existing

It started when Klitz entered highschool and became apart of the Tripod,

"And then at the movies, we were high off our asses so we kept laughing, then we went back to mine and fell asleep on the couch." Klitz explained his weekend to his friends, 'we' was Klitz and You. His childhood friend. 

"You were laughing at Saw?" Matthew asked, an eyebrow raised

"Who gives a shit about that," Eli who'd been listening from behind the two of them in the hall pushed his way in between them. 

"Did you get any pussy?" Eli asked, Klitz elbowed him away. "Well no, because (Y/N) is-" Eli inturupted him. "Stop talking about your boring weekend then, if it doesn't end up with you getting laid with that (Y/N) chick!" He complained, quickly changing the subject. 

Klitz tried to tell them, but when he let it slip the first time he said he'd correct them the next on his childhood friends gender, but he couldn't. Every time he stumbled up and couldn't mutter at word at the misgendering and misinterpreted relationship of the two.

"No! It wasn't funny-" Eli yelled, complaining about porn, or girls. Klitz didn't know, he'd try to block him out in favor for the ps2. They all sat in Eli's house, playing video games on the sofa. 

Klitz reached into his pocket, pulling out a gray flip phone. "Hello?" He answered without viewing the contact. "(Y/N)!" He said standing up, his eyes widening. "What are you up to?" He walked into the kitchen, Eli and Matt's eyes lingering on his body surprised Klitz could talk to a (supposed) girl so smoothly. 

"Your coming into town?" He says surprised, spilling the sprite Eli's mum had bought for the three. "Cool," he hummed bringing the cup back to the lounge and setting it down on the coffee table. 

"Wanna stay with me?" Eli who was sipping on his beer (which he stole from his father,) spat it out in surprise, going into a coughing fit. 

"Cool, bring some weed?" He asked sitting back down in the middle of Matthew and Eli. "See you next week!" He says, flipping his phone shut and unpausing Mario Cart. 

After a second, Eli and Matthew died. He looked around him, seeing them staring at Klitz in disbelief. "You just invited a chick to your house?!" Eli asked in disbelief, "(Y/N)s not a-"

"Won't your parents get mad?" Matt asked. "They've known him since he was a baby." Klitz rolled his eyes. 

"Can I film it?" Eli asked. 

"What?"

"Can I film you two fucking?" Eli asked again, explaining more. 

"No dude, that's weird." He stopped, blushing. "I'm not into that." 

"Okay Mr cocky, you probably had a crush on them in middle school." Matt rolled his eyes, 

"No!" 

"Look at that face, you'd pump your fist to her?" Eli asked. Getting a weird look from Matt and Klitz. "Dude, too weird." Matt says.

"Okay but it was okay when Matthew said it!" Eli yelled

"He didn't made it sound like dirty talk!" Klitz argued, the conversation switching into a different topic.

~~

It was a week til (Y/N) was gonna come stay, Klitz learnt later he was coming to stay for the final year, in the middle of the second term not just for a week, but him and his parents didn't mind.

Klitz was nervous, to say the least. He'd tried to tell Eli and Matthew he wasn't in a relationship with his childhood best friend, who just happened to be a male. But everytime he'd try Eli would intruppted him, or Matt would come up with a zinger. Something always prevented him.

Deciding to call you, he sat up from his crisis and dialed his numbers on his shitty phone. 

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hello?" Your voice spoke softly.

"Hey." Klitz smiled, leaning back into his bed. "Tim!"  You smiled, facing your body away from your current friends group. "Whats up?" You asked. 

He desperately wanted to tell you, but the fear you'd be disgusted, thinking he was gay. (Which he wasn't, not that there's anything wrong with being gay) He couldn't loose his best friend. 

"Nothing," he muttered. "Just bored."

"I can't wait for you to come here." He curled up into himself. (Y/N) blushed, your long time crush on the nerd still stood strong, after the beginning of middle school you didn't know how to tell him, but Tim isn't gay, right? 

"Me too, but I'll be there right after Saturday." It was Wednesday.

"Promise?" His small voice spoke. Your grin grew bigger. "Yeah." 

