I don't know if any of you understand what it's like to wake up and hate yourself everyday. I don't think I'm ugly and I don't think I'm stupid, I just hate who I am and what I do to everyone around me. I can see the disappointment in my parents eyes every time I see them. I've fucked up everything good in my life because I'm a selfish child. I've sought out help time and time again and I end up pushing everything out even though I'm talking to someone who's job is to help me. I treat my friends like complete shit and I know it and I don't even know how to fix it. I hate it. I'm afraid to tell people that I care and I can't just change it. Since I've been at college, I've almost ended my own life three times, but I can't even get the courage to do that. The night I got out of jail two weeks ago, I was a step away from jumping off my balcony. I'm afraid to wake up everyday. I get tired of living and disappointing everyone around me. I've been dealing with this shit since I was 13, and I'm almost 19. This shit hasn't gone away and I doubt it ever will. This is something that I've been afraid to share with most everyone. Take this how you want to, but I figured I should tell you all.
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