trans blog @bigpharmatrans - Tumblr Blog

If I may ask, what are some ways I, a cis person with no (irl) trans friends, can still be a good ally?

1. if you’re engaged in a local lgbt organisation, listen to trans voices on what needs they need met, and how cis people fail to reach them, and then work hard to improve that not only with yourself, but with other cis people too.

2. don’t expect trans people to tell you something is transphobic every single time. learn (by observing, reading, and talking to trans people) about what’s transphobic, and call it out yourself. you can use your cis privilege to let the voice of trans people reach further than they’re able to carry it themselves. many trans people, myself included, let so much transphobia “go” because we are tired from constantly fighting it, or afraid to bring something up because we fear the harsh backlash. cis people can help us carry our burden

3. be critical in your own behaviour. realise that you will never be truly free from transphobia, but work continously towards always bettering yourself. ask yourself twice if you NEED to tell trans friends (irl or online) about the transphobic comment you overheard on the bus but did nothing about. chances are, you don’t. question WHY you’d want to burden a trans person with this experience anyways.

4. relating to point 2, learn to spot transphobes online. in these last few months, trans bloggers have been calling out several big (cis LGB) bloggers here on tumblr who spread semi-hidden transphobia to their large followings. only other trans people (and lbr, only trans women; i purposefully don’t include myself in this movement) seem to have cared, or if cis people do care, they rely on trans people solely to point out the transphobia. educate yourself by reading about what makes one a transmisogynist, or transphobe, and help your trans siblings end the transmisogynists’ popularity.

5. if you do make trans friends of the same gender as you are (which i recommend, it can be very rewarding to hear their alternate viewpoint on your gender and how you relate to it) make sure to aggressively (within yourself, not outwardly) treat them as any other friend you have of your gender. if you are a woman and you regularly braid your female friends’ hair, braid you trans female friend’s hair. if you’re a man and you play soccer some weekends with your male friends, make sure to ask your trans male friend to join too. don’t get discouraged after the first try when either say no.

6. make using the correct pronouns a non issue for you, for everyone. they/them? how about YOU point out its a grammatically correct set of pronouns in english, instead of letting your trans friend have to fight that fight? someone switching pronouns? no problem, friend, i’ll work my damn hardest to accommodate this change!

7. truly, make trans friends. realise we aren’t different from your cis friends. but don’t try to act as if you’re better than cis people as a whole when trans people start to complain about cis people; a good cis friend know how to listen to trans people and still know that, by letting you hear their rant, they trust you enough to probably not count you in on it anyways

#star-anonymous

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klaw

times when it’s ok to misgender a trans person

when they ask u to because you are going to be around ppl they aren’t out to

times when it’s not ok to misgender a trans person

literally any other time

ihatecispeople

do cis people realise that trans people get misgendered even if we pass? a trans man could walk up in a full beard and still be called “miss” because people are transphobic, not because he looks like woman. obviously non-passing trans people get misgendered more often, but there’s really more layers (aka transphobia) to being misgendered apart from “i pass all the time thus no one ever misgenders me”

ihatecispeople

relatives might misgender you through your entire life, people who know you’re trans might misgender you solely because you are trans, people will misgender you to spite you and they’ll misgender you to harm you (either emotionally, or by outing you). doctors will misgender you if they realise you’re not cis, which can have fatal outcomes. the legal system constantly misgenders trans women, putting them in men’s jails no matter how well she passes as a woman, which puts these women as incredible risks for their safety and lives.

misgendering is a social and sometimes fatal power that cis people have over trans people, and acting as if it’s at all times “a honest mistake” shows how little you think of trans peoples’ security.

ihatecispeople

a cis friend reached out to me and apologised for using the wrong pronouns when talking about me to someone else when i wasn’t present. but here’s the thing: in no way did i want to hear that apology.

i don’t want to know you misgendered me. i don’t want you to use the wrong pronouns for me, only for you to then later come running to me with your tail between your legs, crying about how sorry you are, expecting forgiveness without repercussion. i don’t know a single trans person who would.

what this situation lead to, and what it will always lead to, is the trans person being stuck to forgive the cis person, patting their pack and consoling their feelings of guilt. if we don’t, we risk the cis person demonising all trans people, we risk cis people revoking their allyship, we risk mockery, and we risk so much more. it’s a lose-lose situation for trans people: we got reminded we get misgendered, and we have to console the one who did it if we want to be safe.