"Alright," you sighed, "can I call you back? I'm gonna drive home. I'll probably be working out when I call though." You said, when you couldn't take your mind off Klitz, you'd ask your dad what you should do about the crush you had, of course not mentioning who you had it on, he'd suggested working out. And now 4 years into working out to combat these thoughts, you still couldn't take your mind off the nerdy boy.

"yep." Klitz said dismissively, you hung up texting him. 'tlk 2 u later nerd' smiling, putting your phone back into your pocket. 

"Hey, I'm probably gonna head home." You told your friends. 

~~

When it reached Sunday, Klitz told the tripod they couldn't come over. He'd locked the doors and put on a loud movie so he wouldn't have to open the door for their knocking, and early in the morning he welcomed you into his house. 

He wanted to delay you meeting them until they needed too. He feared the worst of the situation.

In the halls of Westernport, Eli and Matthew were scolding Klitz, who was standing opposite. "why didn't you let us in?" Matt asked, "We know your not getting laid." Eli said.

"If your girlfriend isn't real you can just tell us!" from behind him you were walking past." girlfriend?" You raised a brow. "Tim, you have a girlfriend?" You asked him, his friends looking at you, as if they had never seen you. He shook his head, sighing. "Guys, this is.. My friend." He explained. "Hi." You smiled, waving. "Matthew." The one with short brown hair said. 

You raised your eyebrow, "and your?" You asked

"Oh uh Eli," the other one said, he had more blackish hair, and a hat on that said VIVID VIDEO. "Cool, hi." You smiled. "How do you know Klitz?" Matt asked. "Oh, we've been friends for ages, since we were born." You explained, "Oh?-" he got cut off by a loud voice sounding itself. "(Y/N) (L/N) please come to reception for your schedule. " thats me, sorry." You sent them an apologetic smile and walked away. 

"Wait that's?-" Matthew asked. "Your gay?" Eli raised an eyebrow. "No." He said, walking to his locker, the others following. "You said (Y/N) was a girl!" Eli exclaimed. "I didn't! I tried to tell you!" Klitz yelled. "Dude. Thats so gay." Eli said. 

"I'm not gay!" He raised his voice, 

well, everyone's a little gay, right? Why else would he be having these thoughts of you? I mean, its not gay to think of your best friend in like, that way right? He tried to tell himself but you got back into his mind. Your smile, the way your eyes crinkle. Your laugh, the way you pant after you run, your forearms when you roll up your sleeves. Everything about you he found appealing. "Crap." He whispered to himself. Going to his room where you were sitting.

"Hey." You smiled up at him, Tim walking towards you and sitting down, his head in your lap. "(Y/N), do you like girls?" He asked, you choked on your spit. 

"Uh, why?" You asked. "I-i," he stuttered. "I don't know if I can say this." Looking away. "You can tell me, I promise." 

"I don't know if I like girls anymore. " he said looking up at his ceiling that was covered in band posters, you were looking down at his face in your lap. "You think you like guys?" You asked, looking to see his reaction. He blushed, looking away. Was that a yes? That looked like a yes. "I don't know." He sighed looking up at you. "How do you know if your gay?" He sat up. "I'm sorry, this is stupid.-" he got up to walk away, and you grabbed his arm and pulled him close. "Can I kiss you?" You asked, he was flushed, nodding. 

You pulled him in for a kiss, at first it was sweet but then you put your tounge in his mouth. Making out now, you grabbed his face closer and sat down on the bed, which quickly turned into you on top of him, panting. "Fuck." You both panted, until you started to get up. "Wait,-" he stopped himself. "Can.. Can we go further?" He asked you. Biting your lip you got back on him, kissing down his jaw, leaving pink marks on his neck and jaw you hoped would turn all different colours.

You bit him slightly, Klitz whining quietly; the sounds going directly to your hardon.

Oh.

My.

God.

He whined.

You stopped for a second, making eye contact with him. Going in for another kiss, "whine for me more baby.." you said in between pants, unbuttoning his shirt as quick as you could, when you got to the bottom you got up, looking at his topless form. He wasnt too skinny he was just right, and the little happy trail that leaded down his stomach...

