Pippa's Sanctuary

You spend enough time away from social media, you start to forget you even have it. Honestly, real life is already dramatic enough, so I haven’t felt much desire to lurk online anymore.

Not a lot has been going on lately. Time has been a blur this year, honestly. 2022 has felt both too long and too short a year. And the time change this year has been the worst one yet, for me. Instead of it feeling like an hour difference, it’s felt like 3-4 hours.

Every once in a while, I feel a twinge around my liver or diaphragm. It’s crept up on me while walking or eating, mostly, but it even happens when I’m not doing anything. Thankfully, my recent labs have shown that my liver is healthy, so there’s that. It’s just been a little stressful making adjustments to my life since the cholecystectomy.

After Thanksgiving, I was going through the books nearest to my bed, and I had a stack of classics sitting together. After reading Dracula, I figured that I should finally sit down to actually read my small collection of classic works. I’ve put them off for over a decade, and I need to justify owning them, now. I’ve started on Wuthering Heights, and I’m trying to find the motivation to read a little every day (and failing horribly at it). I plan on moving on to Jane Eyre after that, followed by Moll Flanders and Mansfield Park. We’ll see what I can finish before New Year, but I imagine I won’t start the others until 2023. I’d hoped that I’d be more motivated to breeze through Wuthering Heights, as it’s the shortest of the 4, but I’ve been way more distracted since I picked it up at the beginning of the month. I might switch back to more modern books after Mansfield Park before figuring out which group of classics to read next, too.

Well, I finally finished Dracula. After decades of this story being sold to me as a romance, all I can think is “What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You?”

Dracula’s first assault of Mina brought to mind the assault scene in Rosemary’s Baby. Which, that was a bit triggering, honestly. That scene reminded me of my own assault. Like, I did not go into this book expecting romance of any kind, even with certain adaptations running around in my head. I just was not prepared for how intensely predatory Dracula was. I mean, “livid” was used quite frequently to describe him, and I don’t think that it was just because of his pallor. But, frankly, with shit like 50 Shades and 365 Days existing in this universe, why should I be surprised at Dracula being some “romantic” icon in pop culture?

Dr. Seward managed to grow on me, in the end. I wish that there’d been more of Arthur and Quincey in the story, purely because I do not feel as much attachment to them as I would like. Quincey is still my favorite of the party, though; tied with Van Helsing. I did not become as attached to Mina as I had Lucy. I feel like there was just something more relatable in Lucy than Mina, to me.

I haven’t picked up Dracula in...a while. I have every intention of finishing it, but we’ll see if I can actually accomplish this before Thanksgiving.

We made a long overdue Costco run yesterday, and my body is broken. First off, the very first item that I picked up in our haul ended up skinning my finger. I caught my finger on a poorly formed bit of plastic on a water bottle while trying to get a grip on the plastic to pick up the case. I still had 3 more cases to pick up on my end (Dad got the rest), and I caught my finger on every single one of them. (I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said this, now, but fuck you, Costco, for no longer having cardboard on the bottom of your waters.) We fully loaded 2 regular carts and a flat cart with groceries, medicine, and toiletries. Half of cart #2 was a hefty assortment of meat.

It was nice and cloudy when we entered the store, but the sun was out in full glory when we got back to the truck, which made offloading all of that into bins/the back seat absolute Hell. Dad turned the in-bed trunk into a giant cooler to house all of the meat and produce (and the 2 containers of candy we impulsively bought). The paper goods got chucked into the back seat, and whatever wasn’t water ended up in 4 storage bins, or crammed in the gap between said bins. The water ended up stacked on top of the bins. We did have some food items in the cab with us, but only because Dad wanted to keep them at room temperature.

Well, I didn’t finish Dracula before today. I’m a little upset about that. I kept getting distracted, and only managed to read anything if I had to give someone a ride to an appointment or if I couldn’t sleep at night. I’ve only read 105 pages out of 380. Of what I’ve read, so far, the only characters that I care about are Lucy and Quincy. And knowing what happens to Lucy really hurts me, now. I also really liked Mr. Swales, and was genuinely shocked by what happened to him. I’m also surprised that I just don’t really like certain characters, now, after their book introductions. Like Dr. Seward? Can’t stand him.

