Chapter 48 - Are you Ready?
“Thank you for everything Jay” I said as we finished dinner. It was Valentine’s Day and it really wasn’t much different except that it was Valentine’s Day. Eating dinner at one of my favorite places; Del Fiascos.
“ Jahan and I want desert” I said rubbing my stomach. Of Course we finally came up with a name that I am in love with. His name is Jahan Sadiq Cole. One because my father was Muslim and my mother thought it was a good idea. Also It starts with a ‘J’ so why not.
“always” He laughed and he ordered the desert.
“so we are painting his room tomorrow right?” I questioned and he nodded.
“Yes after I do what I have to do for work”
“Work got us that new house that you like so much, maybe while I am gone you could like unbox some boxes or something”
“ that’s cute but probably” I laughed “ I here Teyana is flying back into town tomorrow so I will see if she could play her godmotherly duties tomorrow”
“Yeah, have like a girls day out or some shit”
I studied my body in the mirror. Looking at my back arching in the mirror and how big my stomach was. My body ached from time to time and my titties were always swollen which Jay is in love with and my hips are spreading. But one thing I know for sure is that I wouldn’t change it for the world. Having this time with my son before he enters in this world in four months feels so good.
Still getting amazed at how far along I am. I rubbed over my stomach. I really just hate that because of this pregnancy Jay acts as if he has to wait on me hand and foot which he really doesn’t. I really can do some things by myself. But then again I love having him here with me. I am glad he is off tour.
I pulled my shirt down and walked back in the room and crawled in the bed. I laid on my side as Jay massaged my ass. I love booty rubs. They are the best. I tilted my head. I turned around and laid on my back. I pulled up my shirt and rubbed my stomach as I got out my pregnancy book and laid it on my stomach. I grabbed my glasses and my phone. My stomach is like a place holder. I hold my cups and plates on it.
“you about to fake read” Jay said and I rolled my eyes.
“ I don’t fake read, I got through at least five pregnancy books already” I convinced him.
“sure you did” he spoke “ I got through six”
“ And?” I spoke “ I have a low attention spand, I can’t read like you”
“ I see I see” He spoke “its all about having that mentality”
“See look Jay you read books that are common sense, like ones that you can just ask me and I can tell you a better answer” I said “ Because I am the mother of the child, I can tell you the pain I feel at night and early mornings”
“Cas. Cas. Cassie” he laughed and I laughed.
“Okay tell me what’s going on, let me know”
“Seriously you are going to listen?” I said
“Okay well since day one my breast have been swollen, that’s the really bring thing that bothers me”
“Shit I like them, a lot and them hips girl. Damn girl” He said making me feel better.
“ Yeah like these cravings, like right now I want pickles and mustard really bad” I said closing my eyes and imagining that “ or hot sauce on some popcorn and chips. Then I get really hot at night and out of breath. If I don’t get enough sleep I get dizzy and really sleepy. I mean I don’t mean to yell at you sometimes but it just happens and I am sorry if you feel like my puppy right now but I promise once it’s over you can go back to papichulo”
“ Cas it’s fine” he said leaning back on the pillows and getting comfortable.
“Yeah, like I get really bad horny sometimes when I really just want it like really bad. And then when we actually do have sex you have to do it quick because I lose interest easily and my hair is growing out of control so I think I will just let it grow out.
“mm-hm” he spoke closing his eyes little by little.
“yeah baby, we communicating” he spoke turning over to look at me.
“ Yeah then like I wobble Jay, like do you notice that” I said continuing the conversation about my rough pregnancy.
I continue to tell him more as the time pasted.
“But truthfully I wouldn’t give it up for the world, knowing that I am giving life and there is a life inside of me, makes me happy every morning. Feeling him move around makes me smile and make me keep pushing. Knowing that this is our child and we were high school sweethearts just goes to show that love is true. You guys are my family. I love you Jay and I wouldn’t switch your ass in for anybody else”
I looked over and this nigga was sleep. I plucked him on his forehead.
“Jay… Jay… Jay” I spoke and he lifted up.
“Yo, Cas stop playing damn” he said “ Wassup, you good?”
“whatever Jay, just forget it with your useless ass” I said climbing off the bed.
“Now I am useless” he spoke getting up and the way his temple throbbed I knew he was angry with my words.
“ Yes I was clearly fucking talking to you”
“Look Cassie I am fucking tired, for five in the morning to 2 in the morning I wait on you hand and foot making sure you are good. Like damn I do what I can. I am tired, my body is tired. Not getting no sleep and he isn’t even here yet. Give me a fucking break. Some fathers aren’t even there through these nine months of trials and tribulations. But fuck I am here and I know I do my part”
“ Jay stop being a fucking pussy”
“Stop being a fucking bitch”
Bitch! Is he fucking serious. Fucking calling the mother of his child a bitch. We fight a lot but it never gets this bad.
