Hi! I'm Blackbird, writer, nerd and alleged human. This is my place to share stuff about my stories and just random writing thoughts in general. Mostly star wars
Hiyas! If you wanna read my writings, I'm on AO3 as Blackbird. I mostly just write star wars, for my obsessions and ocs.
Updates Tuesday and Friday. (Just the one chapter a week for now)
For a few of my works (This list keeps expanding):
- Rejoice! For Those Who are one With the Force After the battle of Geonosis, the Jedi refuse to join the war. Qui-Gon sends Anakin goes on a vision quest and chases the Jedi killer Grievous, and Iskat joins a Jedi diplomat as a survivor from Geonosis.
- Resurrection of a Shattered Heart An involuntary inquisitor struggles with her new life, but despite getting tortured into obedience, she can still build a life of her own, together with a squad of Purge Troopers who are looking for peace and safety with her. (a rewrite of my first ever SW fic)
- How a Jedi Falls Hyuna Atax, Jedi knight, rejects the offer to become an inquisitor. She is tortured into obedience and takes up the mantle of Eighteenth Sister. She kills for the empire, but somewhere in there is still the innocent little girl who always wanted to be a Jedi.
- Inquisitor in Jedi Robes Upon her death, Iskat Akaris wakes up in her bed, the day before the first battle of Geonosis. Will she save the Jedi or join the Sith? Or just run away to the home she now knows she has?
- A Golden Blade and Two Golden Hearts Feyra Akaris gets to rejoin the Jedi order, and her daughter, Iskat makes friends.
- Belay That Order Clones deny order 66 and decide to throw a coup, and its sequel: After That Belayed Order Where a coup gets thrown and certain Jedi discover they escaped a horrible fate.
- Princess of the Empire Leia joins Darth Vader on the condition that Alderaan does not get destroyed.
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So I missed a preview last week, but no matter! Up next, Friday, more Sith stuff. From Moraband to Coruscant, they are nothing but nasty, but alas, Lara has to deal with them.
From Resurrection of a Shattered Heart
"Darth Bane, Darth Bane, Darth Bane," Lara mused to herself. "What a state you are in... Are those Orbalisk teeth marks on your bones? And as many lightsaber scars as I have... You must've had a violent time."
Lara took off one of her gauntlets and drew a claw across her palm, just barely breaking her skin. Blood welled up in tiny beads, and as Lara exercised her power, red blood turned into green ichor. It smoked and crackled, green turning into black as she worked her magic, and with her uninjured hand, she lifted Darth Bane's skull.
"It has been a thousand years since you discovered the greatest power of the Jedi," Lara spoke as she raised the skull. "There is no greater joy for a master than to see their apprentice outdo them. Even though you've died a thousand years ago, rejoice, for you will be outdone again!"
She pressed her hand to the skull, and black smoke enveloped the tomb. Darth Bane would teach her, and the dead lord had no choice in the matter.
[...]
"Lara, you could make a life-long career out of studying this place," Jax said, adjusting his grip to make sure he didn't drop her and wiping a stray lock of hair from her face. "You've got plenty of notes, and you're sick. We're going home."
"But mooooom!" Mira loudly complained, to a snicker from Malic.
"You can take the droid, Mira," Jax shot her way, "but you're the one dragging it on board."
[...]
A crimson guard awaited Lara just before the throne room. He watched her, silent, unmoving, as Lara waited for the turbolift, and he followed her inside when it arrived. The emperor had arranged an escort, it seemed, but Lara tried to pay it no mind. She tried to clear her mind and steady herself rather than worry about how the emperor would receive her work. She was determined to impress him, but there was a fear that he wouldn't be.
Long ago, in that spire, Lara had been made a Padawan. Yoda had handed her off to an abusive maniac, and never again had Lara been safe. Only with Jax, with her friends had she felt safe, but that had always been an illusion. Vader had shattered that illusion, and now the emperor was the one who held her life in his hands.
That emperor sat on his throne in that spire, surrounded by red guards and a couple attendants wearing the colours of the Sith. A red glow filled the room from the setting sun just behind the emperor. Lara knelt before him, and Jax and Mira stood at attention behind her like a guard of honour. She bowed her head, waiting for the emperor to speak and give his orders.
"Nineteenth Sister, welcome back," the emperor jovially declared. "I hope you found Moraband entertaining."
Today I finished the third part of Resurrection of a Shattered Heart. 18 chapters and roughly 80 000 words later, and Lara has a new part of her life ahead of her, one with a lot less suffering. (Though of course it's not gonna be none...)
