leave and speaks to him.

"...I attended a class of hers," Hinamori thinks she hears, "back when we were at the Academy..."

"You should...your kido...bet you'd..." the Seventh Division officer replies, rolling his eyes. He nudges her again. "You're a fan, huh?"

She gives him a dirty look and elbows him. He laughs, all the way across the veranda and then out of sight with the other officer.

When the quiet returns, a seal breaks off within her She doesn't know why or even what, but she cries.

She realizes too late that a few tears have fallen on the open book. She shuts it and puts her face in her hands.

Is this relief? Is it guilt? Is it jealousy that two friends can be so unburdened? Is it mourning for who she used to be? Is it fear for what an uncertain future holds, for herself and for others? It's been such a whirlwind the last several days. She isn't sure what she feels sometimes.

She stands, wiping her eyes and tucking the book under her arm. She looks back to the doorway the two officer left through. She hopes they'll do well. That they won't make the same mistakes she made. That nothing will cause them to drift apart.

________________________

Hinamori came to the end of her training, sweat falling off her in rivulets and out of breath. She grabbed a towel, wiping her face and arms.

She halted and frowned. A trace of Hitsugaya's reiatsu. She looked towards the doorway. She crossed the hall and looked out. He's nowhere to be seen. When had he been here?

________________________

Hinamori stops drawing. Despite knowing he’s here for her, she follows his reiatsu as it enters the barracks and comes up the hallways. She closes her sketchbook and box of pencils and is about to stand when Shinji appears.

“Afternoon, Hina – Oh, you draw?”

She quickly straightens, the sketchbook falling into her lap when she takes in his uniform. He’s in a Shihakusho, but the haori is curiously folded over his arm. “G-Good afternoon, Hirako-san.”

“No need to be so formal,” he says in passing, attention on her sketchbook. “Didn’t know you could draw.”

Without meaning to, she clutches her book tighter and half twists away from him. “I’m still working on this piece.”

He holds up a hand and snorts. “ I get it. Love is the same.” When Hinamori tilts her head to side, he adds, “Seventh Division’s former captain. He always wanted to draw his own manga, but he got pretty shy about showing his drawings after getting rejected by so many publishers.”

“Oh.” She leans across and puts her sketchbook and pencil box on her bedside table. “He chose to remain in the World of the Living, didn’t he?”

“Yeah. Him, Lisa-chan, Hiyori, and Hachi-san.”

She doesn’t miss the brief heaviness in his eyes, but it’s gone in a blink and the widening of his toothy grin. He strides into her room. “Anyway, how have things been? Lieutenant Kotetsu said you’ve made ‘remarkable progress’. Her words, not mine.”

Hinamori looks away, face heating up. “Y-Yes.”

Shinji clicks his tongue. “Aw, don’t tell me it’s because of little old me? Well, what can I say, I provide inspiration in spades.”

The statement, self-aggrandizing but also self-mockery, forces a laugh out of her. She smacks a hand over her mouth, but it keeps bubbling up. How can a captain be so unserious?

“Nah, didn’t think so,” he says, coming to sit in the chair at her bedside. “You did it yourself.”

That kills her laughter. “I mean…” It was you. “What did Kotetsu-san tell you?"

“That you’ve been going outside and doing training. That you've been socializing more with patients.” He jerks his chin in the general direction of Fifth Division. “Judging from Isawa-kun a few days ago and the seated officers who came to see you this morning, you’re in better temp too.”

“Better temp?”

“Means you’re in higher spirits.”

“Yes, I suppose I am.” Her voice isn’t very convincing. She feels as though she has a spotlight over her, and despite his relaxed demeanor, she senses he’s checking if she’s being truthful. Does he not trust her? Or is overacting? Believing she needs to be a hundred percent for him, so he wouldn’t regret keeping her on as his lieutenant.

She inwardly shakes her head, and surprises herself when a smile comes naturally to her lips. “How was your ceremony?”

“Pretty standard,” he says. “A bit stuffy, but good.” He holds up and shakes his arms, the sleeves waving back and forth like wings. “What about this, hey? It took me longer than I care to admit to remember how it goes on but got there in the end.”

She looses a quiet chuckle. “I suppose it’s been while since you’ve had to wear clothing like this.”

“I wore kimono while I was in the World of the Living every now and then, but something like this, yeah. And I tell ya, I didn’t miss the strict dress code here.” He shrugs. “It seems they’re a bit more relaxed these days for captains and seated officers. It’s a good change.” He chortles, leaning back in the chair and folding his arms. “I remember when Lisa-chan requested changes to her uniform. There was a bit of an uproar about it at the time.”