“ I am bitch now?!” I yelled at him walking up to his face and pointing my finger in his face.
“Yo, Cas get out my face yo” he said and rolled my eyes and walked back. Already knowing this argument can have Jay gone and me here alone, I closed my mouth and became the bigger person.
“ You make me so fucking angry some times, some days I just wonder if I could of did this alone, would I have been better off?”
“ You fucked up and you know it, don’t tell me tomorrow it was the hormones talking because you saying this shit out of spite” he said towering over me “ Let’s be serious, what would you do without me?”
I got quiet and rolled my eyes looking down at my feet.
“Yeah you quiet, I am going to act like you didn’t say that shit tonight and think maybe it was the hormones talking and go to bed” he said and he turned around to walk back to the bed.
“Fuck you too Cas” he said as he climbed in the bed and pulled the covers over him. He turned over and closed his eyes. Jay makes me so mad at how calm he is during arguments. Like this man is going to sleep while I am talking to him. Nothing irritates me more than that. I rolled my eyes and stomped out the room. I walked down the hallway and walked down the stairs. I walked in the kitchen and walked to the frig. I grabbed the mustard and pickles. I closed the frig and walked out the kitchen and went to sit on the couch and turned the tv on. I opened the jar of pickles and mustard.
“he has me so fucked up” spoke softly “FUCKING ASSHOLE”
I have a really bad temper and he knows that. He eggs me on. Like calling me a bitch. I mean I am bitching but don’t call me that. I am pregnant with his big headed baby, the least he could do is listen to me speak. He is so annoying.
I wiped my eyes. Now I am crying and I want him to hold me. Our arguments are always like this since I got pregnant. I yell, he yells and I cry and he holds me. I closed the pickles and mustard and took it back to the kitchen. Jahan wasn’t having the argument. He started moving roughly. He was kicking and moving. Only thing that calms him down is Jay’s voice and my soft slow breathing and my singing. But I can’t breathe slowly when he is moving like this.
“Jay” I said lowly walking up the stairs and walking down the hall “Jay!”
“ Wassup Wassup” he jumped up and walked outside in the hall “ what’s wrong?”
“Jay he is upset” I said then I walked in the room and held my stomach as I climbed on the bed.
“He hates when you yell at me” I said and he nodded then climbed on the bed with me. He wiped his eyes. I laid back and rubbed my hands through my hair “ do something dammit”
“Cas I am sorry” he said sarcastically.
“You aren’t saying like you mean it” I said getting upset.
“Fuck Cas” He said “ You are blowing the shit out of me tonight”
“Jay he isn’t mad at me, he is mad at you”
“YO CASSIE CALM THE FUCK DOWN, YOU BLOWING ME. I AM TRYING. MAYBE FOR ONCE HE IS MAD AT YOU FOR DISRESPECTING HIS FATHER”
“OH I DISRESPECTED YOU BUT YOU CALLED ME A BITCH”
“AND CAS I AM FUCKING SORRY BUT YOU MAKE ME SO MAD”
“ BECAUSE YOU CALLED ME A BITCH AND YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME JAY, all I ever asked was for you to listen to me and my problems like damn”
“Cas and I heard what you said, like we are your family and you wouldn’t give it for the world. You love me and I love you more”
“ why didn’t you just say you heard me from the beginning we could of avoided all of this and you could have been sleep by now”
“ Cas you didn’t give me the chance” he said “ I love you and I trust you enough to give you my seed. I have always loved you from high school when I first traveled here from north carolina. I don’t want nothing more in life than to make you happy. I know I don’t say that often but Cas I feel safe knowing that I can make you safe. You bring substance and you keep me sane and humble. You watched me grow. I appreciate you and I am sorry for calling you a bitch baby”
He brought my face closer to his and brought my bottom lip into his mouth and he held my face with one hand and my stomach with the other. He kissed me and I moaned in his mouth.
“damn baby “ he smiled and chuckled.
“ Knowing that we can’t have sex makes this so much harder” I said and we both laughed. He kissed me one more time.
“Oh yeah Cas, I have a interview in two days at the house”
“You have a what?” I said widened my eyes.
“ Come on Cassie, look we will get everything done tomorrow. We going to get shit painted. Basically all the rooms and I am going to have some people come by and fix it up but Cassie you have to stay calm and do me a favor and help me get shit done while I am out working for a bit, finishing up some things”
“Whatever Jay, whatever” I said and got under the covers. He laid down on my lap as I messed in his way to far grown out fade “jay you getting a shape up tomorrow right?”
“Damn girl, I guess I got to if wifey ain’t happy but nah I wasn’t for some damn interview, they were going to except me for me” I said
“Yeah I want you too” I smiled
“One more thing, Can you get me some ice cream “ I said he breathed deeply” Please Jay”
“Remember with the whip cre—“
“Cas I know what you like”
He got up and walked out and I sat up and turned the TV on as I waited for my ice cream. He soon came back ten minutes later with my ice cream and I smiled as he gave to me. Just like many restless nights, we stay and talk while I eat.