You took off your top as quick as possible, getting to work on his jeans, unzipping them and looking up at him. "Are you sure?" You asked. He nodded, "please I need this,," he whined, you smiled at his desperation, getting him to sit up on the bed and take off his pants completely.

Now you were staring at his tighty whities, you looked up, he looked so cute disheveled waiting for you.

You smiled, his bulge was pretty big, it looked the same size as yours until you took his underwear off.

"Jesus," you muttered.

He was absolutely giant, thick too. "Dude.." You said kissing his cocks side, going up til you reached the top. "Your fucking giant." You put his tip in your mouth, his hands beginning to rest on your hair pulling slightly as you teased him. "nghh- please.." He moaned. 

Taking him deeper, and trying to rest your throat because of his size. trying to take him in more he pushed your head down. "hahhaa... oh my god.." He moaned quietly as you slowly went up and down, "please.." He begged, "please please go faster.." Looking up at him, you began to rub yourself on his leg. "ahh- beg for it more baby.." You moaned slightly, taking your mouth off his dick and licking his tip. 

"please (y/n).." He grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly to his sweating body. "Please I need it so bad..." he moaned, his voice slightly muffled by the cotton. "I need it so bad you don't even know..." You pulled off completely, the man below you whining and thrusting his hips up pathetically at the lack of friction. 

"Oh but I do know baby.." You straddled him, his boner below you poking you. "I'm gonna make you feel so good, you can't do anything more than beg for my mouth." you growled in his ear, licking his jaw and then starting to grind yourself onto him. 

With every movement you made, Klitz grunted and whined. "Ah fuck.." You panted, hand on the bed beside him trying to get more friction. Making eye contact with Klitz, he softly put his hands on your waist - supporting your every move and guiding you down and up more.

"ah- ah!" A breathy voice panted in your ear. "so so close baby... Please don't stop.." He put his head on your shoulder. 

You grinded harder at his moaning, getting close too. "Please sir!" Voice muffled by your skin, that was the last straw for you, cumming in your pants while grinding like a little boy on the man.

You panted loudly,  bringing him in for a kiss. While kissing, you felt his hardening cock below you. "Already?" You asked him, Tim looking away as you licked his jaw; sucking on him lightly. Getting off the sweaty man, you pulled your pants and boxers down and got on your knees. His dick rising from semi to full. 

"All for me?" You smiled, kissing his cum covered cock. Licking down the sides and sucking on his tip, before positioning your mouth on top and slowly going down on him before starting to repeat the motion. "ah!" His sharp whines only made you go faster, looking up at his flustered face, cheeks red, lips swollen from all the kissing. You got up from his dick, saliva dripping down from your mouth. "Your so pretty like this Klitzy..." You purred, going back down on him. "mhmm.." You hummed on his cock, "Ah! Ahh.. Babyy your so good to me... Just for me.. Please more.." He whined, grabbing the pillow again. 

"I'm so close... Baby I can't!-"

You hummed, tightening the back of your throat and swallowing down on him. "Ah!" Thick ropes covered your tongue. 

Looking up at Klitz, he looked destroyed. His hair was matted down to his face with sweat, cheeks and nose flushed, lips pink and swollen. "Fuck baby.." You stood up, putting your boxers back on and getting into bed, pulling the covers over the two of you. 

"You did so well baby.." You stroked his hair, pulling it behind his ears. He whined at this. "You were so good." Reaching over him, grabbing your pack and lighting a cigarette. Panting, you offered him it. "no thanks." He muttered, you leaned back over and put it out in your ashtray. He hugged you tightly, Falling asleep like this. 

When you woke up, Tim was still hugging you. You shook him, he groaned, flipping over. You got up, taking off your boxers that were covered in dried cum. You whined, looking for a new pair. 

Klitz groaned, shuffling and sitting up. "Shit, All for me?" He laughed at his own joke, before looking away. You turned around, and saw that he was hard already. 

