Life,Love, Circumstance, real,Live,

So taking this trip and I'm happy to see my family. Ill be giggly and silly and love on each one no matter the past. At times it's sad though, the trauma we all endured from our childhood suppressed till adulthood. Just trying to be normal has made ruined adults who know God but a distorted feeling or view of Father God. Though I have found healing & freedom they have not. Some indulge further in unhealthy lifestyles and act ok,one just falling apart at the seems. My mom who is just getting a real revelation of the Heart of God,which is beautiful, she is just heartbroken over the abuse I'm sure she did not know was so severe,she had an idea but she couldn't have. She looks appalled when I have my breakdowns and tend to go over events,almost scared at the mess she sees unraveling before her,contrary to my norm. She says my older brother does it everytime they talk also. I'm not sure if she is bothered or just overwhelmed with hurt and guilt. I PRAY FEARLESSLY especially for my brothers. On the flip,my biological father will be there at my brothers wedding this weekend also. I will smile and I LOVE HIM ,I DO. it's not unforgiveness its hurt...WHERE WERE YoU? AND STILL YOU FEEL IM JUST IDK, YOU CANT NE BOTHERED. and that hurts,cause you never could. The father in your place did a number. They all brought me to church. The same God who makes me the Woman and mom I am able to be. Who makes me feel loved and well taken care of..blessing after blessing,convicts and corrects so gently when I'm wrong. HOw ? is all? I would be lying if I said it doesnt hurt when I speak of my dad out loud. Or cry often. #DADDYISSUES Fighting to trust God better through the distorted view of Father.. with an abusive step dad and a father who neglected to see,or care past his own life(the emotional side) BUT I'll keep praying. I forgave Him because I know He had his childhood issues and obviously still hasn't gotten freedom or even tried. God will prevail in my life and I pray he finds their heart even the abusive one. I will be set free from all hurts concerning the above. JUST SOME THOUGHTS........I AM FREE #HONEST #THEPROCESSOFAJEWEL

Have you ever thought of being what they call a child of This Father God this pure Christian??? But Then maybe this thought of How can God love me? After all of done,all I've seen,all I have experienced I'm anything but pure? I mean I was there and I know it wasn't all my fault... but some was, and if I'm honest i liked some of it as i got older from other people and in some ways made me feel better about myself. A twisted addiction.Most was shown to me when I was young and He said this was love and I want love!! This is what people would want me to do and it made me feel pretty and desirable and who doesnt wanna feel wanted and significant right? I felt important! but at the same time it was all a lie!!! because it was all temporary!!! Well in front of God this was Shame Until I learned how to let go of this bondage and of multiple child hood abuses and unforgiveness and others never understood over two decades of a little girl running scared with no upbringing except that!multiple domestic violence relationships and had a child that was killed but God sustained me! But God delivered me and no every day is not perfect still!! BUT GOD!!I CRIED OUT TO JESUS AND I GAVE HIM MY HEARTACHE AND ASKED HIM TO HELP ME FORGIVE BECAUSE I KNOW THERE WAS THINGS I NEEDED TO BE FORGIVEN OF ALSO! IM writing a book about my story,its not easy to get through it. So I have decided to blog to help me along the way through this journey, and maybe I can help others too ... THERE IS VICTORY AND FREEDOM !!! #sexaddictions #codependency #deliverace #memiore #lifestories #worthinChrist #Godthefather