nicklas williams / novel musings

he knew they shouldn’t have come here. not to this cabin. not to this place that echoed with memories of his late family. but she was hurt — burned badly by those people who’d looted their camp. fox had needed a safe place. somewhere they could spend more than a few hours before having to move because the city and it’s outskirts were crawling with danger. 

nick’s supposed to be helping. supposed to be taking care of the brunette who shouldn’t even be moving about. he’s told her that. to get back into the bed because he’s using every bit of knowledge he’s gotten from his paramedic friends within the station. if she keeps pushing herself and the burns get worse? he’s not sure where the nearest functioning hospital might be. let alone how’d they get there. he’d do it though. find some way for her. he’s trying to keep her alive but after three days suffocated by his family’s memories he can’t seem to keep himself together to do that.

fingers tightly clench around the baseball bat they’d kept in the hall closet near the doorway. feet taking slow steps into the carpeted master bedroom filled with pictures and mementos. truly, he’d thought fox was asleep downstairs. last he’d checked on her, she’d been asleep in the living room. he’d wanted to join her. wanted to catch just a few moments of peace with his eyes closed but instead he drank. of course he drank. that’s all he was bloody good for. 

love never really goes away she says as he stares at the pictures lined on the long dresser he shared with his wife. his stomach tightens. he needs it to. needs the love to fade. the memories. the pain. if they’re going to survive….if he’s going to make damn sure this girl survives it has to stop. it has to. “it’s gotta.” he said shortly before the bat sent a loud shattering sound throughout the cabin. glass spewing across the floor with every hit that collided with frames. wood damaged as he kept hitting. kept beating and beating until the furniture in front of him was destroyed. only then did the bat drop. suddenly too heavy to hold. his breaths trembled, feet staggering before he sunk to the floor in defeat. how does he keep going when the worst thing that could happen already has?

each day he places his will to live on this girl he wouldn’t have known had disaster not struck. each day, she becomes the reason he keeps pushing and pushing. save her….because he doesn’t know how to save himself. because he didn’t save his family.