Usually you didn't go out without long sleeves, courtesy of your anxiety not wanting to reveal your many scars upon healed wrists, but today it was hot. Sweating even though you were wearing a tank, only exposing more healed scars.

Sitting down in your room, all windows were open and you had a fan running, your cats body was hanging off your desk, where the fan was pointing.

putting a smoke in your mouth, you lit it. Flipping open your phone, and finding that Dwayne had messaged you, you smiled taking a puff of your cig and letting it rest in your hand. Eyes skimming over his message which seemed to be an invite for dinner.

flipping your phone back off and putting it in your front pocket, you sat up putting out your cigarette in the ash tray. Grabbing your half empty pack and stuffing them in your pocket and grabbing a flannel jacket, you refilled your cats food and water before yelling so your family could hear.

"Going over to Dwayne's!" you yelled, not caring enough to hear a response and shuffling out the house, walking down the block to the Hoovers house.

They were nice people, like each family they had their own problems. And the Hoovers were nicer than the stoned deadbeats your family popped out, one after another. You cant say much though, as youd stolen weed a couple times from them and almost receiving a beating. Best you got was a punch in the face and a black eye though.

Walking faster, not wanting to be in this heat any longer you could see dwayne walking out his house to his car. "HEY!" you yelled, waving your hands around and running to his car. He opened the boot, and looked behind him. Seeing you running towards him he smiled a bit.

He lost the need to say hello anymore, now he just smiled and maybe waved. "Chicken for dinner?" You asked, Dwayne glaring at you and going to pick up the bucket of chicken. You pushed him out of the way, "I'll take this, you go get me that book you wanted me to borrow, ok?" You asked, youve always been kinda bossy but when he took a vow of silence you started to take control of the friendship more. He didn't mind, youd asked him. Writing is sometimes annoying so when you can predict what he gonna say it means less work for him.

He nodded, running off inside past Richard and Sheryl "HEY!! Where's the chicken?" She yelled as dwayne ran back to his room. Richard telling her to keep quiet while he was on the phone.

Quickly putting the book on the table next to Frank and running back to the door, holding it open for you.

You smiled at him, putting the chicken on the table and yelling a greeting to Sheryl and Richard. "Hey," you panted, putting your hand out to the middleaged man with a peppered beard. "Who's this?" You asked dwayne.

"Frank, Dwayne's uncle." He stared at you, looking up your arms and biceps. You didn't mind, you saw the bandages around his wrists so you could only relate. "Cool, (Y/N). I live across the block, the shithole." You smiled and sat down next to Dwayne, picking up his book.

It was named 'Thus Spoke Zarathustra. ' he'd read it a couple times you could tell just by the cover. he'd begged you to read it and you'd be meaning too. Dwayne got up again, going to get another book probably by Nietzsche again.

"You got a girlfriend?" He asked you, you shook your head looking up. "Nah I like guys," you said as Sheryl came in, sitting down at the table and calling Olive in too. "You got a boyfriend?" He asked, you shook your head, staring and smiling at Dwayne as he walked out if his room to sit next to you.

Soon, Richard came to sit down. Olive gasped, you looked over to her seeing where she was looking at. "What happened to your wrists?" She said, "Olive." Sheryl scolded. "That's alright, I had a little accident, I'm okay."

"How's the uh, routine coming, honey?" Richard asked, changing the subject to something olive enjoyed. "Its good," she said. Still wondering about Franks arms.

"Oh yeah? When are you gonna show it to us?" He asked, shoveling salad into his mouth. You picked up a piece of chicken and put it on your plate.

"I don't know, its up to grandpa." She said as Edward came and walked around the table. "A couple of days, still needs work." he stood up, Yelling about eating chicken every night.

You couldn't help but agree with him as a avid chicken hater. You wished you could of blamed it on picky eating like your family does, but you knew it was because it was weird to eat an animal you had in your backyard, or something related to the bird you had in your childhood, before your cat got to it. I mean, western countrys find it weird to eat animals related to cats and dogs. So why do we still eat chicken? For god sakes." He plummeted down.