“ Jay you remember the first day we met?”
“I am going to be truthful, nah I don’t I just know we were in school and I was the new boy”
“yeah I told I liked your smile and years past and 12th grade came and we been hanging together ever since 9th grade of the middle of the year. We started dating in the 10th grade. We went to prom together”
“Yeah Cas I remember that and bringing you home to my moms”
“ No Jay you didn’t bring me home to your moms, it was accident and you played it off”
“Yeah but still to this day she doesn’t know I was about fuck”
“ But you didn’t and your intentions are still fucked up”
“Nah, I got all good intentions”
“ Sure you do “ I said he rubbed my stomach. It’s funny how Jahan was up moving this late. He is always up when Jay is up or as soon as he here his voice he gets excited “Jermaine your son”
“ Cas you know he is always up”
“You can sleep and I will talk him to sleep”
“ Okay” I said then I laid back and he turned the light off. I got comfortable then laid down on my back. I placed my arms behind my head. He came and laid down. He cupped my stomach and placed his head on my lap. I closed my eyes.
“I really don’t know how to start this little man but your moms is not having all this movement you know. I really don’t mind but I am not carrying you. I really don’t know what to say because I really never had that talk with my pops. It wasn’t his fault he wasn’t there, he was in the military. I mean I am hoping we will have a good relationship, matter fact I will make sure of it. Just by the looks of it we already do. I can calm you down with my words and that means a lot to me. I graduated with a degree in communication and I rap but an unborn baby feels my voice and automatic feels calm. I don’t know if it is the vibration of my voice or something but I am honored. I am honored to be your father. I am honored to be able to play that very important role of your life. So is your mother because the role she plays is equally important or more. She will be the most important women in your life, like she is mine. I love her and you love her. You won’t just love her because she is your mother but because I will always respect her as your mother. Love and respect starts at home. Basically now I am just hearing myself speak but it feels good to lay that on the surface. I am hoping you are finally sleep Jahan.” He whispered and he touched my stomach gently “ So your mommy can get some sleep, she really needs her rest. I just want to let you know that your parents love you little man, already”
“Jay I think he is sleep” I whispered softly and he nodded with a smile and came back and laid down. I moved over and laid on his chest with my laid on top of his. He rubbed through my hair and kissed me on my forehead.
“ See you later baby” I said and I walked up to her and kissed her. I hugged her tightly as she pressed her weight on me and I leaned on the counter. She was eating strawberries and she fed me some.
“ You want Nutella on it” she questioned and I shook my head no.
“Nah I got to go baby” I said and she nodded then fed me some pancakes “ Baby seriously”
“She is trying to but she is busy you know?”
“Look when she says that, you know she on her way” I said convincing her “ You know she always makes time out for you and now the baby. Once the baby comes she knows you will be busy”
“Yeah I guess” she said and she was walking around these little shorts and sports bra. She got finished doing her daily yoga. She walked away and turned on the stereo. Of course the first song that played was me – forbidden fruit. Every time she turns on the stereo my cd is the first one she plays. She never gets tired of that album.
I walked to the door and grabbed my keys off the table.
“Be great” she spoke and I smirked. The usual words that we use to part our ways. It’s always been those words since high school. With her knowing that I wanted to be a rapper but I wanted to also go to college. She always knew that my dreams will come into reality so ‘Be good and Be Great’ was always something we used. After cheating on her as a yungin and us parting our ways. Going to St.Johns in New York, always having thoughts about her but at the same time knowing I needed to move on. I knew I fucked up. Seeing her with other niggas and hearing other niggas hurting her. Yeah I had other girlfriends and other girls but she always crossed my mind every song, every mixtape, every bitch. Knowing they couldn’t replace her.
Since we were young I told I would marry her but her reply was always
‘ lets be serious Jermaine it is just Lust and you know how fast that wears off’. Already knowing that she been hurt before, she wouldn’t take my word. But this baby has already gave her half of that promise and as the years past I promise to take care of her and my baby.
Stepping out the car and walking into the baby store. My niggas and I decided to do some shopping for my kid. Really it was there idea and I knew I needed to pick up some other shit.
“Yo! Cole Wassup boy” Daimen dapped me up.
“Wassup” I said. Daimen been one of my bestfriends since day one and been rocking with me ever since.
“Yo how is wifey?” he spoke
“Pregnant, Real bad Pregnant” I said taking off my hat and scratching my head, then putting my hat back on.
“How you been handling that?”
“Well I guess, you have to tell her you love her a lot which I do and she bust in to tears a lot. It’s crazy. But we finally got a name”
“That’s wassup, what is it?”
“ Jahan Sadiq Cole” I said
“Shit is so surreal” he said then we walked in the store “how many months she got left?”