I had an over-the-phone appointment with Social Security last week, and that phone call has completely wrecked me, mentally. I’ve had some hiccups with my speech language disorder on-and-off throughout my life, but that phone call was the absolute worst experience for me. I felt like I had a stroke by the end of it, because I was struggling so hard with that conversation. It was so bad that just discussing the call sparks an anxiety attack, now. The point of the call is that I’m trying to see if I qualify for benefits, and I won’t know for at least a month, at this point. It may even take longer. They need to review my medical records, which I had been told that I didn’t need for that phone call, but was told on the call that I did.

Our only real “casualties” after Hurricane Ian were Dad’s Barbados cherry and the cosmos. Dad’s straightened out his baby already, and we’re not that bummed about the cosmos. One of our planters of succulents had blown over as well during the storm, and it kept setting off our motion alert at the front door because it kept getting rolled around (though my parents didn’t catch on to it until after the storm). Surprisingly, they all held firm to the pot, and they’re still thriving. We didn’t really think to bring those in because they’re just as heavy as our terracotta planters out back. We just didn’t think about the fact that they taper in at the base, so they’re top heavy.

The conservation sign has a little bit more of a lean to it, but nothing as bad as the others in the neighborhood. There’s one along the main drive that is practically lying flat at the edge of the wetland. The only thing holding it up is the thick edge of grass behind it. Some of the foliage at the edge of our wetland is starting to spring back upright on it’s own, but a lot of it is still lying flat.

One of the model homes lost a huge chunk of it’s roof shingles. There was like a 4x6 sheet of them lying on the grass in front of it when we walked the neighborhood after everything. We’re still finding damage around the neighborhood that we’ve missed with every other walk/drive we’ve been on. It’s still mostly tree and fence damage, but a few people are missing roof shingles. There’s at least one house missing a small section of siding. And there are a couple of houses that lost part of their house numbers.

I’ve been fighting to stay awake/alert all day, so far. I did not sleep very well last night, and only got out of bed because I needed to.

Thanks, AccuWeather, for stating the obvious.

No, we have not evacuated. There have been no calls to evacuate our city, specifically. At most, we’ll be looking at potential flooding, severe thunderstorms, and tornadoes. Our house is, thankfully, just above the flood plain in our neighborhood, but our friend’s is not. We’ve been in regular communication with her and our next door neighbor every day this week. Dad’s been helping them with storm prep. Our next door neighbor has helped a lot with obtaining water and food through his job. I’ve made sure to keep certain devices charged in case we lose power. My parents are going to set up an air mattress in their closet in case we need to retreat in there. Since previous hurricanes have missed us entirely, or fizzled out by the time it reached us, Ian will be our first real test since moving to Florida.

I know that the weather is contributing to my fatigue. I always feel like crap when it’s about to storm. It’s a miracle that I haven’t entered migraine territory, yet.

My sense of time is completely distorted by the solid grey sky outside. Time is basically frozen because I cannot track the sun’s position.

Surgery went well. I did end up suffering another attack the night before, though. I also got a call in the morning asking if I wanted to come in earlier due to a cancellation. The moment I got checked in, my anxiety over the surgery disappeared. I’ve never felt more safe and cared for in my life. The entire team caring for me did such a fantastic job, and all of them had a calming presence. And the anesthesiologist and his team did a great job, too. I was out for the entire surgery. I started coming to in the post-op room, but I was still a bit groggy. I was very grateful for the nurse that started spoon-feeding me ice chips, because my mouth and throat were bone dry, and it hurt to speak. Once I was lucid enough to answer some questions, they got me back to a room where I could be with Mom again. I was amazed at how quickly I felt ready to get up and walk to the bathroom. Even now, the walking is easy. The only struggle is sitting myself upright, I have some pressure in my abdomen that’s worked it’s way up to my shoulders (mostly gas), and 3 of the 4 incisions itch/ache. The worst is the top most incision, but mostly because it’s right in the middle of where I’m feeling pressure.

