im gone

it's very difficult. most of the time i feel like i am pushed to do things for the money more than for want. i know if i become an adult i could regret doing things just because i wanted to. i might want to support people close to me and not be able to do it. that's how i feel right now and i feel weak, powerless, and like i am abandoning them. i know that is what people don't want for me when they want me to become something big, clean, and certified. such careers do help people, but they don't evoke any kind of ambition in me. 

idk there was this family. or i don't know if they were all related cause im forgetting now. but the two older ones were the most messed up. idk if the middle one, the second eldest, was a boy or a girl. but they were both talking about how messed up they were and why and i think it was a girl but idk. the oldest had red hair. they weren't all full blood siblings, these two were half-. anyway something happened. i think there was a sister, whose skin around the cheek and eye had been pulled and cut with scissors and now had some kind of burn there. she was shy. the youngest. and when the second eldest laughed about it and said she was like an "authoritarian princess" the eldest brother grabbed them and it was like he still cared. but then he just smiled and said youre fucking annoying me and shut up. let me talk