“ four months really three months” I spoke” tomorrow is her sixth month”
“ told her I had to work which I really don’t, Just buying some shit for my son so we can do his room today and she can stop stressing”
“yeah that’s what’s up” he said and we started picking shit out for the room. Of course she wants to do the room blue but she also going to have Chris come over and do some of his spray paint art in there, along with some of my poetry on the walls. Chris probably will do it today and finish tomorrow like he promised. It’s so much shit happening tomorrow. This interview doesn’t know that they will be getting the whole crew and more.
After getting the shit and having the furniture shipped to the house for the baby room. I ran to the barbershop. After doing that I got some other shit for the house and went back to the crib.
From the outside I could tell shit was getting done. I walked in the house and took my shoes off. Cassie was sleep on the couch with a blanket and Nollie laying on her stomach.
“Wassup Jay” Teyana spoke as I sat the bags down by the couch.
“wassup, how long she been sleep?” I said moving Nollie on the floor and laying my head in her lap.
“just a couple minutes ago, we finished unpacking boxes and everything. The painters are here painting you guys room and every room upstairs”
“ yeah I see I am impressed” I spoke, they finished downstairs already.
“Can I talk to you real quick” Teyana spoke and I nodded. Hoping everything was good and Teyana is like my little sister. Already knowing a lot of her problems I hope it ain’t nothing with Cas, Seiko or even her and Brandon. Brandon used to be my nigga. I use past tense because we all sick of his bullshit. He don’t won’t help. Teyana hasn’t done nothing to deserve the crap he bringing to the table. Fuck no girl deserve that.
“Wassup, is everything good?” I questioned and nodded.
“ Um, I wanted to talk to you about Cas”
“Yeah wassup is everything good?”
“ I am really happy for you guys, like really. You been a big brother to me since I was little and I am so glad you guys could finally work shit and with that process you guys have conceived my god son and I am so excited. But Jermaine you know she scared”
“Scared of what?” not understanding her point I scratched my head.
“Once she has the baby, you know she could never tell you no shit like this but that’s why she worries so much and as a mother she should”
“Basically you want me tell her that shit going to be good and I got her back” I said and she nodded “ Basically it would break my heart if she felt any lessr than perfect to be a mother”
“ exactly and don’t tell her I told you”
Wiping my eyes and looking up to see Chris, Seiko, Teyana, and Jay standing over top of me talking.
“Really?” I said and got up slowly and walked past them and wobbled to the bathroom. They scared me a little just standing over me talking. With my eyes clothes I wouldn’t have think they were slow close. I walked in the bathroom and sat down on the toilet. Always having to pee and always being thirsty. But this is the purest I have ever been. Drinking on water, cranberry juice, and orange juice.
I got up off the toilet and washed my hands. I wiped my face and walked out the bathroom. I laid my arm on the top of my stomach.
“Damn Cas what the fuck is up” Chris said coming over to me and smiling and looking me up and down.
“Back up” I said “ But Hello Christopher”
“ Damn you bitter” he spoke. I walked over and hugged Seiko. Jay pulled me over by my arm and held me from behind. He kissed me on my neck.
“Hey Baby, you good?’ he whispered in my ear.
“ I am fine Jermaine” I spoke
“No you not” he smirked then I turned around.
“ I am just really tired and really irritated”
“ You been cool today, how have you and Jahan been today?”
“He been chilling really today, I mean I feel him move to different positioning, he has been a good little boy finally”
“Yeah my talk last night helped him”
“Really it really probably has” I said “ I just can’t wait to see his face, nothing can change that”
“ I know” I said “ I brought the shit you picked out in the store for the room and it is in his room name. The room is done, everything is done and you basically slept through most”
“Jay I was tired because I hardly got sleep lastnight but I really appreciate it”
“No problem, you deserve you rest” he back up and through his hands up in defeat.
“Chris did what you wanted in the room as well” he said and I smiled as I walked away and walked over to Chris.
“Thank you so much Chris for finishing today and getting it down” I said and He brought me into a hug.
“No problem” he said “ Have you seen it?”
“No but is everything placed correctly before I go in there”
“Yeah everything is done” Teyana spoke and I smiled.
“Okay, do you guys want to come with or you want me to go alone”
“We all seen it all, we want you to witness the next step to this mother hood alone” Jay spoke and I smiled. I turned around and walked to the steps. Looking down at my stomach I walked up the stairs slowly. Finally meeting the top step. I peeped in our room which was finally painted. It was so pretty. It was so cool turquoise. It was painted a calm blue. I love the color blue because it makes me calm and relaxed. I am pretty I wil different soon and it will be painted another color but now I love it.
I walked out the room and seeing everything feeling together and the house finally becoming a home. As I walked across the hall to the baby room. I closed my eyes and walked in. I opened as my feet was placed on the carpet. I became teary eyed as I looked at the room.