“Why was that?”

“She requested her hakama be shortened to above the knee.”

Hinamori’s eyes widen. “Oh, I see.”

“Yeah,” he snorts. “Bit controversial at the time. She’d probably get away with it today.”

Speaking of uniform changes, Hinamori casts a furtive glance at his haori. It’s hard to tell if it;s same or different, but she can definitely see the sleeves are intact.

“Wondering why I ain’t wearing it?”

The question startles her, and she meets Shinji’s gaze ruefully. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” His smile is gone, and his eyes fall of the coat. He unfolds it from his arm and brings it to his lap. The ends pool around his feet, while the Fifth Division insignia is in laid flat for both of them to see. He stares at it with a mixture of pensiveness and nostalgia. “There’s two reasons. First, it’s taking some getting used to. Haven’t worn it in over a century. It’s like finding something in the back of closest and putting it on again for the first time in a long time. Ya know what I mean?”

She can’t say she did. “Does it trouble you?”

“Nah, not like that. Feels like it belongs to someone else – not Aizen, I mean. The old me, as it were. I’m glad you have it back, and I want to show it the respect it deserves.”

Hinamori purses her ips and pointedly looks down. It’s only then Shinji notices the ends are on the ground. He curses, hefting of the uniform until it’s all collected in his lap. Hinamori can’t stifle a short laugh, one that he joins in with a smirk.

"Like I said, still some getting used to," he offers. “The second reason…” He trails off, then winks. “Nah, I’ll keep that one a secret for now.”

 Hinamori raises a brow. “Why?”

He refolds the haori back over his arm. “You’ll understand soon enough.”

He's a strange man, both she and Tobiume think in unison.

He crosses one leg over the other once he done. “So, have you thought about it? Returning as Fifth Division’s lieutenant, I mean.”

The question doesn’t frighten Hinamori as much as she thought it would.

She recalls her last conversation with Genji. After telling him about her first meeting with Shinji, he'd grinned.

“That he told you of his intention to return before he told the Captain-Commander… Strangely, that makes me like him more.”

She'd shrugged. “I’m not sure why he told me.”

“I think it’s obvious why. You’re our lieutenant, why wouldn’t he tell you?”

He’d been so sure she’s returning to her former post, without her even voicing that she will. Did the other officers share the same certainty?

She tries to imagine the reaction his reinstatement must have gotten amongst the division. What must have the officer who knew him from his captaincy thought when they realized he hadn’t died or abandoned the Gotei Thirteen?

The newer ones must have been irked or worried, some probably not even having heard of this man. As far as they’re concerned he’s new, someone who hadn’t been in touch with the Fifth Division let alone the Soul Society for decades. He’d come from the World of Living and didn’t have to do much to become a captain again.

Hadn’t she thought the same? He’d proven her wrong, and she would need to help with changing the minds of those officers.

“You really want me to stay on as lieutenant after everything…?” After everything I confessed to you and did in the past?

He lists his head to one side, and then the other. “Ya know, I had the same thought. Why the heck are they asking me back? Was there really no one else here qualified enough to take on the role? I still don't completely understand why they did, but I decided I'm not going to waste this opportunity.

“The difference here is, I know exactly why you should stay on as lieutenant. You have a high proficiency in kido and your other skills are the level of a lieutenant, but that’s standard.” He leans forward a fraction. “I mentioned last time, but I can see you love being in the Division, and everyone has nothing but nice things to say about you.

"When I spoke with the Captain-Commander, he was agreeable to you returning."

"I expect there will be consquences still."

"Yeah, maybe. We'll have to discuss that with the Captain-Commander." His grin turns into a closed-lipped smile. "You worked hard to get this position. I think he knows that, and I don’t think anyone wants to take that away from you."

Her reasons for attaining the position were not as noble as most likely thought. She’d wanted to stand by Aizen’s side, serve as close to him as she could. To be the one he turned to in crisis, and the one who got to understand who he was. How he could be so kind and warm in a position that required so much accountability and critical decisions that could result in death.

She’d almost died receiving her answers.

But did any of it undo the work she did to get there? She had thrown herself completely into training and study. Buckets of sweat shed while practicing zanjutsu, dozens of rolls of bandages after putting her hands under so much strain from kido training, years of staying up late to read on the Seireitei’s history and the qualities that were expected from a lieutenant of the Gotei Thirteen. It had all happened, regardless of her intentions. That can’t be taken away from her, no matter what.

“You will never live without me.”

There’s no way around it. He’ll always be a part of her memories, and echoes of him will follow her in the present. It's the same for the Division, for her friends, and it must affect Shinji too.

