dear S…
while your soul struggles and your heart beats just because it has to even tho your body is dead with or without blood, i am trying to take some of that grief into my body to lift it off yours. It sounds tacky i know.”You cant carry someone’s grief with them” but who are they to decide? i cant reach our nor can i hold your precious soul in my arms but what i can do is share your grief in hopes you somehow feel me deep in your heart and know you shall never be alone. Losing a friend is like blowing out a spark, losing a fragment of the radiant stardust that we are made of. I know you are surrounded by people that love you as much as i do and actually have the means to reach out. Trust me if it were up to me, i’d hold you in my arms, let you cry your heart out, and caress your beautiful dark curls, but i cant. Seeing you in pain is ripping me apart, but this is not about me. I dont mind being ripped apart if it means easing your pain. You have a beautiful, rare, kind and gentle soul that i seek out in every person i meet but my efforts are of course in vain. Every millimeter of you is made of the finest fairy dust one can acquire in one’s life. You are perfect. Seeing perfection in pain aches me, i fell in love with your contagious smile, your humor, the way you always made me laugh like no one else could, your eyes, those deep brown eyes, are like a vice around my heart. Thats who you are. thats why people love you. you dont judge, you love unconditionally, you’re a sweet gentle soul behind that tough exterior. So please… in the midst of your grief, think of the people that are still here and what you do to them. How better their life is because you’re in it. Your friend is up in heaven, a blessed soul among angels. You’re here in this cruel world making it less cruel. touche i know. By being here you are the reason i wake up, the reason i live. Maybe now distance is separating us but i know that we will find each other again. Maybe one day you’ll read this. Just know this, if no one in this worthless world loves you, then this useless organ in my ribs has quit. The blood in my fingers that is giving them life to carry a pencil and write this come because of you. why? you might ask. because my heart beats for you my dearest S.
i hope you sleep well tonight.
Love your dearest S
