Big Poppa Tales

Sir? Sir? Excuse me sir?

We need to prepare the cabin for landing, please fold up your tray and seat.

It was too early for the courtiness of the British accent.

Would you like a bag of pretzels sir?

No thank you.

Welcome to London Gatwick.

I stepped off the plane to find myself in the same weather I left in New York. Here I am back in London. The last time I was in London was 2017. Meghan Merkle hadn’t yet become Princess but I sure am happy to see black women take the title of royalty officially. After all, the only woman who didn’t need the crown is Beyoncé. Entering the tube and on my way to Victoria station. I couldn’t decide what would take longer. A nine hour layover or the jet lag of growing to this time zone? Let’s see which will beat its deadline first. I could find an unofficial invite to Tea with her majesty, or I can make my way to my stalking ex at Buckingham Palace? The news came around he chose another black woman like me.

Or I can continue to my life’s expedition to visit all famous paintings in the world. With the amazing arts of Monét, Van Gogh, Vermeer, Botticelli and the ultimate goal Da Vinci. I’ve never seen a complete piece by Da Vinci. I don’t recall how my love for art grew to become one of life’s goals, however, I admire the talent of patience. The story begins with a blank canvas. You can decide to leave it blank or paint the world with a magic brush. I wondered if my feelings were painted onto the canvas, would anyone understand me? Or could I be judge on the outside of my colors?

I hurried my way through the busy plaza of Trafalgar Square. The last time I walked through these streets I did not have the faintest idea of history in the UK. All I knew at the time was my right to marry royalty. It made sense with my fantasies of becoming a real life princess. I had only few hours to make it back to the airport so I knew this must be a quick trip. I hurried my way into the halls of an exquisite collection and pieces I’ve been ready to see for a very long time. I can see Rembrandts portraits staring at me in agony and disbelief. As if, it was ready to curse me with ugly brushstrokes.

I received the notification on my iPhone about the upcoming flight and I thought to myself, Fuck.

Then as I minded the gap on the tube on its way to London Gatwick, I kept pondering about stepping off the tube and accidentally missing the flight.

Or,

Am I in-over my head traveling 6,000 miles to someone I barely started dating?

I kept pondering about possible answers to a non dramatic situation but one bright picture kept popping up.

It was the brightness of his pearly whites every time I told a stupid joke.

Or,

Was it becoming the one true love I’ve always dreamed?

I was about to hit my 27th year of life without experiencing the most basic feelings.

He was the first relationship I’ve ever been in, also, he was the first man I’ve had sex with twice.

There is a first for anything. I have been very successful in entrepreneurship and consultations. These professions provided a platform to discover traits and characteristics of myself I thought would never exist within me. Truth is, I found the secret to becoming the person I wanted to be. It was finally telling myself “I am.”

I believed I conquered more in my early 20s than most people in my generation without the pursuit of a degree. I never denied education but I found the teachings in the world I’ve surrounded myself with. The beauty of how the world talks, walk, generally how the world lives.

The one experiment I never fully approached was accepting loves interest in me. Who could hold my hand in times of sorrow? How could my pain be cured with a slow kiss?

*dings*

Benvenuto a’ Firenze

The wheels touched down onto the small runway of Firenze airport as slow as the golden Tuscan sundown. The sun was stuck on a unique shade of gold that can only be seen to believe. It was the true vision of every gay mans dream arriving on a golden sun covered runway.

*chime*

“Baby, I’m here.”

Another flight, Another airline. 

Carry- On packed. Room cleaned. Passport ready. Online boarding pass downloaded. I was still left rather confused on booking a last minute ticket to travel away for the summer.  Nervously, I made the decision to leave the business on a summer break to Europe and leave the busy streets of New York City. The free time I finally prayed for was turning into another long trip away from the big city. Finally, I can make business connections and friendships that I longed for in the city, but once again I’m leaving the city. What was wrong with the idea of staying in the same place longer than a week?I pushed away the chance of building myself in the big city. The state of my business was in a shaky time and I felt the need to fully recover emotionally. My emotions began to race all over the place like the hungry rats in the subway. 

Thankfully, 

I held onto the one thing that was working for me. Andy.

We began our relationship over a year ago through flirty direct messages and endless likes. Almost every post, I was hoping it would catch the attention of his dreamy eyes. Expectedly, I was stuck on the idea of catching every wave of his attention for a long time. 

He was living and working in Orlando at the Disneyland Resort. An Italian cutie born in the beautiful Tuscan countryside region. Small town boy living his dream  traveling the lands of the USA. 

One weekend in early January, 

I came to Orlando for a business trip and I was very eager to meet with him. I actually counted down the days and sent out reminders to Andrea of that weekend. 

I made sure that he understood the zero possibility of us not meeting. 

A humid night, 

I walked out the hotel building to the peach colored skies of Florida and found him waiting for me on a bench next to family filled pools. 

“Finally.”

“I know right.”

We walked to the hotel room with an immediate conversation about life, travel, hometowns, and etc. 

I couldn't help myself. 

This urge crawled up my spine and to my thoughts. 

I wanted him bad. I took off my pants. 

He grabbed my waist as he sat on the bed and kept intense eye contact with me. 

He slid my underwear down smoothly as I lifted my shirt. I granted him the permission to absolutely turn my desire to an unforgettable reality. 

At this moment,

I hoped that he would never finish. 

Your uber has arrived and will wait for two minutes. 

I stepped outside to the latin sounds of Bushwick district in Brooklyn. Looking back to my apartment building knowingly, It would be a while till I return to my beloved building. My neighboorhood isn't exactly the safest but Ive grown to connect with the urban style of New York City. I would hope the Puerto Rican neighbors would never turn down the bachata. 

Arriving to JFK, 

I began to wonder if flying overseas for a man was a great idea? 

After all, 

This was our first relationship we have ever been in. I could not decipher the meaning of love at the moment. 

How does one know if he or she is truly in love? Did I think I was falling love with a man for the first time? I didn't know. But I knew I wanted to find out. 

Final boarding call. London. 

As I tried to minimize heavy breathing, 

a mixture of sad, disturbed, happy and heartbreaking moments that describe my life. 

I’m sending you an invite 

To come outside and walk the line 

Next to you, I felt so alive 

Tell me again, 

How my laugh is weird

and how I have nothing to fear?

Am I dreaming again?

Of all the words you would have said

Oh, If waking up next to you would be true

Is it silly for me to dream so

Imagine all the places we’d float off to

To be alone, 

has been long enough journey

Now you know, 

Why I shook my face 

I texted for days 

No, this is not a phase

Whether,

You are near or far

I’ll drive the car 

Just so you can play your favorite tunes

Am I dreaming again?

of all the words you would have said

oh, 

When I pour another drink

It’s reminding me of past feelings

I might head out for gin now

Everyday I’m growing older

whether I sleep or not

I’ll try to dream again

the last time you held my hand

wherever i have gone

the blues are all the same

point to the moon

pressure me to make the right moves

we’ re almost there baby

we cant sink yet

wherever i have gone