Aizen had tried to get rid of him and all he had done, just he has tried to do with her. But he survived. He returned.

Surely, against all her doubts, she can do the same. The traces of Aizen won't imprison her anymore just as he is in Muken.

"I accept.”

Shinji blinks, as if he hadn’t heard her.

She nods to him. “I will return to my duties as Lieutenant of the Fifth Division.”

His grin returns, brighter than before. He punches a hand into the air. “Yes! Knew it!” He practically jumps to his feet and unfolds the haori. He gives it a flap before shoving his arms into the sleeves. “Now I can put this on.”

Hinamori frowns. “What?"

“I didn’t want to wear this until I knew your answer.Now we can be lead Fifth Division.”

She stares at his haori for longer than the necessary; it’s almost alien to her, as if it were one of the articles of clothing from the World of the Living he wore. This will certainly take some getting used to. Perhaps he’d been considerate before, not wanting to barge in here with the haori on before hearing her answer.

She presses her lips together when the back of her eyes burn. No more tears. Only steps into the uncertain future, with a captain who cares about the Division as much as she does. She'll need to make amends, even if some don't think she needs to.

She stands and gives him a firm nod. “Yes, let’s lead the Division together.”

______________________

Shinji left several hours ago, but Hinamori is aflutter with a mix of emotions she can't name. When she's unable to sleep, she falls into a trance for Jinzen. Tobiume had vanishes from her mind after the visit.

Opening her eyes to her inner world, she understands why. Tobiume's flames are high enough that she has to crane her neck to see the top.

But that isn't what shocks her the most. Beneath her feet, heat radiates up from the ground. The cracks, like veins in the earth, that reach into Tobiume are ignited, like lighting the wick of a candle. The heat banishes the cold once and for all.

She hastily follows a crack, watching the flames roll through thickly like lava. Closer to Tobiume, they're taller than her, but the further away they get, the smaller but brighter the fire. Where she treads, they're only high enough to brush the soles of her feet. Embers spit out from the crack, raining down over her and twirling in the rain, glowing until they extinguish.

She stops at the edge of the forest that she has been feeling and smell rather than seeing until now. It's illuminated in orange and yellow, casting shadows over the webs of cracks. The leaves, the grass, the flowers, all visible, all renewed. Replenished not by water, but by the fire.

She laughs, her grin hurting her cheeks. She marvels at the forest, at the vibrancy of Tobiume. The sky isn't alight yet, but this is enough for now. Tobiume joins her, her flames dancing and crackling.

______________________

“Do you feel well enough to return to your duties?”

"Yes."

Isane's eyes widen a fraction. Hinamori can't tell if it's her response or how it practically burst out of her that shocks her fellow lieutenant more.

After a pause, Isane let's out a quiet, stunned breath. A smile wavers on her lips, before becoming a grin. "Good! I was hoping you'd say that. You've shown remarkable improvement over this whole week." She writes a note on her report, then tucks the it into her uniform sleeve and stands. "Let's go speak with Captain Unohana."

______________________

Hitsugaya rushes to the main barracks’ hall. The several officers gathered look up at him when they hear his feet smacking down the steps, turning away from Rangiku as she speaks into her denreishinki.

“What’s happening?” Hitsugaya demands once on the ground floor. The Hell Butterfly that brought him the message leaps from shoulder and glides past everyone out of the barracks.

Rangiku continues speaking to an officer on the other end, and it’s Narita who answer him. Her expression makes his throat go dry. “The situation in Naruki City has escalated. An Adjuchas has appeared.”

Hitsugaya’s eyes go wide. “What?”

Rangiku snaps her denreishinki shut. “It’s as Narita-san said. I’ve also just been told it’s leading more than five Gillians. They’re struggling to hold them back from getting into the City.”

“Who’s leading the teams aside from Minagawa?”

“Daiwa-kun and Takezoe-san.”

Hitsugaya clenches his jaw. Seated officers, but definitely not strong enough to take on an Adjuchas together, let alone with a sizeable group of unseated officers in tow.

Rangiku steps forward. “We need to send in a backup team.” She looks to Hanae at her left. “Hanae-san, we’ll go together.” After their Fourth Seat gives her a firm nod, she turns to the officers behind her. “Narita-san, Totsuka-kun, and Noake-san, I’ll make arrangements for others to complete your tasks for today. I believe your shikai abilities will help us in this situation. Are you prepared to go to the World of the Living?”

All three nod.

“Yes, Lieutenant,” Narita adds.