I’m trying to drink plenty of water. I’ve mostly been eating Jell-o since I got home. I tried eating crackers at the hospital, but my mouth was still too dry for that. I did manage to drink a protein drink this afternoon, though. I don’t know when I’ll feel up to solids, at this point, but I haven’t had much of an appetite; which was to be expected.

I’ve not been posting because of laziness, mostly, but also because I haven’t seen much point in documenting so much mundanity. But things have changed, now.

Back in April, my doctor was concerned about my liver and ordered an ultrasound for me. I had my ultrasound on April 30th, and then never heard from anyone about the results. On May 24th I was struck by sudden, painful pressure in my right side, eventually resulting in hours of vomiting. I was so sick that I had to have Mom call my doctor for me. She stood next to me on speaker phone as I puked my guts out. My doctor finally gives me the results of my ultrasound: gallstones. Because of my results and how sick I was, she’s recommended surgery.

I met with a general surgeon on June 7th, and she went over the ultrasound with me and talked to me about what to expect with surgery and my recovery. She said that my gallbladder is completely packed with stones, and because I’ve had attacks in the past like the one in May, that I’d live a lot more comfortably without it. I was called pretty much the next day to book my surgery dates. I had a Covid test and lab work done on July 7th for pre-admission, and I’m going in tomorrow afternoon (the 11th) for my surgery.

Honestly, I feel like this could have been fixed years ago; long before we moved. I had the same symptoms several times between 2013 and 2019. (Up until my attack in May, though, I’d simply just forgotten about the previous incidents.)   I brought it up multiple times to my doctor then, and it was just dismissed as the flu or a stomach bug. I’ve had anxiety for years about something going wrong with my liver, gallbladder, and pancreas, especially after my grandfather was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. (Based on my ultrasound, though, everything else is perfectly healthy.) My cousin even had her gallbladder removed not that long ago, too.

After years of waiting, season 2 of Arthdal Chronicles is finally confirmed. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it since 2019, anxiously waiting for news of the next season. Covid delaying production made me anxious that it’d end up being cancelled, but I’m so grateful that it’s finally happening. People are freaking out about the cast not being determined yet, but I doubt that it means the main cast isn’t returning. I imagine that we’re going to have a lot of new recurring roles, for one. If there was any kind of recasting going on, I’d almost imagine it being for child characters, like Do-ti (which I hope won’t be the case, but kids grow up a lot in just a few years).

Something that I was reminded of that annoys me is that Netflix viewers have been robbed of content/context for this show. Apparently, when this was airing in Korea, there were bonus clips at the end of each episode. These clips were narrated by the cast, and depicted Arthdal lore or bonus scenes that provided extra context and worldbuilding. Only one bonus clip made it onto Netflix, and that was the one showing the Azure Comet and the birth of our main trio. Probably because it was the only one with actual footage from the show. If you weren’t aware of these clips before then click here for English translations.

Only 11 days into 2022, and I’ve been dealing with insomnia and pain. Most of it is due to Dad sabotaging my schedule and diet over the past few months, and it finally coming to a head. I did not miss this shit, and I would love to get rid of it, again.

My boyfriend and I have been trying to jump back into watching anime together on his days off. We started watching Ranking of Kings, and we ended up binging the first 12 episodes; it was just such a good watch. Today, we finally got around to the Demon Slayer movie. Let’s just say that we were both emotionally wrecked by the end, and we couldn’t watch anything else today. I guess we’ll continue catching up on Demon Slayer this weekend, and maybe some Digimon and Dragon Quest.

My grandfather sent Christmas money for me and Cat, but he wrote the check to Dad, and we’ve been waiting a week to get our money. And, now, Dad’s like “do you want me to write you a check or give you cash? I know you need the transaction for the bank, so maybe I should just write you a check?”