It was beautiful. The mural Christopher painted was exactly what I wanted. Jay words on the wall. I love his poerty so he made a poem called ‘my son’. Smiling and rubbing my stomach. I wiped my tears as I felt them rolling down my chest.
Everyday being reminded that I am not alone. On the phone. Making errands, I am never alone. I am very exciting for him to be welcome into this world. Feeling his kicks and his moving; knowing that only I can feel it and that that’s our little secret. He is already my best friend. Talking to him when no one is around and rubbing over my stomach as I speak. I sing to him every chance I get. Especially when Jay was gone and I was all alone he was the only one I could talk too. Yes I am scared that I will not be good enough to be his mommy but I am trying. I am scared at some many things could go wrong but the most important thing is that I am sane that I can share this moments with him. My baby, my son, my best friend, and my mommy’s boy.
Turning around and wiping my tears. While hoping on the crib and looking over at the teddy bear on the side. Carefully studying the rest of the room as Jay walked in.
“You good?” he spoke “Baby you will be the best mother, I have so much faith in you. I know it is scary but no one I rather have than you to carry my seed, give birth, and nourish my son”
“I am scared Jay” I said in relief.
“Baby I know, You will be just fine. You are perfect for this job “
“Thank you and you know you are a good father already” I spoke” I know you are scared but you aren’t going to tell me”
“ I am good Cas” he spoke and I rolled my eyes. Walking over to his closet and opening the door. He already had a closet full of clothes.
“who color coordinated?” I laughed “ awww it’s so adorable”
“Teyana of course” he laughed” You know how she is about clothes and shoes”
We walked back downstairs together and I hugged everybody and starting to get emotional.
“I am sorry guys, I get really emotional but I am so happy you guys did this for me”
“No problem Cas” Chris said
“anything for my best friend” Teyana spoke “Well our sister”
“I know you guys have a big day tomorrow” Seiko spoke and kissed me on my cheek” And yes I will be by here to see you tomorrow”
“Okay” I spoke and smiled.
“See you later Cas, keep my god son safe” Teyans said as she rubbed my stomach “I won’t be by tomorrow so I love you”
“I love you too “ I said and she kissed my stomach and lifted up. My stomach was basically out my shirt and my leggings were below my stomach. They soon all left and it was just Jahan, Jay, Nollie and I. Cleaning up the house a little. Just straightening up the house for tomorrow, because I think I want to sleep in tomorrow.
“baby come here” I heard Jay from upstairs.
“Once you take out the trash “ I yelled back and it became quiet. I laughed. Then I heard his footsteps travel down the stairs. He walked past me to the kitchen and took the trash out the trashcan and tied it up. Putting a bag in the trash can and then walking out the garage door.
I walked to the kitchen and turned the water on. I started to do the dishes. When I don’t have nothing to do and I am bored I will clean.
“Come On” He said grabbing the last plate out my hand and washing it off “ If you bored go take a shower or lay and down and get some rest”
“ Jay I was done anyways, just making sure everything was fine for tomorrow”
“Everything looks good Cas” he spoke and I nodded then turned the water off. I walked out the kitchen. You wouldn’t believe it but the walk from the kitchen to the stairs, I get tired. I need to start working out again. Like in the beginning months of my pregnancy I would work out every morning, but now I make sure I eat at least nine times a day “come let me carry you”
“Um, are you crazy?” I spoke” you know you do not want to do that”
“ Why not come here” he said. I mean I am not saying that he can’t. Jay is 6’3 and he is muscular. I am pretty sure he can pick me up when I was by myself but I know I have gained a lot of weight. He lifted me up by legs and protected me around my mid back as we walked up the stairs” Calm down”
“I am calm” I smiled as we reached the top of the stairs. He carried into the room and I almost forget I had a big ass bag of baby clothes that I washed after purchasing them to fold.
“Go to the bathroom Cas” he spoke” I ran you bath water and shit”
“ I have to fold these clothes”
“ Cassie I have it” I said and I rolled my eyes. Jay is definitely my backbone without a doubt. I walked in and the water and bubbles were filled to the top. I dropped my clothes and stepped in the tub slowly. I looked out the door to see Jay folding the baby’s clothes.
“Cassie is there a such thing as too prepared”
“Nope, never Jay” I laughed and he joined in.
“Like damn we haven’t even had the baby shower yet”
“I know” I said then I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the ledge of the bath tub.
I finally pen-curled my hair. I turned the lights off in bathroom and walked out the bathroom. Climbing on the bed. Jay was already sleep. He said I was taking to long. He finished folding the clothes and took them in his room. He took his shower in a another room.
“aw my baby” I said touching his head and he instantly moved closer to me and grabbed my waist and laid his head by my belly. He is such a baby I swear. I leaned back and rubbed my fingers through his hair as I closed my eyes.