“Good. I have their location on my denreishinki. We’ll open the senkaimon to there.” Finally, she turns to Hitsugaya. “Do you have any objections to this plan, sir?”

As usual, she knows when to take charge. Rangiku can handle an Adjuchas with assistance, especially with a few other seated officers there. Looking over at Noake and Totsuka, he knows they need more experience in battle. It’s a good team.

But he’s reluctant to let them all go. No, if anything, this is an opportunity for him.

“I’ll go.”

Everyone looks to him, most showing confusion.

“Captain?” Rangiku says.

“I need you back here.” He looks to the other officers. “Totsuka and Noake join me. Narita, you said you wanted more combat experience. Come along if want.”

Narita blinks. “I…yes, Captain. I’ll go too.”

Rangiku and Hanae share a glance, something silently communicated between them. The other officers who hadn’t been named suddenly look unsure if they should be standing there and hearing all of this. They’ve likely never seen him and Rangiku at odds like this.

“Captain,” Rangiku says, “are you sure?”

“What concerns you? Myself, five seated and several unseated officers are enough for an Adjuchas and Gillians."

“It’s been…” She can’t finish, or perhaps doesn’t want to with present company surrounding them. It’s been months since you were last in a battle.

He resists clenching his jaw at the implication. My skills haven’t dulled, he wants to tell her. If anything, they’ve improved. I’ll prove it to you and myself.

“We can’t waste anymore time,” he says. “If somehow things get worse, I will call you in for backup. In the meantime, I need you here to update First Division on the situation.” He can’t say more than that, not with those beneath the Fifth Seat ranking present. The attempts to communicate with Hueco Mundo are still classified, and the Captain-Commander will certainly want to know that an Adjuchas has appeared after all this time.

He can tell Rangiku wants to say more, but she closes her mouth. When she starts giving a firm nod, he’s already turning to retrieve Hyourinmaru from his room. “Narita, Totsuka, Noake, go get your zanpakuto. I will meet you outside of the main entrance.”

________________________________________

He had wings.

It’s the first thing he thought after the mist settled and a great ‘whoosh’ sounded from behind him. The sensation of appendages, like having an extra pair of arms, radiated from his back. He focused on them, and sure enough, he got them to move again. Another flap, and this time they came into view in his peripheral.

He brought them closer, nearly closing them over himself. He wanted to jump and cheer around in the woods, but he reigned himself in. He wasn’t a child; he was an officer, a Shinigami. He will react just as Isshin would expect him to.

“This is my bankai,” he said, but even when trying to channel authority, the wonder of having achieved it still came through.

______________________

The roar of a Gillian reaches Hitsugaya seconds before he steps through the senkaimon. On his right, Totsuka shudders. The second drags on, but he has no time to reassure him. In truth, he has no words for him. His goal is forefront of his mind.

The second ends, and once on the other side, it’s chaos.

Gillians tower over them. Shinigami are everywhere, either fighting or carrying off the injured. There’s a cacophony of yells for help or orders by seated officers beneath the snarls and bellows of the Gillians. He can smell the effects of Takezone’s Shikai and see the scorch marks it’s caused on the surrounding trees. A shard of Mingawa's shikai glints in the distance, shooting into the mask of Gillian. He's fending off it from slaughtering a group of unseated officers trying to move someone who’s unconscious.

A quick glance behind and Hitsugaya can see buildings that are far too close. It will only take the Gillian ten more steps before they’ve reached the City, and no doubt some humans can sense something is amiss despite the kido wards they’ve put up.

A reiatsu flares. One he doesn’t know. The Adjuchas. It radiates from behind all of these Gillians.

It’s enough to jolt him back, and as if muscle memory kicks in, he snaps his gaze to the three seated officer and points to where he orders them to go. “Noake, assist Takazoe! Narita, go tend to the injured officers there! Totsuka, follow me to Minagawa!”

“Yes, Captain!” they all say, with Narita and Noake flash-stepping away.

He doesn’t waste anytime summoning his bankai and flash-stepping into the fray with Totsuka following behind. He goes for the nearest Gillian, leaping up to slash it across the mid-section. He was so fast the Gillian doesn’t have time to bend over and try to attack. It bellows as he flaps away, and the ice that erupts from the wound shoots upwards and outwards in spikes that could match the ones around its neck. By the time the ice reaches its mouth, the roar turns into a wail, and it’s cut off as the ice cracks and breaks apart.

Hitsugaya doesn’t linger to watch it fall, landing on the ground again and rushing between two Gillians occupied by groups of Shinigami. One of them begins generating a cero, only to be flung back by a beam of Soukatsui and then fixed in place by wave of clay from Daiwa's shikai that instantly dries around its feet. For good measure, he aims flurries of ice at each of them, shooting them through the chest while he rushes past.