The thing is... I had not originally planned to end the third part here. Restoration of a Ruined Heart was supposed to be about Lara recovering after Vader forced her into his service. Now that thematic colour is a tad different.
So instead I'm making Restoration of a Ruined Heart part 4, and what I just finished will be Ruination of a Loving Heart, about how exactly Vader turns Lara into a mess for the emperor to be exploited.
But still, for all the hurt, there will be comfort.
During the clone wars, Lara came across a village terrorised by a pale, man-eating Nexu. While her legion destroyed a separatist mining facility destroying the planet, she took some time off to help the village. After a stern word with the predator, the Nexu swore off eating sentients, and Lara gained a friend. Their remaining time on that planet, Nexie accompanied Lara everywhere.
I've gotten a new drawing tablet I wanted to try out, so here's Nexie, an albino Nexu Lara befriended in the clone wars.
Coming up, more healing! Last chapter Lara ended up with a panic attack, but this chapter's gonna go better. She's getting out more, spending time with her friends, going out in public, though not as the inqusitior. First Lara gets to be herself... And then the emperor shows his ugly mug. And he gets to be the delightfully manipulative bastard he always is.
From Resurrection of a Shattered Heart
"She's having panic attacks," Jax said to the hologram of Lilia. "I don't know why, but she panics at the most innocent things, being seen in public, getting dressed... Simple things. It's never something to do with Vader or what he did. Just simple things. She's trying, but... I don't know how to help her."
Lilia sighed. "Don't expect such things to be rational," she said. "When I first met her, she was right on the edge of breaking, but she's stronger than she looks. Coming home must've finally allowed her to lower her walls, and those simple things... She must've looked forwards to them, and the weight is crushing her."
"I had something similar when I was small," Jax softly said. "Mother always used to say that the old lords poured fear into my brain when there were too many people around."
"You rarely talk of your home," Lilia said. "You suffered panics too, when around too many people?"
Jax nodded. "People didn't like me, I didn't like people..."
[...]
"You called for me, your majesty?" Lara asked, raising her head. "Do you require my services again?"
"I have a test for you, inquisitor," the emperor replied. "I have allowed you to train under my apprentice and I have allowed you to study under the tutelage of Darth Momin. Now I will see if you are worthy of serving me."
"Have I ever failed you, your majesty?"
"I have many acolytes," the emperor said. "Not many are as competent as you, child, but you are still young and inexperienced. You should know better than to question me."
"Of... Of course, your majesty," Lara hurriedly replied. "I merely meant to say I won't fail. Ever."
"I should hope not, child," the emperor said. "I feel a certain responsibility towards you, and a kinship with your love for the hidden power in this galaxy. I don't want you to disappoint me by failing."
"I would never!" Lara objected. "I won't fail. I... I won't disappoint you!"
"I know, child, I know. You are not like lord Vader," the emperor said, and he let out a jovial chuckle. It sent shivers down Lara's spine for some reason. "I want you to join my acolytes, but you must do this task for me first. You will enjoy it."
"What must I do, your majesty?" Lara asked. "What labour would you have me perform?"
"Have you heard of Moraband?" the emperor asked. "You'd enjoy the planet, it is steeped in history and the force. Go to the valley of dark lords and tell me what you find there."
In a fit of writer's block, I've also started working on a new story, Obedience is a Virtue, in which the Jedi obediently go along as Palpatine declares himself emperor. Since it's all perfectly legal and approved by the senate, they serve the empire just as they served the republic. They just blindly walk into the service of the Sith, led by arrogance and obsession with the rules.
Sheev Palpatine, supreme chancellor of the republic was waiting. He absentmindedly went over a development report for one of his longer-term projects, but really his mind was on the force. It was time. It was so close. The grand plan would be fulfilled, from Bane to Plagueis to him, it was time. Soon, as soon as Anakin would bend the knee, he would be emperor. He only needed that Jedi to realize his fate, and he would have everything.
"Chancellor Palpatine, a moment of your time?" The door slid open, and the voice of Mace Windu, Jedi master and master of the order floated in. Well, Palpatine had expected it, and soon Windu would be dead. If his plan hadn't worked that was.
Palpatine turned his chair to face the Jedi. "Master Windu, may I presume general Grievous has been destroyed?"
Windu inclined his head. "Indeed chancellor. We just received word, general Kenobi has defeated the droid general on Utapau."