Waking up with a full bladder. I moved Jay from off me a little bit and walked to the bathroom. My back was killing me. I sat on the toilet and went down my phone as I finished peeing. As I finished I got up, wiped, and flushed. I went to sink and brushed my teeth then took my vitamins. I drunk some water then walked out the bathroom. I walked out the room and walked downstairs.
I decided that I was going to fix Jay something to eat because it’s been a while and I haven’t been doing my girlfriend duties. I pulled out some food out the fridge and started to cook. As I put the bacon on the pan and it started to cook. My phone started to ring.
“What are you doing?” he spoke in his raspy voice
“Cooking why Jay?” I said
“Because I didn’t see you and I didn’t hear you downstairs” he spoke. He is such a baby I swear “Why didn’t you just wake me up, I could of did it”
“Because by now you should be getting ready for you interview, Jay I don’t need you to take of me, I can do some things alone as well as you”
“Mmmm” he said and I could hear the anger in his tone.
“I mean Jay I do need you to take care of us but not all the time you know?” I spoke hoping he would understand. He hung up before I could get anything else out.
I didn’t feel like cooking anymore. I knew I fucked up and he was going to be mad, but he has to understand I don’t mean it like that. It really is the hormones talking sometimes. Some times I say shit he know I don’t mean.
I finished cooking and placed Jay food on a glass plate and filled a glass of orange juice. I placed it on the table and then I started eating. I heard his shoes catch contact with the floor multiple times as he came closer to view. He jogged down the stairs and walked in the kitchen.
“Here is your food” I said smiling, hoping for a smirk back. He looked at me then the plate and grabbed the glass of orange juice. He was holding a blunt in his left hand as he walked to the balcony. He opened the door and placed it in his mouth as he closed the glass door behind him. I rolled my eyes and throw the plate in the sink with the food still on it. I walked upstairs and then walked to my room. Instantly getting mad, I sat down on the bed so I could breathe.
I looked at the clock it was time for us to get ready. I walked to the closet to pick something out. I heard him walk in the room. I finally figured something out to wear and I walked out the room and laid it on the bed. He looked at me then waited for me to come out the closet then he walked in. I looked up at him and smirked. He took his shirt off as he walked to the bathroom. He locked the door as he walked in the bathroom. He hardly every looks the door or close it. He is being so childish.
Waiting about an hour for him to come out. Once he came out I walked in to do my makeup and tighten up my flowing curls. He looked at me from the bathroom and I felt his eyes burning holes through my face.
I walked out the bathroom after doing my makeup and pulling up my strapless bra. He started getting dress as I ironed my striped navy blue and white jersey dress.
“You wearing that?” he spoke with no emotion.
“What’s wrong with this Jay?”
“Nothing, Nevermind because you have an attitude”
“ Fuck are you talking about” I said rolling my eyes and sitting on the bed. I started to put my coconut oil and lotion on as he shook his head.
“you know what I am talking about”
“yeah whatever Jay you are just high” I said now putting the dress on. I pulled my hair out of my dress and I started to put perfume on. I then walked in my closet to see what shoes I wanted to wear. I put on my high-top red converse. Then I put on my red tom ford prescription glasses with a nude lip.
After walking past him to turn off the light I then grabbed my phone off the charger and texted Seiko, Teyana in a group message. They told me they would come and see me today. I really needed them today because Jay and I aren’t getting along.
I looked up and I was about to walk out the door in till Jay stood in front of the door.
“Move Jermaine Seriously”
“Talk to me” He spoke and I rolled my eyes.
“ Leave me alone and Move”
“Cassie you must got it all confused. You said you don’t need me. Like you always do. You always saying you so fucking independent but can’t take a little silent treatment. You ain’t nothing but a baby. Every one need some fucking body” He said close to my face and I placed a piece of hair behind my ear.
“Jay It came out wrong…” I trailed off.
“Oh it was the hormones again Cas”
“No Cassie you have always been this way towards me. I mean I respect a female that doesn’t always need a nigga but everything I do is wrong. You so damn ungrateful and I can’t keep fucking doing this. I ain’t no pussy either Cas like I just feel like everything I do or say isn’t enough”
‘Isn’t about being a pussy Jay, it’s just the fact that you act like you my dog or my son, I don’t need you to be my son I need you to be the father of my son. You basically are on your knees kissing my feet everyday”
“NO CASSIE, WHAT DON’T YOU FUCKING GET? IF YOU DON’T NEED ME I WILL LEAVE. IT’S THE FACT THAT I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL OVERWHELMED, I WANT YOU TO KNOW I FUCKING CARED. MY FATHER WASN’T THERE, SO MY MOTHER DIDN’T HAVE THAT FUCKING SUPPORT SYSTEM. I AM TRYING TO GIVE YOU & MY FUCKING SON SOMETHING ME AND MY MOTHER DIDN’T HAVE. A STABLE FUCKING FAMILY. I BREAK MY BACK FOR YOU. I GOT YOU THIS NICE ASS PLACE TO LIVE. I LOVED YOU. I CARED FOR YOU. I GAVE SOMETHING NO OTHER NIGGA CAN. I FUCKING SUPPORT YOU NO MATTER WHAT. AND MOST OF ALL, LIKE WHEN I CAN JUST WALK AWAY LIKE RIGHT NOW, INSTEAD I AM FIGHTING AND SCREAMING AT YOU BECAUSE THAT’S THE ONLY WAY YOU GET SHIT NOW AND DAYS. YOU CRY AND SAY THE BABY GETS MAD OR SAD WHEN I YELL AT YOU BUT IN ALL REALITY CAS, YOU ARE JUST UPSET AND HURT”
I wiped my tears, hoping I don’t fuck up my face.