Hitsugaya can sense rather than see Minagawa up ahead, obstructed from view by one of two Gillian he and his group face.

“Totsuka!” Hitsugaya calls over his shoulder. “Your shikai, now!”

“Right, sir!” he yells back, and chants his zanpakuto’s release call. It’s lost in an explosion from behind, and Hitsugaya has no time to see what it was.

Trusting his officer knows what to do, Hitsugaya lunges ahead of him at one of the Gillians, throwing his wings out to glide. He pulls Hyourinmaru back, sending the command down to his blade to build up ice. Then, when he nears to Gillian, he slashes it along the back of its legs. He kicks off the ground and shoots up into the sky as it roars. Ice explodes from where he cut and spikes out to surrounding Gillians, injuring them. It’s counterpart, distracted by the commotion, doesn’t see Totsuka’s whipuntil it's too late. The shikai wraps itself around the Hollow's midsection, pinning its arms to its sides.

Hitsugaya watches from above as the whip flares with a magenta glow that burns the Gillian, while Mingawa and a few unseated officers charge in to finish the job on the one he’d attacked. He flies on, extending his senses for the Adjuchas.

Just as he’s locked on to it, a Gillian lunges up and tries to snap its jaws around him. He twirls out of it's reach. At the start of his training, such a maneuver was near impossible for him to do in a split second. Now it’s as easy as getting off the ground.

There’s six Gillians, all battling his officers, and a seventh is emerging from a tear forming in the sky. It’s hand reaches out, then it’s head pokes through. With a flap, he shoots himself at it. Everything is a blur around him, going too fast.

The Gillian doesn’t have time to cry out before the ice pierces and encases it’s top half. The ice breaks apart and crashes into the trees below while the lower half vanishes into nothing.

He flares out his wings to slow himself down and makes a wide arc to circle back to the battle. He swerves his head in the direction of the Adjuchas, hidden beneath the trees. He thinks to sneak up on it, but with him this high, there’s little chance it hasn’t seen him already. He swoops down to the ground and lands. Scanning the area, there’s no visible sign of it. Raising his own reiatsu, he’s practically baiting it to come out.

A tree violently shudders behind him, and as he swings around, a maroon blur comes for him. The Adjuchas is fast, but he can dodge quicker and strike fast. He slashes Hyourinmaru while spinning away. The creature skids to a stop, growling and inspecting it’s bleeding tail. It’s not just pain from the wound it should feel, but the chill from Hyrouiaru’s blade that rushes up to the rest of it's body.

Hunched over, it rises to its full height when Hitsugaya goes in for another attack. It dashes back, out of Hyourimaru’s range. Both come to stop, waiting for the other’s next move.

The Adjuchas is unnaturally tall, with willowy arms but muscled legs ending in hooves. Two yellow stripes run up its torso, contrasting harshly against its leathery maroon skin. It’s head resembles a horse’s skull, and its yellow eyes glare down at him from the dark sockets.

“A Shinigami Captain,” it hisses. “Why would you show up?”

“I’d ask you the same thing,” he retorts flatly.

The Adjuchas barks out a laugh. “Why else? The queen may tolerate you, but we do not. I and hundreds of others will not follow a ruler who tells us to stay away from what we need! The Souls are ours!”

Queen?

But Hitsugaya has no time to ponder who that is. The Adjuchas lunges at him with claws raised. He dodges and tries to slice its leg. Before Hyourinmaru can cut, he needs to spin out of the way of a kick.

He flash-steps to gain distance and doesn’t waste a second to generate ice to encase its hooves. It manages to dodge the flurries while sprinting towards him, and Hitsugaya casts Guncho Tsurara. The icicles shoot out over a wider area than months ago.

Distracting it as planned, he shoots ice to its hooves. An icicle slices through one of its arms, another grazed the side of its torso and one narrowly misses its head as it jolts forward, landing on its hands with its legs entrapped by ice. It bellows, the cry making Hitsugaya’s ears ring.

He doesn’t let it disorientate him and aims Hyourinmaru at the creature. “Ryuse--!”

The ground shakes and twin shadows fall over him. In his peripheral, a tree is snapped in half beneath a boot. He breaks the attack and looks over his shoulder. Two Gillian leer over him, generating ceros with roars he can’t hear over the ringing.

He kicks off from the ground and arcs Hyourinmaru from one side to the other. “Hyoryuu Senbi!”

