If you take the gun, I drop the grenade.

BITCH I GOT A NOTIFICATION AND WAS LIKE WHAT

It took a few days of methodical testing and conditioning to comb through every bit of programming Russia had subjected him to. He was used to people poking and prodding at his brain–that was nothing new, but it was a nice change not having the other experiments that came with the brainwashing. He was out of the SHIELD hospital by the next week, and he was equipped with a new arm the week after that. 

After a few hours of orientation, it didn’t take long for Bucky to separate from the tour around the helicarrier and find Natalia’s office. The nice thing about the standard SHIELD uniform was how easy it was to blend in with his metal arm concealed under the catsuit. Once he’d made it to her office, he knocked and waited for a response before entering.

“I love how you’ve been avoiding me for nearly a month now,” he said, sitting in one of the seats on the opposite side of her desk.

Natalia rolled her eyes as he enter, looking past him at her assistant. “What did I say about letting men into my office unannounced?” she says to the other woman, as James closes the door.  Watching as he sat down and focusing her eyes upon him. “What would you like me to say, James?” she asked him, closing a file on her desk in the process. Ignoring him was easier than acknowledging that she had developed serious feelings for him when they were in Russia. Far beyond the scope of what the Russian’s wanted her to feel. Letting her tense shoulders relax, she took a deep breath through her nose and let it out, trying to relax.

This is always how it goes. An agent comes in and debriefs him, they ask him a series of questions, and once they’re satisfied, they send in the doctor. It was something he always put at the back of his mind; something he had fully convinced himself wasn’t happening. It was better that way. It was better just forget about it; it was better to let them make you forget about it. But this was different. This was all different. This wasn’t part of a normal routine that every Red Room agent went through. It wasn’t part of the experience that Natalia and he had shared. This was betrayal. This was being feed to the dogs. 

He kept his eyes locked on Natalia as she walked out and continued to watch her even as the doctor walked in obstructing his view.

“Let me guess,” he said, looking at the doctor. “This is for my own good, it will improve my wellbeing, and I will be happy that it has been done?”

George stood up from his seat to address the agent that had walked into the room.

“Romanov,” he said, an air of professionalism clearly cover the emotion he wasn’t trying very hard to hide. “Thank you for finding my son.”

“Don’t thank me yet, I can’t guarantee you’ll like the person your son is after you start messing around with his mind. The things the Russian’s can do to you. Have done to us. They aren’t easy to erase. Any little word, a noise, a fucking smell could trip you off and make you do things you won’t remember.” she says looking right into George’s eyes, not sugar coating a thing. 

“With all that said, it was my job. I’m happy to bring a fellow American home. Now if you’ll excuse me.” 

Natalia glanced back at the room one last time, looking at James’ eyes even if he couldn’t see her. 

“I believe in the Russia ideal, I defected three years ago, helped by Vasily Karpov, and I lost my arm in a IED blast after my unit was given false information by US intelligence,” he answered the questions without faltering, but he hesitated longer than he should have. “These are the facts, Natalia.”

The facts. The facts that he tried to visually remember as he recited them, but…there were only chunks of memory; the moments itself where each of his answers came from but nothing around those memories. That couldn’t be right? This didn’t happen that long ago. And then there was what happen before that. What did he do before the IED? There was something wrong in the facts. The holes were starting to become too big to overlook, and yet, he had to.

“You can continue to try to tell me whatever facts you believe if right, but I know the facts. I don’t need to be told.”

Natalia rolled her eyes as she listened to him drown on with the same bullshit she had been told he would remember. The brainwashing, the implanted memories, she had them and it made it so hard to remember the truth until it smacked you so hard you could feel the air leave your lungs. 

“You know nothing, Bucky.” she says, throwing his nickname at him as a final attempt. 

“If you’re trying to get some sort of rise out of me, it’s not going to work,” he responded immediately, filling in a space he should’ve left empty for a moment longer. 

The questions were slowly grating on him, and he couldn’t figure out why. He was just becoming more increasingly irritated, and it was getting harder to tuck that irritation away, especially once Natalia had entered the room. She had been playing Russia for god know how long and him for the entire time they’ve known each other. He knew better. You can’t trust anyone when you’re a spy. Clearly he was blinded by a good fuck. 

“I was an American. I defected to Russia and train to be the best assassin at their disposal, even better than you, the Black Widow. I am the Winter Soldier. I have no other name. And I work for no one but Russia.”

it has been how are youuuuu

-tackles-

“No,” he replied, a hint of irritation creeping into his voice, “I’ve already been asked this. You going to ask me if the name James Barnes rings any bells? How about George, Winifred or Rebbecca?”

He hated that they continued to ask him these questions. It was like they kept asking him questions he almost knew the answer to; questions he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but damn it was going to bug him until he figured out the answer. The names felt familiar, but distantly so. Like he’d just heard the names once in passing, but he’d never put the names to a face or any sort of useful information worth remembering.

“You already know the answer to these questions. So why do you keep asking me them?“

“You’re right. There’s not a single point in asking you anymore, you don’t have any of the answers. So why don’t we just give them to you?” Natalia knew the next few minutes were going to be tense, she didn’t know how he would react and she was trying not to care. She had to appear more distant from him, no one knew they had been sleeping together for as long as she had known him. A promise she made to Russia to keep him entertained and happy, he was the more important asset, even if she never wanted to admit that. 

“This is going to all be a bit painful for you to hear. You won’t believe a word coming out of my mouth and it’s going to make you uncomfortable. It’ll hurt your mind as you try to search for answer that are never going to come. You need to know that before I say what I’m about to say.”  Natalia took a deep breath before she moved into her following sentences, not taking a single breath between them. Barely giving him enough pause to take it all in. 

“While S.H.I.E.L.D. is an organization sanctioned by the United Nations, one of it’s primary bases is in the United States. So I’d assume that’s why you brought me to here,” he replied in a flat tone that didn’t have anything else to offer. 

He looked at the keys on the table, “Are these supposed to be some sort of incentive? Talk, and I’ll uncuff you?” 

The soldier leaned forward, a smirk forming slightly on his lips, “From what I gather, from all the questions I’ve been asked, everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D.–including you–believes I’m someone.”