“I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG THIS CAN GO ON CAS, I am very fucking patient with you but Cas I am not good at faking and I can’t lie. You keep telling me lies just knowing you are drifting farther away from me. I noticed a little early that you aren’t by my side. Damn Cas I need that Love back. I stood by your side”
“I can’t I can’t I can’t do this” I said wiping my nose and face and pushing past him. I walked out to the room across the hall and shut the door behind me. I locked it and sat on the couch and wiped my tears “ Look don’t mention this shit today, I don’t want to talk about it right now”
“Are you serious?” he spoke as he got closer to his face.
“I am dead serious” I said “ I am stressed as it is, and you need time to cool off”
“Cool off?” he looked at me then just walked away. I rolled my eyes and looked down.
It’s been about three hours and the camera people are here. Jay is getting ready for his interview while I sit in the kitchen with Teyana and Seiko.
“You guys are acting weird” Seiko spoke and I shook my head no with a smile.
“You & jay are acting really weird” Teyana spoke leaning her weight on her left leg and looking me in my eyes.
“We are just having some problems right now” I spoke being truthful.
“what kind of problems?” Seiko said
“I told him that I didn’t need him on my back all the time”
“damn that is basically saying you don’t need him, he is working his ass off to make sure you and Jahan will be good” Teyana said “ At least you can do is cut him some slack and give him a break”
“Look Jay needs to stop bitching”
“Maybe he isn’t bitching, he is just trying to help” Seiko said “ You have someone that wants to be hear during the pregnancy, be supportive, and be that one you can lean on”
“Look I don’t care” I said as I walked away and walked to the glasses windows that lead to the backyard that Jay was doing his interview at. I leaned on the door and looked at him as I rubbed my stomach.
“ Hell yeah I love her, she been the only female in my life I could trust besides my mother. Becoming a father is scary to me but I am not afraid to take it on. Being able to be there for my son and his mother is amazing feeling. I know we might get into shit but she is definitely my ride or die. We argue like everyday over dumb shit. Like who is going to watch the baby clothes, who is folding, which date to have the baby shower on, what to eat, sleeping and basically everything but I know for a fact that our love genuine and one of a kind. She been holding me down for so long, she deserved my see without a doubt. She has a very very beautiful soul, Would I marry her? Um.. Definitely without a doubt” he laughed and I walked away from the window. Some would think Jay was just saying that for cameras but in a genuine place of my heart I believed. Yes, I believe that jay loves me. It’s just that I am very overwhelmed with everything. I didn’t mean for all this to be happening to our relationship.
“You going to talk to him right?” Teyana said I sat down on the chair and nodded.
“Yes, I know I need too” I said “ I have a lot of shit on my mind that I have to do”
“Yeah but your peace of mind should be one of those, remember he is your partner” Seiko said and I nodded.
As the people started to pack up from the interview, Jay came in and completely ignore. He helped them out and thanked them. I waved and they filmed as I walked around the house and they looked at the baby room.
“You are definitely glowing, and I love you guys together” she spoke and I smiled.
Thank you so much” we both said and Jay kissed me on my cheek and I kissed him on his lips. He was taking back from it and smiled.
“Can we come back to see the baby”
“Most Definitely” I said and Jay nodded.
“You will be the first” we smiled and she turned with her camera crew and everybody. We all said our goodbyes and they left. The door closed we unlocked arms and walked our separate ways. I felt cold as fuck now. He walked upstairs and I walked back in the kitchen.
“You guys are serious?” Teyana questioned and I rolled my eyes.
“Look, We will talk later, but as of right now I have to make dinner”
“What you going to make his favorite?” Seiko laughed
“You know it” I said and they both laughed. I was fixing Spaghetti with salad, and garlic bread.
“You are such a wife” Teyana laughed as she drunk her glass of wine.
“I know” I smiled and then I heard his feet travel down the stairs. He came downstairs with clothes in his hand and he threw it in the trash.
“what are you doing?”