The ice shoots out in a wide crescent and throws the Gillians’ heads back when it strikes them. Before they can straighten he dives for one of them and stabs it’s through it’s mask. Kicking off from its face, he does the same to other with a snarl.

They fall to their knees when he lands and disintegrate into nothing.

The Adjuchas stares at him, it’s clawed hands stopping their attempts to break ice around its legs. “How?”

Hitsugaya grits his teeth against the rising anger within him. He gets no thrill in the shock and borderline fear it expresses, but a part of him takes vindication. Perhaps this is enough…

He shakes off the thought. It's time to end this. “You should have stayed in Hueco Mundo. Whoever decides to attack the World of Living will always face us.” It’s all Seireitei rhetoric, all of which he feels nothing towards in this moment.

He raises Hyourinmaru with both hands. “Ryusenka.”

He rushes at the Adjuchas. It's mouth unhinges open to an unnatural degree, the lower jaw almost flush again it’s neck. The beginnings of a cero flicker to life from behind its teeth but it’s too late. It doesn’t scream or bellow, not even when the blade runs through its torso. Ice bursts out from its back and sides, even covering some surrounding trees. It's yellow eyes stare at him, wide, disbelieving, before the ice flows over it's skull and takes the color out of them.

Hitsugaya withdraws Hyourinmaru, and the cracks web across the surface. He doesn’t back away far, still able to make out his hazy reflection in the fracturing ice. Once the ice has broken apart into pieces, the adrenaline eeks out of him with each panting breath. Above him, he has one and a half flowers left. In the past, he’d be down to the last petal.

From a short distance behind him, a Gillian’s cry is abruptly cut off. He turns, lifting his wings to see the creature dissipate as it falls. Then, belatedly, he registers Minagawa and the officers behind him, all keeping their distance. Some look at him with awe, taking in his wings and the ice plastered to the trees around them. Others eye him with a wariness he hasn’t seen in over a decade, a fear of the potential of his power.

Minagawa jogs over to him. His lips form a smile that’s too thin. “I guess your training has paid off.”

It brings him back to reality. It occurs to him, as if only surfacing from beneath a deep ocean, that he feels no sense of victory. Not even a sense of pride that he’d greatly improved his bankai, perhaps even perfected it. There’s an emptiness within, wide enough to swallow any of those things whole.

He nods in response. Whatever is going through him can wait.

“All of the Gillians have either been eliminated or retreated,” Minagawa says. “So far, four are injured, but there may be more from Totsuka-kun’s group.”

Hitsugaya straightens his shoulders and fully turns away from the frozen remains of the Adjuchas. “Contact Matsumoto and get her to come here with a team from Fourth Division and a team from Tenth to do clean-up for the area.”

Minagawa nods and reaches into his shihakusho for his denreishinki. Hitsugaya walks away from him and starts giving orders to get the injured ready for transfer back to the Soul Society. All the while, his ice breaks apart and crumbles. By the time he looks back to where the Adjuchas was frozen, it look like nothing but snow.

_______________________

There’s a commotion going on outside of her room. Officers rush down the hallway, speaking so fast she can’t make out what they’re saying. In her months of staying here, she's learnt it means either there’s an emergency in the intensive care ward or the officers have been summoned to a missions with too many injured.

There’s nothing she can do, so she only hopes that everything will be all right for them.

It’s thirty minutes later when there’s a knock. Hinamori has to withhold a gasp at who’s come to see her off. “Captain Unohana?”

The captain smiles and lifts the folded bundle in her arms. “Kotetsu-san is currently attending another patient. I told her I could deliver a fresh uniform to you.”

Hinamori stands from her bed as Unohana enters and places the uniform on her bedside table. “Thank you."

“It’s no trouble. Is there anything else we can get for you? Perhaps a new hair tie?”

“Oh no! That’s very kind of you though.”

For most of her recovery, Hinamori hadn’t seen Unohana. She only appeared once a month, to make small talk or do her check up in Isane’s place. Every time, she was a serene presence, always patient and trying to encourage her to get better.

Not once had she suggested she finish recuperating at Fifth Division. She understood, knew what it would mean for her to go back. Or perhaps she suspected she would try to escape again. Regardless, keeping her here was a lot to ask for a Division.

Hinamori bows deeply. “Thank you for your care, Captain Unohana. You’ve allowed me to stay here for longer than I needed, but I’m grateful for your patience and kindness and for the help of your officers. I promise to fulfill my duties as a Shinigami and as Lieutenant of the Fifth Division. I also promise to never get into such a state again that I need to stay as long as I did.”

Unohana let’s out a faint chuckle. “My, how formal.”