"So when did you start with the vow?" Frank asked Dwayne. "Been nine months, Frank." Richard started. "He hasn't said a word." You wished he did sometimes, you couldn't help but miss his voice. You picked the fried skin off the chicken and separated the chicken from the bone, looking down at your plate dissatisfied. "Not one, I think it shows tremendous discipline."

"Richard." Sheryl scolded like she did to olive.

"I really do," Dwayne looked over to him. "Really. I think we could all learn something from Dwayne." Dwayne looked over at you, and you moved your head to look at him too. He gave you a exasperated look, but all you could do was smile and give him a thumbs up as you sat in the corner of the table.

"Dwayne has a goal. he has a dream." He pointed his chicken stick over to dwayne. You felt like puking as you put some fried chicken skin in your mouth.

"It may not be my dream, it may not be yours. But he's pursuing it with great conviction and focus." You really couldn't stand to listen to him, yeah you were proud of him. But if your Step- mother talked about you like that you wouldn't feel proud, you would feel like puking and crying and carving your eyes out.

Tuning him out, you played with your food with a clear plastic fork.

It went quiet, for a second.

"How'd it happen?" She asked after a second of silence. "How'd what happen?" Asked frank, his eyes searching around the table even though he knew what she was talking about.

"Your accident."

"Honey , here." Sheryl put more fried chicken on her plate as you took out your phone to play Snake.

"Oh no, its okay. Unless you object." You could tell he wanted to get it over with. "No, I'm all pro-honestly here I just think, you know. Its up to you.

Trying to tune them out again, you heard this conversation before. With you and your mom, your younger siblings, and your cousins.

Tuning in again, was Richard trying to stop Frank from telling Olive what happened.

" he's a sick man, he's sick in the head!" You dropped your chicken and looked up at Richard. You wanted to punch him hard in the nose. "Richard!" Sheryl raised her voice. "Well I'm sorry! I just don't think this is an appropriate conversation for a seven year old!"

You wiped your hands on your cargo pants, and picked up Dwayne's note book and wrote on it. 'smoke break, u hav a light?" You knew you had bad hand writing, you didn't care. If you didn't have a cig right now you were gonna jump off a building.

He nodded writing a little 'okay' on the side. you could see frank looking over at you two and reading the writings. He took a light out of his pocket and you took and stood up. "Don't let me intrupt your guy's meaningful convo." And walking straight out the door, you sat on the houses steps.

Sighing you lit a cigarette. Inhaling it into your cheeks before letting it rest in your hands and inhaling it more into your lungs. You were pretty much unable to do it normally but you didn't mind this way. Resting your head on the houses wood you exhaled.

Dwayne inside, while Olive said that boys being in love with boys were stupid, quickly wrote he was going to sit down with you, showing the notepad to frank to read aloud and leaving with it. "Hey! No smoking!" Richard yelled at him as the door opened.

Dwayne looked down at you, you looking up at the roof. "Do you ever wonder what it would be like to fall asleep and wake up 3 years later? When high-schools over and we can be free of our family's?" You asked him, he nodded. shuffling to sit next to you.

You heard scribbling next to you, looking down more Dwayne had taken out his notebook and started writing something 'u ok????' You smiled at his hand writing and text like grammer he only uses with you. You shook your head, breathing in from your cigarette, holding it in your lungs before expelling it completely. The action calmed you.

'wanna talk ab it???' Scribbled on white paper and light blue lines. You knew he was concerned with you, he'd look at your plate almost as dissatisfied as you did. "No thanks Dwayne." You smiled, "you know I'll text you later about it."

Tilting your head up and looking at him, you smiled. You took another puff from your cancer stick, leaning in to his face. He closed his eyes and you held his jaw open, exhaling smoke in his mouth. You smiled as he coughed, eyes watering. Taking another one from your cig and smirking at him.

