blog credits: icon @/staincastle | header @/mighturystw

I think I am a very conscientious person who never wants to do harm.

I think that I am a fiercely loyal friend when I feel it reciprocated.

I think that i am the most tenacious person that I have ever met and probably will ever meet bc even tho I fail and get knocked down over and over and over and over and over, I get my ass back up and I keep going

I think that I always want to see the good in people before I ever see the bad, no matter how people assume I may think

I think that I am wildly creative and very smart

but the whole point of the medications and me being back in school and me taking that seven months break was to really sort myself out

and it's been a bumpy road (mainly bc of meds) and I will never ever claim that I don't have work to do or things to work on still

bc I do

but I do see a lot of improvements, and aside from this blunder (which was entirely my fault bc I screwed up my med schedule so now it's taking time to get it fucking fixed) I've been doing so much better

and thinking better and feeling better

and I wanna keep that momentum going and sometimes that means just doing a big sigh, slapping your thighs and letting it all be, y'know?

besides I have two speeches due in the next two weeks, two math homeworks, and math final exam to worry about

I'm just frustrated by a lot of things in life, perhaps feeling like i don't have control of things as much as I'm used to and just feeling helpless from it

I am trying to use all of these feelings to, like, have some humility and recognize that I can still continue to improve in all facets of my life bc believe me, nothing makes me want to skip out of a job or anything else more than when my anxiety has peaked

but, that's just another form of avoiding accountability, and using the thought process of "I deserve to feel this way" is also another form of avoiding accountability