Hinamori straightens. “I just wanted to express my gratitude. You and your officer have done a lot for me. The least I can do is ensure I don’t end in here again.”

“Ah, but none of us can predict future, can we?” At Hinamori eyebrows rising, Unohana’s smile widens. “Its alright to be uncertain about what lies ahead. However, I don’t think you will be back for the same reasons as you came to us months, nor will you have tenure with us this long ever again.

“I am pleased you have recovered enough to return to your duties, but your journey may not end here.” She bows her head. “Should ever need anything, please let Kotetsu-san know and we can make arrangements.”

“Yes, I will. Thank you.”

“I will leave you be. Kotetsu-san should be here within the hour.”

Once Unohana leaves, Hinamori looks at the folded shihakusho. After a pause, she runs her hand over the obi that lay on top. She remembers how to tie it around her waist, like a reflex and without a second thought. It’s irrational, but she’s relieved she can still recall how to put on her uniform.

However, looking at her reflection in the window, dressed in the hospital robes with her hair tied over one shoulder, doubt creeps in again. She can put on a uniform just fine, but that didn’t mean she could do everything else. How can she wonder around the barracks and act as if nothing happened? What if she’s only reminded of Captain Aizen?

She shudders at the thought of him. Maybe this really was a mistake after all.

She shakes her head. No, everyone’s waiting for me. I can’t let them down.

It’s this thought that motivates her to dress out of her hospital robes and into her uniform. She thinks about Genji and the rest of the Fifth Division, about the other lieutenants and her friends in other divisions, about the Junrinan, and, with some hesitation, Hitsugaya.

Finally, after she has completely changed into the shihakusho, she thinks about her new captain.

She will have to work alongside him, in a time where she and her officers are all atill reeling from the lies they’ve been living under. Regardless of whether they were old or new, she imagined almost everyone in his division wouldn’t be too trusting of Shinji right away. He would’ve had to earn just the most basic trust in the last week, who knew how long it would take before they could all trust him completely.

But then, did she trust him? Even after her conversation with him two days ago, she’s still not completely sure.

She is not her old self and never would be. She is not so far gone that she distrusts every new person she meets, and she was never so naïve as to believe everyone was good to their core; but now she knew just how cruel people could be, especially those who never showed their true weaknesses.

Her life before Aizen’s betrayal had felt like a fantasy, carefully crafted for her to always be content and not question a thing about the world she lived in. She’d been blinded by him, and after her first conversation with Shinji, tries to understand how she never once thought to look for a fault in him. How she could’ve been so content for things to stay as they were and never question how life could be so idyllic.  

Even so, much to her shame, that a longing to return to life remained. She bites the inside of her mouth, hard. Again she needs to remind herself: that life is gone now, and she’ll try to face whatever life she lives in now.

“Hinamori-san, are you ready?”

The question from behind the door startles her. “Oh, um…”

She quickly resumes folding up her hospital robes and then gathering the few things she has on the bedside table. “Yes, Kotetsu-san!” she says without stopping.

The door slides open, and when she looks over her shoulder, there stands Isane, smiling at her without pity or sympathy. Her fellow lieutenant steps in and then to the side of the door. “If you’re ready to go, Captain Hirako is here.”

Before Hinamori can say anything, Shinji waltzes into the room. His smile is toothy and wide, and having met him twice now, gets the distinct impression it’s how he naturally smiles despite how strange it seems.

“Why do you look so surprised?” he asks, then gestures to the doorway. “You ready to go?”

Hinamori straightens and tilts her head to one side. She’d thought she would pack her things and make her own way back, getting a send-off from Isane at the Fourth Division’s entrance at most, but otherwise just slowly making her way back to the division.

But here Shinji is, ready to walk her back, to accompany her on what felt like a long road back. Of course he is, all the captains generally do so when their lieutenants are about to be discharged from Fourth Division.

Somehow though, she gets the sense this isn’t just out of obligation either. He seems genuinely happy to see her, and now it’s infectious because she’s a little happy to see him too.

“Yes,” she says when she realises he’s waiting for a response. “I’m ready to go, Captain.”

It takes her far too much effort to get the title out, and if the way his smile falls is any indication, he can tell. She’s told herself repeatedly that this man will be her new captain, but somehow the title still hasn’t stuck to him in her mind yet.

However, his smile hadn’t gone entirely; it’s close-lipped and smaller, but no less genuine. As he closes the gap between them, he reaches into his left sleeve. “Well, actually, you’re almost ready to go.”

She frowns at that. “What do you mean?” She looks to Isane, who still stands at the door. “Did I forget something?”