“Exactly what you told me to do”
“Why are throwing his clothes away” I said as I opened the trash and saw Jahan clothes in the trash.
“Because those are the ones you got bleach on and told me to throw in the trash” he said and I walked away as I started sweating because I was starting to get heated. He looked at me like I was dumb as Seiko and Teyana cleared the room. I looked back at him with tears in my eyes.
“You have no right to throw those away, I might wanted to keep them. Just incase”
“Just in case what? And I have no right huh?”
“Look I can’t believe you would do that” I said and the tears started to fall.
“Fuck are crying for, I was having the same shit shipped here today”
“I can’t help it Jay” I said and he looked at me as I breathed hard” I am sorry, I can’t help none of the shit. I feel like I need to throw up”
He moved the trashcan closer to me as I opened it and threw up everything I have eating in the last 24 hours. He wiped my mouth with his hand and then washed hands. He got a wash cloth and put it on my head. I watched his every move as he took care of me even though we were in between an argument. We walked out the kitchen and walked upstairs. Teyama amd Seiko pretended like they weren’t paying attention. As Jay followed. I held my back as I walked in the room and laid on the bed.
“ Alright you good?” he spoke as he was about to walk out the room.
“Wait Jay” I said as I got up
“Talk to me” I said and he looked at me.
“About what, the thing you said not to mention”
“ yes please” I said and he came in and sat next to me and laid his back on the bed.
“ Jay Baby, I love you. I love you a lot. More than any man I ever known. I am so sorry and sincerely apologize for what I said or been saying. I don’t mean to be so distant it’s just that. Really I don’t even know. I just don’t want to be mad at me, okay. I really really am sorry Jay and I take full responsibility for everything” I said he closed his eyes and then opened them “ talk to me baby”
“Cas we fight every damn day, you don’t think we need a break”
“That’s what couples do Jay, they fucking fight, Breaks don’t work out for me and you, you know that. If you can’t take me and your son’s hormones then what the fuck are we here for anyways”
“Cassie calm the fuck down, I can’t even have a decent conversation with you, without you getting so damn angry”
“And you know why” I said and he lifted up
“Look I am about to lay back, you don’t want me to do everything then I won’t Cas and that is fine” he said
“ But Jay” I paused and he looked at me as he raised his eyebrows.
“Wait Cas, Tell me you need me. If you say no then I will leave but I need to be apart of my son’s life. If you say yes then I will stay”
The tension grew in the room and I looked over my shoulder out the window. I knew the answer I was about to give might mess everything up but I had to be truthful with myself. Matter fact I don’t know what to say. I love Jay, I really fucking do and I don’t think a break is best for us. I want him more than ever and I do need him but some times I feel like all this is just too much for me.
“ Cassie” he snapped me out my thoughts and I laid my hands on my stomach as I looked in his eyes. In his eyes there was anger, vulnerability, and more anger.
“ I need you, I need you more than ever and I want you” I said and he calmed down and clenched his jaw. His demeanor calmed and I smiled in his face and looked away. I stood up and grabbed his hands and sat him down. I moved his chin to look at me “ I … Love… You…Jermaine Cole” I said through kisses. He licked his lips afterwards and grabbed me around my waist. I kissed his neck softly.
“ Hold on” he spoke and walked out the room. I heard him walk downstairs.
“BYE CASSIE I SEE YOU LATER, LOVE YOU!” Seiko yelled and Teyana laughed “We are being forced out just let you know”
“No you aren’t” Jay laughed
“Love you guys too” I yelled back and then I heard the door close. I took off my dress and grabbed a white shirt that I cut up to fit me not to long along, then laid it on the bed. I walked in the bathroom. I turned on the shower. I hopped in the shower after taking my clothes off. Soon after I heard someone walk in the bathroom. I knew who it was so I didn’t even turn around. The shower door opened and he grabbed me closer and kissed my neck. I giggled and held his hands that were overtop of my stomach. I laughed as I tried to look down to see my toes.
“What’s funny?” He scoffed
“I can’t see my feet” I laughed “ Like Jay can you believe this, I am pregnant with your son. It feels really good though”
“What my dick on your ass?” He joked and I turned around and laughed
“No, this journey we are taking together, I am so excited” I said and I smiled.
“You ready for the baby, Cas?”
“I am scared but just knowing that I am doing my part and bringing a life in this world makes me anxious but excited. I can’t wait to kiss him and hold him in my arms. Something we both created and I can cherish forever” I thought about in my head “ This is momma’s baby already, this last months are taking too long”
“yeah I'm going to be a father” he said and I could tell he was a little hesitate about that.
“You will be a good daddy, Anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad” I reassured him.
Im back you guys! I feel really bad for just leaving you guys hanging like that. Its been a long time coming! I just want to say that I missed you guys and I will be trying my best to update.
Excuse the grammar issues in this chapter, but I have been trying to get this chapter out for ages.
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