Putting out your half done cig by crushing it on the ground before standing up and crushing it with the tip of your boot, you put your hand down for him and pulled him off. "Ready for lung cancer?" You say dramatically as he pulled himself up by your hands, smiling slightly. Giving you a kind of glare at the same time. 'always ready when I'm w u.' You blushed slightly and laughed.

opening the door, Richard was talking about 'willing yourself to win' you rolled your eyes, whispering in Dwayne's ear. "How is that a job?" He laughed and shrugged, making everyone stop talking and look over. "Hey." You smiled as Dwayne walked in front of you to sit down. "Welcome back inside Dwayne, (Y/N)." Richard said loudly, Dwayne rolling his eyes at the action.

"Y'know, they're was a message on the machine from Cindy. I don't know, something about Little Miss Sunshine?" Richard casually said eating more chicken as you sat down close to Dwayne due to the fact they're wasn't enough chairs. "What? Little miss sunshine!?" Olive yelled, getting up and running to the machine, Sheryl had a laughing smile on her face as she followed suite.

Sipping from your diet sprite, you heard a large scream, spilling your diet sprite on yourself. "LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE!" Olive yelled, your eyes wide. "I WON LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE!" She ran into her room, still screaming.

You took your shirt off, Franks eyes widening. 'u can borrow a shirt n some pants from me' Dwayne wrote, standing up and you following him.

"What a gentleman." You smirked walking into his room and shutting the door, he gave you a shirt and you walked towards him, taking it from him before looking up at him and kissing him. Smiling as he also gave you some blue jeans. Usually you wore black but you didn't mind.

He exited the room, sitting down. Dwayne picking at his salad, "What's that big scar across their hip?" He shrugged, picking up his notebook. 'Ask them.' He wrote, you exited the room in fresh clothes.

"Hey kid!" Edward yelled at you. "Eh?" You said, this sounding more like two people about to fight than a grandfather and his step-grandsons friend talking. "What's with the scar?" He asked, it was a pretty large scar that went from above your pubis, to your side. You got it from stealing not much weed, not really worth it but if you got a free workout, knowledge that all your muscle hasn't disappeared, and free burnt calories from the blood loss and you were okay with that.

"Oh, stole some weed." You sat back down. "Uncle had to sew it up himself, don't have insurance." You explained, reminiscent of all the blood and the fat you could see through the wound. "That bad?" Frank asked, trying to drown out the arguing in the background. "Yeah." You smiled, seeing him grimace. "Don't worry, the weed definitely helped the pain." You joked,

"This is desert!" Sheryl yelled placing down a box of ice blocks the expensive kind, her herself eating the first one. You looked at the nutrition label, about 250kj for one serving. Taking two out and looking at the flavor, one was Orange and the other one was Berry. Giving Dwayne orange as it was his favorite.

"Alright, I'll drive the bus." Richard said after a second of silence. "Richard, I was told explicitly not to leave Frank by himself!" Raising her voice, just like home.

"No offense Frank. "

"None taken."

"No Richard! That's asking too much. I mean if something happened-" sitting there awkwardly next to Dwayne was you.

"What are you talking about? We got Dwayne here, they can look after each other."

"You expect a 15 year old to stop a middle aged man from killing himself?" You said, only to be ignored.

"Well then we can't go! Unless Frank and Dwayne come with us!" Dwayne shook his head, again and again. You had to agree with him, being trapped with this family in bus sounded like hell.

"Frank?" He was still shaking his head, you felt bad for him. "Okay." Dwayne looked at him offended, looking back up at Sheryl with open eyes. Shaking his head again,

"Oh come on Dwayne look, think of your sister." He shook his head more. "Oh look Dwayne it'll be fun, you can go to the beach and.." He trailed off. "We can bring (Y/N)," now it was your turn to look offended.

He started writing. "This in unfair, all I ask is that you leave me alone!" He looked overwhelmed.

"Dwayne. Flight school, I will give you permission for flight school." He looked down at the table for a second, before slamming both of his fists down and shaking Sheryl's hand. 'But I won't have any fun.' He scribbled down, flipping to the next page. "and (Y/N) has to come."

"(Y/N)?" Sheryl asked, looking at you.

Weighing your options, staying with your cokehead cousin at home, being forced to be in a van with a dysfunctional family, plus having to socialize witg Richard.