"But you don't seem satisfied, master Windu," Palpatine said. Now was the moment. Now he would learn if all his manipulations would come to bear fruit.
"Skywalker," Windu spat. "He came to me with some nonsense story about you. He believes you to be... A Sith. He accused you of orchestrating this entire war."
Palpatine stood up and approached the Jedi. "Oh my, that is a dire accusation, my friend," Palpatine said, placing a hand on Windu's shoulder. "but then again, you were never satisfied with his presence in the order, were you?"
"I appreciate your efforts with him," Windu said, "but I fear he is unfit. He was always unfit, but master Yoda insisted he was to be trained, in spite of what the code says."
"The code," Palpatine mused. "Surely the rule of law is sacred? This whole war started because some were dissatisfied with the sacred law of our republic."
"The law," Windu repeated. "You understand, chancellor."
"I am proposing a new law soon," Palpatine said, putting his plan in motion. "I do not have enough time to bring the separatist systems in line when the war ends. The emergency powers law will run its course, but I am not yet finished."
"What are you suggesting?" Windu asked.
"We can never again allow a war like this to break the galaxy," Palpatine said, "we can never again allow the senate to be held hostage by greedy and selfish fools." He paused. "I will reform the republic into the first galactic empire, and we will have peace."
Windu inclined his head. "If the senate agrees."
"Of course," Palpatine said with a chuckle. Hook, line and sinker. He was successful, the Jedi were his. Their grand execution wasn't even necessary anymore. They were slaves to the Sith.
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Been struggling with writers block a bit the last few days. I finished a chapter of Resurrection, but the next... Just didn't feel like continuing it, so I turned to my Anikat story that I'm working on... Also didn't feel it, and the same for the third project I have open...
The solution? Start an entirely new story!
So yeah, I am now 6000 words into a story where Mace Windu and the Jedi order obediently submit to Emperor Palpatine because "Hm, yeah, that all looks legal... No complaints!"
So this week's chapter is aaaaall panic attacks and emotional stuff! So rather than that, have some not horribly depressing bits. Lara's facing all the stuff, and her friends got some stuff to deal with too.
From Resurrection of a Shattered Heart
"Lara, I'm in love with your Eta," Sera loudly said when she'd brought her fighter to the mansion. They were sitting in the garden, and now Lara's Eta-2 occupied one of the many landing pads before their garage, with its hyperdrive ring next to it, on a stand. Lara had seen it shooting across the skies, and Sera was smiling from ear to ear. "I've never flown a fighter as nimble as yours, and the engines punch like a pod racer! The stick just needed the lightest touch, and the-"
"It's Vader's handiwork," Lara said dourly, and immediately she sensed Sera's revulsion. "It was a reward from him, tuned up much as its frame could take. The engine is stronger, the cannons hit harder, everything is just better than in the war."
"I don't like it anymore," Sera said with a scowl. "Anyway, I got your bag. This was what you wanted, right? There was a lot of stuff in the trunk."
Lara nodded, gratefully taking the bag and digging through it. It contained the most precious things she'd found along the years. She took out Feyra's blade and hung it on her belt, opposite her own blade, she took out a few of her Pkorian bracelets and hung them on her wrists, and the necklace Beamala had made with Iskat's and Tualon's Kyber crystals, she hung around her neck. Beamala had insisted she take it. Just like Feyra's blade was to be used, a necklace was to be worn.
[...]
Jax wondered if Vader would call on their legions again soon. Lara said he wouldn't call on her, but Vader was the kind to do whatever he wanted. He could still make them miserable.
Either way, he had a call to make. The holoprojector chimed for a few seconds, and then before him stood the image of Lilia Lapis, most serene doge of Orpheo, and adoptive mother of Lara.
"Greetings, Jax," she began, "or is this more a call with the dour lord?"
Jax smiled. "Not so dour anymore, Lilia. I have news. Lara has come home."
"That is good news!" Lilia replied enthusiastically. "How is she? She was quite tired last we spoke, her work was exhausting her, but she's finally escaped?"
"Vader sent her home," Jax said, "I don't know the specifics. She's scared and tired, but she's here to stay. She's finally home."
"I suppose she'll want to rest first?" Lilia asked. "I'll keep in touch. I'd like to visit, but when things have settled a little. I'm glad she's safe again, and I'm happy I can ask you to tell her hi from me."
"I'll make sure to tell her," Jax replied. "She'll be happy to hear from you, and perhaps see you too. I'll ask her to contact you as well when she feels she has the strength."