Isane shakes her head with a knowing look. “You’ve signed all the paperwork you needed to.”

When she turns back to the captain, he pulls out something from his sleeve and holds it out to her. “Here.”

Hinamori blinks down at the lieutenant’s badge, as it’s the first time she’s ever been presented with it. Swallowing against the tightness building in her throat, she slowly takes it in both hands. She can’t look up, her head suddenly too heavy to lift. She presses her lips together and blinks against the threat of tears.

She’s really going back to the Fifth Division. Not just as a subordinate, but as it’s lieutenant.

It’s been months since she last walked in the hallways she knew like the back of her hand or slept in her quarters or tended the gardens in the courtyards or ate with her subordinates in the mess hall or sat on one of the verandas and did her paperwork on sunny days. None of it would be the same. She wasn’t the same.

She thinks to ask Shinji if he’s truly certain about this, that he really wanted her back on as lieutenant of the Fifth Division, but what she holds in her hands is answer enough. “Thank you.”

______________________

Sousuke Aizen (wow who here is surprised? lmao)

I was originally drawn to Bleach for its horror comedy vibes (it's my favourite genre!), and when Captain Aizen was introduced, I swooned. As I mentioned before, I really like kind and earnest characters. Then he had the audacity to DIE!! I was so upset, 15 y/o me couldn't believe it. I was gonna drop Bleach, but then the twist and reveal came. I was IN LOVE! Aside from kind and earnest characters, I am drawn to DRIVEN characters, whether they're villains or not. (I am also a sucker for characters who wear glasses.)

2. Retsu Unohana

One of my favourite tropes is the soft-spoken woman who is also murderous lol (Yor Forger and The Bride from Kill Bill fit this bill too and they're some of my favourite characters of All Time). Although we don't know much about Unohana, we see from her interactions with others that she can be a frightening individual if you wrong her in some way (like forgetting she's one of the oldest, like Kyoraku did). With Hanatarou, we see she's a bit dotting and likes material things, like makeup! (Even if it was an anime only thing).

In the words of Spike Segal form Cowboy Bebop:

3. Kisuke Urahara

I have a love/hate fascination with Kisuke. I think he's incredibly mysterious, without trying to be? He's very affable, yet you know there is something dark beneath that demeanour of his. I guess you could say that for many other characters as well, but I like the duality that Kisuke's personality presents. Also blondes aren't normally my type, but there's something about him that makes me swoon hahaha! I also have a soft spot for the "mad scientist" trope (but I don't really vibe with Mayuri and Szayel though).

4. Orihime Inoue

I love this little oddball. She's so endearing and sweet, even going through so much trauma and awfulness at such a young age. I really enjoy characters like her (Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket is of a similar vein imo). I also really enjoyed the general "weirdness" Orihime brings, like her drawing that she wants to be a mecha when she's older, her food combinations, these little quirks of her personality. I relate to her in that way.

5. Hanataro Yamada

Another endearing character!! I like the goofiness his character brought in the beginning of the SS arc. I think it's pretty fun that his zanpakuto's ability is to collect pain that's been inflicted on to him. It's a neat thing because I like that Hanataro has his own unique way of "fighting back" even if he's not really a fighter. I also have a soft spot for Hisagomaru's design.

I'm so curious as to what his relationship with his older brother is like though, because apparently Seinosuke Yamada apparently has "bad character" from what Kubo has shared. Hanataro (as far as what we've seen) is very meek, so I'm curious to see how these two interact!

6. Shunsui Kyoraku

I will say, I didn't think much of Shunsui until TYBW. Not that I didn't like him, but I found him interesting, but he didn't exactly pull me until his backstory with Nanao and her family came to be. I love a good tragic backstory. And of course, the banter between him and Aizen was hilarious to me, I am also susceptible to a man with a good rugged jaw and long hair lmao.

7. Liltotto Lamperd

I just love her no nonsense attitude, but loyalty to her friends, and the anime's depiction of her having a monotonous voice.

8. Akon

As I mentioned in my Kisuke blurb, I like mad scientist characters (for the most part). I like how Akon essentially is the straightman to Mayuri (if they were a Manzai duo lol). Also I'm curious as to what he did to get him imprisoned in the Maggot's Nest when he (appeared) to be a child, or relatively very young! I also like how kind he was to Nemu. He seems like a refreshing character in squad 12. Also his interactions with the Shinigami Men's Association makes me laugh, but curious about his friendship with Shuhei and Izuru.

Other than those characters... It was hard to decide who to put for 9 and 10. Bleach is filled with so many characters!