Koo.

God damn it’s 3am and despite a long ass car-ride nap, body feels like it’s about to collapse on itself 🤠

Going back and seeing what I’ve made in the past year. I scroll down, and my instinctual reaction is to scrunch up so I can exorcise the the cringe buzzing in the gut. So yeah, it’s pretty weird…

I bet a ton of other artist out there feel the same way as I do. I’m a beginner in all aspects, but I’m pretty sure I’m not in a sailboat dedicated for me alone. This boat is packed like fucking sardines, okay? I almost 100% guarantee it. You, reader who took the time to read this, also might be squished on this sailboat with me too. Again, pretty weird…

Boat metaphors aside, I was looking at old art here, and I remembered the me in the past, so incredibly proud of herself for making something that she thought was spectacular enough to share on the super-scary internet. Now I look at this art while laughing my face off it’s skin because the proportions look dogshit (by all means I’m no pro at proportions, but I can admit that I, at the very least, improved).

And that’s the important part that I’ve realized way too late: I improved. I wanted to write this out as not only a memento for myself, but a reminder to other beginner artists who are down in the dumps from super-multi-talented preteens who do the art equivalent of tearing it up on the dance floor. This is a little note saying “Don’t beat yourself up about the people around you. Only give permission to smack yourself when you give up and jump ship!”

We sometimes get caught up in the skill of it, the technicalities of it, and the ‘it doesn’t look like this!’. I had to ask myself where the fun went. Remember why you started all of this? For me, I just thought it was fun to draw and post it as some sort of portfolio or whatnot. For others it’s a talent they like to exemplify, or a little hobby they want to get better at. Whatever the case, if you pull from the roots, the weeds will die. If you give your plant some nasty locusts like comparing yourself to others (negatively), that’s not going to end well for little plant friend, sorry to say.

It’s a hard thing to do. Staying focused on your own journey is sometimes unbearable because some people are just so far ahead while you’re so far behind. It’s heartbreaking, and you wonder if that level is ever reachable. Well fun fact: it is. Though, it might take some real dedication, it is possible, no doubt.

The progress I’ve seen out of myself from the past year makes me cringe and pat myself on the back at the same time. You don’t know how far you’ve came unless you look backward, as people sometimes say.

So in short, keep it up! Give yourself the best high-five of your life for making it this far in whatever you like to do! It may be weird, but you and me have come pretty far, so it may not be too weird to give ourselves a little celebration for learning so much, and the learning that’s yet to come.

I wanted to try and paint with only a digital flat brush, and wow, I’m kinda a fan!

Maybe if I post more It’ll motivate me to draw more???

🧐