"And how are you handling it?" Lilia asked. "You've been struggling a lot, how are you feeling now she's finally back?"
Jax struggled to contain his tears. Lilia was like that, caring, attentive, and far too observant. "She's... Changed." he softly replied. "I knew she had, but she's terrified, covered in new scars and she struggles with the smallest things. I'm worried for her."
[...]
Jax took Lara to her workshop, her little room full of books and drawings and everything she ever needed. She'd built it up in a year full of eagerness, a plan for forever, but it'd been years since she'd seen it. Still all her notebooks were there, on their shelves, sorted by year. From since she was thirteen, she'd been writing, and those shelves held all her efforts, the kind of Jedi she'd wanted to be.
Without looking, she pulled one book from the shelves. It called to her hand, begging to be read, and the force told her it was the one she needed. Flipping through the pages was slower, and she struggled with the memories flowing back. She'd never bothered making a proper index, she'd never struggled like this before, but she found it. Somewhere three quarters in the book, she found it, the cave of the Jedi who'd taken the Barash vow. She flipped to the end of the section, and she read.
"I was frightened, my fear taking hold. For all my effort, fear left the force cold. That was which became my doom, my dread, that was which became my heart's regret. Reader if you find these words, know that the force calls to me again. Reader if you find my fear, know that my mind is clear. Read these words, and know what dwells in them, read these words, know what I expelled with them. See here my fear, bare and unashamed, know I leave it here, bare and unafraid. Know I leave my fear behind, for I have written all in my letters to the force."
Jax looked over her shoulder, reading along with her. "What does it say?"
My camera roll is... Empty. Really empty. The last 6 pictures I took, faceless or not, were drawings I've already posted and moved to my drawings folder, sooo... I got a cat, a BD-1 and a potted plant?
"I didn't think ISB agents could be so handsome"
"Eh... Thank you, Twelfth Brother? I thought the same for inquisitors, I suppose..."
A young Theron and Kallus, at a high-society party on Coruscant. (Not pictured: Yularen boasting about his newest protege to another big shot of the imperial brass)
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Meet Clawsies! Or Pawsies? of the bogling pair rescued by @hopefulsith's Iki Adala, to be hidden in the Jedi temple until they can be returned home to Bogano, where boglings can burrow without worry.
This week's chapter is a dose of sad and happy and... Stuff, lots of emotions mostly. Lara's back home, but she's still hurt. There's a lot of reminiscing, some panic attacks, some pain... And on the horizon, the emperor lurks. One Sith is done with her, but always two there are.
From Resurrection of a Shattered Heart
"Remember when she first started cooking?" Jax asked, trying to find something to say. "The droids have always been cooking for us since we moved in, but Sera just wanted to make something herself. She always used to talk about the things she made back home, but remember what a surprise it was when she first made us pie? It was great, and somehow she managed to keep it secret from all of us."
Lara leant her head against Jax.
"Not you of course, I still remember when you told me," Jax continued. "You were smiling ear to ear, having kept the secret for her all the time she was planning it." He chuckled as the memories came back. "And remember when Hyuna first tried to help? Sera was so patient teaching her. The Jedi never taught her anything like that, but she gave it a good go. She had a panic attack after she knocked over the batter, but Sera helped her calm down. Remember how we helped them clean up? And the droids had gotten plenty of ingredients, so they just tried again, and you said it tasted better because everyone helped."
[...]
Soon she was fully dressed again, and Lara recognised nothing of herself but the tears in her eyes and the scars on her face.
"Like you never left," Jax whispered in her ear, wrapping her in a warm hug. He just held her as she started at her hands. Those hands had spilled so much blood, but now it was as if none of that mattered, none of her crimes mattered, her murders, the death she gave out for her dark master. She looked like herself, like that girl who'd left Caela all those years ago. Like Lara, but that was so long ago. No matter how desperately she wanted to be here, everything had changed. Just like when the war ended.
Like you never left... Jax's words echoed in her ears. It wasn't a lie, he couldn't lie to her, wouldn't, but that didn't make it any less false. How could she be her? Even if she looked so much like her... General, governor, the girl he'd looked up to... She wasn't her. Lara had died at Vader's hand, piece by piece. She remembered her, the way she used to be, scared sometimes, but decisive, strong and capable... Worthy of him.
"I'm not," she quietly replied, shaking her head. "I'm not her, I'm not Lara, not anymore. I can't be her, no matter how much I want to."
