flowers of evil @blackwaxidol - Tumblr Blog

wolf that loves emails and spreadsheets. incomplete carrd.

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peaceful soothing beautiful picmix gif I saved in 2018.

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Pure slug-mush in my brain at the moment. Hard to focus on anything.

#Starting to get the ''You look like shit are you alright?'' query from people.

Face symptoms got worse. Fever and crazy thinking stopped because I started taking my substance #mysubstance again, so I feel better despite everything.

#Really like this image by the way. It's so peaceful despite adversity.

Don't know how much of my fever is an infection and how much of it is withdrawal, but goodnight everyone anyway. I am shweaty and anguished.

The thing you should always do if you're suffering from ear and sinus complaints is to leave the window open by accident so you can breathe in more smoke from the eternally burning hillside #swag.

#Nose burns but it's whateverrrrr.#Couldn't shleep. Don't know what to do with myself.#I still feel weird and sad but it's like. Manageable.#Kind of just had a weird breakdown earlier I guess.#Ghhhh... my facking eyes burn from the smoke.

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The kind of illness that make me feel frightened enough to cry and want have childish desires is. I can't even feel humiliated I'm just so upset and I want an adult but I am an adult.

#When was the last time I cried so hard the muscles in my face and throat hurt. I don't remember it.#I don't know I'm just scared.#Did I ever explain I have a really deep seated fear of the big artery in my back just splitting apart ad killing me?#Don't know when it started but it liges there and the fucking vertigo I'm having the really sudden nesrly collapsing kind #scares me and mg back hurts and I feel warm andn fsint it scares me.#limbs feel bad and i know that anxiett at that point but it's just awful I hate it I hate it I hate it.#I hate how much my back hurts nowadays it's just the old injury but i hate where it'splaced.

Think I have an ear infection.

#Starting to feel real bad.

Fighting for my life trying to breach the Fort Knox of laptops apparently.

#I compared the back panel to a tortoise shell before I started and my God it sucks.#I already had to turn the house upside down to find a single fucking screwdriver and now I'm doing it again for a prying tool.#I don't want to use a flathead because the only one we have is covered in paint.#And listen if it was my old 2017 laptop then I'd be in its guts with the damn thing but this one is new and expensive.#That old laptop spoiled me because you could undo the seals with a guitar pick.#It's mostly a tool issue honestly. Like I've still spent more time scavenging for tools than undoing this thing.#Honestly with how pricey this is I think I'll try with the guitar pick first.#Like I'm used to disassembling things with little value anymore compared to this. Let us be careful...

A couple months back I full-force stepped down on an upturned plug (UK / Type G, really bulky thing) and had those three big fucking metal prongs go right into the tender little sole of my foot, lost my balance from it and also hurt my wrist trying to break my fall, gave myself a nice sprain.

That shit hurt so fucking bad and the bruise from the earth pin didn't go away for a good couple of weeks, but I'd take like 20 of those upturned plugs over the toe fracture.

^ It desires human flesh.

#I'm very bad at putting the plugs somewhere I won't step on them so this was bound to happen eventually.

tom_scream.mp4

#'Do not touch or handle the tip of your second toe for any reason even when showering' <- simple rule I keep breaking.#And only when showering too. My touch is simply not gentle enough apparently.#I definitely fractured the bastard.#I don't know how long an injury like that takes to heal. Happened late June.#Okay looked it up. 3 beautiful more weeks probably.

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Opening up machinery is so soothing... I think I just really enjoy taking things apart and putting them back together, I get sad when it's over.

#When I was like 13 I used to take apart all the old phones our family didn't use anymore.#I actually found a box of the loose components not too long ago. Holy fire hazard why did anyone let me do that...#Checked the batteries and they were all intact but I want to look into safely disposing of them anyway.#It's every child's calling to do something dangerous with no oversight and anatomising electronic devices was mine.#And then keeping them...

Quick sketch of something before bed. Part of a different drawing, saw an opportunity to detach his head and play with shading.

#Doting father of billions would like to feed you to his newest brood. If that's okay with you.#OC: La'zaar #blackwax art #Haven't drawn in a while. Once again the unplanned idea is less harsh on my brain.#Goodnight pack.

Aggressively cleared my sinuses with the nasal spray I keep forgetting to use, using the forbidden technique (holding the spray down for 20 seconds). A lot of immediate relief, but the problem area are my maxillary sinuses, which will take some time to break down I think.

I still can't get anything to flow out my right nostril if I spray my left one—but for some reason the inverse works just fine, so like tell me why I have an exit-only sign in my septum...

#My left cheek absolutely needs to be cleared because I think it's doing something bad to the rest of me.#Face nerves and their extensions getting very irritated and I'm having vertigo jumpscares.#My ears are very very blocked.#Only reason I had enough and got up to clear it was because about an hour ago I had to lie down.#not Because I was tired but because I felt a kind of pre-vertigo and it felt very unwise to remain upright.#Left eye was having a bad time again also.#Like if a sinus is so fucked up that it's making me feel like I'm about to have a seizure then it really needs to go.#I'll blast the fuck out of it before bed but otherwise it's just a slow process.

Reinstalling New Vegas.

#Sorry about the image it's just me when I reinstall New Vegas :)

The Fallout renaissance is kind of creeping up on my mind, I can't lie.

#After all this time...

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I can't confirm without testing some more graphically intensive games but it seems like my machine could really, really stand to benefit greatly from external cooling.

My new epic gamer setup as of yesterday is having my laptop balanced upon my notebook and post-it note stack with a nearby desk fan pointed at the underside. Cools it down by about 10°C, which is the difference between running perfectly for hours and bluescreening within 5 minutes even on fairly lightweight games.

#I'd had a theory it was a temperature issue because it behaved like it was being overclocked. Which I would never do to a laptop.#Culminated the other day with me keeping task manager open on the performance tab whilst running a game.#Noticed it consistently liked to die once it reached 60°C.#Anyway. I doubt temperature is the only issue with this thing but it's something I'd like to mitigate since it's significant.#Most of the error codes I have written down were sourced in the last couple weeks during the heatwave.#So in hindsight I think it's fairly obvious what the problem is.#Like it was giving me errors I'd never seen before and it just kept reading like the components were damaged.#I hope the heat didn't truly fuck anything up but I'll have to see how it does with consistent cooling.#Rough setup will do for now as I look for something nice for my machine.

Spent a few minutes looking at how much an elective hysterectomy costs before being reminded that it's free if I could do the thing.

#Not going to lie I'd rather shoot myself.

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