if you misgender a trans person not present, don’t tell them you did. accept that you fucked up, and next time correct yourself so that you’re not misgendering anyone anymore. trans people get misgendered to their faces often enough as it is. we don’t deserve to be forced to comfort a cis person’s feelings regarding their own guilt after we get misgendered without our knowledge.

the guilt you feel isn’t mine to console… and if you don’t misgender me next time, the guilt will disappear naturally.

ihatecispeople

acknowledging your mistake in misgendering a trans friend when they’re not there doesn’t always require you to tell them. your trans friend doesn’t want to know you did that; this knowledge will not bring any good to them, ONLY bad. we know we get misgendered without our knowledge, but most of us imagine a life where our friends don’t do that.

what you can do instead, to acknowledge your mistake, is to tell yourself that was wrong, perhaps write down your guilty feelings in your diary instead of expecting the misgendered friend to comfort you when THEY are hurt more, and just not fucking doing it again.

ihatecispeople

this is just a personal opinion but:

i already think most people on tumblr know trans men experience misogyny before we realise we’re men, and know that we continue to experience misdirected misogyny if we don’t pass. cis people get this. trans people get this. we all get this. we don’t need to make a million posts about it. every post i see about this has been used by TERFs as “proof” that trans women don’t experience misogyny, or worse, oppress women for being trans.

instead of trans men, do you know who society refuse to acknowledge actually DO experience misogyny? trans women.

if trans guys could reblog more posts about how trans women experience misogyny after AND BEFORE they pass as women, and less about how trans men totally do also experience misogyny even when they pass as men, i think we’d make a better impact on combatting transphobia as a whole, and specifically transmisogyny. because society think trans women experience male privilege and trans men don’t, when the opposite is true (YES, even if trans men experience an alternative to cis male privilege, we’re still more privileged than trans women). by acknowledging that trans men are men and should be held to the same standards as cis men, we also acknowledge trans women are women and experience the same hardships as cis women experience.

saying that trans women are different from cis women is more harmful to trans women, than saying trans men are the same as cis men is harmful to trans men.

ihatecispeople

i want everyone, and specifically young trans men, to consider:

1) i’m a trans man, i know what we go through for being trans. that doesn’t make transmisandry a real tangible thing that trans men experience, because for transmisandry to exist, misandry must exist. men aren’t oppressed for being men; neither is trans men oppressed for being men. women are oppressed for being women; trans women are oppressed for being women.

2) never in my post do i say that trans men should stop talking completely about their experiences, but it’s suspicious to see how you men react to when someone says you should tone it down and let other voices be heard (even if that someone is also a man). if you really care about trans women, and as you say, “can care about two things at the same time”, why are you so mad this post was made? doesn’t this fall under your second thing to care about?

3) no, we shouldn’t ignore that TERFs use our posts about “not being like cis men” to use against trans women in a “trans women aren’t real women” way. TERFs don’t harm trans men the same way as they harm trans women; they think, at most, that we’ve been “brainwashed” by the patriarchy or by trans women to transition. they actively are violent against trans women. there’s a difference there, and we need to protect trans women

because 4) trans women are statistically far more likely to experience violence in their life as a result of transphobia. this doesn’t mean trans men don’t experience transphobia or violence, but to ignore the reality that we’re more privileged than trans women is transmisogynic and harmful

5) trans men might not access full male privilege the way cishet (white) men do, but so don’t a lot of cis men either. gay men don’t experience the same kind of male privilege as a straight man does; black men don’t experience the same kind of male privilege white men does. this doesn’t mean they don’t experience any male privilege–they might not access it fully, but they still access it. just like trans men do.

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dare-i-say-asexual

Me: perhaps you should examine why ur so repulsed by trans bodies instead of pretending like there’s no way it’s a symptom of u being raised in a transphobic society

A Cis™ *already in tears*: i can;;;t believe u want to force mea to have sex with all tthe transes :-( thinkin u are gross is just who i am :-( :-( why cannn;t u JUST accept that i seeu u as less desirable based solely on my invasssive assumptions aboout ur geniatals :- ( :-(

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