"Of course you can, you are my Lara," Jax whispered back. "Perhaps you've changed over the years, but you're still my Lara, always still my beautiful little Lara."
"How can I be?" Lara sobbed. "I can't do any of those things I used to, I can't go anything but fight and kill. I'm a wreck! A broken wreck!"
"You aren't any different when I first talked to you," Jax whispered, "that poor little girl I found in the Condor, my beautiful little Lara. You're still that girl I watched over at night, no matter what."
[...]
"The emperor asked for you? The actual, imperial emperor?" Jax asked as the banter returned to normal. Lara had told him off her missions, but not who'd ordered them. It'd just have worried him.
"Met him in headquarters," Lara replied, nodding, "he asked about my work for Vader, after Dathomir, and he's been sending me on missions since. Apparently he's had his eyes on me since the war..."
"Since the war?" Mira asked. "That's a big deal, isn't it? I was told to be grateful when the old guy intervened on my behalf, that he didn't do that for just anyone..."
Lara shrugged. "He invited me to his office during the war," he replied, "after the conquest of Villers. It was... Some sort of party. I met a couple senators, kind of lost faith in the republic... And I talked with him. I thought he was just being friendly, asking about my hobbies, discussing his love for art... But I think I might've impressed him. I'd never really had anyone to talk with like that, and now he wants me to do more of that."
Missed last week's preview due to sickness and then melting from the heat, but at least I did get a chapter up on Friday, that's the most important. Now, back at Vader's castle, a lovesick Darth Vader and a very distraught Anakin Skywalker. At least Lara gets to go home?
A black Eta-2 class starfighter landed in the hangar. It had no markings, no identifiers, nothing to tell on who was occupying the ship. Only the force told, the hunger on Hyuna's face and the impatience on Myrel's, the eagerness in everyone's hearts. Each soldier slammed their fist against their chest in recognition, a drumbeat of recognition, of respect and pride. Each of these soldiers had been in service for over five years, since their arrival on the planet to now. They all knew who was arriving, they all were eager to see their leader returned.
The canopy of the cockpit slid open, and out stepped a small figure, clad in a cloak the colour of a sightless mine. She pulled it close against her, shy, fearful, afraid of the light. Small trails of gold snaked their way across the fabric, like veins of ore in a stone, and they glowed with a light that sung in the force. Her face was hidden under her hood and behind her mask, but faceless or not, like the first day she had taken Jax and their friends along, he recognised her.
She moved slowly, swaying slightly. Jax rushed forwards, towards her, and Lara stumbled towards her. He caught her in his arms, and there she stilled. He lifted her, swaddled in her cloak, and carried her out. Whatever Vader had done to her the last five years, Jax only barely knew, but from all their conversations, he knew it was bad.
He would carry her to the end of the world if she needed him to.
And now some bonus Anikat! Anakin's being lonely... That boy just needs to reach out more and just make some friends, by the force! Meanwhile how do you actually do that...?
The following morning, Anakin went through his usual routine. He meditated with his master, ate, meditated some more, and continued to study under Obi-Wan's guidance. Today was slightly different though. Obi-Wan had a meeting to attend, and he left Anakin in Yoda's care.
It suited him fine. Anakin liked spending time with the grandmaster. Sometimes he was difficult to understand, with his kooky way of speaking, but there was always wisdom in his words. That was what made it so difficult to understand him.
"I heard you made a friend," Yoda said as they walked through the garden together, "good it is. Glad I am to see you reaching out."
"It was more Iskat who reached out to me," Anakin said, "Obi-Wan's assignments can be murder, and she helped me out."
He sensed Yoda inspecting him through the force. He did that a lot, letting the currents of the force carry him and inform him. It was the mark of a true Jedi, and a state of mind Anakin hoped to achieve one day.
"Difficult it is, reaching out?" Yoda asked, "A part of the order you are, yes, but part of our hearts you should also be. A silent killer loneliness is, and we would not want you to be isolated."
Anakin shrugged. "I often chat with Plo or you, and Obi-Wan is always by my side."
"But masters we are," Yoda said with a gentle smile, "friends your own age you should try to make as well. Perhaps to others of her clan Iskat can introduce you, but you must reach out first. Ask first you must."
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Drafted into the freshly established Purge Trooper program at eighteen, PT-001 is an exceptional soldier and commander. He loyally serves the Nineteenth Sister, from suppressing Jedi-led rebellions to assisting others of their kind.
The Inquisitorius considers him a failure, because Jax Mortis is not loyal to the empire. He's loyal to her.
